All Comments on 'The Light'

A very good first effort! If you continue (and I think you should), to quote a old movie, "who are those guys?" and who is she?

Loved the descriptiveness just wished the story had a point. Like who is she, who are they? Why are they called The One and The Other? Are they slaves? You’re definitely on to something so please keep writing.

Good, both the writing and the female-gaze topic. This is more of a prose poem than it is a story. A moment, a feeling. It will help your writing if you understand what you are doing.

A 'story' has a plot: a start, middle, and end. A 'decent story' makes a point about something or other -- it is more than bare exposition of a sequence of events.

Anyway ... practice your prose poems, capturing the moments and feelings. It's a worthy project in itself, and could provide a solid basis for any stories you might write in the future.

"She asked The One to grab the phone on her nightstand."

I had to smile to myself .. clearly something for the current generation: quick, grab the phone and take a picture. I can't relate. I'm old enough to have learned how to genuinely savor the moments, imprint them in my own, lived, memory.