All Comments on 'The Mirror Ch. 01'

Great start. Keep it going, can't wait foe part 2.

Great potential, pls don't leve this project

Great story with excellent pacing. Eager for the next chapter but don't lose the public aspect.

Wow! I really loved this chapter.

The characters were interesting but not perfect (in a good way,) leaving room for growth in future chapters. The setting and world building had me instantly hooked. And the plot was well paced, preventing me form getting board.

My only suggestion for making the chapter perfect would be to break up the info dump when explaining her powers. For example, slowly introducing each aspect of the mind control as he is experimenting with them, or leaving out certain parts until they actually come into use in the story. I think it would be a little easier on the reader that way.

Oh, and I’m not an expert when it comes to grama, but as far as I’m aware, when the same person is talking over multiple paragraphs, you don’t have to end the paragraph with a speech mark. Just at the very start of the speech, the very end, and at the beginning of each paragraph to remind the reader that they are still speaking. Otherwise, it feels like the speaker is changing each paragraph, like in a conversation.

Thanks for the feedback everyone!

To the anon who made some suggestions, I definitely appreciate them. As much as I tried to polish this story, there definitely was some room for improvement. I am quite new to Literotica, though, so I am still trying to figure out how to submit an edit, but I'll definitely make some minor changes here and there.

As for future chapters, I already have some ideas but the plot isn't fully formed in my head yet, so I might take a little while, sorry about that.

Something I noticed myself, though, after re-reading the chapter, was that there wasn't that much actual use of mind control. The sexual acts were initiated through either blackmail or simply non-consensual, which may be a bit strange for a story posted in the mind control category. I definitely plan for this to change in future chapters.

Any further suggestions are appreciated!

Great stuff, excited for the continuation of your story!

It's a good and interesting start. I see you're taking trying to improve your art, so I predict it will get better with practice, and quickly.

Already looking forward to the next part! This was really well written. A really good mix, it has enough interesting sex, but also a promising story.

Already looking forward to the next part! This was really well written. A really good mix, it has enough interesting sex, but also a promising story.

Good story, really loved every bit of it and there was a lot of depth to it.