The More Things Change ...

I didn't have anything else to say, after that. Obviously, if your wife goes some long period of time with no interest in sex, a man will wonder if she's cheating. It's one thing, to wonder about it. It's quite another to have her more or less admit to it, as she just had. After a few minutes of silence, Marlene said,

"You looked really good with Nicole cuddled up against you. Maybe you should see how far she is willing to go with all that flirting? Maybe that flirting is an invitation?"

"That's funny, because she said the same thing."

That brought her up short for a second. Then she said, "Honestly, Roy, I would not blame you. I know this has been a difficult time for you. It's me, and I'm so sorry. It's been bad for Nicole, too. You two could help each other. You'd be good for each other."

I stared at her, my mouth hanging open. Finally I said, "She's my best friend. She's your brother's wife! Our sister-in-law!"

Marlene sighed, and said, "Well, my brother's an asshole who doesn't deserve her. The only good thing he ever did was make Nicole family via marriage. And I'm glad, truly, so glad, the two of you are such good friends."

A few minutes later, she said, "How about the waitress? I saw her looking at you, Roy. You've got a real chance, there, I think. And you would be good for her. Do you know how rare good men like you are, out there?"

"She is just a kid!" I said. "That was just some flirting. And she gave her number to Nicole, not me. So Nicole would probably have a better chance with her than I would. Marlene, I don't get this, and I want, so much, to try and fix this!"

" ... let's not talk anymore about this, tonight, please, Roy?"

"Ok." Always when we tried to talk about it, she would skirt the subject, say nothing about what made her feel this way, then finally shut the conversation down.

"But one day, sooner or later, we're going to have to sort this out," I said.

"Yes," was all she said.

"I still think we can fix it," I said.

"I know you do," she said.

"But I don't know for how much longer, if you keep this silence between us. Especially with what you've said, just now. I don't mean that as a threat. Just that the longer this goes on, the more hopeless for us it seems to be."

"I know."

And that was it for the evening.

###

The next week, Monday evening, Marlene said, "I want you, me, and Nicole to go on vacation."

"Fine," I said, "Where and when?"

"Fredericksburg, Texas, in two weeks. We want to spend two weeks out there."

"Ok, I'll arrange the time off," I said.

"And I'm coming with you this Wednesday to the bar. We all need to meet up to plan this out."

"Is Nick coming?" I asked.

"No."

"Good. I've got to the point I can't stand the asshole."

"We all have," Marlene said.

"But ... I'm not sure I can make Wednesday night, or not, hon. Taking this much time off, for that long, there's a lot of stuff I'm going to have to get squared away at work to make that happen."

"I understand. Nicole's going to be so disappointed, though. You really are her best friend."

"Give her my love," I said. "And whatever you two plan, it'll be fine with me. You know I have no imagination for that sort of thing."

Saying that made Marlene smile. "You have always had the prettiest smile, hon. It makes the whole room light up."

"Thank you," she said. Then her smile faded, and her walls went up. She got up from the couch, went to her room and closed the door. I didn't see her the rest of the evening. Yes, in the last two weeks, she had moved herself and all her stuff out of our bedroom, into one of the spare bedrooms.

How much longer would it be before I came home one day and was handed a petition for divorce? I honestly don't understand why it hadn't happened already.

Followed by another question that went through my mind for the first time: maybe I'd be the one to file. For whatever reason, Marlene clearly no longer felt any kind of physical attraction or affection for me. Most of the time, she didn't seem to feel any emotional affection for me, either. Despite that, I still loved her, and probably always would. I had always tried to make her happy. Maybe what I had to do to accomplish that was be the one to leave? Was it that? Or just me feeling horny, pissed off, in the blue as to what was going on with us, getting nowhere in trying to fix it, and finally, having had enough?

Still, here we were planning a vacation together. Back in the day, the four of us used to go on road trips: just get in the car, point in a particular direction, with one or two loose destinations to visit in mind, and see what came along. We had some great times, on those road trips.

Maybe this was an indicator that our marriage wasn't finished, yet?

I resolved to give it another month. We'd see how the vacation went.

###

The first indication I had that it was not going to go as planned was, literally, 15 minutes before we left to pick up Nicole.

Marlene walked into the kitchen, still in her robe, and announced, "I can't go."

"What?!" I was stunned.

"I can't go. There are problems at the travel agency. An entire tour group of high-school students have been arrested in Italy for drug-possession charges."

"How is that even your problem?" I asked,

"They're my clients," Marlene said. "I have to stay by the phone in case there's anything I can do to help."

"So bring your cell phone," I said.

"I'll need the records on the computer."

"So load them all to the cloud and bring your laptop!" I said.

"Honey, it's my work computer," Marlene said. "And I can't store those files to the cloud. They're confidential."

"Then we'll just cancel the whole thing. All we'll lose is the deposit for the rooms we booked."

"Don't be silly!" Marlene said. "Listen, you and Nicole go. This whole thing may blow over pretty quickly, and I can charter a plane and meet you guys wherever you may be at the time."

I had to admit that was compelling. For several reasons. I loved the Texas Hill Country. I loved the thought of spending days with Nicole, even with my increasingly estranged wife along. And, to be honest, this sudden opportunity to spend time alone with Nicole, had a very strong appeal all of its own. And not least just because of the status of my marriage. I had truly missed seeing Nicole these last two weeks. Seeing her was the bright spot in my life. The few hours a week I got to just hang out with someone who seemed to like me just for who I am. And I loved making her smile. I had missed the chance to be her practical joke punching bag these last two weeks. Just because I had missed being the one who made her smile.

And last, but certainly not least, I had missed all her hugs, her touches on the arms, her obvious flirtations. For whatever reason she chose to give them. No sex in over a year, and suddenly a guy isn't so picky as to why he's getting physical affection from another woman; he's just glad to have it.

All those reasons, and the fact that I was right on the edge of calling it quits on the wreckage our marriage had become? I didn't even have to think for more than ten seconds.

"Ok," I said. "You're right."

"I know," she said.

"Try and get this wrapped up as quickly as you can. I don't care what it costs, I'll buy a damn airplane if necessary, but you get out to us as soon as you can. I wanted this for all of us."

"I know," she said, again. And then, surprising me, she walked up to me and gave me a tight, close hug. And she held it for several moments. I started to say how much I liked this, but Marlene cut me off and said,

"Don't say anything, Roy, Ok? Please? Just let me hold you a bit longer. Please don't say anything."

I remained silent, and was rewarded with her holding the hug for another half a minute longer. Finally, she released me. And again, before I could say how nice that was, she said,

"Don't. Don't say anything. Just go, and have a great time."

Well, ok, then. As I walked out the door, she said, "Do you remember what I said the other night? That you and Nicole could help each other? That you and she would be good for each other? That I wouldn't blame you if you had an affair? Consider this a green light."

"If you do catch up," I said, "We're having this out. If you don't catch up, then when I get back, we are having this out. We're getting this settled, one way or another because this has gone on long enough. I love you, Marlene."

I got in our SUV, slammed the door shut, and left.

I pulled up in front of Nicole and Nick's house, to find Nicole, with her bags, in the driveway, waiting for me. Even in the blue funk I was in at how this had all turned out, one look at Nicole instantly made me feel better.

"Hey, sailor," she said, running to wrap me up in a hug, "Going my way?"

"Nicole, oh, my gosh, I've missed seeing you these last two weeks!"

"Same here!" she said. Then she stood back, and with an impish gleam in her eye, she said, "And when we get back, you have got to go and say hi to Michelle. The poor girl really has it bad for you, big fella! She was inconsolable, these last two Wednesday nights when you didn't show up, and OMG, was she dressed to impress in that tight little uniform of shorts and halter top! I think she's got a real crush on you!"

"Aw, she's just this sweet kid," I said. "She cannot possibly be having trouble meeting guys her own age."

"You really don't know how bad it is, out there, for women, these days, do you?"

"Let's get you loaded up," I said. "You'll notice Marlene is not here."

"Marlene called," she said, "And told me what happened. So now we've got two weeks in the Texas Hill Country, all to ourselves!"

"Well, unless Marlene gets things at work squared away, and she catches up to us," I said.

"Yes!" Nicole said. "Unless she catches up to us, that's what I meant!"

"So Nick's not even going to see you off?" I asked.

"Hah! He won't even look up from his computer to say goodbye!"

"What is up with these two?" I asked.

"There's no telling. But hey, bestie, at least we have each other, right?" she said.

"We do. Ok, let's load up and go."

"Aye, aye, Captain!" she said. We tossed her bags in the SUV and hit the road.

###

By the first two hours into the trip, the Texas countryside unfolding outside our windshield, we had made up for lost time, in terms of conversation missed over the previous two weeks. Being with her like this made me happy, despite everything else going on, or not going on, in my life. It seemed she felt the same way, too. Happy just to spend time with each other.

The conversation lapsed into companionable silence, as the miles rolled out before us. I looked over and saw she was asleep. She looked so pretty, so peaceful. I looked over again, and saw her eyes were open, only the least little bit. She wasn't sleeping! She was watching me.

In a moment of impulse, I reached over and started tickling her ribs. She instantly screamed with uncontrollable laughter, writhing in her seat, flailing at my hands to get me to stop.

"I knew you weren't asleep, little trickster!" I said.

She had finally grabbed my right hand in both of hers. And didn't let it go.

"I know, I know," I said. "Making me your laughingstock, again, with the flirting."

"Such sweet torture you must have to endure," she said. Then,

"Roy? Do you ever wonder what would have happened, how things might have turned out for us all, if we had met each other, first?"

"That's easy," I said. "Nothing would have happened."

"What?"

"Back then, I never would have had the nerve to talk to you, let alone ask you out. You were way out of my league, all those years ago."

She was still holding my hand. "Isn't that funny? Because any girl would count herself lucky to be in your league."

"More teasing?" I said. "Switching to the psychological, now, since we're driving?"

"No, I mean it," she said. "You're 35, and the only reason you don't fit in the clothes you wore when you graduated high school is due to all the time you have put in at the gym. There aren't many twenty-year old men out there who wouldn't trade bodies with you in a heartbeat."

"Aw, thank you," I said.

"So, do you want to talk about you and Marlene, anymore?"

"She moved into one of the other bedrooms. A week and a half ago. The first Wednesday night I couldn't make it to the bar."

"Oh."

"Yeah. And this morning, when I left, she was ... encouraging me to ... have an affair. She said I had a "green-light." And she wouldn't blame me or hold it against me."

"Oh."

"Yeah. I don't get it. I've just about had enough. I was waiting for our trip, see how it went, if we could find any spark of what we used to have. And then she pulls the rug out from under me like this. Nicole, I'm not sure what kind of company I'll be, for you. I'm here because I did want the time off. And I did want to spend some time with you. I've missed you these last two weeks."

"Oh, same here!" she said. Still holding my hand. "God! I was so lonely without seeing you."

Then a sly look crossed her face. She squeezed my hand, and said,

"So ...? This affair that you've got a "green-light" for? Is she anyone I know?"

"No," I said. I was acutely aware that I just lied to Nicole for the first time, about anything, since we had known each other.

"Oh."

"Why?"

"Oh," she said, slyly, "For a moment I just though perhaps Michelle might have something to look forward to."

"Honestly, though?" I said, "I'd rather get a divorce, first. Then I can start looking for another woman."

"That's final, then?"

"One-hundred percent. No affairs for me."

Again there was silence between us as the endless miles of Texas rolled away as we drove on. Nicole was still holding my hand. Then I had a thought.

"Nicole? Does Marlene ever talk to you, about us?"

"How do you mean?"

"I mean, has she ever told you any reason about what's going on with her and I? Our marriage? Why this distance? Why it's growing? And why she won't even try to fix it?"

"She stopped talking to me about the same time Nick did," she said. "I don't understand either of them, brother or sister."

"I wonder if there's a connection, there?" I said, thinking out loud.

"I can't say I really care, anymore, about Nick," Nicole said. "When we get back, I'm filing for divorce. And I'm not even going to wait until the ink is dry before I start looking for a lover, because our marriage is already dead. I'm looking for a lover right now, on our trip. So if I'm not around, one night, you'll understand?"

"We probably shouldn't be holding hands while we talk about that sort of thing," I said and tried to pull my hand away. She had been holding it now for about ten minutes. But she held on more tightly, and said,

"We will let go of your hand when we are ready to let go of it."

"Yes, your majesty," I said.

She laughed and said, "There he is! There's the good sport I love with all my heart!" She pulled my hand to rest over her heart. On her chest. Which, oh, my Dear Lord, even with the back of my hand I could feel the warmth and the softness. "Eyes on the road, though, sailor. You don't want to kill us by driving into the ditch."

"Easy for you to say! And if you don't want to get in a wreck, this time, you better let me have my hand back, because this is how you get in wrecks!"

"Spoilsport," she said. But she let my hand go. The instant my hand broke contact with her bosom I regretted it. "Just for that," she said, "I am going to take a nap. Now you don't get to talk to me or have your hand clutched to my eager, warm, bosom. Try not to wreck us now for the tears of regret, remorse, and loss you will no doubt be shedding until I again awaken."

She turned half-towards me in her seat, crossed her arms under her breasts, making them look larger, leaned her head against the back of the seat, and closed her eyes.

So Nicole was looking for a lover in the next two weeks? If she found one, that was going to be one lucky man!

Looked like I was going to be the only not having any sex. Even if Marlene had come along.

I looked over at Nicole, and this time, I could tell from her breathing, she really was asleep. I thought about what Marlene had said. That Nicole and I would be good for each other.

Yes, over the years, I had wondered what it would be like to have sex with her. Many times. Had dreams about it, more than once. Like any normal man. Even though she was my best friend. Those thoughts pop up in any normal man's mind. She was a gorgeous woman, two years younger than me. Of course I had wondered what it would be like to have sex with her. But as she was already on the prowl, so to speak, and I wasn't yet free, well, bad timing, all around.

I tried to focus on the good of the situation: I was exploring Texas with my best friend. That did make me feel better.

We arrived in Fredericksburg at 4:00PM, Saturday afternoon. The GPS got us to our cabins, and there was an immediate problem. It wasn't "cabins," plural, as in one for Nicole, one for me. It was a cabin. Just one. One bathroom, one kitchenette, one love seat in the living area, one bedroom. With only one Queen size bed.

We were miles outside of Fredericksburg, way out in the Hill country, and neither of us had any cell reception. I sighed, and said, "Well, you can have the bed, I'll sleep in the SUV. Tomorrow we'll get this ironed out."

Nicole looked like she was going to say something. Then changed her mind. "Ok. Come on inside, we can make dinner and watch a movie or something, play cards, or sit outside and watch the stars. Deal?" She held out her hand.

"Deal," I said, and we shook on it. Not letting go of my hand, she then walked around to my right side and wrapped her arms around my arm, pulling me tightly against her.

"You know what?" she said. "We can pretend that we're married. Just a lovely couple, out in the Hill Country, spending some quality time together."

"Right up until bedtime," I said.

"Buzz-kill," she said. "You know, I'm sensing a general buzz-kill sort of trend in your thinking, and that's just not going to fly, bestie."

"Sorry?" I said.

"No. We are going to have to implement a new rule, from now on: when you say something to ruin a nice mood, I will declare, "Buzz-Kill!" And then your penalty will be you have to accept a kiss from me."

"What?"

"I bet with that sort of positive reinforcement, we can change your way of thinking in the next two weeks! Because you're going to be getting kissed a lot, Mr. Life-of-the-Party! Now lean in and accept your penalty kiss!"

I hesitated. "You want two of them, do you? Because late fees will apply if a penalty kiss is not accepted promptly." I leaned down and she gave me a peck on the cheek. She rubbed my arm and said, "There! Was that so bad?"

"I guess I'll live," I said. "I'll just have to take the next few minutes one at a time, as I try and come to terms with the new rule."

She looked at me, smiled, but didn't say anything. She let the silence and eye-contact go on, smiling all the while. After about half a minute, she said, "Now that you've had some time to think about it, how do you feel?"

"It wasn't too bad," I guess.

"Then let's be pretend-married. You chop up some firewood, I'll start dinner!"

"Until bedtime," I said.

"Buzz-kill!" she said. I leaned in and accepted my kiss on the cheek. If she was trying to change how I think, for real? She might be on to something!

"Go chop some wood," she said. "Give me the keys, I'll get the stuff out of the SUV."

We set about our chores. In no time we had the groceries unpacked, the wood chopped and stacked. Dinner was delicious. We turned the lights down low, and lit some candles. "After all, this is supposed to be a romantic getaway for a couple in love," she said. "See? Already you're learning not to argue!"