The More Things Change ...

"Nick and I have gone three months without having sex," Nicole, my sister-in-law and best friend said.

We were having drinks at a local bar that we all used to frequent, up to about five years ago, when we were all still happy in our marriages. My wife and her husband were brother and sister. As our marriages became more and more unsatisfactory, the friendship between Nicole and me grew. Over time we had become each other's best friends. For the last two years we had met at this bar every Wednesday night. We'd order drinks, and sit and talk for a couple of hours while my wife, Marlene was off running her errands. Her husband, Nick, never showed up. So it was usually just the two of us. We would talk about anything and everything, but up to now, the status of our sex lives in our marriages had been a topic we had not discussed.

"You know," I said, "This one statement illustrates some of the challenges a man can face when his best friend is a woman." She looked at me with incomprehension, so I tried to explain, "Women will say anything to their best friends. No filters."

"Yes," Nicole said. "Of course. And?"

"Guys who are best friends have definite no-go zones. Usually, sexual relations with one's spouse is one of those zones."

"I see. And since you, Roy, despite the fact that we are a woman and a man who happen to be best friends, are an otherwise more or less traditionally-minded average American man, I have just shocked you by telling you Nick and I aren't having sex anymore."

A waitress came by our table. "Hi, I'm Michelle! Can I get y'all anything?" she asked with a lovely Southern accent.

"My gosh," Nicole said, reaching out and touching her arm, "You are so pretty! That figure, that long blonde hair, and, OMG! Those green eyes! You're so pretty! Roy, don't you think she's adorable?"

"Oh," the waitress said, "I don't think he has eyes for anyone in here but you, baby! You're so lucky to have such a great husband!"

"Oh, we're not married," I said, "She's my sister-in-law."

"Oh? Too bad for you, honey," she said to Nicole. She put her hand on my shoulder, and said, "But hope for the rest of us girls, maybe?" The two of them giggled a bit. Then Michelle asked, "Anyway, can I get y'all anything?"

"I'll have another Margarita, please," Nicole said.

"I'll have one, too-"

"I'm not taking your order, handsome, until you answer the lovely lady's question."

"What?"

"He's a bit slow, dear," Nicole said, "Let me help." She reached out and took Michelle's left hand, held it up for me to see, and said, "Now, Roy: pay attention. Don't you think Michelle is adorable?"

"Oh! Yes, of course! You're very pretty," I said.

They giggled, and Nicole said, "Notice anything else about Michelle?"

"Um ... no ..." I said. Actually I was noticing nearly every last detail about her because the young woman was, head-to-toe, utterly gorgeous!

Michelle put her hand on my shoulder again, and said, "There's no ring on my hand."

"Uh-huh?"

They both laughed. "Two more Margarita's, coming right up," she said, and went away.

I looked back at Nicole, and she was grinning from ear-to-ear.

"What?" I asked.

"Roy! She was totally flirting with you! Didn't you get that?"

"What? No. I'm sure she was just being friendly and outgoing."

"Yeah," Nicole said, "She probably always turns her hips, like that, to accentuate her curves, and puts her hand on the shoulders of men she doesn't know."

"Well, women do that to me all the time," I said. Nicole stared at me, mouth hanging open.

"You know ... this actually explains a lot," she said. "I mean, have you seen your shoulders? The right and left are practically in different time zones!"

"And anyways," I said, "I've got something on my mind. We've been besties for how long, now?" I asked her.

"Mmm, maybe two years?"

"It's just that since I am otherwise so comfortable around you, every now and then something entirely female pops out of your mouth, as if it were simple, ordinary conversation, and it's almost like getting knocked out of my chair."

"I'm very sorry, Roy. I can't help it. It's the extra leg on the second chromosome. Just makes us girls say whatever is on our minds to our besties."

"It is sometimes shocking, but I wouldn't want change it. Just catches me off-guard, sometimes."

"Do you think if we were happier in our marriages, we wouldn't have become besties?" she asked.

"Probably. If we were an example of ordinary, happy, siblings-in-law? You'd probably be running the women's auxiliary at the local volunteer fire dept, and I'd probably have a bass boat and do a lot of fishing on the weekends."

She suddenly had a very serious look on her face, looking me straight in the eyes with an odd intensity. "I'm almost glad things are like they are, then. Because I've already got a lousy marriage, but I wouldn't have you for a friend. That would be intolerable." It looked like she was going to say something else, but hesitated. Then she smiled, brightly, put her hand on mine, and said, "And who else would I be able to flirt with?"

"No fair!" I said, pulling my hand away. "We've talked about that before. Straight male best friends don't flirt with each other." I said.

"But I'm not a man," she said, "I'm no longer a 20-something bit of feminine perfection like Michelle," she sat up straight, squared her shoulders back, making her lovely 36C breasts stand proud. "But there's no mistaking me for a man, in this light. Or even in the dark!"

"Yes, you do have an incontrovertible pair of supporting arguments to bolster your assertion that you are not a man," I said.

She faked a gasp, putting her hand over her mouth, and said, "Now who's flirting?"

She had me on that one, and she knew it. I blushed, and she laughed, delighted. Then she changed her tactics, and said,

"Besides, girl besties flirt with each other all the time!"

"You do that innocent tone of voice so well, don't you? I know that you know this is another "knockout" topic, for me."

"Some girls do love girls, no getting around it, though. Got to deal with the facts of the world as they are."

"No comment."

"Besides, all girls can do the "innocent" tone as needed," she said. "We can turn it on and off at any time. We have to be able to do that. It's part of the female survival tool kit."

"Uh-huh," I said.

"Besides," she said, "The flirting is harmless."

"Maybe between girls, it is."

"Oh, you like it, too. Admit it!"

"Ok, yes, I do."

"Good! Because I'm not going to stop!"

"So ... what you said about you and Nick? I can scarcely believe that. Are you serious?"

She saw the disbelief on my face. Nicole is one of the loveliest women you will ever see. She's 5'-5" tall, fit yet curvy, and has jet-black hair cut in a very short page-boy style. Full mouth, luscious lips, light brown eyes and a great set of breasts. She's smart, funny, kind, and gives wonderful, warm hugs. She's a urology nurse, making good money.

"I'm completely serious," she said. "And you know what's sad? Every night we don't have sex? I'm glad. It's always the same old thing, he's always in a rush, once he's fucking me he doesn't last hardly a minute. He comes, pulls out, rolls over and goes to sleep. He does nothing to please me. And I'm left with a mess to clean up, after no fun and no love. And for what? The only orgasms I have are the ones I give myself."

That made me choke on my drink! After the sputtering and coughing, I said, "Nicole! That's a bit too much information, don't you think?"

"Oh, Roy," she said, "Didn't we just talk about that? It's just us. You're my best friend. Even though you're a guy. I can talk to you about anything. I don't know what we would do if we didn't have each other," she said. She put her hand on mine, again, gave it a squeeze, and ... left her hand there.

I sighed, and said, "Nicole, you know it's not that I don't like this flirting you've been engaging in, these last few months. But-" I tried to move my hand away, but she held on more tightly.

"I know you like all the hugs I give you."

"Yes, well, of course," I said. "Anyone would. And all the excuses you use to touch my arms, put your arm across my shoulders, back into me as I'm trying to go around you in the kitchen."

"What about the other night in the hallway?" she asked. "I managed to turn that into a full-frontal body rub."

"Yes, very artfully done, my darling," I said. "But, there's a reason you have to stop."

"Oh? What?"

"Ok, now it's my turn for a little "too much information." I paused, not sure how to say what was on my mind. "I've never told this to anyone. But since we've crossed the line into this topic of discussion ..." I trailed off, still unsure how to say this, of if I even should.

"Roy! What? I'm dying, over here!"

"I probably shouldn't say this. But, to Hell with it, you are my best friend."

"You had better say something. Soon! Or I'm going to choke you! You cannot just leave a girl in suspense like this!"

I took a deep breath, and said,

"Marlene and I have gone over a year without making love."

Her hand flew to her mouth, and she said, "Oh my God! Roy, why?"

"I don't know," I said. "Whenever I suggest we go to bed, she says she has work to finish, chores to do, she's not in the mood, she doesn't feel well, it's always something. I offered to help with her chores, but she acted like that was more of a bother to her, so I stopped. I haven't even asked in the last seven months, because I was tired of always being refused. And she's happier with me not even bringing the subject up."

"Huh," she said. "At least with Nick I know he's just a narcissistic asshole. But you're a real catch! You're such a great guy, 35, in great shape. And you don't even have to tell me, I know: you're a kind and considerate lover. I know that because you're such a great guy!"

Her hand was back on mine, again. This time I did pull my hand away.

"So, Nicole, as much as I love your flirting, and I know you don't mean for it to be anything but just a physical sharing of affection with a friend? And a bit of laugh at my discomfort, which is fine. But ... ok, here's another TMI warning: It's driving me right up the wall!"

"Like how?" she asked, and holding eye contact with me, she put her hand back on mine.

"Is you hand getting warmer?" I asked.

"I'm just not holding my drink, she said.

I sighed. "Let's just say I should most definitely not stand up, right now. And the other night when you gave me that "full frontal body rub?" I had to go the bathroom and ... attend to ... something. Or I'd have been sporting wood all evening. You're lucky you didn't linger even one second longer, or I'd have been so embarrassed if you felt me getting an erection."

"That wouldn't be so bad, would it? I wouldn't have been offended. Not at all."

"Nicole, you're my best friend. You're my sister-in-law. The last thing I'd ever want to do is drive a wedge between us because my home life, both of our home lives, are leaving us both perpetually horny! Let's not add a mistake we'd probably both regret. So please, stop."

She pulled her hand away. "I'm sorry, Roy," she said. She was silent for a moment, I could see something was on her mind. "Will you excuse me for a moment? I have to visit the ladies room."

"Of course." She stood up from the booth in which we had been seated, and made her way to the restrooms. Presented with such a lovely view of her backside, and her lovely legs, well, it wasn't going to be any easier to stand up any time soon without embarrassing myself.

I thought maybe work would distract me, so I got my phone out and started checking my email. Sure enough. Nothing kills an erection like reading emails about what has gone wrong at work. I started concentrating, composing replies, no longer aware of my surroundings. I was so focused that I only half-noticed when Nicole reappeared back at the booth, standing beside me, and said, "Move over a bit?"

Only half listening, I did as she asked without even thinking about.

But when she sat down beside me, pressed warmly right up against my left side? That I noticed!

"What? I thought I had lost your undivided attention," she said. "Lost it to your cell-phone!"

"Well, you've certainly got my undivided attention back, now!" Sitting pressed tightly up against me, I could feel her body's warmth, smell her perfume. My plans to lose my erection suffered an immediate, catastrophic set-back.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked.

"I was tired of sitting over there," she said. "My neck was getting a cramp from looking straight ahead for so long!"

Michelle chose that moment to return with our drinks. "Well, don't you two look cozy?"

"We would be," Nicole said, "But he keeps scooting over farther."

"Maybe if I sat on the other side, he'd have nowhere to escape?" Michelle said.

"That might be worth a try!"

"Ladies, please!" I said.

Michelle took out a napkin and a pen, and wrote her name and number on it. "I'm giving this to the lovely lady," she said. "Because she's obviously the brains of the organization."

She walked off to care for the other customers.

"My God, Roy!" Nicole said, cuddling up to my arm, "You just totally got her number!"

"I didn't get it!" I said, "She gave it to you."

"Yes. And she was obviously right about me being the brains of the organization," Nicole said, with an eye-roll.

"Nicole, I'm really having a tough time, here. I thought we'd agreed to no more physical flirting?"

"Did we? I don't recall agreeing to any such thing. And, Roy?" Her voice had dropped to a lower pitch. Again staring directly into my eyes, she said, "What if this isn't "just flirting?" What if this, all of the times I've touched you, hugged you, and now? What if all of this is an invitation?"

"Oh, Lord, Nicole," I said, barely able to speak. "You're so warm. So close. So beautiful."

"So available," she said.

"Nicole, please," I said, "I'm already at the point where the best part of my week is seeing you. I don't have a lot of friends, and I value you the most. And we're both married-"

"Unhappily."

"Yes. But we'd just be two more people committing adultery. And I stand to lose my best friend."

She laid her head on my shoulder, and sighed. "I understand, Roy. I'm sorry to have made you uncomfortable."

She rose, and returned to her side of the booth. As soon as her body broke contact with mine, I immediately regretted it.

"Nicole," I said, "I hope I haven't already made things too awkward between us. I shouldn't have said anything that I've said, tonight-"

I looked up and saw her grinning, ear-to-ear. "I got you, didn't I?"

"What?"

"Silly!" she said. "I was just messing with you! It was mean, I know, and I'm sorry. I totally took advantage of you. But oh my gosh, I got you!"

"All of the flirting was a gag?" I asked.

"Oh, don't look like such a deer in the headlights!" she said. "So, from now on, I'm going to keep on flirting with you. Attack hugs, arm touches, the whole works. And you'll know it's just me reminding you of how much I got you!"

"I guess I can live with that," I said.

"Aw, you're such a great sport! This is why we're besties! I can carve your heart out and serve it to you and still you're such a good sport about it."

"Well, I just might not allow you to flirt with me, anymore," I said.

She laughed. "Oh, please, my darling! How could you even stop me?"

"I'll start bathing in garlic."

"Roy. I'm half-Italian, and half-Cuban. Mom and Dad had fights to see who could put the most garlic in any dish they prepared. So there is no such thing in my world-view as "too much garlic."

The door of the bar opened, and my wife came in. "Marlene's here," I said. "This was fun, as always."

Nicole surprised me again by getting up, coming over to my side of the booth, and again pressing herself tightly up against me. This did not go unnoticed by Marlene, as she approached our table. Much to my surprise, her face broke into a wide, happy grin. My wife had such a beautiful smile, but these days I never got to see it, she was always so serious.

"Well," she said, "Don't you two look comfortable, together?"

"Oh, Marlene," Nicole said, "I was just teasing your husband again. He only just now realized it was all a tease."

"Oh, poor Roy," Marlene said. "How did he take it?"

"Like the good sport he is. Once he got over his disappointment, that is." They both laughed like it was the funniest joke, ever.

"Two women, now?" Michelle said, dropping off the bill. "No wonder you don't have any time for poor, little old me! Come back again, anytime. And ask if I'm here slugger, so you can be seated at one of my tables. You do remember my name, right?"

"Michelle?"

"Correct!" she said, and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

Marlene looked at me questioningly, but before I could say anything, Nicole said, "Poor girl. She's set her heart on the wrong man." She looked me in the eye, and said, "A story I know too well!"

We left soon after that. As we were leaving, Nicole gave me a tight, warm hug, and a kiss on the cheek. Holding on to me, she said, "You really are a great guy, Roy. Thank you for being a good sport. I really do love you, bestie!" She gave me a last kiss on the cheek and let me go. "Marlene, he's all yours. Thanks for letting me borrow him for a while."

As Marlene and I left, I saw Michelle and Nicole, talking, laughing. Touching each other's arms. They gave each other a hug, and kissed each other's cheeks, and parted. Michelle caught me looking, posed her body in a "look-at-me!" stance, smiled, waved, and blew me a kiss. She really was a sweet kid.

###

Driving me home, Marlene must have asked a dozen questions about how Nicole had been flirting with me. Things like, did I notice her perfume? How did she feel, being pressed so closely against me? Did I enjoy her touch? Did she feel really warm? I answered all her questions honestly. It was the most engaged my wife had been in anything having to do with me in a long, long, time. Then she wanted to know everything about Michelle, but as I didn't know her at all, there wasn't much to say. She had just been this really sweet, nice kid.

"Honey, I have to say, your reaction to this is not what I would have thought."

At a stoplight, Marlene looked at me, and put her hand on my face, the first time she had touched me in any way in over two months. "Nicole's right, you know. You really are the sweetest man. I wish ... I wish things between us were better. And I know I'm the one who has the problem. I'm so sorry. You deserve better."

"Marlene, if we'd just talk about this-"

"No. Not yet. I'm sorry, but I'm not ready to, yet."

"But if we saw a therapist? We can do that either together or alone, whichever you would prefer?"

"No."

"It doesn't have to be like this for us, Marlene. I still love you, even with all of this."

"You shouldn't. You should leave. Or cheat on me. Have an affair. I honestly wouldn't blame you, if you did. Have you ever cheated on me?"

"No, I have not. Have you cheated on me?"

"If I said yes, would you go make love with Nicole? Or chat up that nice young waitress? Or would you still want to try and fix things between us?"

"No," I said. "I haven't cheated on you and I'm not going to start. That card is not on the table. And if you have cheated, that would be a huge blow. But I'd say yes, we can still make this work. I think that when people cheat, there's something they aren't getting from their spouse. Tell me where I've gone wrong, what I haven't given you, that you need. As long as you don't have any sort of incurable disease, we can make this work."

"It's not anything that can be fixed," she said, as the light turned green.