The Nerdy Nudist

"Right, but...yeah, whatever." Mark reminded himself how he and Alan had always vowed to respect James' privacy, but why pretend after all this time? "Anyway, speaking of jealous, can I ask you a favor?"

"I won't try to butt in on your date," James said. "In fact, Rosa seemed to be a little put off by the way I treated her Friday night."

"Really? Sorry to hear that, but that's not what I meant. Look, I don't want Alan to know I'm going with Rosa."

"You don't?" Now James' surprise was real.

"I don't," Mark said. "I was talking to Sarah about it yesterday, and she said first of all, we're buddies and we shouldn't let a girl come between us, and also it might end up hurting Rosa if she learns we're fighting over her. Sarah may be a hypersensitive feminist whiner, but she's got a point, you know? So what we're going to do is let Alan think at our party, she's just there with Sarah. I'll dance with her at the dance, of course, but I'll let Alan dance with her too. He doesn't need to know."

"I take it you won't be going home with her after the dance, then," James said. "You can't really fake that, can you?"

"That's none of your business or Alan's, dude."

"True enough." James decided to let it go. "I wonder who Sarah's going with?"

"Don't know, don't care," Mark said. "No offense, but I don't like Sarah much. She's kind of cute, but the way she talks about Rosa is kind of condescending, you know? And here Rosa's the one brave enough to prance around naked in public! I can't imagine Sarah doing that."

"Me neither." James was himself growing less fond of her by the minute.

He did, though, have the French oral exam to take with her on Tuesday. It went well -- for James. Sarah flubbed a number of her lines and mangled a few verb tenses here and there. Though that made it a bit more challenging for James to get his part right, it also made it all the more satisfying when he did hit all the right notes. "Well, that was très bien," he declared as they left Professor Lespere's office.

"It was?" Sarah knew she'd blown it. "You practiced more without me, didn't you?"

"There was nothing stopping you from practicing on your own," James said.

"But I thought we were partners," Sarah whined.

"So did I," James said. "But this April Fool's joke of yours, Sarah..."

"That's none of your business!"

"It's my two best friends, and one of yours, too!"

"Mark and Alan don't need your help, James. I do hope you're not going to meddle and tell them about each other."

"I'm not," James said. "But aren't you worried about what this'll do to Rosa?"

"She could fix the problem herself by telling one or the other of them she's changed her mind," Sara said. "I can't help it if she can't say no. Now, can you help me with studying for the written exam, Mister Français?"

James felt like showing Sarah one of her friends could in fact say no at that moment. But he felt sorry for her after her poor performance on the oral exam, and let her talk him into splitting a grilled cheese at the student union.

They were deep into making sense of the subjunctive when James was aware of the dirty look they were getting from the lounge table by the front window. Rosa. He could hardly blame her for keeping her distance, and remembering the way she'd pushed him away the last time he'd seen her, he welcomed that.

But she did look cute as ever in a peasant dress and Chuck Taylors, a combination that worked against all odds. And James thought he detected a fleeting smile when they made eye contact. But clearly she wanted nothing to do with Sarah, and James couldn't blame her for that.

When Sarah had polished off her half of their sandwich and wrapped her mind around the subjunctive a bit better, she got up. "Thanks for the help," she said to James as she picked her coat up off the seat. As she was putting it on, she spotted Rosa for the first time. "Guess I'd better go mend fences over there," she said.

"Good luck with that," James chuckled, his tone making it clear he believed she would need it.

"Oh, look, James, it's different with girlfriends. Sisters before misters. We'll be fine."

"If you say so." James didn't look up from the Beaudelaire poem he was on to trying to make sense of.

Of course he darted a nosy eye or two across the room as Sarah approached her old friend. He didn't bother trying to make out anything they said to one another from across the noisy room, but he was able to tell Sarah's prediction had been wildly optimistic. The last time he dared look their way, Rosa had taken to reading her book and ignoring Sarah, who nevertheless was still trying to chat her up. He was pleased to see Sarah give up and walk off before long at all.

Once the coast was clear, James felt like going over there to offer his condolences and let Rosa know he was on her side. But he remembered the cool reception he'd gotten last time, and stuck with Beaudelaire. He did such a good job of burying his nose in the book that he didn't even notice when Rosa approached him, and wasn't aware of her until she said, "Hi, can I join you?"

James' heart leapt. "Hi! Uh, yeah, of course!" As she settled herself across the table from him, he went on, "Listen, if I came on too strong the other day --"

"No, my apologies to you!" Rosa said. "I was just still so full of morning-after awareness, you know, when I don't even know who's seen me naked, and I really didn't know what to make of it all!"

"I can only imagine," James said. "But I meant everything I said."

"That's sweet, thank you! But can you tell me, what do you know about Sarah's April Fool's trick with your friends?"

"I had nothing to do with that, and I'm furious with her," James said. "I promise. But yeah, I do know about it and I know why she did it. She's jealous because she wanted Alan to ask her."

"Really!" Rosa's surprise was as absolute as it was genuine. Then she smiled in spite of her dilemma. "Of all the things I never thought I'd see at Claxton, having a guy like Alan prefer me to her was..."

"Top of the list?" James offered.

"Off the charts!" Rosa said. "She was always the sexy one, I was the nerd."

"I know what that's like," James said. "But for what it's worth, Alan really isn't much of a catch. Neither is Mark. The way they treated you that day at the dining hall, that's who they really are. Not the obsequious fools who fell in love with you because of your..." He stopped short and hoped against hope she wouldn't make him complete the sentence.

No such luck. "My what?" She grinned. "Come on, James, you've seen me naked, you can tell me anything."

"I guess that's fair." James looked around furtively to see if they were out of earshot of anyone else. He couldn't be sure of that. "There's a part of your body that they were very attracted to." Then he confessed, "And I have to admit, so was I. I wish bikini waxing would go out of style already."

He feared Rosa might take offense, but she looked more amused than anything. "That's what they like? And here I always feel like a freak of nature because of that."

"No!" James said. "Natural is beautiful. But if I'm honest, I never imagined Alan and Mark would agree with me about that. But they did." She reached over and squeezed James' hand affectionately. "Thanks for being so open about that. Now maybe you can help me -- which one of them should I break it off with?"

"Can't help you there," James said. "Only you know what's right for you."

"But they're your friends. You know which one will take it better than the other one."

"Neither of them will, Rosa. Especially not if you decide to go out with the other one again after the dance."

"I was afraid of that," Rosa sighed. "I was just hoping you might have a clue to help with my choice."

"If I could think of one that would avoid anyone getting hurt, I'd tell you," James said. "But I don't think there is any way to avoid that."

"That's what everyone keeps telling me," Rosa said. "I guess they're right. By the way, on a brighter note, who're you taking to the dance?"

"No one," James said. "I was thinking of asking Sarah, but she made it clear her answer'd be no if I did."

"Her loss, not yours," Rosa said. She took her purse up from the table and slid out. "Thanks for listening, anyway," she said.

"If you want to talk about it again, you're always welcome in my room," James said. "Across the way from Alan's."

"Thanks," Rosa said. "I might take you up on that!"

James couldn't decide whether he wanted that to happen or not. But he didn't make any effort to avoid watching her dress flow gracefully around her legs as she walked away.

That night in her bed, Rosa was no closer to a decision as to which one she should break it off with. But the news from James had her as worked up as she was worried, and after feeling only worried for days, she welcomed the diversion.

Especially since in her imagination, there was no need to choose.

Alan and Mark stood side by side, both naked and hard, as Rosa walked in to the room swathed in a lacy bathrobe. "Hi, boys," she purred, and she was confidence itself as she pulled the sash and tore the robe off with a champion's flair. "Enjoying the view?"

"And how!" said one or the other, or maybe it was both. All four of their eyes fixated intensely on her bush, and she welcomed the attention with a light pat on it with her hand.

"You're not going to only admire it, are you?"

"Course not, but it is ever so beautiful!" Once again she didn't know which one said it, nor did she care. She also didn't care that they both seemed to have James' personality rather than their own. What if Sarah was wrong about James and he was straight? But the last thing Rosa needed right then was a third guy to choose from.

So she put James from her mind and imagined Alan and Mark. Interchangeably in her imagination, one of them stroked her sides and kissed her breasts, the other dove in and ate her pussy with utter aplomb. Four hands, two mouths, and Rosa was a ball of utter joy even as she had only her own two hands to work herself into a lather. As they both did just that, she spread her legs as wide as they could go and imagined adoring looks and fingers and tongues, inside and out. Her own fingers more than did their job as she imagined gentle kisses and caresses and tickles all over her body. Whichever one of them she did end up in bed with on Saturday, at least there was plenty of passion to look forward to.

On her own, she felt a wonderful foretaste of that passion as she brought herself off to an intense orgasm, and even yelped out loud as it washed over her. Of course, no sooner had it passed than Rosa once again found herself worrying about whose heart she should break and whether the one she chose would resent her. Maybe Sarah could explain it to them! But right then it almost seemed worth it to have them both lusting after her. Almost.

Alan had two of his five papers done by lunchtime on Friday. He happily rubbed out the 5 and wrote in a 3 on his "NO FEAR" sign as he locked his room to head off to turn the second paper in.

"You ought to change the two weeks to one," Tom noted from the floor.

"Eh, you're right." Alan made that change as well.

"So you're actually gonna do all that work?" Tim added. "I still think you should join us."

"Feel free to talk to my dad about that," Alan said. Just as he was capping his dry-erase pen, the stairway door opened and Alan's heart leapt as Rosa stepped in. "Why, is that my date?" he drawled in his most flirtatious voice.

"It is!" Rosa smiled through her guilt and hugged her books like a schoolgirl, and nodded hello to Tim and Tom, whom she remembered seeing on her big night. "How are you?"

"Wonderful," Rosa lied. "Listen, this pre-dance party of yours, if you need any help setting up for it..."

"Well, I was hoping to weasel out of that so you and I could go get an early dinner in town," Alan said.

"Sure you were, Alan!" said Tim.

"You romantic you!" added Tom.

"Oh, that's sweet, Alan," Rosa said. "But I have...a prior commitment tomorrow afternoon. A group project, and it might keep me busy right up to dinnertime. That's why I was thinking we could just meet here? And I am happy to help with the party."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Alan said. "You know, if it were me, I'd just sweet talk the guys in your group into doing the work for you. Aren't all girls supposed to be really good at that kind of thing?"

"Alan, that's a horrible thing to say!" Rosa was tempted to spill the beans then and there, only she remembered Mark was just as bad in that regard.

"She's right, man," Tom said. "Even Tim and I ain't that bad."

"No, you guys just wouldn't do the work at all!" Alan shot back. "Don't listen to them, Rosa."

"You're lucky you're so cute, Alan," Rosa said. It felt good to at least be able to say one thing that was absolutely true. "Look, I'm sorry, but I can't get out of that meeting. Let's say I come by here at seven tomorrow?"

"If that's the best I can get," Alan said. "See you then." He helped himself to a kiss, and Rosa more than willingly let him. To both of their surprise, Tom and Tim didn't make a big deal of it.

Alan didn't seem to wonder why Rosa didn't leave the floor once he was gone. Tom and Tim did. "It was him you were here to see, wasn't it?" Tom asked.

"Not just him." Rosa looked over her shoulder at James' door. "Is James here?"

"Haven't seen him since breakfast," Tim said.

"You don't want a third date to Spring Forward, do you?" Tom added.

Rosa cringed. "God, does everybody know my business?"

"Mark and Alan don't," Tim said. "Only thing more pathetic than the two of us is how clueless they both are about the whole thing!" Tom laughed, and Rosa couldn't help but join in. "Want to hang out here until he shows up?"

"Yeah, sure." Rosa slid down the wall, absentmindedly spreading her legs and remembering just in time that she was in a skirt. But even as she drew her legs back together, she burst into laughter. "Oh, wait, nothing you guys haven't seen there, huh?"

"You look good with clothes on, too, by the way," Tim quipped. "No wonder you've got both those guys eating out of your hand."

"Thanks," Rosa said. "But what am I supposed to do, guys?"

"You're supposed to make up your mind," Tom said.

"Go ahead with your punchline," Rosa said, forcing a smile.

"There isn't one," Tom said. "Look, it sucks what Sarah did to you, but that's no excuse to string them both along."

"Yeah, one way or another they're gonna find out, sooner or later," Tim said. "If nothing else, knowing those guys, they're both gonna want to take you home after the dance."

"And if you were planning to ask James what to do, I'm pretty sure he'd tell you the same," Tom added.

"He already has," Rosa said. "I guess I was hoping he'd have some clue about which one I should choose. Even though he already told me he wouldn't. He said it's up to me."

"It is," Tim said. "Listen, I know you're expecting everything we say to be a joke, but I'll say one thing about sitting out here all day for all this time. We see a lot of bullshit. I'm really sorry you got mixed up in so much of it, but if you're thinking of playing some kind of game like in a romcom where you can lead them both on, forget it. Sorry, but you'll just have to put on your big girl panties."

"Even if we do all know how beautiful you are without them," added Tom.

Rosa laughed. "I deserved that. Yeah. Okay." She stood up. "Gotta do what I gotta do. I just wish someone would give me an answer, even if I know they can't."

"Yeah, well, you can always try my favorite answer," Tom said. "I'm planning to use it on all my exams, actually."

"What's that?" Rosa asked.

"Chocolate pie!"

Both men dissolved into the laughter all their floormates had come to know so well, and Rosa joined in. "Right, brilliant answer," she said.

By the end of her last class that afternoon, Rosa had made up her mind. Alan was chauvinistic, but so was Mark. Alan was the one who'd first caught her eye with those curls, and he had actually asked her as opposed to just thinking she had asked him. Funny how it seemed so easy once she'd arrived at a decision. Mark would be hurt, of course, but Rosa would explain everything and he could be angry at Sarah rather than herself. Which was all Sarah deserved and then some.

Halfway back to her dorm, she heard someone running up behind her. She turned to see James. "Hey, Rosa!" he said. "I heard you were looking for me?"

"I was," Rosa said. "But listen, I've reached a decision."

"Oh, good!" James said. "I'm glad to hear that."

"Do you want to know which one I've chosen?"

"I'll find out tomorrow, won't I? Don't tell me now, all right? Those two can read me like a book, they'll know if I'm feeling sorry for one of them."

"That's really thoughtful of you, James," she said.

"Yeah, well, they're a couple of little boys, but they're my friends all the same," James said.

"I hope I haven't spoiled your party before it even begins, though," Rosa said. "I have a feeling one of them won't want to be there."

"It's not your fault," James said. "It's Sarah's. Of course, the one you don't choose might want to come to the party just to tell Sarah what he thinks of her!"

"God, I'd pay good money to see that," Rosa said.

"You and me both," James agreed, drawing to a stop as they came to the pathway to the library. "Listen, I'm headed over there to return some books," he said. "But, um..." He grinned and looked at the ground like a shy little kid. "Save me a dance tomorrow night?"

"Of course!" Rosa wanted to hug him, but he was already off towards the library. "James, thanks!"

"See you at the party!" he called over his shoulder.

Rosa felt just a bit stronger. Though she still wasn't looking forward to breaking the bad news to Mark, she was feeling better than she'd felt all week. Even the sun seemed to be shining just a bit brighter as she approached Lawton Hall.

Her sense of contentment and resolve lasted exactly as long as it took to climb the stairs to her floor. As she stepped into her hallway, she saw it but she didn't believe it. A trail of pink and red rose petals on the floor, leading to her door. Seated by the door, in a chair he'd found somewhere, was Mark. He was holding a rose in each hand, one of each color. "Sarah told me she wasn't sure if red or pink were your favorites," he said. "So I figured why not both?"

"Oh, Mark..." Rosa felt like crying. But she smiled through her angst. "They're beautiful!"

"As are you, my dear," Mark said. "Just a taste of what tomorrow night will be like," he said. "Oh, and speaking of taste..." He handed the roses to her and reached back to unzip his backpack, and presented her with a box of chocolate covered almonds. "Sarah said these were your favorite snack, freshman year."

"They still are." Now the tears did come, as she looked at the box.

Mark misinterpreted them. "Wow, I don't think I've ever made a girl cry before -- not for the right reasons, anyway." He laughed a bit at his joke, then stopped when she didn't respond in kind. "And they tell me I'm not a sensitive guy," he went on. "Guess I'll never be as sensitive as a girl, but who is?"

"Oh, quit while you're ahead," Rosa said, having regained a modicum of control.

"Right, of course," Mark said. "I tried writing you a poem about how much I liked your body, but..."

"Thank you for not doing that, Mark."

"Right. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how happy I'll be to have you on my arm tomorrow. Can I have a kiss?"

Once again Rosa wanted to say no, but once again she remembered how she'd been literally dreaming of his kisses. At least that would be a nice memory for them both, no matter what.