The New Girl

"I have to get back to work. Just wanted to see you with my own eyes." Pen gives me a quick hug and leaves.

The lump in my throat grows in size and I sigh. Why am I getting so emotional over something so stupid? Because no one has ever done anything like that before. I am usually the one lending hand or helping those in the background without their knowledge. Why would Quin do something so nice for a stranger?

"What are you doing here?" Quin's voice breaks my train of thought.

I turn to look at her standing close behind me. "What?"

Her hand comes up to my cheeks and then my forehead. "You need at least one more day in bed."

I push her hand away. "I'm fine." I clear my throat and look up at her. She looks so pretty today. Her bangs are swept to the side today while the rest of her hair is down. She's wearing a pale pink suit with a baby blue shirt that matches her shoes. "Thank you. For everything. But I am back to normal now."

She crosses her arms but doesn't say anything else.

I turn back to my desk and pretend to do work until I know she is gone.

******

I know it is stupid, but I do it anyways.

I feel bad for being so cold towards her after everything that she has done for me. I deliver her coffee every morning again. Only for three days max. Of course, no one is there to see it but I feel better knowing she has one good thing to look forward to. I even make sure to ask Pen what type she likes so that she actually enjoys it. Pen pretends to be cool about it but she almost gushes when she learns about my kind gesture. She double checks with some other girl that Quin has gotten to know better. No biggie. I make sure to remind Pen I am just repaying a favor.

******

I arrive late to the cookout in jeans and a red and blue shirt.

Everyone is wearing similar colors with their families. Some have beers in their hands, others have food. I look down at my watch. The event will be over in an hour and then I'll be free to go home and watch Independence Day. I spot Quin behind the makeshift bar surrounded by the single men in the office. Some women gather around as well, hoping to get whoever Quin discards. Or maybe even Quin herself. That idea doesn't sit well with me.

Pen sees me before I see her and is already making her way towards me. She's also wearing jeans and a red shirt. She sports a headband with blue light up stars popping out of it.

"I'm so happy you're here!" She grabs my arm and drags me to her table. There are people from different departments sitting down and talking amongst themselves. They all greet me when I sit down and I give a general wave.

"I told you I would come." I take the water bottle she gives me and thank her.

"I really thought you would come up with some lame excuse and bail." She doesn't sit and says she will get me a plate of food.

Justin, from accounting, makes small talk with me while Pen is away. I would prefer to sit in silence but I also don't want to be rude, so we force the conversation for as long as we can. I'm aware of Quin at the bar, still surrounded by her admirers. She's wearing black pants with a white, sleeveless t-shirt and a tight black vest. She looks like the wait staff and yet everyone knows she's not.

"Here." Pen comes back and gives Justin a smile for keeping me company. His eyes get wide, probably from all the dazzle Pen holds in one smile.

I stare at the plate in front of me and shake my head. "I can't eat all of this."

"Don't worry, you can take it home if you have to."

We talk about work and then move on to what shows we've been catching up on. Pen talks about all the romance movies she has seen and I recommend some of the action ones that I like that have some romance in them. We're talking about planning a trip to our favorite movie theater when Quin comes to sit at our table.

She sits across from us and smiles brightly when she sees me. Her hair is up in a ponytail and her bangs are definitely long enough to reach past her eyelashes now. Her smile is breathtaking.

"Hi, Anne." The look she gives me looks like it was especially made for me.

I drink some water then give a quick hello back.

"Sorry, Pen. I have to take a quick eating break while I can. Kurt offered to look over the bar for a while."

Pen moves her hands around. "Don't apologize! I'm sorry I didn't give you a break sooner!"

Quin laughs and shakes her head. "We need to stop apologizing so much."

Pen agrees and they talk about what great turnout they had. I look around and realize it is quite a big turnout. Most families are around the games laid out. Others are by the bonfire in the middle of the cookout. They even got a DJ to play some entertaining music in the background while others just talked.

Quin talks about how full the tip jar has become and Pen tells her it's because all the men are in love with her. Quin shrugs the suggestion away and for some reason that puts me at ease. I can't say why exactly, but knowing that Quin couldn't care less about the attention she is receiving makes me feel better. And yet, I know that is not a good thing.

"So, what are you guys doing after this?" Quin sips on a beer.

"I have a hot date with my T.V." Pen giggles. "After the long day that we had today I have to call it a night soon."

"What about you?" Quin looks at me.

"Same as Pen. Just going to watch a movie. After I help you guys clean, of course." Even without having her ask me, Pen knows she can count on me when she really needs it. Maybe not to prep for this cookout, but definitely to help clean up afterwards.

I avoid picking up anything big to eat from my plate. Knowing me, I will go in for a burger bite as she asks me an important question or I drop a rib after some nervous jitter. I try to sit up a little straighter and place my hands on my lap after failing to find something natural to do with them. I feel out of place. Not just at the cookout but just in general. I have a feeling I know why.

"You're a lifesaver." Pen pinches my cheek. I snap back to our conversation.

"Do you want to grab a drink afterwards, Anne?" Quin asks me.

I look at Pen who smiles and gives me a knowing look. "I think that is a great idea! Anne hasn't been to a bar in forever."

"That's because I don't really drink." I helpfully remind Pen. How can she set me up like this? Being alone with Quin? At a bar? Is she crazy?

"Then invite me to your place so we can watch a movie together." Quin suggests.

Pen's green eyes light up and she gives Quin a megawatt smile. Pen thinks Quin is just trying to be my friend and get me out of my shell. But I don't know if that is the real reason. Come to think of it, I don't see why Quin would want to spend any of her free time with me at all. I can tell others around me have quieted down to hear my response. The blood rushes to my cheeks and my brain flies out the window.

I choke on my spit and try to drink some water to hide my obvious flounder.

"I-I can't. I just remembered I'm actually going to bed early today. Have some errands to run in the morning." I blurt out in a panic. I just made a fool out of myself and this is in front of a big group. I can't imagine being alone with her.

Quin's smile is dejected but she just nods. "Well, maybe next time. I'm going to head back to the bar. Looks like Kurt needs some help. Bye ladies!"

"Annie!" Pen gives me a murderous look. "You just blew her off!"

I bury my head in my hands and slump my shoulders. I can't even look at those around me, they're probably thinking the same thing. "I don't want to talk about it."

I didn't blow her off because of the fear of what those around me would think. Even though I knew I would care, it was not the main reason why I said no. The real reason is even scarier.

******

Getting into the office on Monday feels like a drag.

After helping the sales team clean the park after the cookout, I went straight home and laid in bed. I didn't watch a movie or do anything other than think. I tried not to think about the fact that Quin left with some guys from the office but that was all my mind kept going back to. Pen gave me an 'I told you so' look even though she never told me anything. It was all so annoying.

Now, I have to be on the same floor as Quin and hope that we don't run into each other. It was very obvious that I did blow her off and that is why she probably made other plans afterwards but it didn't mean I liked it. And that fact that I didn't like it spoke volumes.

I place my bag over my shoulder once I step out of my car. I see Quin pulling into the garage in her car. She sees me too and gives me a small wave. I wave back and rush to the doors so that we don't get stuck having to make small talk. She probably thinks that I want nothing to do with her and that I am the rudest person she has ever met. She has been nothing but nice to me and I have been an immature asshole. And for what reason? Why am I like this?

******

I manage to avoid any more run-ins with Quin.

To save both of us from any more embarrassing conversations, I have been vigilant of her whereabouts. If she goes to the restroom as I am about to go in, I pretend to walk towards the water fountain instead. If she is coming down the stairs from the copier room, I come down the stairs and go to the supply closet instead. Others have noticed my erratic behavior but they probably attribute it to my weird and mysterious personality. Pen suspects that Quin is the reason for my odd behavior but she hasn't said anything out loud, which is a good thing. She probably doesn't have enough evidence to take me to trial. Yet.

All the exerted energy and pent-up anxiety has me pooped by the end of the week. I decide to give in and ask Pen if I can join her for a drink after work.

"There is definitely something wrong with you." Pen moves to touch my forehead and I move away instinctively. Only Quin has touched me like that. What am I even thinking?

"I had a long week." I shrug. The less I say, the better.

Pen nods in agreement as we pull up to the bar.

"My friend here would like the fruitiest drink you can make. She does not drink so she needs something that goes down smoothly. I'll have a tequila sunrise." She pulls out her card and pushes my hand away when I try to pay.

"I'm the one who invited you out." I remind her.

"You can pay for the next round!" She pushes me with her shoulder.

"Oh no." I shake my head. "One drink is enough for me. But I will pay for your second one."

She nods. "We'll see how you feel after one drink."

The bartender returns with our drinks after a while. My drink is pink and fruity. I am pleasantly surprised when I taste it. "I don't taste any alcohol."

"Those are the ones you have to be careful with." Pen giggles and sips on her own colorful drink. "So, tell me, why has work been extra hard this week?"

I roll my eyes and shake my head. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Annie, the whole point of grabbing drinks after work is to bitch and complain about everything and then be recharged for next week." She takes a long sip.

"Okay," I look at it objectively. That does make sense. "You go first."

She smiles brightly. "Don't mind if I do." She removes her blazer and places it behind her. Her green eyes have a glint in them. This is going to be interesting.

Pen goes on a thirty-minute rant about a rude customer who gave her a bad review because of a user error that had nothing to do with the product or her customer service. I, all of a sudden, feel very protective of Pen and want to bad mouth this customer for ruining her week. She goes on to talk about how her boss chewed her out in front of the team and how she had to call and apologize to the customer for something that she didn't do.

I lean my hand over and pat the back of her palm. "That sounds awful. You deserve better."

She laughs and shakes her head. "I get paid a lot, so this is not enough to push me away. But now that I've talked about it, I feel so much better! Thanks for listening."

The drink is starting to get to my head. I feel my inner conscience trying very hard to stay tethered to my body but it is becoming nearly impossible. It feels like it is about to float away. Part of me wants to blurt out all that I feel towards Quin. But not knowing where to start or where it will end leaves the words in my throat.

"Okay, your turn to get us a round." She points to our empty cups.

I am surprised to see how quickly I finished that. "Okay, but this is the last one. I mean it!"

She laughs and nods her head. "I won't let you have another I promise."

We talk about little things that bother us about our jobs and by the end, I have to admit I do feel better. Lighter. Like getting it all out of my system flushes the bad feelings out for good. I need to do this more often. I am glad she doesn't bring up Quin and I feel proud that I am able to hold it in for as long as I do.

"Okay, time to go home." I hop off my seat and Pen follows my lead, after waving to the bartender.

My jaw almost falls to the floor when we step out into the night.

Quin is leaning against her car, waiting. She's wearing tight jeans, with long black boots, and a black long sleeve shirt. Her hair is parted down the middle, with her bangs swept to the side. Her face has light makeup that highlight her beautiful eyes and full lips.

"Your ride is here." Quin laughs and ushers a very happy, and not surprised, Pen into the back seat. When she opens her passenger door for me, I shake my head. "Get in, Anne."

"Pen, what is she doing here?" I glare at Pen, who is making herself comfortable in the back.

"I'm not paying thirty dollars to get home. Plus, she was already nearby and said she didn't mind. Get in!"

I frown but get inside the car. "I'm going to kill you." I threaten her once I'm inside and Quin makes her way around the car.

"Oh hush, I knew you wanted to see her." She gives me a drunk smile through the rear-view mirror.

Quin and Pen talk on the way to Pen's house. They talk about work and then bars and clubs. Pen promises to take Quin out clubbing one of these days and even tries to rope me into coming. I give a non-committed answer.

Once we get to her place, Quin helps Pen out of the car and walks her to her front door. Pen gives her a nice long hug and I look away after a while. Who cares that they hug? Pen is just that type of person that people want to hug.

"So, your place or mine?" Quin says when she's back behind the wheel.

I snort, "Yeah, right." Oh God, I am drunk. I never snort. Panic and drunkenness dance side by side as I realize I am alone in the car with Quin. Who will win? Hopefully neither. But she just offered to take me to her place. What?

"Okay, your place it is." She puts her car into drive. Her fingers move towards the radio and some alternative rock plays in the background.

Four songs play by the time we get to my place. She finds street parking and opens the door for me.

"You don't need to walk me to my door, I got it from here." I sound very sober for someone who sees the floor moving at the speed of lava. I manage to hop out of the car and then lose my footing after the first step. I almost face plant before Quin reaches out and picks me up, bridal style, as if I weigh nothing.

"Put me down!" I growl. She walks with determination, completely unbothered by my outburst.

"Not until you're in the safety of your home." She seems to find my anger endearing.

I stick out my tongue at her in a moment of anger.

She gasps. "Anne sweetie, you keep tempting me like that I won't be able to control myself around you."

My mouth goes slack and I feel the blood rushing to my face. In an act of desperation, I hide my face in her neck. What is she doing to me?

"You're adorable." I feel her lips against my hair.

I melt against her chest, wanting to be a part of her but also swallowed alive by the moving ground beneath us.

She makes it to my apartment building but true to her word, she doesn't put me down until I am in my home.

Her hands come up and she brushes the hair away from my face so that she can see me clearly. She runs her forefinger down my cheek and lifts my chin up. Her smoldering gaze holds me captive. She's looking at me as if I am the only thing she sees. As if I am something other than just plain old Anne. My heart races and she leans down, closer to my lips.

"I should leave." She whispers when she is centimeters away from my lips. I feel her breath against my lips. I want to taste it. I want to taste her. "Tell me to leave." She says more urgently.

I stare up at her with wide eyes, uncertain of what I should do. I know what I want, I can feel what I want right between my legs. But should I want this? Why her? Why now? All of this time I've lived a drama-free life, no accidents, no overpowering emotions. Being around her messes all of that up. Do I want to throw away years of perfecting being alone? Not depending on anyone, not needing someone's presence to feel whole?

"Anne," She brushes her lips against my own and my eyes flutter close.

She pulls back all too soon and leaves me standing there in a confused haze.

******

If I thought last Monday was a drag, this Monday is downright uncomfortable.

After our non-existent kiss on Friday night, I spent all weekend overthinking every detail. What did it all mean? Why did she kiss me? Why didn't she kiss me? Why did she ask me to kick her out? Why did she leave? Why did I want her to stay? My mind ran a marathon with those thoughts until I drove myself insane. Quin makes my mind an endless puzzle with missing pieces. I hate it.

To change things up a bit, I choose to pay Pen a visit.

She's at her desk, writing down some notes into her planner.

"Penelope." I practically growl.

"Oh, shit, Annie! You scared me!" She jumps up and clutches her red pen. It matches her glossy shoes.

"How dare you do something so impulsive and invasive!" I point a finger at her face.

"What do you mean?" She tries to play the innocent role.

"Don't give me that bullshit. You know what you did!"

"You mean call my friend to give us a ride because we were drunk and I didn't want to spend any money? She crosses her arms.

I bite my lip to hold back my curses. No use of screaming in the office. "Did it have to be Quin?"

"Why wouldn't I call her? We have gotten pretty close. Did something happen between you two?" She tries to gauge my reaction.

If I admit to something happening, she will know there is something between us. If I don't admit anything she will find other ways to try to put us in future situations together.

I huff. "Look Pen, I need you to let this one go. As your friend, I am asking you to please butt out."

"Of what?" Her eyes get wide. I might as well have admitted to being in love with Quin by the look she is giving me.

"Just stop." I leave her office before she can ask any more questions.

******

Tuesday afternoon I am one of the last one left in the office.

I had one specific problem I spent the whole day working on which pushed all of my other work back and now I am behind. I let out a breath when I finally turn off my computer. My eyes burn from staring at a screen for too long and I am starving. I gather my things and throw my bag over my shoulder. Once I am outside, I notice Quin leaning against my car. My face turns to stone.

I made a fool of myself Friday night. I didn't kick her out, only to have her leave on her own accord. Leave me wanting more. I shouldn't want more. I don't want more.

"You should not overwork yourself. You might get sick again." She moves out of my way as I unlock my door.

After I put my bag on the passenger side, she blocks my door with her arm. "Can we talk?"

I stare at her bangs, to avoid looking at her eyes.