All Comments on 'The Nuclear Family Pt. 03'

⭐⭐⭐⭐1/2

I like what you’re doing, but it’s getting a bit convoluted. The last bit with Amy going ape-shit over some photos does not track with her investigators being top notch, as they are obviously old or photo shopped. Also, maybe you’ve stretched things out too much. Still an excellent effort. Bring it home with a quality ending.

Obviously a past video from when he and Georgia were married. Just how stupid are Amy and Toni?

I would be thinking long and hard about my relationship with Amy, she seems to be as ratty as her sister. Bad genes in that family given Ruth’s behaviour as well.

It’ll sort out, obvuiously the two Brads have done this. But Amy’s arse needs a good kicking for not trusting her so called soulmate and for not allowing him to explain what it is.

He should walkout on her and make her beg forgiveness.

Scores 4/5

Okay, you kept the drama going. Good job I guess. The story was almost wrapped up in a neat bow.

I swear if Amy has a 'revenge affair' on him after all the character build-up you made for her, and Toni for that matter....I'm just done. The woman that names her company after her love of him, and literally saved her virginity for him. I don't think I can handle that shitty cliche' in this story. I hope I'm wrong, but it's leaning that way.

I liked it immensely. I don't come here for great literature, but light reading. Good plot twist, although I would have liked to have seen Robbie take out the rapist directly.

Anonymous can bit my ass.

What the f@#k is wrong with you?

The story has its wheels torn off for me.

But if this goes where I believe it is bound, this entire work crashes.

Go ahead, intimate that the totally illogical behavior of Amy is due to her pregnancy as well.

By the by, a fuckstick is one who has a gift, then due to lack of a brain, morality, or ethos throws hemgift to,the wind. Good luck to you.

I have a hard time seeing how Amy and Robbie stay together now. Hormones is an over used trope for female characters in LW but it is not an excuse for stupid, most women will tell you that themselves, and if she and Toni are so distrusting of him they ignore the mountains of other stuff surrounding his family, then Robbie is better off without any of them in his life. They clearly aren't the people he thought he was.

The best I can do is three stars

The story start out pretty good but the ending not so much. Amy the world’s toughest CEO did laugh at the pictures and send George and the Pi’s after the sister/in laws

Story on life support

Her investigators were so good she believed the pictures?

You have so many tangents. You spent half a page talking about toni and her body. Why?

What was the point of her being attacked? Nothing added to story.

You should take what you think is finished and cut it in half. Then do it again. Might be good at that point.

They want him to come back to the business after lying, cheating and stealing from him? Oh boy, the damage he could do! And misdirecting funds! They are lucky....

I got sympathy for you, I really do. I know what it's like to write a story and have a picture of where you want it to go, but struggle to get from A to Z. Having said that, unless part 4 picks up immediately where this left off... it's pretty nonsensical.

It's obvious that the vid is either old, or doctored with old footage. On what planet would Robbie not just shout that out? There's no chance a realistic human being would stammer out cliches, then leave with his life in tatters. If the next part starts like a week or a month later... sorry dude, but that'll mean you kinda failed. You got talent, so learn from it for next time.

If part 4 is immediate, discount everything above, and good job.

Amy would not have fallen for such an obvious ploy. Feels like you are just stretching the story out to get to the fourth, and final chapter. Ex-wife's remorse after having TWO out of wedlock babies is just too much and the in-laws covering for her after she cucks all three of their children is beyond belief. Brad is not a believable character. Dad is mentally ill and wouldn't still have any family support after all this. No matter how hard you try his mother will never be a sympathetic character

Everyone complaining about the twist needs to understand there had to have been something like this to have happened to justify the main character delivering the killing blow to his family.

The family deserves it but the main character is a good guy that will leave them be if they did the same. He will only return attacks in defense.

I'm actually a little worried that because of this, the fallout of the hoax means his wife will go screw someone else. And while that would be forgivable (for me anyway since she was a virgin) I'm sorta terrified she might pick a man that would do the most damage to the husband and end up screwing and getting impregnated by his brother or worse, father.

Eventually she will figure things out (my prediction is the ex had a c section with first kid and she will see no scars in the pic. or maybe she will look at the meta data since she's a geek) and realize how much she messed up. Sadly the main character will need to forgive her at least long enough to end his family.

This going on a bit long and Robbie's family are rather repetitive. As for the ending, after everything she just believed those photos that easily?

of the ending. Amy and Toni are smart women. Amy is the CEO of a major business and she doesn't even bother to, #1: get Robbie's side of the story ( never mind the fact that Brad threatened to ruin them ) and #2: she doesn't get the video checked to see if it is real and/or how old it is. The ending of this part is kind of a let-down.

I guess it could be worse, maybe if you had a committee of English professors writing it. Tedious, obnoxious, contrived, and completely unbelievable. I hope you didn't waste as much time writing it as I wasted reading it. Amy knows her and her husband are hated, that his family will go to ANY length to ruin their business and their marriage, and shes a fucking BILLIONAIRE!!! And she doesn't think to have the videos and photos professionally analyzed by a forensic lab? Does Amy own CNN, or NPR? The premise is laughable. You've been reading WAY too many Loving Wives stories where the wife fucks and films a revenge fuck against her husband because someone showed her photos or videos of her husband fucking her best friend, his secretary, whoever. Until the husband points out that the guy in the photo might have his face, but his cock isn't that color nor, regretfully, that large. I would say Thanks for the effort, but I can't believe there was any. Give it up.

Old videos and he couldn’t let her know. When he was married to the slut. And she should have known better. Total B.S killing a good story.

Ok, you may be caught up in your own head and can't see the forest for the trees on this one, so here's the picture as of now...

Amy: "I love Robbie with all my heart. I know for a fact that his family has vowed to ruin his life. Here's a video from a mysterious stranger showing his infidelity with a woman he despises... I will believe it. I will accuse him of being the most heinous, atrocious person in history."

____

Robbie: "I forgot what words are."

-------

Dude... it's done. There's no coming back from this. You've turned all your main characters into brain-dead morons, even the side character, Toni. No amount of narrative gymnastics can fix this. You sacrificed cohesion for drama.

The first line of the next installment could be Amy smacking herself on the head and apologizing for being so gullible, and it still wouldn't redeem the ending here. You've sucked every ounce of sympathy you built up over--let's be honest--an excruciatingly long story.

All I can say is, this is one time you need to take the faceless hordes' gripes to heart and do better next time.

Please hurry with posting part four. The suspense is killing me! Once again a captivating tale written in your great style, the worst part about being hooked on your stories is the wait between them but you almost never disappoint.

So Amy gets a video of her husband fucking his ex-wife, obviously sent to her by his former family, whom she knows are out get him, and she just believes it? Doesn't think for a second that it's fake, doesn't think to use her considerable resources to have it verified, doesn't even think to have someone go and check up on her husband so she can see for herself what's going on. Yeah, I think we're done here. You've devolved to the point where your "plot" only moves forward when the main characters do stupid shit. Should've quit while you were ahead.

It's like a soap opera. It's WAY too long and the actions of some of the participants was just stupid. You've exceeded your time allotment.

The last part sucked. I realize Amy is emotional, but age is a rich woman,sharp as hell, and she believes anonymous email, doesn't tell George or get it looked at, especially knowing that Robbie's brother and father are out to get him? Sorry, but that really ruined a good chapter ,Toni and Amy look like brainless bimbos. I know you wanted a cliff hanger but this was pathetic.

The writing itself is better,but there is still a lot of times when what is written makes no sense, question marks in a declarative sentence, awkward phrasing.

Knowing what he does Robbie needs to go totally nuclear on his family for this. He has the tools to literally destroy them,and his mother should be the prime targer.

rofl really a girl that worships a guy she builds and names a company after it and she believes and an anon email after all the threats to them. think maybe amy is as dumb as the ex

This was pathetic and not going to waste any more time reading what started out as a promising story

Really OTT

Really with all the threats and hate, she jumps to conclusions that easily. Total character assassination of the smart shrewd woman you have portrayed. Even with hormones from being pregnant. No way does she go off like this with an explanation. You turned her into the same iq class as the ex. Now I know your going to let it all come out in part 4 and be explained. But, the damage to the story is already done. Taking a very well written if repetitive story from a high 4 to a low three for believability. Toni lived with him at her house for a year almost and would never buy this shit about Robbie. Yet you brought along for the ride too. Still really like the story, but the last part of three is damaging.

over the top amy outburst and father crap over the top.

I also cannot believe Amy would think the "Love of her Life" would cheat so easily with his ex wife, who he hates. In addition, Amy is suppose to be extremely intelligent and devoted to him she becomes so easily manipulated?

To the people

that read or skim which seems to be the case see if this sounds familiar.

If you have read any of my stories in the past, you know that I like to take my time building up a scene and the emotions contained within. Of course, this would not happen this way in real life. Take this into account as you continue reading this tale. Those of you who want to say it wouldn't happen like that, you are more than likely correct, but try to enjoy the story anyway 😉

That was in the first paragraph of all parts to "The Nuclear Family?

That is all I've got for you.

Thank you Mr. Other2Other1 for your stories and please keep writing

I have to admit, the story was going good until this last page. I agree with many so far, for Amy to be the well prepared and intelligent CEO she claims to be, with her huge investigation team, to believe that email from the jump is the most ridiculous thing in this story. Did she not think that maybe it was the father using stuff from when Robbie and Georgia were married? And she just fell for it? And honestly if Robbie doesn't get absolutely livid with Amy over this, and even threaten divorce when it comes back he is innocent, would make this situation worse. At this point Amy is as bad as her sister. And throw Toni in the same group as well. Robbie should just cut ties with everyone at this point.

To people saying the end situation is unbelievable, think again. Two pregnant women flowing with hormones could conceivably jump to conclusions and not be thinking of his family trying to hurt them. It is pushing it but is not outside the realm of possibility. Hormones be a hell of a drug. Anyway........ great story so far and thank you for sharing it with all of us. I really enjoy your writings. They may push reality at times but hey it's a story.

This is a train wreck beyond recovery. Again way too wordy to keep me interested. 2*

This story had several technical errors, But wasn't half bad. The lame email that Amy and Toni fall for, shows either an extreme stupidity in the characters, or a very lazy author, that could come up with a decent plot mechanic to explain the conflict between the main characters. I gave the first 2 chapters 4*, but this one ended on 2*. Good luck on your next chapter, as it will probably have Amy and Toni sleeping with his brother.

As so many other commenters have stated, this chapter was going great up until the twist ending. The over the top actions of his ex-family, are already pushing this story to need serious suspension of disbelief levels of acceptance from the reader, but the anonymous email crap at the end was a step too far.

Amy is written as an intelligent and capable woman throughout this story, right up until the cliffhanger where her IQ suddenly drops to single digit levels. That kind of reaction from Amy and Toni would require way more than an email from an unknown sender! Toni not believing her own husband was just more ham fisted storytelling.

You lost me at the end of this chapter. Absolutely NO innocent man would leave that argument without explaining or figuring out the package from a "concerned citizen". Pretty disappointing because I like your stuff.

Have been enjoying the story, up until the cliche of the video from "a concerned citizen". You had him all willing to accept anything that might have happened, when the wife "disappeared", but yet you allow the wife to be like this?

Sorry

It doesn’t make sense

I know you want the big kahuna of a setup but given the circumstances, Amy wouldn’t behave this way—not from what you have set up. If she saw it with her own eyes—maybe, but a video? It is a trope that is so old that it seems like too much of a “deus ex machina” to really fly.

terrific writing! it harkens back to the glorious tails spun by the likes of DQS ...

ending was a bit corny but I get you needed a hook to the next bit of drama..

"Oh shit I told them It was a 4 part story and I ran out of story quick throw some shit in there"

-other2other1 (probably)

no but named his company ALRO.

Amy loves Robbie Other.

I almost pissed myself so much I was laughing.

Fit for a 15 year old girl.

So, intrigued, I went to consult your file and you indicate that you are over forty.

Really ?

Either you're writing for teenagers or very young adults, and in those cases your style matches that.

But that doesn't seem to be the focus here.

I'm sorry, but your story lacks maturity.

Sorry, I had to knock off a star for that ending. Amy is far too smart to accept email content without verifying sender.

My guess, is that one of the Brads sent it, using bedroom footage from before Robbie caught Georgia cheating. Amy is too smart, to NOT think about how the Other family repeatedly threatened Robbie and her.

The wild twist at the end doesn't work for me. A woman like you portrayed Amy to be isn't going to fall for that

The ending makes it a negative star story as even the dumbest person could identify a concerned citizen as either Brad or Brad jnr.

Some good things, some not so good things. It delivers quality, if somewhat cliched content, as loving wives stories often do. How many times is the Other family going to storm into the room and say ridiculous things before being given a verbal tongue lashing by the offended Other? I think the going rate is at least three times per chapter. The shock video drop for the chapter cliffhanger is right out of TV soap operas.

I enjoy the writing, but wish it was going somewhere, considering the time invested by the writer and his readers.

Robbie recovered too quickly from his fight. Also, I think I can see why Brad Sr has so much disrespect and hatred for Robbie yet wants him to save the family business. It also explains why Georgia agreed to cheat and have Brad Jrs child. No point in possible spoilers. Let's just wait and see.

A three from me, best I can do. I don't need to repeat what everyone else has said. I get the feeling you're very young and have few life experiences to draw from, and that's why you take scenes from other stories. Well, you picked the wrong cliché: it doesn't fit with the characters you created and is so over-used that I couldn't believe you went with it.

I agree with any, that you are taking away from Amy her own background as a nerd and business woman with investigators that would have checked out the email and attached files. No matter what pregnancy or not. Plus, they work together every day and she knows his schedule so the warning bells of this email is fake would be going off.

Hurry up with Part 4

DOL

I can't believe you would insult DQS like that opinionated1

For everyone commenting about how Amy responded to the pics and videos of Robbie & Georgia. Two things:

1. The author stated at the beginning of this story that he likes to write big, over the top, emotional stories. So, this reaction is within his chosen style.

2. Amy is pregnant and very hormonal. Pregnant women behave in over the top ways that they wouldn't normally. Well within reason that she looked at what she was seeing In a very emotional way and never stopped to think about it logically

Going brilliantly before the BS at the end. Your portrayal of Amy is so opposite to the crap you laid on at the end. You too good of a writer for this stumble to occur. Looking for the return of your real talent.

Chapter 3 was semi ok until the unbelievable stupid ending was attached. When I said this chapter was semi ok, it is still chock full of the same never ending family regurgitation from chapters 1 and2.

The basis for this story is good. The plot is decent. The stupidity of the continuation of the family’s contentious relationship has had a significant negative impact on the story.

Good story, I'm enjoying your telling. It needed a twist in order to be continued and the "girl finds boy, girl looses boy, girl gets boy again even stronger" is a good device. However (there's always a "however") I don't believe that the woman you describe, founder and CEO of a VC firm would react this way to a setback. Life experiences have shown me that pregnancy induced hormonal imbalances are indeed powerful, after the initial flash though her life's programming and experiences would begin to direct her actions... but .... I'm having fun, thank you

So hold on. Amy who is supposed to be some super smart woman and knows exactly what her husband went through sees one email and a few pics from “a concerned citizen” and instantly loses all of her supposed brains? Didn’t even try and let him explain or at least try to catch him cheating? She immediately thinks the worst of this man? Way to ruin a character I liked.

First line of the next part

“I’m sorry Robbie, I somehow forgot that your father is trying to ruin your life. It’s very obvious to me now that you would never cheat on me and you love me with all your heart.”

Amy apologized to Robbie for immediately accusing him of infidelity and things eventually went back to normal

Hey all,

Well, it's a public holiday here today and I've had the opportunity to spend a couple of hours and do a final read of Part IV. Of course, being one of my stories, I'm sure there are still a whole lot of errors you are all gonna feel that you have to tell me about. But in place of a few hours on Saturday I have just submitted Part IV for publishing. that's a full four days earlier than I planned (Yay for public holidays!)

For those of you who didn't like the cliffhanger and chose to just throw insults instead of giving me constructive advice, sorry but you are not the people I write for. I write for me, and I hope that my stories help people in some way, if that's not you, then sorry, just pass by my next story as this is how I write.

Now, in regards to the pictures at the end of Part III you're all groaning about, yes Amy (and Toni) would usually see right through it, but pregnancy does mess with hormones sometimes and that was what I was going for. But we resolve the initial issue very quickly on the first page Part IV.

Despite the spate of negative comments, I really enjoyed writing this story.

Thanks Everyone

John Other

Huh, I reckon that most of you just want to winge and put someone down. John has written a really compelling drama here. We've had so much cuck shit posted in the last few months a well crafted burn story has been missing.

So what it's long, it wouldn't work in real life, duh, John told us that at the beginning. I get that he didn't realise until after posting chapter one that there were some similarities to other stories, unlike other authors, he didn't ignore it, he gave credit for inspiration in part 2.

I really didn't mind the ending to part 3, it made me laugh as I knew it was his family screwing with him again. John is taking us on a ride with this one, he's giving us a story we can sink our teeth into. Bring on part 4!

You're a kickass author John, ignore the naysayers, keep writing stories like this one, keep dragging us into drama, let us see the hero be the hero!

As a fellow Aussie loving the name references, I'm guessing you're somewhere in Queensland as a few of your stories have better descriptions of places in the south-east corner.

Oh and 5 stars, keep doing what you are doing!

That was a little bit silly, that ending. How difficult can it be to yell "Those are old pictures!" ??

You have diarrhea of the keyboard. It is astounding that you believe this story supports the length. Truly astounding.

Really enjoying your story, keep up the great writing. Cheers mate

I bet that it's an old video dating from when they were still married.

I love this "fiction" story and can't wait for the last part. Thanks for taking the time and writing FREE stories for everyone to read.

If it turns out those photos and videos are just old and from the time he was still married to Georgia, I'll quit.

Knowing what Amy knows yet she believes a letter not knowing who sent it. Ridiculous. Not asking about the picture first.

Love your work!!!

the end of this chapter SUCKS!! You don't have 4 people suddenly fall out of character. Toni and Ami being hormonal and pregnant doesn't make them stupid....

Am thoroughly enjoying the hell out of this story, although that ending was straight out of a Harlequin romance and didn't do you any favors. Anybody that would fall for that kind of blatent deception IRL should be considered for a hard pass, maybe that person is just not as smart as they made themselves out to be.

Amy's not very smart for a supposed genius nerd.

Yeah.. this ending and the start of the next are really weak in relation to the rest of the story. All he can think to say is..ots not what you think? Come on, that's insulting to the characters you created.

He didn't think to lead with..duh... they're old?!

Stupid plot device. They know dads going to screw with them. You could have been more subtle.

Seriously, Amy, CEO taken in by the old photo scam?

Well done as usual. Thanks for writing.

More!!!

Just.. FUCKING SAY IT?! "I can explain", "It's not what it looks like" fuck off, just say it damn it

I was enjoying this tale until the last bit. The last bit was such a blatant failure, it took a full star off. When a person wants to explain something, they explain, they don’t say, let me explain, especially in a nuclear meltdown situation. He had loads of time to say “Those videos are from 10 years ago.” Seven whole words. Instead, he doesn’t, and says, "Look, Amy I can explain.” Later: "Toni, it's not what it looks like.” He could’ve made his point, instead, “drama" says he can’t. Why is this a poor excuse for story telling? Because it is false. Faked. A failed dramatic device used by sophomoric writers. It is akin to those scenes in films where a guy with a machine gun can’t turn his arm as quickly as people running. Bullshit. An arm can swing an arc faster than anyone can run. This is just as trite and lazy. A false drama. The tale has been melodramatic, I get that, this wasn’t melodrama, it was simply shoddy. I’m not certain it is worth continuing to read this, since the characters’ credibility as worthy actors in a (melo)drama has been eviscerated by the author.

You told a very good story. That deserves 5*! However, I would like to note that the ending is not okay. Why doesn't he bang the table and explain that the video shows him, but at a completely different time? The way you described your protagonist, he's not an idiot. And Amy wouldn't react like that either, but would analyze things clearly. Here, in my opinion, the characters of the two do not match the course of the story!

People are unhappy with this ending. Which I completely understand.

But I'm also quite unhappy with the other fake out in this chapter: Amy's attempted rape. I did not appreciated the misdirection of her apologizing to Robbie when she had NOTHING to apologize for!

You add this with this ending, and well... it's obvious that the author was way more interested in coming up with bogus drama then he was at telling a good story here. Hell, even the marriage scene was idiotic - why would the whole Other clan who, one chapter ago, declared his youngest son dead and gone, bother to show up there to try to stop his marriage? Georgia, I can get... But his brother? HIS FATHER??? 'Makes zero sense... unless you want to make up unneeded drama.

By far the worth chapter of this series, because it feels like the fakest. And that saying something, given how ludicrously improbable a lot of the events of this tale were. But hey, I'm already on this train; might as well ride it til the end.

So, is it ALRO or ARLO?

Oooopppsss. Over the top. Again. A valiant effort. Bye.

Great story so far....a little outside ordinary life but fun to read! . There is one thing I notice that you have written a couple of times in this and other of your stories: "If that's what you think, you have another thing coming." It should be ..."you have another think coming" common mistake by several other writers as well. Keep the stories coming....I really like your style....*5*

So far great story, sh*ty end to this part. But , that al creates drama , tension, fingernail chewing. LP

I admit that I don’t know much about fighting, but I highly doubt that a guy would go bodysurfing the day after an MMA fight.

Frankly, I detest the cliff-hanger plot device. It strikes me as completely manipulative, and I detest being manipulated. But, Hey!, that's just me talking here.

Many thanks to Mr. Other for sharing his passion for writing. IMO, the quality of your writing, grammar, punctuation and general "read-worthiness" has steadily improved during your Lit career. There are still awkward word choices, confusing sentences, incorrect punctuation (especially "?" marks), and incomplete sentences, but this is Lit and perfection is a goal, not a requirement.

Keep 'em comin'.

Naive. Everyone seems to be so stupid it is hard to maintain any sympathy for them.

Many grammar errors and wrong words: "But if he thinks I'm going to lay down without a fight, he's got another thing coming." Another THINK coming

"enjoying the sites of Paris". Sights

Come the fuck on Amy. When I’m the actual did they come to visit you?

Obviously those are from when they were married.

Also as a side note, if he had’ve even mentioned quitting to Georgia at the start of all this they MAY have kept brad away because he literally told her he was over doing all the work.

Also also you don’t need the N in jr but that’s a nitpick but also also Brad Jr the Second is just Brad the third. Once you get the third generation names it’s either sr jr 3rd or the 1st 2nd and 3rd.

stupid unnecessary and silly drama

Becoming repetitive and just too silly to be enjoyable ⭐️⭐️

Why is he fighting when he is a CEO of a large company? A fighter’s life makes very little time for a 9 to 5 let alone the time constraints from someone in a upper management position. BTW what weight class does the MC fight at?

Two stars for the non-stop repetitive soap opera. The family confrontations are beyond tolerable. There’s a good story here being destroyed by the non-stop repetitive regurgitation of family issues.

This crap is getting tiresome. LP

Bipod stitch

Too much irrationality and obvious bs. The reader must be able to enter the story; cannot when there is so much violation of reason.

Heu, il faudrait arrêter d'écrire maintenant. Celà devient lassant et con. Désolé.

This HORSE died the end of first chapter bury it. You know!

The guy was unconscious overnight. That is massive brain injury. U mention his fight in 6 weeks is being pushed back? You can't schedule next fight till u have medical clearance after current fight. After being knocked out that severely, he is looking at minimum of 1 year before he can participate in a sanctioned fight. If he passes medicals. Dont write about something u r clueless about!

Dialog is still awful and repetitive. Wedding scene was cringy. In a bad way. FYI, we all know this ends up with him buying old company. No chance of that not happening.

Wow so Georgia is just to dumb to use birth control. Umm swinging? Yeah birth control. Long term affair? Birth control. Do we even ever get a reason for why Georgia has a long affair with Brad Jr? Does it even remotely seem plausible? This author rarely seems to ever get into motive or answering why. Too troublesome I guess. An exception is Double or Nothing with trading up and On thr Mend with what amounts to abject mental illness on the part of the wife. So yeah again: BIRTH CONTROL!!

What n? Now Amy is brain dead too ! 3 stars because of the stupid ending ...

@endnote:

Who gives a rat's ass about NZ legalities .... what ticks me is your turning your two MCs into morons in the last few paragraphs.

And don't blame it on pregnant ladies, Other.

It's your story .... YOU'RE the one who made them pregnant.

I am glad you prefaced all this with saying you know some of this is over the top. I am enjoying the family drama and the good writing. But the whole showing up to the wedding to object was wayyyyy over the top. Like jump the shark over the top. His family must be inbred and mentally retarded for some of this drama to even be a thing. Had to give this section a 3 star. But I am enjoying your writing so off to the next chapter to finish this saga

"denied due process" yep that's New Zealand for you.