All Comments on 'The Nuclear Family Pt. 04'

Not the best. Too much repetition to the point of making the story drag and was too long and the timeline didn't feel right. Way too long to hold my interest.

Enjoyed it, thanks. I think the story was a victim of your success in making Georgia and his family (including his mother) truly unforgivable. Georgia was written as a truly unrepentant slut, re-read her comments when caught in bed with Brad Jr..... The story was imaginative and well told but perhaps painted too black at the onset to ever support anything but vengeance.

Wonderful, loved everything about this. Excellent job!

As soon as the MC saw the pictures, shouting "Those are 10 years old! Look!" might have helped the MC's situation immensely. But then authors do what authors do.

Well done!

Very well done.

You warned us that it would be long and it was. Somehow, it seemed to me longer than necessary. Baby what I mean is that it seemed to develop slowly at points. As good as it was, I think it would’ve been better if it had moved a little faster.

There were a couple of little things I think you missed in this last installment. It seemed like Amy and Toni became pregnant about the same time, but after Sarah is born, Robbie and his mom talk “over those months” (p. 3), Robbie’s mom dies, six months pass (bottom of p. 4), Brad’s trial is held, and “a few weeks later, Toni gave birth” (p. 6) making that an awfully long pregnancy. (See, readers do pay attention!) Also, in her letter to Robbie, Georgia writes that she has heard that Robbie and Amy have a child, but hadn’t she already seen Amy with the child when she was part of the family visit to Robbie‘s office? (Especially for a story this long, it pays to keep a timeline to help you catch things like this.)

Those are small things. You write really very well. I look forward to reading more.

Overly long, but that said l couldn’t stop reading it. I had to finish the story.

In the end l thoroughly enjoyed it and scored it 5/5.

I look forward to your other stories when they come out.

Lets just call it a culture gap. Almost NONE of it made any sense to me. Overworked, over written, under imagined, and without any wit or originality. Ridiculous. But I did enjoy the gun play. Australia, right? No guns, no violence, no criminals. The cucky country. A whole auditorium full of adult citizens, probably thousands. And one gun to quell them all, one gun to bind them, to their seats. He probably bought the gun at an American flea market. Or just ordered it on Amazon. Better yet, he found it as a prize in a box if Cracker Jacks; that happens a lot. But of course the assailant missed; duh, he's Australian. He probably would have been more accurate with a beer can. Still, a world champion MMA fighter versus one loser with a gun, and the shooter almost won. And I thought it was supposed to be the gun that killed people. It sure wasn't any of the useless unarmed citizens who just sat there. Sometimes to get a little security you have to surrender a little freedom. Just don't catch a cold, or do anything else the government decides is bad for society. Its all for the greater good. Too bad there was so little good in this story. But keep writing, its almost fun. And thanks for the effort.

It was a great story and a very good read brilliant.

This was a fun fantasy story. I mean the CEO MMA champion? Really? That aside, all your non protagonist are not really developed away from Robbie. Like Amy she's a strong, beautiful woman who has always been obsessed with Robbie. The father and brother are cartoons that are obsessed with screwing with Robbie. The mom loves Robbie but has to sacrificehim for her family. Toni and Darren exist to help Robbie. I think your stories would benefit if you fleshed out your ancillary characters more.

Good story with a lot of repetition but it did help as in between the release of the parts I forgot what I had already read.

A classic women apologizer story, hidden behind millions of words and a semblance of normalcy. Still, the reality of it is that it's a story about putting women on pedestals and the husband's un-acceptance of the infidelity.

The women are "semi" forgiven. But, the men are horrible people that can't learn and grow as human beings.

The beginning of his chapter, when Amy brings his mother to watch the fight I stopped reading and jumped to the end.

An what o I find? Exactly what I expected: a woman-splaining man-hating story.

Not sure what to say about this. I don't usually give negative reviews because you authors tend to write for your own pleasure. Th story started out with a bang and then our MC found solace and redemption in the arms of a child hood crush on him. But then I felt the story kind of dragged with all the recriminations and soul searching.. I found the story incredibly wordy, especially the last chapter. It was really dragging along until the fight when dad pulled a gun on Robbie. It then became quite predictable with the MC kicking out and disarming him while getting shot several times. Of course dad went to prison and every settled down and succeeded with their relationships. It was all bit anti-climactic after the fight scene.. The last chapter could have been done with a lot fewer pages. I will give 4 stars for your grit in writing this cause I kept waiting for something to really happen other than the fight scenes. I felt some of your other stories were much better.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Great story, but Robbie went way overboard heaping guilt and blame on Georgia every time it looked like he was about to forgive her towards the end. She's miserable due to her own actions with a turbo boost by others(NPI) but let it go, he has everything and she's a zombie. A great part of her mistakes were bullied on her by Brad & Brad, with additional family help.

Very much enjoyed this story and I found my self ok with what forgiveness Robbie offered. Forgive but don't forget and it took a long number of years and occurrences to get to that point, no quick turn around. Alot of authors on this site are bad with that in my opinion but you nailed it. Well done.

Man seriously some of your stuff is good but some of it is so stupid as in idiotically stupid? As in the stupid fucking photos and video arrives and he just walks out like for fucks sake really? And what's his big reason for not just standing his ground and stating the clearly obvious THEY WERE FROM BEFORE oh no his biggest concern was he's fucking embarrassed! Like what the fuck are you fucking 12 or something?

One of the biggest things if your attempting to write a novel or novella is STORY BOARD OUT YOUR BOOK. Actually put up a visual timeline plot out your story it really helps with pacing and continuity.

I mean writing to a big degree is a labour intensive exercise you obviously are prolific. But if you want to be better then simply start adhering to some basic writing techniques.

I thoroughly enjoyed this tale. Virtually all those forgiven were puppets of his twisted and demented father.

Thank you for the enjoyment.

Definitely enjoyed this one. It's also pretty obvious that the last commentor (brendan) did exactly as he said and skipped the whole thing. "Woman-splaining man-hating story". Lol. Dude only missed out on a few thousand words of info

WONDERFUL STORY! 10 STARS IS CLOSE. Brad Sr. was a POS, Brad Jr. was no better. Joanna and Hattie were kind of victims, too. Georgia was really doing well, with a husband that adored her. Seduced? I'd say she was a slut waiting to happen. She, as well as the rest, deserved much more than any of them got. A skunk doesn't change his stripes. Finally, Brad found the woman that really loved him since she was young, and basically eased his tormented mind. Even before they were married, she was his wife, because she always had his back. Please write more, you don't understand how good you are as a writer!!!

Absolutely loved it. Thank you for a great read. Thank you also for letting us know at the start of part one that the subsequent parts would follow quickly and how many there were to be. I decided to defer reading any until part four was out. Thus yesterday I read 1&2 and today the rest. It enhanced the experience considerably. I enjoy all your work and look forward to what follows. Very best wishes and good luck. G

Overall an interesting story, however I can only give it 4*, as I found the story too verbose, with a lot of unneccessary repition, in addition some of the time lines seem a bit farfetched.

As a writer of non-fiction, I am used to using as few words as possible and find that if I attempt to write a story, any dialogue I write sounds stunted as a result.

If I had written this story, the whole story would have been finished inside 10 pages.

As a suggestion, most big name writers create a time line for the story arcbefore they start.

They then write a full description of each caracter in the story, however small their part, this includes height weight, physical descriptions, tattos likes/dislikes etc. This way you can read your discription each time you reinsert some on in the story.

Note the time can be altered, just make sure you update it each time.

By doing this you will find most nit-pickers will shut up and concentrate on the story, giving you a better score. One last thought, each time you use a name that is not in your word processors dictionary, add it, that way you can be sure that it is spelt correctly each time you use it.

As I said, overall a good story spoilt by dodgy times and being overlong.

Good storyline. Lots or repetition though. Many things were repeated throughout the story. Repeat once or twice but we got the same information over and over making it way too long. 4 for the story, 3 for the writing.

I ended up really liking it and honestly I felt Robbie's emotions,that rang true. Of course in real life most people are not as amazing as Robbie and Amy are. Likewise few families are as deranged as Robbie's was but I also realize those dynamics are real in many families, if not this bad.

I saw a lot of my family on Robby's. My dad was in some ways like the dad, he wanted his way to be the one in more than a few cases. He also had this notion of 'family' that seemed to be that we ( our family) has a duty to the rest of his family, that we owed them something, but it was never the other way. In my own family my older brother was not a fuckup, far from it, but in my dad's eyes he was the golden one. I was not treated like Robby, my dad loved me as did my mom, but there was still a dynamic not unlike this story between myself and him. My sister was like Joanna, in the sense she tried to be the one who tried to be an arbiter but in reality was parroting the party line.

My birth family dominated my life even after I got married, was expected to do what my dad did w his own birth family, ie cater to the others and it caused friction w my own little family. A long time ago it blew up and like Robby I became a pariah,even with people I had done nothing to. It happened when my mom died, she had sort of help keep things together.

Over the years there has been some contact but like with Robbie it isn't full. when my dad died we sort of reconciled. With my siblings it is occasional communication.

In the end it is a well written piece, yeah it is long but it was worth it. I think a lot of the emotions he had are real, if his situation was over the top.

My only critique is in the wording, since you wrote this in advance there was still awkward phrasing and the like. Even with outside editors, things get through. One trick is to read it out loud,often awkward phrasing outs itself there. I do encourage you to write more.

This has been fun to read. Excellent story.

I think that probably everyone has at least one dysfunctional family member. I’ve experienced more than most people I know. My wife’s family is worse to her.

Robbie’s family, is like combining he worst aspects of multiple families I’ve known.

I kind of expected that Robbie and Amy would have given Georgia a job at some point, and leave it at that. I forgive you, here’s an opportunity, don’t mess it up. Forgiveness without liking her, doesn’t mean knowingly letting her live in near poverty, or as a broken person, indefinitely. It would have been consistent with Robbie’s character.

More please.

Outstanding. I thoroughly enjoyed it and can't think of one thing I would change. Very readable.

Thank you.

I had a lot of fun reading this one, more of this setting / premise!

Very Good, thank you

Thoroughly enjoyed this fine story - from start to finish.

I put off reading it until all parts were available - and then tried to read it all in one go. (Alas, I didn't make it, but I tried.)

Mr. Other, you are one of my favorite authors on this site. I anxiously await your next tale.

The story is well written…with only minor errors scattered throughout. The plot, however, is not very novel (as the author acknowledges) and some of the characters are surely over the top. I don’t think that the story would have suffered much if the black hats weren’t quite so black, nor the white hats not gleaming quite so brightly. This author is consistently good, but I prefer some of his shorter stories.

A real interesting story.

Another great one..."5" !!

Love your work, and working through your body of work now...

EastCoaster

Funny but for the last several chapters I wondered why they never offered his ex-wife a job with one of their companies with ALAO. She could have used the money and a job would have helped her. Just Saying!

What? No, enough.

It's funny to me how many of our best LW writers are from down under. Other2other1, Vandemonium1 and CTC just to name a few. this was a brilliant story in my mind but Mr Other has yet to disappoint. Five stars

Loved it! The people saying it was overly long have attention span problems.

5 stars and looking forward to your next!

I never expected the child Georgia had to be Robbie's father's. When I read that I just about fell out of my chair

You're good, do keep writing.

My only real criticism is something I have seen happen to several authors, even some of the greats on here. What I am talking about is over repetitive descriptions of events, issues, and philosophies when writing multi part stories. It seems the longer between parts being released the more repetition there is.

Don't agree with him being more forgiving to his sister than Georgia.Joanna was down right nasty to him,where as Georgia was a victim just like him.

A superbly told romantic story with all the ups and downs of life. Well-pointed characters and interesting plots kept it entertaining throughout the length of the game. Thanks for the good work. 5*!

I thoroughly enjoyed this tale and am looking forward to the next.

It was well plotted and contained several nice twists. Probing things like family relationships does you credit; it is not an easy subject, and can be subjective, or objective in the way of 'what if...'

As said below, and words from my own professional editor echo, "Write something once only!" The repetition adds nothing and only detracts from the flow of the story. A continuity editor will pick this up, as so can you.

That said, a very good effort and a story is what it is, and never too long. Those who complain about stupid things like length should try writing their own tales and see how they fare. In future I would recommend publishing multiple chapters a day or two apart.

Otherwise, keep up the good work; I am looking forward to your next.

After the first few pages I thought I would leave it and move on but, I kept reading. And even when I wasn't reading the characters were still in my head. Great story

"They" were pregnant? Pretty sure only the woman is pregnant...

I can see you becoming an amazing author on here. And if you pushed yourself i can see you becoming a world famous auther in the real world if you made an actual novel. You have talen.

I enjoyed the story. My only complaint is that the main character is too perfect. Athletic, smart, honest, likable, successful, attractive, and an international star fighter. Too many characters - friends and enemies - can’t stop talking about how perfect he is. It is easy to fall in love with your own heroes and put them on a pedestal, but it eventually turns a compelling story trite. It also makes the main character unrelatable and turns the antagonists into caricatures. To be relatable the main character needs weaknesses and flaws.

I scanned the comments and was happy to see most were positive. This was a very long segment of a very long series. I read them all. How anyone could say after having read these four episodes they are other than excellent is beyond me. There are hundreds of stories published weekly, if one doesn't like what they are reading, read something else. This was good enough to hold my interest for the entire length and it even surprised me more than a couple of times. Great job and 4 - 5s.

Amazing story. I loved it.

You are a great story teller, I look forward to your next effort. Please don’t dally as your stories are addictive.

Good story and too much minutia that distracts from the main.

Thanks for trying

Story i could actually believe this happening up until finding out amy was a well off person. And came to save the day

For robert. It was well written a lot of emotion.

Excellent story *5* A little far fetched but that is what fiction is! We read these stories not because they are real life but they are what we would like to see happen. Revenge is what we are looking for....no matter how it comes it is always better than real life and makes us feel better about the failures in our real lives. Please keep the stories coming....the longer the story the better.

I feel there is a lot true in this story. My was not that bad but close. I love it looking toward reading tne next one.

Both Brad and Brad Jr. should have been arrested in the courtroom, because Jr. admitted to drugging Georgia. That constitutes rape, once under the influence she could no longer consent.

Good job..... loved reading you story.

Good job all the way around!

Well done, enjoyed your story very much.

Great story. Good character development. Made tears come to my eyes. Thanks and keep writing.

Loved the story, couldn't stop reading until the end

Excellent enjoyed your story immensely, I also have had an unusually difficult life and can relate.

Please go back to the final chapter of double or nothing and read my comment there. I feel it still mostly applies in this story. You do have a much better ending. But all other points are valid i counted over 30 wrong or misused words per chapter in this series that could easily be prevented if tou waited a week or so after writing to do a proof read while the story wasn't so fresh in your mind.

I do hope tou continue writing your stories and improve as a writer.

Thank you. Enjoyed. Sequel- 15-20 years in the future Focused on the grown grandkids, Robbie, Amy, Georgia, Daren...as supporting actors. Could be fun. Probably a different genre than Loving wives but maybe not. Peace.

1. This last chapter especially, comes at the reader like an Oz version of an over-the-top "Peyton Place." Or, for the next younger generation: "Jump the shark." I have no idea what is the proper label for the next younger generation...

2. Mr. Other, it is a pleasure to read your stuff. I appreciate the sharing of your passion and work. I especially appreciate the effort you make to grow as an author. As other commenters point out, there is still room for improvement...

3. IMO, it is a cop-out to excuse shit behavior with the "hormonal excuse." When Robbie walks into the firestorm after Brad Jr. sends the first email, both women go immediately to hate, rather than get the full story. Like in politics, we believe what we expect to believe, not always mindful of the full suite of facts. I quote, "They are two very pregnant, hormonal women. Without insulting them, I don't know that deductive reasoning is always front of mind." Meh.

4. Your ending certainly will put all the "FTDS" commenters off their game. My advice? Don't mind them, do your thing.

5. I am delighted to find in your ending comments that you have several stories in the pipeline! I urge you to take the time to let them simmer on the shelf for a bit, then reread them for a final proofread. Repeat as necessary...

6. Keep 'em comin'!

Much too much story wasted during the extended pity-party. Nothing new was presented with the well-expected "sorrys."

Confused:

Photos/videos from phone And from office computer (?).

Photos/videos sent both before And after Hattie/Mums reconciliation & death (?).

2nd read, same glitches, for me. Joanne being mis-named in same paragraph, etc. … blame the proofreader(s)! 😁

Hoping comments helpful.

Craig

10/10 story. Loved every minute. Devastated when it ended.

Loved reading the story. Definitely OTT and has some continuity errors, but so what? I can't imagine the effort and dedication you take to write these stories. Thank you. I'm looking forward to reading your next posts.

Loved this story! It got better and better as it went on. I agree with the person that said it may have gone on a little too long, but I always look at the page numbers hoping they don’t run out when I read a story I really like.

I loved the whole series. Thank you! I only wish there was more to come. I enjoy reading all of your stories.

You know you've read a really good story when the author takes you right to the edge and then pulls off an intricate balancing act. This wasn't that kind of story; this went to the edge and just kept going out into thin air before crashing to the bottom.

I enjoyed reading the story, but.... isn't Brisbane and tha Gold Coast on the East coast of Australia? So how can Amy's place look out over the Pacific to watch a sunset? Then watch the full moon rise over that same view - the moon, like the sun, still rises in the East, even in Australia? I know knit picking, but visual details like that in a story filled with visuals severely detracts from the reading experience. Overall, a good story,

detroitdave

Thank you that was one of the best stories I have read. Good work

To Anonymous from one day ago, the east coast of Australia borders the Pacific as does the west coast of the

Americas. West coast of Australia (Perth) borders the Indian Ocean.

You, my Aussie friend, are an AMAZING writer. The way you explore the emotions of your characters and help us see their perspective is, is on one word, exceptional. All the right people were dealt with in ways that made since to the storyline. I truly love you writing and aspire to make mine as believable. I can only hope your example make me a better writer. I just started 4 months ago and am hoping to be a mere shadow of what you are....gifted. RESPECT!

Great story. Keep um coming. And thanks to. Since this is one of the few Free spots to read a varity of stories.

So did I miss what ALRO stands for… Amy Loves Rob Other

A novel based on "the unexpected car in the driveway," - quite an accomplishment! Interweaving elements from your own background works well. Thanks for the great entertainment.

Now the complaints:

- a bit long

- numerous incomplete sentences, largely due to poor punctuation

- repeated incorrect use of pronouns. A trick taught to my by a grade school teacher is to remove the extra subjects from the sentence ... if it doesn't sound correct - it is not. e.g. "Him and I ran away." Try it as "I ran away." Sounds okay? It is correct. Now, "Him ran away." Sounds wrong? Yes, "He" is the correct pronoun. While such poor grammar is acceptable from an uneducated story character, it reflects poorly on the author when used in a narrative.

That's it. My beef for the day. Thanks for the effort and contribution.

Keep 'em comin'.

Willowghby

Truly sad and also loving tale of family. You wrote clearly and creatively with smooth flow of the tale. I read the entire story in one sitting, but I can be a voracious reader when something interests me.

Sorry but the drama was way over the top, this story turned into a soap opera, similar Days of our Dreary Lives. ⭐️⭐️

He survived a gut shot wound from close range? Wow…other than the over abundance of drama I suspect there was some real life family issues that showed themselves in this tale, which was reinforced by your author’s note at the end.

(Seeks top. Looks left. No. Looks right. No. Looks up for the top. No. Looks down. Looks farther down. Gets binoculars. Sees a dot. There, there is the top!)

I loved the story. Once I started reading it, I could not stop until I reached the end. A 5 star review from me….

A great story teller. I agreed 100% how you ended the story. I do wish the kids had more contact. I truly enjoy reading your stories. Thaa way no you.

Damn, what a fantastic story. The best I've read so far on this site. Thanks for your effort and for sharing!

The father and older brother were truly despicable degenerates. The ex-wife, I don't know, I think she was manipulated into this. Yeah, sure, she isn't innocent, but she seems like the kind of person who will eventually break to group pressure, and the father and elder brother were crazy about torturing their own flesh and blood. Wtf. I feel sad for her.

The mother was also a sad existence, having been forced to share her life with that scummy guy.

The MVP of the story was Amy. I liked her character and that she defended herself fiercely against that Kurt guy. Seriously, I hate it when authors pull that card, but nothing serious happened, thankfully.

This whole series was pretty hit-or-miss for me (I mean, I don't really come here for a Soap Opera). It had its high points though, enough to keep me reading until the end. Two things - shaking off four (three?) gunshots that quickly is a little off (I'm thinking only one should have hit), and the whole thing with the photos/videos was odd, on several levels (the moron brother suddenly got good with computer files? No-one noticed the obvious age-differences of the two in the photos? And it wasn't the 'cliffhanger' you thought it would be - it was more anti-climactic than anything else). The main character was bit of a Mary Sue as well. Still, I didn't see the ending (dad) coming, and it kept me entertained just enough to stick around.

Yup, enjoyed this.

I truly enjoyed the read, the partial forgiveness parts felt quite in place! Looking forward in reading more from you

Great read, a little ironic in the end when Amy tells Robbie to "get over it" and he complies, however she clearly hasn't with her own sister. Maybe Amy should have told him that in the beginning with his family and he would not have had to go through all the drama. Seriously, I did like this story. Thanks

Damn you.broke my heart again

Since when is Defense really spelled Defence?

Still a good story Second time read.

Great story, better then some I have read on Literotica and i have read over 100 or more. This is one of the better ones, keep up the great story writings. These stories help me pass the time. I am was once in the Canadian military as a soldier. But know with bad knees I problems get around as much as I used to so reading a great story helps me pass the day.

P.S.

So again thanks for writing this great story.

Keep up the great writing

Sign: Phil

excellent long story, thanks for writing it. still a little hard to imagine such a morally corrupt family, especially the father. Think I like the story "Double or Nothing" better, but this one makes me think about forgiveness.

Like the American author John Irving, this author keeps piling on one ridiculous situation after the next, and like John irving, he makes you buy into it. I don’t mind a long story if it’s good, and this one is….no buts.

Quite the soap opera with a lot of MMA sprinkled in. Will admit the New Zealand incident with Amy was terrifying. On the other hand the whole fracas over the photos and videos sent by Brad was overly strained. As a cliff hanger it fell flat. The father was a nutjob. Always had it back in the mind while reading that he was not Robbie's biological father but author never went there.

An impressive story, which I enjoyed. I am puzzled by the excellent English but occasional bad spelling. A proofreader would be a good idea. A doctor heals, but women wear heels, as an example.

Obviously both of the Brads are too over the top stupid to be realistic, but it's a story, right? Well written, keep it up!

pretty good apart from the fact you don't get counted out in MMA. very satisfying read

I really enjoy the twists and turns of this story. Good writing

How come Robbie never bought Total Build, he had the chance after it closed down. Give his former coworkers a job.

Great tale.