All Comments on 'The Nuclear Family Pt. 04'

Great conclusion!

5

I couldn't find the reason for all hates toward 2nd son. I can uunerstand siblings rivalry, jealousy and sometimes hate , but father hates second son because he is better was very weird

Thank you for the story. I t was a lot longer than I expected but enjoyable to the end

5 stars. Good ending to a good story. Like that there was forgiveness when warranted and none when it wasn't. Still weird the family considered him a mistake. I would have thought he was the product of infidelity on the mom's part but no, was his dad's son but his dad and older brother hated him. I kinda understand the older brother because of jealousy but not the dad, usually the "golden child" a parent would be kiss ass for to try to ride their coat tails. Bit worried there for a minute that Brad Jr was going to be Robbies. Didn't much care for the ending of the last chapter but thankfully it was solved fast, still a bit annoying. Good story from a great author.

Another great story no pun intended

5stars wonderful end to the story

Why dosome authors feel that they need to write on and on in order to get their point across? At least James Fennimore Cooper and Herman Melville and Edgar Allen Poe got paid a penny a piece for each word that they wrote... and it made sense.

What a great story. Love it. AAAAAAA+++++++

9 pages, most of which was repetitive. The evil villain scenes... Well, they immediately made me think of this:

So now I'm in deep trouble. I mean, one more jolt of this death ray and I'm an epitaph. Somehow I manage to find cover and what does Baron von Ruthless do?

Bob: He starts monologuing.

Lucius: He starts monologuing! He starts like, this prepared speech about how *feeble* I am compared to him, how *inevitable* my defeat is, how *the world* *will soon* *be his*, yadda yadda yadda.

Bob: Yammering.

Lucius: Yammering! I mean, the guy has me on a platter and he won't shut up!

All you have to do is figure out which one of the bad guys (son in court, father in ring, mother with grandchildren, sister or ex-wife) this applies to because they all do it in different degrees. No sympathy for the lead, and the villains were just over the top enough to be trope without the entertainment factor.

Great story really enjoyed reading

Thank you so very much for this hole story, the ending was great.....So 5 STARS.

All the forgiveness at the end was nauseating.

Georgia wasn't raped and hardly the victim. She willingly betrayed Robbie with Brad, then started fucking his father too. She then tried to trick Robbie into raising her bastard. The woman was a despicable piece of shit and she was only sorry at the end because her life had turned to crap.

Amy manipulating Robbie into forgiving Georgia didn't do her character any favours either. It made her look like she cared more about her bitch of a sister than her husband.

-

When you set up a story with a horrific betrayal, like what the family did to Robbie, you need to go full BtB. Those forgiveness scenes might be set years later for the characters, but your readers could have just read chapter one an hour earlier, so the betrayal is still fresh.

If you really wanted to do a forgiveness scene, it should've been set in a cemetery, where Robbie finally forgives the family after destroying them all and hounding each of them into an early grave. They deserved nothing less.

Great story Mr Other (jaybee186)

Thank you for a great story. I could stop reading once started

I gave you 5 stars because the story is really well written. However, it was a bit long when there is only so much time in the day and there are so many other stories to read. Also, as someone else mentioned, the families betrayal was still raw to the reader and forgiving the wife in particular wasn't realistic. Still a very well written tale and looking forward to your next story.

Too repetitive with all the descriptions of thoughts then explaining those thoughts to the person talking with. no need to do that twice. No need to explain detail his fight history, we know, we were there on the previous part. Dialogue too long winded. Also no need to the “the woman who….” every time Georgia came up, we know

at page 3 when his mom shows up for the fight and then tries to motivate him when he is getting his ass beat, I knew this chapter would never be higher than a 2* sorry you fumbled this.

What a well thought out story that began with such rage and betrayal. That led to live and ultimately forgiving some of his family. I think the mist poignant part was his time with his mother. She was caught between his horrible father and her two sons. Well done

pt4 leaves a bitter aftertaste

it reads as if several characters were replaced

from zero to completely remorseful after dozens of better opportunities than those presented in this chapter.

i don't know whose grief story/excuse/justification i found more miserable, that of hatty the part-time opressed or joanna the swinging would-be princess.

if it had been just one of the two it would have stayed within bounds but this way it's a bit too much of a good thing.

added: amy is pushing to bury the hatchet (i know the reason is closure, but it still feels forced)

all these things... it doesn't add up or feel contrived which is always poison for a good story....

leaving my problems with the plot and characters aside, it's again well written, but a bit long winded in places over the chapters.

Good quality of writing, but boring. I had to skim through endless pages with repetitive content. The quality of writing earns you 3⭐. Next time, please, compress your tale to a readable and reasonable length - for this story that would have been 1 installment with max. 6 pages.

One more comment: if you introduce characters as bad as this family, you should at least give some explanation what drives the villains to do what they do. In reality, there is not black vs. white (total villains vs glamorous heroes), there should be some grey in between.

The first part was very good. This last part was long and ugh. Too much of a soap opera.

Thank you for writing such a remarkable story. You are truly a gifted author and storyteller and I look forward to reading your next story. 5 Stars!

Repeatitive boring drivel, you don't need to keep repeating her pregnant belly was against him, we KNOW she is fucking pregnant, skimmed most of this and still know what was happening. You get so bogged down in unnecessary filler that you think is good, interesting and makes a good story, it doesn't! You show nothing but contempt for the readers, do you think we're stupid?, we can't remember what is happening or happened 2 seconds ago that you have to keep repeating shit to make the story longer? When is lit going to give us minus scores?

Enjoyed this a bunch. Thank you!

Wonderful story, unlike some others I believe Georgia was raped due to what Brad Jr. said "about what they gave her and not truly having a choice on first instance," afterwards it was by her choice and being led astray; she was victim and villainous.

You've done a remarkable job throughout the series, and I'm grateful to have been fortunate to read it.

Outstanding!

I really enjoyed the stories.

I complained about the "cliche" ending, in the last section, but I enjoyed how you tied things together to make it all work out. Very good story and it felt "believable" in how the interactions worked out with each of the individual family members.

Good story thoroughly loved it

exaggerated drama, cliché cliffhanger, are not a problem as long as the characters and the situations are coherent.

Apart from the problem in your story, comes from the stupidity of certain characters, the stupidity of certain situations, their inconsistencies, their implausibilities.

In some passages, I doubted your real age. It sounded like a teenager's handwriting.

Without maturity, without observation of the scenes.

We're overwhelmed with cliffhangers in movies, (which people are interested in), but the characters don't have stupid attitudes or behaviors.

Excellent bit of prose. I enjoyed it... though a few typos made Me smile , they keep their friends in a closet??? lol

Please keep writing.

D

The concept of this story was good and the writing style strong, I felt that the characters were a little cartoonish, the baddies clearly wearing black hats and deserved booing at every opportunity. The Good guys were super beings, a world champ, a secret millionairess etc. The absolute black or white nature of these key characters did detract from the impact of the story somewhat. Life just isn't like that, nor are the people that exist in it, shades of grey are everywhere, we all have redeeming features and weaknesses that we are ashamed of, if we are honest. There were also one or two very freudian typos, I particularly like the idea of Robbie having "closet friends" - well it takes all sorts.

Thank you for your efforts Other2other1, I shall await your next offering with interest.

I'm confused, in the beginning she gives birth to William, then just a bit later she's still pregnant and talking about waiting until the child is born.

You are a great storyteller and this one was terrific. The only issue with the story was too many repeat apologies that did begin to detract from the overall story. I do like the longer, complex stories when the content is fresh and represents a real twist (the dad with a gun in the ring) but there was not enough new insight to go on for 30K words.

Another great series. Looking forward to your other works. 5 stars

Well I suppose arguments against your literary capabilities could be brought to bear.....

But appreciation is more fitting for your efforts.

Cheers

Lots of work, but too much ridiculous melodrama

BRAVO! An excellent series. 5 stars and fave all around!

I think justice was metered out pretty fairly. He forgave but kept them on the outside. That was a great move. I enjoyed all 4 parts and really enjoy the way you tell stories.

Excellent as expected! 5 BIG FAT FLAMING STARS!

Enthralled from begining to end. One of the best I have read. All praise to your team and thanks for giving me so much to enjoy

Just too long for what it delivered. O2O1 is a very good writer, and most of his previous postings have greatly entertained. But this one just never really worked.

.

For what was delivered, this entire series could have been at least half as long.

.

Just a solid 3 *** effort. Poster child for “average”.

Great as always.

Can't wait for the next story from you.

Thanks for the added enjoyment to my reading.

How many ways was this formulaic?

Cheating spouse. Check

Cheating with brother. Check

Over to the top cheater and lover scenario. Check

Rich hot rebound girl. Check

By definition this should have been a tired same old same old story.

But it wasn't at it. It was great. Yes there were contrived plots but while reading the story I was totally engaged and immersed in the story. Loved it.

Nice writing.

Thanks.

Too long Mate!

I pretty much knew what I was getting into when I started reading this four part series, and it stuck pretty true to my predictions the entire time. I can't in good conscience officially rate this series, because it gets a solid 4.25 for being what I expected, but a 1.5 because, based on your ending author's notes, I believe you feel you didn't really exaggerate the cartoonishly evilness of the 'bad' characters, and might even think a family like this is possible to exist. Given their clear disdain for the MC, I don't see how he couldn't have seen signs of their utter betrayal before catching his wife. And the ending of the third part was a complete debacle (for all the reasons others stated in that part of the story). It hurt the character (and Toni), and trying to use the 'hormanal preggo' excuse falls completely flat.

I didn't have a problem with the forgiveness at the end. I expected it for the mother and the ex, and gave it a 50/50 with the sister when she stopped actively going after her brother. In a way, it makes sense, especially since Amy is (naturally) a good character.

What you needed to expand upon was what the lawyer did to the family. He was unleashed several times, but as far as we can tell, all that amounted to was a restraining order. You can't really whip out some massive shark lawyer that is like family to Amy, and nothing come of it.

Thanks for writing and sharing your story!

5* - I thoroughly enjoyed this story series. Well done, well written. Larger than life MC over comes all. Your character development was great, you made the reader feel emotion. It's fiction, I know it rarely if ever will works out like this, but that's why we read it - escape to the world of make believe! Bravo - great stuff.

Good job. 5*

Great story. Thank you.

Great story! I appreciate the ending. People change. He forgave them but didn't forget. That's a very human thing to do. In forgiveness he also eases his heart some. Anyway as always a great tale! Looking forward to the tales you mentioned! Please keep writing as you do have fans.

Longest, most boring read on LW. Complete waste of time, 0.0 Stars.

Okay, first: I liked the setting, I liked the story as you had it unfold, and I liked your characters.

-

What I didn't like is your writing-style and especially the dialogues. Why do your characters, regardless of how heartfelt, heated or otherwise emotional the situation is, talk as if they're reading off a well revised script for some kind of stage-play!? It's just... unnatural. Then they keep repeating the same statements over and over again, talking in circles without adding to or driving the story forward. Why do they always beat around the bush, even if it's obvious they need to say something NOW?

Like, the Photos they were sent. All your MC would've had to do was to say "These photos are years old." and set it straight. Instead, he stammers like he's searching for excuses and makes it worse, just because you wanted a cliffhanger. Unnecessary. Why did the girls even believe it in the first place? Being pregnant makes you hormonal, not stupid. You wanna tell me, Geogia, after giving birth to TWO children and being in THAT emotional hellhole for half a decade, still looks the very same as when she was happily married and took those pictures? No, sorry, not buying it.

That brings me to the next problem: Many things you write about are simply factually wrong and/or make no sense. I don't know about Australian privacy and data protection laws, but I highly doubt Amy's guy could find (and especially TRACE) an IP-Address to a phone in a way the Lawyer could use to trigger an investigation, without incriminating himself and his clients.

And absolutely no offence to your Editors, but if you have THREE people checking your story, that would be FOUR people including you, there should be way less grammer-mistakes in there.

-

All in all: Keep it up, enjoy writing, and thanks for the story.

Another great read! Life situations are not always a pat as people on the outside might think. In my own family there was a rift caused by cheating - my uncle and my sister in law. The extended family took sides with many of out uncles, aunts, and cousins against my brother, who was the victim. It took many, many years for healing to take place, especially between my once favorite uncle and our mother. The real world is not (always) like Literotica fiction, and I appreciate that this series represents that.

I’ll be honest. I usually don’t take on stories that go over 20k words, but here I am having just finished reading a story that’s FOUR installments past that limit!

In short I loved it. I loved the personal growth and forgiveness. I struggle with forgiving and letting go past transgressions and this was wonderfully told and spoke to just how hard it can be to simply forgive.

I am eagerly awaiting your next entry. (I’d be fine if they were a little shorter though… ;)

I loved the story. I was in tears with parts of this chapter. I am glad for the forgiveness of Jo, Mom, and Georgia. I really hate Brad Sr. and Jr. characters. Thank you for writing and sharing this story.

You are quite the story teller. Every sentence is in line and developed to mold the reader into a thought process. The character Robbie is likeable and true to his story context. The father is also true to his arrogance and narcissistic personality. I thoroughly enjoyed the read and plan on delving into more of your work. Only somewhat negative comment the sex could have been placed better as it came off as being gratuitous and forced into some scenes. The brother's introduction of the sex pictures and videos, howsoever were very well placed.

A very reasonable conclusion. Glad he didn’t cozy up to his ex after forgiving her. Lots of different events happening that took us away from the family disputes, that was a good thing. Brad Sr was certainly mentally ill and his demise was no surprise. I kept thinking we would learn that Brad Sr was not Rob’s biological father and that’s why he called Robby a mistake.

All in all a good read, thanks for sharing.

The stories were well written all chapters and I enjoyed it very much

Overall, a great story, in my opinion. Not always what I was expecting, so that was good. You are good at building emotion.

Good job

Hard to choose

Was the fighting or legal parts worse. Going with legal. It was close though

Cut it in half and then half again

great story. to those who despise any forgiveness at the end to the perpetrators (Powersworder), Robbie wouldn't have been worth loving if he held on to all of the deserved hatred, he would have been too messed up, and the ending would have been as depressing as Passworder's comment.

Gave it a four. Could have been greatly improved with more than a little cutting, but all in all it was a good read.

Thanks for the effort! cd

O2O what a really great story, just suspenceful enough to keep you interested and the right breaks for the next part. Some say it has not been good due to the ending but I say let them pound sand as it is your story, Even from the comments from the naysayers , they apparently read the entire story. THANKS

Loved every chapter. Love and loathed some ofthe characters. I was brought to tears when the mother passed, happy that she had reconciled with her son. I was hoping for a painful death for the dad, suicide was too easy an escape. What a great read! Thank you.

I truly do mean this to be constructive, so please bear with me…

I started this intrigued and ended fatigued. Obsessive need to not leave things hanging is the only thing that kept me checking back.

—This could have been a two-part story easily. You rehashed the central contention over and over to the point of absurdity, and droned on for untold paragraphs about the smallest, most inconsequential details of random scenes.

—The characters were a mix of Mary Sues and escaped mental patients… until you, without warning, turned the Mary Sues into idiots, before flipping them back again once the drama red herring felt too real.

—unlike what I’m sure is the majority of commenters, I appreciate the exploration of forgiveness, and there being depth to even horrible decisions. It did partially redeem the family as characters, even ones you want to hate. Honestly, Georgia ended up being a more fully realized character than Amy by a country mile.

—All in all: too long, which meant too many opportunities for ridiculousness… which you took. You’re creative and a decent yarn-spinner, but this became more of a task than a pleasure.

—Just a random no one’s two cents. Take it for what it’s worth.

You tied this up pretty good. Robbie was the victim and hero!

Long and boring story about a family whose total IQ wouldn’t add up to 100. I didn’t bother to even read the last 4 chapters.

A good story. Not everyone will like the forgiveness and ending, but hey, to each their own. As for me, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Surprised Joanna didn't changed her last name when she moved. Robbie can forgive what Georgia did to him, not forget. Also surprised Robbie wasn't going to be a roll model for Barrie. To make Barrie better than Brad Jr. or Brad Sr. Barrie is innocent in this family mess.

Fun story, and living well is the best revenge. 5

Good story! The only aspect that didn’t work for me was the father’s hatred for Robbie. I’ve known controlling fathers like him but there was no logical reason given to hate and destroy him.

I would like to kno what neg comments ? I read a ton of stories here n urs rate right up near the top.ur content is good story lines run together good the mix of sex to substance is good. So i say take the neg comments as ignorance from folks who sit on the side lines n judge. Keep up the good work n kno it is appreciated n enjoyed. Thanks

So you forgive the women, who are as guilty as the men, but the men are just too way-over-the-top horrible to forgive? I'm not sure what gender wrote this, but whoever you are, you sure love to talk. So much repetition and your head is so far up in the clouds.

.

You need to get a grasp on reality and try to fashion stories from that, or move your writing into the Fantasy and SciFy group. You wrote that Amy was "...the wife of one of the most famous people on the planet...". Really? So much stuff like that, so over the top on EVERYTHING. I'll give your series a 3.5, rounded up to a 4.

.Excellent! The characters development enhanced the story and the outcomes. The partial reconciliation was well thought out and perfectly presented. I enjoyed the self-reflections of Robbie as well as the growth of him through his devastating beginning. Thank you for a wonderful and insightful read. K

Brilliant story, well worth the wait between each part. I don't care if you take 100 words to say what someone else says in 10, you write well and the stories keep me hooked until the end.

A very pleasant surprise. Very well written for a Literotica story that's this long. The authors here tend to fill their stories with unnecessary attention to detail that in the end bogs the story down. This one held my attention to the end because the story kept moving along without unnecessary blather. Very well done.

I have read hundreds of the cheating wife stories here. This may very well the the best here, in my opinion.

Long but as usual very good 👍 👌 😊 ☺

What I really liked was the realism as far as retribution goes. The bubble crowd doesn't see reality the way the average intelligent person does. About a year ago some guy in Philadelphia caught his wife and lover in bed. He took pictures and posted them online. That cost him 6 years of his life, and his wife walked away with just about everything they owned. That's reality with btb.

"I know each of those pictures. They are almost a decade old. "

.

What, it was too hard for those to be the first words out of his mouth? Were you so in love with your over the top prose that logic and editing were a sin against your greatness?

.

This saga covers 26 bloated Literotica pages, which in something such as Word or Google Docs would be ~250 pages. You took enough actual plot for maybe a 5-10 page short story and exploded it into a bloated novella.

Common Robbie

.

Are you really this fucking stupid that you don't know the it' "come on, Robbie"? Once is a typo, more is stupidity.

Great story - one page too long

great story. Very enjoyable read 4****

I really enjoyed this whole series. good job 5 stars and thanks

Still think the plot has sharp points where they weren't needed, but really enjoyed it. You did a really good job with the narrative surrounding the reconciliation with Robbie's mother, brought tears to my eyes. 5*

Wonderful story. Omg his mom!! Seriously shed some tears there. Loved how you finished this. Only thing I would’ve liked more was maybe the father being more seriously hurt (like permanently) from Robbie’s kick to the face on top of him going to prison would’ve been a whole lot nicer. But wonderful story. Thanks for sharing with us.

Great story. You put a lot of effort into it and it shows.

Good story, reasonable ending with a few mending fences that were appropriate. Very glad you didn't let Robbie live a life centered on hate. Only part too far fetched for me was dad entering ring. Maybe could have had a confrontation before or after the fight. But one small blip is just that, no big deal. Well done!

Redeemed yourself with this part. Well done.

Like I said, Never bring a knife to a Lawyer fight. loved it.5 stars, the Bear approves. The fight sequences were a little much, but I can understand the reason, based on the Epilogue. It was a little long, but you are a great author, and I like a good read. Not enough bloodshed, but as I said, like in the in the States his body is probably considered a legal weapon. I still loved the story, you are a great author. (I still have a soft spot for 'Double or Nothing') Too bad you couldn't sneak in twin sweethearts for the hero. Oh, well.

The BEAR

In terms of believability, you went full saddletramp. Never go full saddletramp.

another interesting story and I enjoyed it. Thank you

Brilliant read many thanks for taking the time to write these stories.

Wrong category. Should have been in Fantasy.

You've been made a follower of me after Double or Nothing, Mr. Other. That was a great series. This was as well overall, and I don't even mind the length of this installment because it wasn't just filler, the plot kept moving. But, like some commenters have already pointed out, I do disagree with the ending. I get what you were going for with forgiveness without friendship. But I feel the forgiveness between Robbie and Georgia was kinda forced, or at least undeserved. The catch-up conversation was fine, but the truth is Georgia really didn't do anything to redeem herself. Sure, there was the apology letter and her testimony against Brad Sr and Jr, but what did she really do to redeem herself with Robbie? I'm not saying she should've jumped through hoops, but some sort of restitution should have been made. At least the mother truly earned her forgiveness. I also disagree with Robbie trying to take blame as well (then again, I'd disagree with that in any story where a person betrays a good person). He was faultless on all accounts, so it makes no sense for him to claim any guilt. It doesn't make a person less human or more of an asshole to not take responsibility for something someone else did. But overall, it was still a good series and I look forward to more work from you.

-

5-stars!!

-JMFC

You should write soap operas. That's not a compliment.

Thank you everyone for the comments. I really enjoyed writing this story and if you got something from it, then I am glad. It's always great to see so many people engaging with something that I write. When I started writing a little over a year ago, I just wanted to write to take away the pain of a lot of friends going through breakups.

It was interesting as my wife and I had the friend over last night that my main character Robbie was based upon. I spent quite a bit of time comparing Robbie and him as we spoke and I was happy with how I presented him.

Quickly to address a couple of comments:

Length - I gave everyone fair warning at the beginning that I am wordy, those of you complaining about how I use my words and how I describe things, its just the way I am and I am not going to change that for you. If you don't like it, just don't read my next series, I can tell you it will be wordy just like this one ;)

Forgiveness - I notice a few comments about forgiveness. I just want to point out again that forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. That Robbie forgave Joanna, Georgia and his mother doesn't mean he truly reconciled with them. His mother got the closest, but death would have the effect. WIth Joanna, sure there was a measure of reconciliation, but I don't think brother and sister would ever be close. And Georgia, well you should be able to guess from the scene in the park that they would never be friends. I mentioned in my notes that I am estranged from my own family, its part of the emotion in how I write. But if I was to reconnect with my family, in my head it would be something like what I wrote.

Brad Sr - Some have commented on Robbie's Dad, For me, he didn't start off hating Robbie, did he love his youngest son, I think he did, but when Robbie wouldn't play ball the way Brad Sr wanted him to it put pressure on him from all angles and it gave way to frustration, then disappointment then anger and lastly hate. If you look through each interaction, you notice that they get worse each time. And yes, he was Robbie's bio dad.

Success - I know, you all groan about Robbie and Amy's success, but I enjoyed that. If you want to know why, then read 'Writing as a Loving Wives Author' it will give you a little insight into why I write that way

Now lastly, I've got a few stories in the pipe, but I have a new business that I am launching at the moment and it needs a little focus. So i'll likely just work on some shorter stories (don't clap too loud, they will still be in my style).

If any of you naysayers want, I am happy to read your works and you can show me how to do better.

But thank you, everyone, I truly appreciate you reading my stories, thank you to those of you who enjoy it and I'm sorry for those of you who didn't and throw insults.

Cheers

John Other

Very Good like the fact he never gave them any satisfaction. and only ever forgave his Mother and sister and Ex after along time and Prodding from the wife.

Totally enjoyed the entire series. Thank you for an excellent story. all 5 stars

OMG

It's been years since I have had a story draw me in this much. I came across you by accident two days ago and I could not stop. This story had it all, drama, success, pain, action, regret and forgiveness. As a female reader I adored this story.

I loved the forgiveness angle, it was great how your guy forgave his ex-wife but you explained he still didn't like her. and that scene with his mother passing away. How you described the colours of the afternoon. I felt like I was there.

I notice a few people talking about your repetition, forget them, I know in conversation I repeat the same thing over and over again as I work through things myself, you did well to change the context and use slightly different words. I liked it.

Lengthwise, I could see a few areas that you could have expanded out upon, scenes and descriptions that you could have drawn out more. But if you do that, don't publish it here, write it and publish it on Amazon, I know a dozen ladies that would be hot under the collar for what you wrote here, handsome man, successful, amazing lover ;) (I will admit you made my panties wet a couple of times)

The only thing I struggled with this in the series was his sister, Joanna was kind of a side plot till, after the funeral, I wish that you had explored that relationship a little more.

Overall an amazing series that I am sure you are going to get a lot more likes and hate over the coming months. But for me, this is up there with some of the great stories that I have even bought in a bookstore.

Thank you so much for writing, you are awesome Mr Other

Jenny (5 stars!)

That was like a long-winded "Days of our Live". Complete soap opera. Too long and convoluted for a loving wives story. Are people really THAT crazy???