The Pact Ch. 04

"Rachael," I groaned, "I need to be inside you. Are you ready for me, my love?"

I could feel him getting hard again against my stomach. Could taste myself on his lips, an oddly sweet flavor mixed with something more. A slight shiver of trepidation worked through my body that I knew he could feel. We are so pressed together there was no way he would miss it. Hoping he would think it a shiver of excitement or a remnant of the pleasure he just gave me, I didn't answer and just kissed him again. But somehow, he knew.

He let me kiss him, then he pulled back to look at me. Eye contact is important to him, I realize, but it's never been that easy for me. I rarely look people in the eye. But, Jesus, his eyes are so intense. I've never seen a man stare so intently at a woman, not even in a movie. This man can see into my soul. I'll never be able to hide a thing from him. It scares me and thrills me at the same time.

"No, sweetheart. Give me actual words. I need to hear you tell me you want my cock inside you." His voice is husky but strong. Insistent. He cups his big hand over my cheek, not letting me look away. His palm rested gently on the side of my head. I closed my eyes instead. This is so intense. "Look at me."

He waited. I took a deep breath. Then another. Finally, I lifted my gaze to meet his intensity again. This man makes me feel things I don't even have the mental bandwidth to unpack right now. I may not have words, but I can look at him.

"Consent is important. Especially for you. For us. Tell me you want me." He wasn't even breathing, but I could feel his body trembling in an effort to stay in control. He's nearly at a breaking point I realized. This man wants me so much he's actually shaking in an effort to not lose his mind and take what I won't freely give. The patience is nearly killing him, but he doesn't realize I've wanted this with him just as badly. Because you never told him. I groan.

All the lonely nights as a teenager, ignoring most of the other boys, content to sit in my room night after night, writing old-fashioned love letters and texting him, and talking on the phone. For years the distance kept us "just friends". We had made plans to see each other once. He wanted to take me to my high school prom, but two months before the night, his father got transferred again, this time overseas. It wasn't just a simple flight anymore. I spent my prom night home, talking to him on the phone, both of us sad, knowing that distance and conversation were all we had.

I've been in love with him for most of my life. I'd had a few boyfriends, kinda. Dates that never went farther than a goodnight kiss and holding hands. I never bothered to tell Jesse about those boys. There was nothing to tell. They broke up with me as soon as they realized I wasn't going to do more than kiss. I never wanted to hurt Jesse or make him jealous. Even before what happened in college, I never wanted anyone but him. Then after, I figured Jesse wouldn't want me. I was soiled. I couldn't even handle the idea of being physical with a man, even him. Whatever budding libido I had in college died and so did my degree. I never went back to college. The thought of accidentally running into that guy made me vomit.

Those first few weeks after the party I was too scared to even leave the house. I spend most of my time locked in my room, just sleeping and staring at the ceiling and listening to music. There were even a few moments of irrational thoughts about my father whenever I heard his steps outside my bedroom door, and I was even scared of him. Not that he'd ever touched me like that or given me any reason to fear him. But he was a man. I put a lock on my bedroom door. A flimsy token of safety I so desperately needed, no matter how absurd it was to my rational mind.

When I eventually found out I was pregnant, the shock stole what was left of my mind. I couldn't just forget it happened now, and it was probably too late for a safe abortion. I locked every emotion away, focusing instead on working. I got a job as a waitress, and another at a clothing boutique off-base. Days bled into nights, and I became more cold and numb as my belly grew, secretly wishing that the monster's overgrown sperm was Jesse's baby.

Eventually, my father realized I was pregnant. I never told him. But I couldn't hide my belly anymore and he realized the bout of flu was a baby. He got the truth out of me and then dragged me to the base doctor, who gave me a referral to therapy.

More months went by and therapy kinda helped snap me out of my fog. As I got closer to giving birth, I realized that I couldn't give the baby up for adoption. No matter the circumstances of his creation, there was no way I could hold my baby and then give him up to strangers to raise.

In the back of my mind, secretly, I convinced myself that he was Jesse's baby. It helped me to feel something good toward the baby. I blocked that night from my mind, and just focused on loving my baby through the last part of my pregnancy, pretending he was Jesse's baby.

I tried to write to Jesse to tell him, but I just couldn't figure out what to say. He'd ask too many questions I didn't want to think about. So I stopped writing, stopped responding to his texts, and didn't answer his calls. Eventually, he stopped calling. I got one more letter after that, but I couldn't even bring myself to open it. It was a shitty thing to do, to ghost him like that, but as more time went on, it became harder and harder to write that next letter, and even more difficult to make a phone call. I convinced myself that it was for the best, and that he was probably too angry to take my call again after so much time had passed.

I always wondered if I would ever have this moment with Jesse, if he would show up and honor our pact, or if I was right and he would stay angry with me. I promised myself, if I ever got the chance to see him in person, I would tell him the truth. I'd let all the emotions out, be present and give myself to him, freely. Enthusiastically. No matter what, he deserves that. So do I.

"Rachael. Come back to me." He kisses me softly. Reverently. He knows my mind went to the dark place and he's gently bringing me back as only he can. How the hell does he know me so well after so many years apart?

He groans, "Fuck. Please, baby." He's still waiting for me to speak. Holding himself still above me. Staring into my eyes. "Say the words. Tell me you want me or tell me to stop. Whatever you need, I'll do it."

A blush crept up my cheeks. I couldn't help it. I've never had much practice flirting with a guy. He wants sexy talk from me. Needed me to actually say words, and I don't know how to tell him all that I'm thinking without ruining this with bad memories. This moment with him is so overwhelming. But even if I tell him just that, he'll stop, and I don't want that. I can't let him stop now. I swallowed.

There's so much I wanted to say...needed to express. But my mind went blank now, staring up at him. I get so lost in his eyes. My body hummed with languid pleasure, but there is still a burning. An ache deep in my core. A need I knew instinctively only he could assuage. No one else could ever make me feel sexual. And I want more of that feeling. I need it like I need air to breathe. I can feel my body, the heat rising. I can feel the flush creep up my neck and over my face.

"Babygirl, I was just between your legs, making you moan and shake and scream for me. There's no reason to be shy with me now," he chuckled. "If you need to blush, I think it's sexy as fuck," he leaned down and kissed my chest, my throat, and each of my hot cheeks, "But I still need you to say you want this."

"Yes." I breathed. I can't put words to all the things I feel. Not yet. Not now.

"Are. You. Sure?" He asks, kissing me in between words. Playful. Teasing. Sliding his body against mine. His hot chest rubbed against my hard nipples, sending shivers of pleasure through me. His cock slid up between my folds, the bottom of his shaft rubbing up over my clit, and I hissed in pleasure. Hot need surged through me and I'm back in the moment with him.

I don't know what possessed me. Something about this man, this moment, made me bold in a way I have never been with anyone else. I grabbed him at the nape of his neck, wrapped my fingers in his hair and pulled him to me, so fast our foreheads clunk together. Oops, a little too rough.

"You're the only one I will ever want like this," I growled. "Stop teasing me. Take me. Now."

"There's my feisty woman." He laughs. It's a happy, predatory kind of chuckle that sends shivers through my body.

This time, he captured my mouth in a searing kiss, and I knew then he'd been holding back even when kissing me, being careful. So gentle. I appreciated it at first. But now I crave more than gentleness.

"I want...more." I gasped when he finally let me breathe.

"More of what?" He teased me, "This?" His cock rubbed against my clit again, a slow glide that let me feel every inch of him between my spread lips, teasing over my clit, sliding up and dragging back down again over and over until I couldn't help but moan. "Or...this?" And then he shifted his body aside, making room for his fingers to trail down mine until he slipped his middle finger through my slick, gliding inside me. He pressed deep, the palm of his hand resting against my clit. The feeling of his thick digit so shocking my body clenched around his finger hard.

"You're so tight and wet, Rachael," he groaned, "I can't wait to feel you do that to my cock, baby."

I could only moan when he pulled his finger back out, and then two fingers worked their way inside me. Another slow glide in and out. "I'm not a small man. I need to make sure I don't hurt you."

He said it with such sincerity, working his fingers in and out far more slowly than I wanted, stretching me. But I couldn't help but laugh.

"Jesse, I've had a baby. I promise you, no cock is big enough to hurt much compared to that kind of pain."

His fingers stilled deep inside me. His blue eyes flashed for a brief moment as he looked up at me. I could see that flicker of hardness and something more I couldn't name.

"Are you angry at me?" I asked.

His gaze softened immediately.

"Of course not. I just hate that I wasn't there to help you while you were pregnant. I could have rubbed your feet or your back, made you whatever you craved, or built a crib. All the things a man should do. I would have stood by your side, held your hand, fed you ice chips and done anything you needed to get you through childbirth. I would have..." He choked out. He shook his head and moved down to kiss my belly, nuzzling below my belly button until his lips rested over my womb. His mouth a reverent brush against my soft skin. He clearly doesn't care if I never have hard abs again and I have to resist the urge to pull his face away from the post-baby squish I still have and let him have this. "Some day, it will be my baby in there." He vowed.

But his fingers are still inside me and I want more, damn it.

"Someday." I agreed quickly, rocking my hips a little, needing him to move his hand again, too distracted by the pleasure of feeling his fingers so deep inside me to have that conversation. "Jesse, move with me." I gasped.

His fingers sank a bit deeper, and he made a motion with the tips of his fingers, brushing against my g-spot and I gasped. A zing of intense pleasure shot through my whole body. "Do that again!" I demanded.

He chuckled, "As you wish, Princess."

And then his fingers moved again and didn't stop. He pressed in and up in a rhythm that sent me soaring. I lost control of every thought in my brain and my ability to make words as pleasure took over and I began to shake.

I just moaned, over and over, my body getting tighter and tighter by the second. My back arched up, my hips high, my toes curled, and he moved up with me, kneeling over me, his fingers never leaving my body, going faster with his fingers now. Pressing harder. Wet sounds fill the room and I can't take much more of this. I can't. But he doesn't stop. He just keeps pushing me higher.

"That's it," he crooned, "Just let go, sweetheart. Take a deep breath and let yourself cum all over my hand."

"Please!" I begged. The only word I could muster under the haze of pleasure. I couldn't get there. The sensation is so new and strange, so strong. My body strung out high on the peak, stuck on the edge. I sobbed, a strangled gasping sound.

"I got you," he whispered, his mouth against my pussy. Holding my butt high with one hand, fingers still moving fast and hard with the other. A moment later, he sucked my clit into his mouth. Hard. Holding me tight to his mouth, Jesse swiped his tongue over my clit and then scraped his teeth gently over the bud, flicking his fingers hard inside me.

I shrieked, squeezing my eyes shut and came so hard I saw white behind my eyes. My whole body seized in spasms of pleasure as the orgasm rocked through me. I clutched the sheet between my fingers as he knelt between my thighs. I came over and over against his mouth. At one point I think I stopped breathing. Jesse lashed his tongue over me, moaning into me each time I came. Eventually, he let my hips fall back to the bed slowly, following me down, his mouth never leaving my body, arms wrapped around my hips. He's sucking at my clit, making circles with his tongue as I keep throbbing and coming. Wild shudders wracked my body until I finally came back to myself enough to attempt to wiggle away, far too sensitive now.

"Jesse," I gasped, "Enough." Pushing my hands through his hair, shoving his head away. He held me down and pulled my thighs wider.

"I want more." He lifted his head, spearing me with his gaze as he leaned over me, his face between my thighs, never breaking eye contact. There's a wildness to his eyes that thrills me. "I've waited ten long years for this moment, Rachael. Let me have my fill. Let me have one more orgasm on my tongue. Say yes, sweetheart. Tell me you want more pleasure with me."

I let out a breath, my body still wracking with spasms. But I couldn't look away, couldn't deny him. Knowing what we both needed me to say.

"Yes," I breathed out, "But wait. Can't breathe." I gasped as another aftershock shook my body.

He nodded, pressing on my lower stomach, feeling the shudders under his hot palm. "There are so many delicious things I want to do with you." There's a wicked grin on his face. "For now, we'll stick to the vanilla things."

His voice is low, a soft promise, but there was an edge there. A vow of something dangerous in his tone. But before I can even process what he meant, his hot breath is on me again. He blew a slow stream of air against me, testing my sensitivity. It tickled a little and I giggled and squirmed a bit.

"That last orgasm was pretty intense, huh?"

I nodded. "Words are hard," I confessed. And it's true. My mind is still mush. Never in my life did I think orgasms could be so good. I'd pleasured myself over the years, especially while I was pregnant. But even my best masturbation sessions are nothing compared to what Jesse could do to me. There is something different about an orgasm you don't control, I realized. My whole body still trembled as he held my legs apart, his hands wrapped around my thighs. Even now, I want more from him.

"Then I did my job correctly." He winked and I laughed.

"You squirted into my mouth," he continued, "Don't blush. It's normal and delicious. I loved it. I'll never get enough of the taste of you."

He's slowly licking me again, long, gentle swipes of his tongue up and down my folds. Avoiding my clit for a while. It feels so good. And I watched him, still dazed, his eyes never breaking contact with me, this moment between us frozen in time.

Jesse suckled at my clit now, before I can think of a coherent response to anything he said. His mouth is a gentle rhythm this time, sucking at my clit slowly. Over and over, feeding the pleasure that barely subsided. My head fell back as the sensation built deep inside me again. I couldn't stop rocking my hips in rhythm with his slow sucking, until I panted and groaned, a long guttural sound ripped from my throat as another orgasm tore through me, not as intense as the last one, but slow and aching spasms.

He gave me one last flick of his tongue against my clit, which made me cry out. Then a slow lick through my pussy, before he finally released me, pulling his hands away from my thighs and moving back up my body. His face is soaked and he doesn't even stop to wipe my wetness from his chin.

He rested between my thighs. My legs went up to lock him to me, our chests pressed together as he kissed me again, gently wiping my hair from my sweaty face. Tender kisses. Sweet kisses. But after all that pleasure, all that intensity, the ache is still there. Throbbing. Needing. I want to feel him deep inside me. I need him to fill the ache. To see his pleasure. To feel his release.

I'm a wild thing awoken; the feminine urge to feel a man lose control within my body rises up. Not just any man. This man. I want everything with Jesse. I want everything he has to give and he's held back from me. He's been in control this whole time, I realize. While I've lost all of mine to the pleasure he's so damn good at. I want to see him lose control. To feel his tension and release. I want his cries of pleasure. To know I give to him as good as I get as we soar together. He's kissing me again as my need grows. My forehead. My nose. My cheeks. My lips. So gentle I want to cry.

"You are absolutely stunning when you cum for me, Rachael. I'll never get enough of watching your pleasure and hearing all the little breathy cries and noises you make. You're beautiful." He rocked his body against mine, teasing my overly sensitive clit with his cock again.

"Oh, my god, no more teasing." I gasp. I can not handle another round of foreplay. I need this man and if he doesn't sink his cock into me right fucking now, I'm going to get angry.

I grabbed his face between my hands and pulled him back, making sure he's looking into my eyes. Holding his face, I watched his eyes go wide at my grip.

"Rachael." His whole body stilled. My fingers are like claws in his cheeks. Too rough again. Jesus...why I'm I like this with him? I relaxed my fingers.

I speak clearly. So there is no doubt in his mind about what I want next, what I need from him. "Jesse, I appreciate the sweet words and romance, and I really love all the orgasms. The things you do with your mouth drive me crazy. But enough foreplay. I want you inside me. Now. I swear if you don't fuck me right now, I'm going to go insane."