The Party

Ya I do. Go on.

(Laura finds Patty & Ian.)

                    Laura (to Patty)
Hey you guys found the drinks.

                    Patty
I thought I told you to wait outside.

                    Laura
Sorry. I didn't know I was living under your regime.

                    Ian
Hey, I'll let you girls talk.
(Ian makes his way back to Kendall)
The beer sucks.

                    Kendall
Tastes free to me.

                    Ian
Cheap bastard.

                    Kendall
So dude what's going on with you and Laura.

                    Ian
I dunno.

                    Kendall
What do you mean you don't know. It's obvious you guys like each other.

                    Ian
Ya think.

                    Kendall
Really obvious. So what are you going to do about it.

                    Ian
I dunno. I don't need any more bitches right now.

                    Kendall
Bitches? What are you talking about. You're throwing her back?

                    Ian
Who the fuck knows. Patty's a freak and she and Laura scheme too much.

                    Patty (to Laura)
So I thought you and Kendall were going to hang outside and talk. You and him would make a really cute couple.
     
                    Laura
No. we were just talking. Besides I never see him talking to any girls, maybe he's gay or something.

                    Patty
Well maybe you could y'know like try to convert him or something.

                    Laura
Um. No. really it's OK.

                    Patty
Anyway. Y'know honey I've been meaning to talk to you for a while about something. It's something that I can't do on my own.

                    Laura
OK.

                    Patty
Well y'know with work and all and being around new people, I've been thinking what it means to be a woman. And there are some things a woman can't do alone.

                    Laura
Oh, a large sewing project?

                    Patty
No. it's something I want to do with you.

                    Laura
Look, I don't know what you've heard about me......

                    Patty
I was wondering if you might be into.......

                    Laura
Don't say it.

                    Patty
Witchcraft.

                    Laura
Witchcraft. Oh you were talking about witchcraft. Wait that's not good.

                    Patty
Yeah I've seen you with your tarot cards and you're really good. Y'know really powerful. So I was wondering if you might be into it?

                    Laura
Look I love tarot but that's one thing and witchcraft is something else. It can get really evil. And I'm for being good. Good, yeah!

                    Patty
Oh honey I'm all for that. But y'know I'm just sayin'.

                    Laura
Well I'll have to think about it.

                    Patty
What's to think about?

                    Laura
Well, it's one thing to want to know the outcome of something. It's another to actually want to do something bad to someone.

                    Patty
Oh and you don't want something bad to happen to someone? What's the problem?

                    Laura
Well there's the shock of you bringing up witchcraft out of the blue. And just what are you saying about something bad happening to somoene?

                    Patty
About Ian. You know he doesn't like you.

                    Laura
I don't know that at all.

                    Patty
I do. First hand.

                    Laura
Did you and Ian hook up?

                    Patty
Maybe.

                    Laura
Oh my god you did. How long ago was this?

                    Patty
About two weeks ago, once in his dad's mini-van, and than on the break room table.

                    Laura
The table? I've eaten off that table.

                    Patty
He broke my heart. He's such a heartbreaker. And so insensitive. Do you know he tried to go with me when we were getting beers.....

                    Laura
It looked like you were.......

                    Patty
Do you know that during sex he calls out other people's names. People's. Plural. Some of the names were people who have long been dead. I had to actually help him remember who I was. And he wouldn't let me just tell him my name is Patty. So we wound up playing charades to help him remember, which was actually kinda kinky and worked for a little while. Oh and it turns out the boy is a two hump chump. Which he tried to blame on me. He was all like "oh it's cause you're so hot. You should take it as a compliment when a guy finishes really quick. I mean if you came in two minutes I would be proud." The boy actually thinks I enjoyed it? Hello? I hadn't even begun to fake when he was pulling his pants up like that actually did something for me. Hey do you think you can get his number for me?
                    
(Tim approaches Laura.)

                    Tim (to Laura)
Hey Laura.

                    Laura
Hey Tim. Have you seen Ian & Kendall.

                    Tim
Yeah they're outside.

                    Laura.
Thanks. I'm going to bring them some beers. Here Tim, have one.

(As Laura looks for Ian & Kendall they are having a conversation of their own.)

                    Ian
It's just sometimes you can't figure out what they want.

                    Kendall
Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

                    Ian
What?

                    Kendall
This girl I know from school is here.

                    Ian
What? Did you knock her up?
                    
                    Kendall
No. She's just one of those girls you can't figure out.

                    Ian
What's her name?

                    Kendall
Stacey.

                    Ian
HEY STACEY!

                    Kendall
Shut the fuck up man, I don't want her to know I'm here.

                    Ian
Why not?

                    Kendall
Cause she's all psycho. Oh great. She just smiled at me. What the hell is that. Why the hell is she smiling at me? She's got some damn nerve to come here tonight and think she can stand there and smile at me.

                    Laura
Hey. I brought back beer.

                    Kendall
Thanks

                    Laura
Hey Ian c'mere I want to show you something.

                    Tim (to Kendall)
Hey man what's going on.

                    Kendall
Tim, what's going on man?

                    Tim
Oh this girl is so beautiful. She's got glasses and everything. She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.

                    Kendall
Dude just go and talk to her.

                    Tim
I don't know how man. I was home schooled. She's not going to talk to me.

                    Kendall
No man you're not talking to her. Go say something.

                    Tim
What.

                    Kendall
Tell her she looks like Catwoman.

                    Tim
Oh man she does.

                    Kendall
There ya go man. That's your line.

                    Tim
Allright I'm gonna go do it.

                    Ian (to Kendall)
Hey. Me & Laura are going to go for a walk.

                    Kendall
Oh yeah.

                    Ian
Yeah, she's probably going to tell me some psycho story from her past about some ex boyfriend she used to have who would never hold her....

                    Kendall
Look man I will agree with you in that a lot of girls are seriously messed up. But Laura actually likes you. So go out and enjoy a young girl's affection.

                    Ian
Allright man but if she gets freaky on me....

                    Kendall
She's not gonna get freaky.

                    Ian
Cause I don't need a girl for anything. I can make my own food and find my own socks. Girl's aren't good for anything at all. I don't need 'em. OK, I'm going to go have sex with Laura now.

                    Kendall
Later on man.

                    Tim
Dude.

                    Kendall
How'd it go man

                    Tim
Laura is so fucking hot man.

                    Kendall
What do you mean Laura is hot?

                    Tim
She looks like Catwoman man. I'm going to tell her that. And then I'm going to pour milk all over myself.

                    Kendall
Laura. The girl you were talking about is Laura. Tim you can't go talking to her like this you're drunk.

                    Tim
No man you were right the whole time. I've got nothing to lose by talking to her.

                    Kendall
Tim. You work with her. You can't approach her like this.

                    Tim
It's now or never. If I don't hook up tonight, I'm never going to hook up. I'll never be like Batman. Man, Batman has scored with Catwoman, Poison Ivy, Talia and in an alternate universe with Lois Lane. And I've got nothing to show for it.

(Patty walks up to Kendall & Tim)

                    Tim
Do you know where Laura is?

                    Patty
Oh she left with Ian. They went to be alone. Together. By themselves. With no one else around.

                    Tim
Ian's a dead man. I'm going to kick his ass Batman style. LAURA!!!!! LAURA!!!!!! You're my chosen one. You are my Catwoman. I will find you. LAURA!!!!!!!

                    Kendall
Why did you tell him that?

                    Patty
It just seemed like the right thing to do. So do you know where Ian went?

                    Kendall
No.

                    Patty
Do you at least know his phone number.

                    Kendall