All Comments on 'The Perfect Alpha Ch. 01'

Like the way you provided background; fun to read. Now stage is set and you close with touch of drama/intrigue. Glad you started to share your imagination.

Show, don't tell.

Difficult to read with the nonstop info-dumping and every other sentence starting with "Now". You should really put some serious effort into proof-reading, sentance structure and pacing.

Just came across your story. World building can be difficult but I think you did a good job.

Am on board with Raven being a lesbian.

Afaik this is your first story, you’ve got an fairly original plotline developing, which is great - I’ll carry on reading to see where you take it, hopefully you’ve got a different twist on the w/wolf world.

I’d have to agree with Dragoslove re his comment below about “show - don’t tell”, yes, it makes the story longer as you have to find a way to incorporate the information your narrator is giving us as part of the storyline, but it helps the story to flow better to the reader as the world/character building and revealing is more gentle and is normally more sympathetic to a reader than a data dump of narration.

Hope that helps, please keep writing, cheers, Ppfzz. 4⭐️