All Comments on 'The Perfect Wife Ch. 03'

Good story. My only comment is about the style. These short chapters that go back over what was discussed before from a different viewpoint are not my cup of tea. Maybe they would work better if the whole story is out there; maybe not. At this point I'm waiting to see what finally happened, and what the result was. The path to get there has been extremely long. and has made many unnecessary detours - in my opinion.

Please take to heart this one suggestion. If you want to give a his and hers perspective, please give Both in the same chapter. This will get your chapter length to a better place And make sure your readers get new information and story advancement in each chapter. I like the tale that is unfolding, but it feels like it moving very slowly. Still 4 stars, as I realize due to how you submitted there is no fix for this one.

You could've just made a 10 page story without switchings povs and be done. Very unnecessary

Good. I hope it's a happy ending.

How exceedingly odd.

Good story, but rehashing the events of the first chapter in chapters two and three, and ending chapter one by saying it was a good marriage “until it wasn’t. “ Then two chapters later we are still being strung along for the “until it wasn’t “ leaves a lot to be desired. 4 stars.

1st forward, 2 steps back. repetitive. get on with it

The way this story is constructed is not my cup of tea. So I’m leaving.

I gave it a dislike because even tho it is from her side of things your 2 and 3 were basically a recap of chapter one (jaybee186)

So slow. Are you going to rehash things over and over and take months to tell the story? It’s getting teious.

Wrap that sht up B

Don’t miss the next exciting chapter: a first person recap as told by the barman.

As they say on Shark Tank…I’m out

Ok, I am about done, mostly recap just like the last chapter. Getting VERY annoying and boring. I see this crappy story going on and on.

Honestly the recaps add very little value to the story. It seems overall to have a good plot. But going very slow for what it is.

Thanks for writing

Telling the same story from multiple view points is adding a lot to the story that doesn’t need to be there. I’m in to the end though. Robert doesn’t strike me as a share his toys guy

Each chapter seems like a recap told over and over again. If there’s no ending in sight say so because it seems like a big waste of time

Yeah, the author is dragging it out. But the reader gets a bit more information each chapter. Hopefully, we will get the whole story soon? I give it a 3 so far.

Again hiding the tags ? Why ?

You managed to loose another reader of your recap tale.

Getting the same story over and over again but with little snippets of new information thrown in at times makes this a tedious read.

We got the car wreck in the last chapter, this time we got details. hints of a past, a sexual history that is gonna come out but no details. What's next, her sister telling the story again but adding in what happened at the club with "Adelaide"?

Seems the only thing that really is apparent is we have a former slut now trying to be a good wife and her husband who almost walks on water.

The premise and plot are very good but the execution of chapters 2 and 3 was difficult with very little to advance the story. Hoping chapter 4 takes up where chapter 1 left off.

I understood chapter 2 being from Robert’s point of view. However, there was too much recap in chapter 3, and it was too short on new information. If the chapters were longer, with more new info, then the writing technique might work. But I agree with the others, you are telling the same story (although a good story), over and over.

Quite frankly this is getting old.

Do you think we can this finished by XMAS?

'I think you need to start from scratch and consolidate all three episodes into a logical and readable story with the help of an experienced editor before your conclusion. The story has good bones but needs cohesion and consistency of characters. I wish you luck with future efforts.

Thanks for trying.

Is this some take on Rashomon?

Seems like you are intentionally drawing the story out with multiple viewpoints of the same action. could be tightened up

OK, we got 'the story' in the opener - then we got his perception in part 2 - and now her perception in part 3. Are we going to get the kids/families perception in part 4 or will you cut past the chase for a conclusion? Then will you be doing a three part Eulogy/Epilogue too?

\

The auto accident really stretched the story, but hey it is fiction and I guess you needed it for dramatics. But no lawyers to sue the State Hwy Engineers nor the car that dropped on him? Her dad did not step in to help his pregnant daughter in helping to run Essex, temporarily (as rich as he is - and dad was not keeping a protective eye open for her/grandkids)? No mention of his rehabilitation to get on his feet?

\

Lots of small pieces that just do not fit or missing in a normal/rich 'loving family' as the story portrays. Where the hell did his dad/family come from "Robert's dad and his brothers helped" ?

\

Another lack of logic, she was crying since she could not afford his birthday present??? (She had no trust fund?) They could afford a nanny, cook-dietician and a personal trainer - WTF? Again no lawsuits from the accident to help/offset their $$$ extra burdens?

\

We've not yet seen any indicator of her rich families incense or perversion playing out that warranted his gate crashing.

\

3.8**** hooyah but holding off on any salutes....

2 1/2 pages of regurgitated info followed by a tiny bit of new info. I like this story, but you’re wasting our time retelling the same old shit over and over. 2* for this chapter due to the above.

Hope this is the last different POV chapter.

You are dragging this story out way too much. Much too much repetition that added NOTHING to the story. You are trying our patience. Get to the point and tell the story properly!

OK... that's three... NO, not stars.

You got 5 of those !

No, that's 3 parts out of I-dunno-how-many-but-looking-forward-to-more ! LOL... soon, I hope. The characters seem like folks, and I wanna see where this all goes, but also if Robert finds out about "Adelaide" and what happens if/when he does.

Soon, I hope...

After chapter 1 i was looking forward to the rest of this story, now it seems to be a rehash of what has already happened. I hope the next part concludes it as i think it become obvious where it's leading to.

@KRD19254

kek, next we'll have the older driver's POV and his flashbacks on why he was at a freeway out his own town. Also the sales manager's too.

The recap is getting old.

Thank goodness you wrote the exact same chapter three different ways. Well done.

I’ve always felt it was disrespectful to an author to ‘skim’ a work. Read or don’t read, but give the author your full attention. I just couldn’t help ‘skimming’ this chapter.

Got tired of the rerun story. Get on with it!! 3*

Taking the long way........ch 1 had the makings of a classic. Ch 2, 3 not so much.

Another recap, slow, repetitive, no progression.

Ok

This did add something to the story but it's also a third telling as well.

Wow, they did it again, retold everything again, from the beginning. Just wow, can we hear it all a 4th time?

I really liked chapter 1 . The next 2 chapters I'm sorry I can't write a story but the only reason I will continue is because of chapter 1 chapter 3 should have come out after things are done because her viewpoint doesn't do anything to move the story along . Started a 5 after 3 chapters it's at a generous 3

The only new information was that the sales manager had a video of her having sex when she was fat. She was not fat until AFTER she had kids. So she was screwing around after she was married.

This can be a very good story, please move along.

Yay. A recap and hardly any new content. *yawn*

Agree with many others. Too much recap. Get on with the story.

This is getting tedious. The stars are declining with every rehash of the same stuff. The next better be worthwhile or all the chapters will be down to a single, lone star.

Okay, we get it. Let's not get any more perspectives and move along to a new part of the story

I agree with Russ43chandler.

This overly tortured story had possibilities and could still be a good story, if it is taken down, rewritten as one cohesive piece WITH AN EDITOR.

A generous 2 stars for the initial effort.

Is all this unnecessary recap from different POV just to soften the blow that the wife was an undercover Ho in her past? So she is from a family of means and influence living in the south and if she was tricking then it wasn't for monetary gains. I wonder how you will swing this one to the readers?

Bordering on incoherent. Combined with a very trite trope….well, why bother trying to finish this mess?

.

2 **

Soooo

How about progressing the story already?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

why do you keep repeating?

ive gone back and retroactively rated everything you've ever written as one star for wasting our time

WHEN WILL THIS END? BOOOOORRRRRRING!

I hope by the end that all these fragments come together and make one story.

This story is why I hate multi-chapter stories.

This chapter seems like a waste of time; just rehashing everything from chapter 2 from the other perspective.

With what little additional information; you could consolidate the two chapters and it would probably only add 1 additional page to chapter 2.

Reading this is tedious, multiple versions of the same events from a different character's perspective, so after 3 chapters the story is no further forward than from the end of chapter 1 - if the author's intent is to tantalise to draw readers in, then not for me, don't care what's in Chapter 4, lost the will

Is this going to be like the D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F. series where we get chapter after chapter of recap ramblings and 2 paragraphs of new content?

Dreddras: HA HA HA!

Interesting concept but I don't think a recap from every person's perspective is needed.

I would rather watch paint dry than read another episode of this crap

Much better.

Duuuudddddeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…. You’re drawing this out FARRRRRRR too long.

It started with such promise and then started dragging it out like that 12 chapter Astronaut Wife snore-fest.

I agree that you are dragging this story out. I'm sorry, but I'm out.

hmmm

good writing and a nice perspective from the wife.

but needed more material to be worth it.

I love this woman! I hope she doesn't fuck her husband over. It's impressive how she's able to tie up loose ends and assholes. She should tell him about her past, or one of these deadbeats will slip through. Enjoy the story.

The way that this story is repeating the plot from different POVs isn’t adding anything to advance the plot. And it’s not effectively exposing aspects of the characters that can be accomplished in a few paragraphs, as compared to pages. The story is compelling but it doesn’t offer much incentive to actually spend time reading it.

Why have I read the first part 3 times? This could have gone a lot better without it your stories are usually better than this.

I really enjoy a lot of what you write, but please reconsider this particular method of story telling. As I venture from one installment into the next, I keep hoping to actually read the next episode in your loving wives story.

Unfortunately the subsequent installments are mostly a retelling of previously told elements,

with perhaps a little more detail and from a slightly different pov. Yes the story has grown in complexity

and is quite interesting, but I'm not a big fan of the "he said , She said" methodology which was pretty common

on Gettr some years ago. Thanks for the continued solid writing :)

I am very interested in how this story continues, but like has already been said, we are reading three pages of damn near the same story. Each one of the follow ups has added snippets of new information, but not enough to warrant the rehash of the first one. Please continue, as I really would like to know where this goes but I/we want new.

Repetitive as others have already commented on, but this chapter did a better job of at least providing more depth. 4.6*

Okay, maybe you'll move forward in the next chapter!

4

I feel like I've read the same story 3 times. Does this story ever move forward?

Pls move the narrative along a bit more quickly. This rehash of events from different perspectives is not really adding much to the tale. I skipped or skimmed it, to get to the final page where the new information was.

No, no, no... stop digging. This story was DOA. This is NOT your usual quality.

Another amateur writer takes himself too seriously. I'm done with this bloated beast.

All this psycho-babble really reminds the not ended well "Astronaut wife" tale:

https://www.literotica.com/s/splashdown-ch-11-the-end

and endless repetition of the same thoughts from different POVs. Why ?

I'm not sure why there needs to be a Part5? Do we need to know how her family will react - who gives a damn? ONLY what Bobby and Becky want matters. Appears the post-nup is no longer needed (but he should do it anyway, since offered) as they both will keep the family secrets.

\

Or did they make kid number 4/5/6, tonight? What more drama do they require to there saga?

\

4.1**** Hooyah

This is really just weird. I usually enjoy your stories and rate them a 4 or 5. I even rated chapter 1 a 5. Chapter 2 got a 3 because even though it was repetitive, at least it added something to the storyline, but not much. This just baffles me. I mean, I'm not good at writing, grammar, story telling or anything like that but this is just blowing my mind. Why would you write the same thing 3 times? Different perspectives, okay. But it's the same story, 3 fucking times. Go back to your old style of writing, this is not working at all.

Jesus Christ, how are you reposting the same chapter yet again, I didn't read the first two pages and nothing of value was missed.

Just because you can write 8000 words doesn't mean that you should, especially if 4000 will be completely worthless.

This series is the literary equivalent of a bollywood movie.

Your story is bad and you should feel bad.

I think naturalists study nature with clothes on while naturists do it without!

Sorry, but I couldn't stop laughing at "every synopsis in my body fired" after this Rashomon approach to things.

Well, lm enjoying it. Keep up the good work.

Don’t worry about the nitpickers. They can either read or not.

To me 5/5

Wow three chapters, and there has been barely any plot advancement since the first chapter

Still interesting, but with all of the repetition....

It is annoying you repeat everything forty eleven times. I think you repeat everything forty eleven times. I think you repeat everything forty eleven times. I think you repeat everything forty eleven times. I think you repeat everything forty eleven times. I think you repeat everything forty eleven times. I think you repeat everything forty eleven times. I think you repeat everything forty eleven times. I think you repeat everything forty eleven times. I think you repeat everything forty eleven times.

This is a great story but your continuation absolutely sucks, a couple of paragraphs per 3 chapters is definitely below par.

Liking this story 4 stars from Xluckylee

Way too much repetition. Make it more concise if you want to rehash, but, truly not needed since your chapters come out quickly. Like the story line. Want to see how it plays out.

I don't mind the changing perspectives of thr same events. Yes therr is repetition but there are some new things that lead to a slow burn.

Regardless of her swingers past, Becky is freaking awesome.

she better tell himhe finds out another way it wont be good