All Comments on 'The Plan'

Jason and Kelsey called the play, and both.paid a well deserved price for thinking that their cheating asses were too smart to get caught. I love the stories where the cheaters are beaten at their own game. I have even more love for stories where the cheating wife's lover suffers terminal injury, and the wife loses husband, family, and lover at the same time. The rest is just icing on the cake. Great story.

Good story!

5

Interesting story. The wife was an absolute idiot but that has been known to happen.

I can't say I enjoyed the story but it was very well written and I did enjoy your writing ability.

Excellent submission. I hope you have a few more to share!

You have promise and I enjoyed the story. Keep up the good work sir.

Great story, with a fantastic final showdown between the husband and Jason. Kelsey getting showered in her lover's blood and brains was a nice twist... I'm not surprised she fell to pieces after that.

The only problem was that the ending seemed a little rushed. A final scene with him and his ex-wife would've wrapped it up nicely, with her becoming the hollowed out shell of the woman she used to be. It was odd that she never begged for another chance, or apologised, or even got angry at him for gunning down her lover.

Still 5* for a nice BtB.

It is very unusual to come across such an extreme alpha male (to the point of cliche) that he would irrationally attack someone with intent to kill. Given that this is the scene presented, Jason is a despicable character and no one will care if he is dead.

It's interesting that Kelsey is also effectively killed. It's not as direct and the outcome is muddy but she is erased as a character and assumed dead. Matt took the high road in dealing with Kelsey but it didn't matter. She is still dead.

It felt like the ending was rushed, a common "flaw" in many stories. The setup is very detailed and extensively planned. The end is rushed and clinical. He got his divorce and custody of his daughter. His wife disappeared. He and his daughter got counselling. He found someone else and got remarried and they all lived happily ever after. The end.

Overall I enjoyed the story and felt it didn't get too far off the tracks. Matt didn't have to rely on his Navy Seal training to win the day. The bad characters WERE bad and paid the price. The good guy persevered and came out well in the end.

Nice btb story

Thanks! You've earned the Saddletramp Seal of Approval! ;-} 5*

Not bad. Moved well.

good story and well written. brutal ending

There are aspects of the story that I seriously did not like. However, they were necessary in the telling of this tale.

5*

Saying right up front - 5*. You created a really good look at a scorned husband that was able to overcome his emotions and develop a plan. Good lesson here for us readers that may find ourselves in his shoes some day. I always cringe a bit when I see writers use "Epilogue" on this site. I translate it into "I'm tired of writing this story and want to finish it up..." and I feel the same with yours. I'm not saying the plot points wouldn't have worked out the same, but you were doing a great job of detailing the story until then, why stop/condense the ending?

But the way she acted and what she was going to do (he heard it all) i don't get why he was still rather protective of her.

You reap what you sow. Our world is a jungle and the best prepared predator wins...

Good to see an author that actually considers the law. To many, generally BTB, stories go off on hairbrained ideas that are frankly too rediculous to even be funny let alone something that might stand up in court. At least this one got it mostly correct. Sadly it all went heywire with the shooting: even in America with its Liberal gun laws you don't get to put three bullets into somebody, regardless of what they're doing without some kind of blowback. I would say that Jason got what he deserved, but is death a suitable punishment for having an affair with a married woman? The answer is no, and basically anybody who thinks it is needs psychiatric help desperately. I understand there'll be the argument that he was breaking into a house while armed but still questions would be asked and let's not kid ourselves, the reason the author decided to kill him off was nothing to do his house breaking but more to appease the "real men" who can actually read.

As for the story itself: I can't really say I liked it much. It was slow and a little tedious with all the unnecessary detail regarding the planned sting. The end was weak with people just vanishing and the good guys getting everything they wanted and living happily ever after.

The writing was good and the plot well thought out, just too much testosterone and pandering to the BTB brigade to make it credible.

That was unpleasant.

I don't understand why the MC worked so hard to be fair and above board in his divorce, then turn around and file bitchy little passive-aggesive lawsuits at the company and lover. He should know these stupid lawsuits will accomplish nothing except anger and humiliate not only the lover but also his soon to be ex. This would be counter productive to getting full custody of his child. Doesn't make since, either take the high road, or go full BTB. Also, what psychiatrist prescibes pain killers?

When did the medical community start treating depression and other MH issues with "pain killers and other narcotics "? You had a good story going but Kels goes from wanting full custody to not showing up for visits, then completely disappearing, presuming dead. The ending was thrown together which didn't mix well with your detailed story. Just my humble opinion.

Flowed well and good story.

I didn't see anything in the description of the pre-nup regarding fidelity, so why the need to get proof?

/

"he ran with some bad guys and is very good with guns." PLEASE don't have him get his old "bad guy" friends involved!

/

How did the company "allow" it to happen? Did they even know about it?

/

"Since I filed first, I'm asking for full custody of Caitlin" - What does filing first have to do with custody?

... never bring baseball bat to a gun fight. I hope the husband had his phone taking a video throughout the event - in some states he would be in a lot of trouble without it. IRL wife would have taken the money and found another chump. Good BTB story but it is a sad story for sure.

I was cringing through the whole story, the husband was such a pussy for his wife, going through hopium trying to get her back. That was pathetic. He being so nice to her the whole time almost made me stop reading, the ending was the redeeming factor that saved this story. 4****

Congratulations to your hero: he shot a cardboard cutout of a bad guy. People on a target practice range face smarter opponents.

Reading him describe the recoil of his gun in richer and more loving detail than he ever did his family makes me feel way less bad for him for getting cheated on.

I appreciate your (very effective) use of dialog to drive large sections of story. It reads much smoother than many works here.

Well written. 5*

Well, that worked out.

It depended a bit on the antagonists being idiots, but that's a standard in the genre.

Wow, talk about overkill! That has to merit at least 5 pickaxe handles on the BTB angry scale. I think Jason was adequately chastised, and his wife getting a blood, brain and bone shower probably learned her lesson as well. I thought Larry the sleaze was going to fire the fateful shot, but this was more of a direct retribution. RAAC fans won’t be happy with this story!

Brutal but well written. It was a very engaging story, I can’t say enjoyable but I couldn’t put it down.

Gave this 5*s the cheaters got what they deserved. I always laugh at the jerks who think they are "Alphas". An Alpha protects his family (or pack). He makes sure they are safe and fed. They don't harm others for fun. Beware of those fake alphas.

tasting Jason's brains. That was a lovely touch. Contrary to some, I think she got what she deserved. I gave this a 5, but I have a few observations below that mostly don't apply to this author, but which I wish authors here would take into consideration when they write.

I do wish authors would avoid such tired tropes as "The only thing I want to know is ... is ... did I do something, or not do something that drove you to Jason?" I really don't think someone like this husband is going to be such a squish.

Other cliches that are inane:

"Don't do something stupid."

"Do you hate me that much?"

Any phrase that describes marriage as "as equal partnership" (It never is, and if you think so, you haven't been married or you aren't very aware).

Any phrase referring to "closure" (idiotic popularized by charlatans like Dr. Phil).

Any writing in which children are told they must love and respect their mother (even though she is a lying, deceitful slut who has betrayed her vows, her husband, and her children and has destroyed the children's family)

Any phrase in which a character (usually the husband describing the wife) says "I love X more than life itself."

Anything involving court ordered "counseling" (Today, courts don't do that. They order mediation to resolve property and custody disputes)

The word "asshole" is absurdly overused in LW stories. Other than tatted up morons in the gym, most people seldom hear the word in ordinary conversation. Surely authors can write characters more articulate than that.

Apart from these, learn when the objective case of pronouns is used (e.g. write "between you and me", not "between you and I"). Eschew IFPU (Ignorant Feminist Pronoun Usage) by matching pronouns to their antecedents number. In other words, if you write something like, "No one believes that their wife would do such a thing.", you sound as if you are either semi-literate or that the feminazi's live rent free in your head. In addition, learn when to use "good" and when to use "well" grammatically. While you might want "Jim Bob" to say "He did good." to show he is a poorly educated good old boy, don't put that in the mouth of an engineer or anyone else with higher education, unless you are mocking his education.

There are more, but this is a start.

Double taps are the standard but I can go with a triple tap. Took care of the asshole wife stealer and totally destroyed the cheating wife. Again Well Done 5*!!

Wow what a great 5 star story and the Saddletramp seal of approval boot. This is one of the best stories I've read in quite a while.

That whole scene at the beginning where they are dancing and she is gazing into her lover's eyes was heart breaking. Three shots to the chest were satisfying, if not a very good idea in the real world.

Without addressing it, I assume he encountered no charges from killing Jason in cold blood? Having Kelsey go off the deep end did seem a tad ridiculous. This is a woman in love with a man other than her husband and sees that man killed right before her eyes. I would think that would lead her to hate her husband and fight tooth and nail for custody. Which she would have gotten as that is how the Courts roll. Along with the house, alimony and child support. If you think otherwise you're delusional. And while we're at it, what happened to Shannon? What about his lawsuit against Jason's Company? A lot of details were left hanging. This was a really dark ending. Murder as a solution is too easy a path and not a very satisfactory method to close. Thanks for the effort, but NO!

Well thought out story with a strong ending. Only questiion is why the triple tap of Jason? Once he was hit there was little he could do and if the round did what was discribed there was little chance Jason would survive until the EMTs got to him or made it to the hospital. The last shot might have been deemed unjustified by a prosecutor trying to make headlines but it was Tinman's story so I'll just enjoy with the rest of his readers. :>)

It all seemed so real. I loved how the man got out in front of the cheaters.

Thank you for sharing such a well done story.

The ending: it was hard and harsh. Personally, I agonize every time a story here involves a shooting. I'm a reserve police officer and I've seen shootings and their results, first-hand. They are always awful. Fortunately, and but for the Grace of God, I haven't been in a situation to fire. So, I get it, and if someone comes at me swinging a bat I'll do the same. But I will give warning and hope they heed my warning.

I thought it was an excellent story. Good character development and all. Was the ending harsh? No, I don't think so, it's not out of the realm of possibility in a love triangle. Only usually it's the soon to be ex husband going berserk, not the one defending himself. As far as Kelsey goes, I have no f*cks to give. She brought all this on her and her family. I did think it poetic justice that he gave her a black eye just before committing suicide by ego. He was warned about not underestimating Matt but he proved his arrogance by bringing a bat to a gun fight. Hubris is what devastated and killed Kelsey, she destroyed her life for a egomaniacal sexual predator and paid the price. 5*

Gave this 5 stars. Well written.

Well done, the death spiral of Kelsey's life after the divorce was her own doing, can't blame that on the husband.

That was a well executed (pun intended) plan.

5/5

although Jason's reaction is possible, I dont think likely for most of us that have something too lose. Pacing was good, kept me racing thru.

... the story was good but the ending was not... too much drama at the end. The dead lover and addicted ex wife did not mean anything to anyone... Jason's wife was sick and could not care less and Kelsey disappeared but she can also be free and living a happy life. So not clear ending here. = ***

I understand how someone who had her lover's brain matter splattered into her mouth would have a psychotic breakdown. Let's see....she had her perfect plans literally blown up into her face. She watched her lover assault her, violently bust down a door and get triple tapped, all the while knowing she threw away her life for a loser she thought was a winner. Having her come out if that scenario without lots of serious psychiatric help would not have been believable.

I liked this. The husband kept cool and came out ahead while the lover ended up headless.

Extremely well written.

Took an atomic turn at the end ... not just Jason going postal and getting cancelled, but Kelsey losing her mind as well. Both justified, but just wow.

Castle doctrine allows for defense of home with deadly force, especially in the case of armed (with bat) break in. Sad that Kelsey faded out, and the epilogue seemed a bit rushed and forced. Still, excellent tale. 5 stars.

I didn't like the beginning as he allow her boss to maul her on the dance floor. Allowing this set himself up for major disrespect from that point on. It was important to dot the I's and cross the T's financially, but once that was done have her served and get it done. Way too much pre-planning. Certainly didn't need the blood bath ending.

A dark story that showed what is worst in human beings and their relationships. I didn't like any of the characters, but thought that Kelsey was painted in a terrible way. People can cheat, but they don't fall apart so completely as she did. Many of the authors in this genre of Literotica do that to the spouse who cheats and (it's usually the woman) she ends up emotionally and physically destroyed while our pristine pure hero meets a wonderful woman and marries and live happily ever after. I don't buy the one sided approach and rated this a 2*

Not impressed with his executing Jason with three rounds from a .45. He could easily have shot him in the let and not killed him. Makes the story sound like a crappy B movie drama. What he did destroyed his wife as well at least mentally. Over the top and creepy in my opinion. Adultery does not deserve the death penalty. A good beat down yes but not murder.

@Anonymous Re: "Well that was certainly BTB." - "In cold blood?" The guy breaks into his house, smashing in the front door, brandishing a baseball bat. That's classic self-defense, not in cold blood.

Though dark at times I enjoyed the story. Look forward to more!

Well written story, although I'm sure we all enjoyed Jason getting his just desserts, do they have excessive use of force in the US? I wish we could do that here...Thank you for your work.

Shoot they lover. Wife on drugs, leaves never to be seen again. Great way to get 5 stars but ruined what could have been a great story.

That’s was such a messy ending. Kelsey cheated for what, a low life piece of turd. Taking another mans wife. Jason loses it goes violent brings a bat to Harold’s home who was prepared ,so he kills him. Wife goes mental and disappears. This was a tough one to digest.

This was a really well written story. Thank you for writing

It was a great plot and a good story. Way too much detail on all the planning and documentation and arrangements. What was that about?

As to the crux of the story, it is certainly plausible, but does not speak well of Matt getting to know the whore before he married her. She was essentially a bad person: no morals, no ethics, no shame, no virtue, no conscience. Unless it was Martian Slut Ray, Matt got what he married.

Its always puzzling, those authors who think a cheating wife needs to be "won" back, or reminded of what a great husband and life they have. Virtuous intelligent women know exactly what they've got, and they thank God for it, or they do what they have to do to make things better. Flowers and dinners and date nights are just icing. Good women know what the cake is, and they don't throw it away for some handsome self-absorbed asshole who thinks he's God gift to women. Kelsey knew first hand what Jason was doing to his wife and marriage, and what he wanted to do to her life and marriage. And she fell in love with that piece of dog shit? Again, why did the Matt ever marry such a stupid soulless woman?

And, Oh, you were too easy on the cheating bitch, and the asshole. Yeah, the drugs and depression and disappearing were pretty good, as were the three rounds of lead poisoning. But you could have done better if you'd thought more about it.

Matt had every right to shoot Jason. I wish you had allowed Jason to live, as a dickless cripple, shitting into a plastic bag, and condemn Kelsey to spending the rest of her life caring and withering away for the man she supposedly loved. Periodically Matt could have The Sleaze send photos to Jason of Kelsey getting her ass fucked when she took a break from feeding him baby food and changing his colostomy bag. Yeah, Kelsey got off way too easy, and so did Jason.

But having said that, I still liked your story very much.

Thanks for the effort.

Quite a well written story, though the result of Kelsey and Jason’s actions was certainly depressing as hell. Five stars.

I love it when the problem is solved with 45 acp, but only in fiction. In real life it usually only causes more problems.

Dark ending, The stupid wife got hers alright, what a dumbass she was was.

She was planning evil things for her husband and was only stopped by him striking first.

She deserved what she got in spades.

Sleazebag Jason also got what he deserved, he was unhinged.

Both cheaters beaten.

5/5

A good story..."who sows winds reaps storms"...4*

Awesome plot and great characters. Early the style was far to clinical. Too detail oriented.

Still have it a 4.

Like so many of these LW tales, this one was 5* all the way till the very end, then dropped down to 3. I really did not like the wife dropping from sight. Not so much for the wife's sake, but for the sake of the daughter.

Thanks for the read.

Much better than your Options story, but a bit too over the top at the end. The fact that Jason was 25 feet away and only armed with a bat I believe killing him would have gotten him arrested and charged with something like manslaughter but I dont know the law that well. Also should have just shot him in the kneecap or his manhood. He would have been injured both physically and emotionally at that point. He would have become bitter and depressed poisoning his relationship with Kelsey. She would become bitter and depressed and probably would regret her actions and decisions the most of the rest of her life. There was no reason to turn her into a manic depressive suicidal shell of herself. Great story till the end 4*.

@timriv Re: "Shooting in the leg" - I only know what I have read, but my understanding is that you ALWAYS go for center mass. Besides the fact that a leg or whatever is harder to hit, it doesn't necessarily disable the attacker, and a wounded animal is more dangerous.

SO THERE, the two cheaters got there's. She should never have gotten off as easily as she did. Asshole got his, pretty quickly!

Too many people have watched too many Hollywood action movies.

Search for the "Tueller Drill" and/or the "21 foot rule". The video is quite enlightening, and a bat is quite a bit longer than a knife, and can be just as deadly. The point behind aiming center mass is that it's bigger so less likely to miss (potentially wounding a bystander), and to halt an attacker's forward momentum, not necessarily kill them.

For that matter, why concern oneself with the health of a person who has invaded your home with a club and stated their intent to kill you? Should you let them get a swing at your head so you can be certain they really meant what they said?

As for the story, it was a bit dry but then at the time of the telling the MC had had time to work through his emotions. I would have preferred a bit more from the wife but I suppose she was more of an object to be worked around rather than a full character to be fleshed out. Author's choice, not condemning it at all. Sad that she dissapeared but she was written as a good woman who'd gone wrong rather than an evil bitch and she would certainly have been traumatized and would want to avoid the feelings being around her now former family would evoke.

Good job, well done. I'll look for more from this author.

Double taps are what most think , but the Pro's practice the Mozambique drill , which is exactly what was used here .

99..8 % effective .

Months of disrespect and betrayal and he still loves her with all his heart? What a fucking pussy. Give her 200k for services rendered? For fucking him and their daughter over? He had months to suffer through this, there's no way a regular guy maintains anything but rage and hatred for her. Love the triple tap. And now Shannon gets everything with no divorce needed.

Good story, keep writing.

@timriv, it wasn't murder, it was self defense, he kicked in his door, and came at him swinging a bat. And you don't shoot to wound, that only opens doors for the crippled person.

Took him a long time to be ready to deal with the situation but when he did he did...

Good story, but the timeline was a little confusing. More confusing was knowing who was speaking.

Good ending.

Very good story, I love how the well to do handles their divorces, so civilized. At least Jason got what he deserved in the end. Kelsey, Larry the sleese found her in a fleabag hotel downtown. He sold her to a pimp he knew, and she's now working off her drug bill in a Mexican whore house, (a nice mix of coke & E keeps her calm, and very horny). But that's another story.

Would have preferred him to shoot Jason in both knees,for him to feel some of the pain he caused and make him wheel chair bound for the rest of his life.

great story, wasn't super clean writing but could follow easy enough.

it needed more Caitlin, like 2 or 3 more endearing interactions with Matt to give her a bit more importance on their relationship why she should be with Matt. she was a bit in the background on this one and could've gone either way.

wasn't a fan of the ending to be honest. Death is just a bit overrated when it comes to payback and not very satisfying due to the lack of regret or suffering. Kelsey's ending was kinda okay, just not the disappearing part. Maybe a psych ward would've been better. I would've preferred that she just suffered loneliness and regret more than anything else.

I wonder if killing Jason was part of his plan. He had the weapon available all the time, but was it his plan to use it.

I particularly liked the ending.

5-0!

Well,

I think it's the american way of life to think death is the ultimate punishment.

But in my opinion it would be better to let the bad guy life a miserable life. In this case I would have preferred the asshole to be shot in the shoulders and the groin area to loose his dick. He would have to life without being "alpha" anymore.

in Kelsey's mouth was a nice touch.

Shitheads ex-wife?

Great story!

Keep em coming.

I think there was a lot of overkill in the way he set up Jason, because = [... "You don't know about his younger days ... he ran with some bad guys and is very good with guns"]...There is nothing good could I say about his ex. How she turned away from her husband and her leaving, was justice.

Ok. So I have read a lot of comments, about this being over the top. However, I don’t believe most husbands, or wives who have been dumped in a similar way, do not fantasize about killing the “ other woman, or man”. Also, in the United States, it is legal to defend yourself in your own home. Even if Jason has just broke in, and not threatened him with bat, he still could have shot him.

From a closure standpoint, there wasn’t a better way, to get back at the wife. He also avoided becoming a part time parent, and dealing with hearing about the “ great life” his ex was now having with the new husband, and competing for his daughters attention. Win win, situation! Keep em’ coming!

Tinman warned us in his foreward that this would be a tame BTB - nice mis-direction.

Re: plot pacing - the story unfolds slowly, even tediously, as too much detail and decision dithering occurs. Okay, if that's your style - but then the ending is at hyperspeed. The shift is awkward.

Re: shooting the crazy, armed, bigger man who broke the door down - I don't believe a triple tap is a thing when sending .45ACPs downrange. Based on the story's description I would recommend switching to hollow point from the steel jacketed round and cutting it to two taps at that range. This would dramatically reduce the likelihood of collateral injuries due to complete penetration. BTW, "shooting to disable" is an idiot's mission.

Nice tight story, possibly too tight, tidy and detail laden. Thanks for the contribution!

Keep 'em comin'.

Nice writing finally a little vengance on here for a change. This would be a terrible situation but a man has a right to protect himself and his home. I would have included his wife but lets face it he no longer had one. AGAIN REALLY GOOD WRITING 5 STARS.

Author never stated what ammo was in the weapon, only that it was loaded, "cocked and locked".

I think he was kind of a wimp ..no matter how much u love someone when they become cold you learn to be cold towards them as well not desperate, and he was desperate but realized he already lost her.

It's an interesting setup where Matt follows fairly conventional tropes in how he goes about the divorce, but when he's pushed by Jason, has zero hesitation killing him. So despite following a mild-mannered approach, he ended one cheater and scarred the other one for life. Agree with some of the comments about pacing, it does go 0-100 in a flash towards the end, but doesn't overstay its welcome either way.

Very realistic in that once Jason went forcibly out of his lane and decided to assault Matt and end his life, one of life's very true axioms was proven once again: When the cops aren't going to get there to save your life, the you need a gun for self-defense! "God made all men the Same, Sam Colt made them Equal, and John Moses Browning gave some of them an Edge!"

Rgds,

TSF

Shot with.38 but kept coming.

45 will knock you down.

USMC carried both. Went to VMO-2 second tour given 38 as side arm

But had M60 as primary weapon so didn't worry

Triple tap with 45 center mass? If first didn't knock him down second definitely would.

Exceptions Yes had friend hit with machine gun fire but took it out. Scar all the way across stomach bad friends etc cool,calm, and collected except dealing with wife

WIMP there

jtwheels

Wow that's what you call BTB. Well written, the best revenge story on Lit.

I'm glad the cheaters both got what they had coming!

Heck of an ending - when Jason stormed in the house. You created quite a guy in Jason, we didn't get much of a glimpse of his characterr, but enough to know he was arrogant - to lose it so badly when his plans were interrupted he must have been not only arrogant but also a little unstable.

Loved the ending as well as the use of properly applied weaponry.

The timetable is screwed up in several places (maybe not "several", but far too many to make this a decent story).

How long does it take a "male" to realize he has lost his manliness? That seems to be the apparent search for this story. Unfortunately, it took one too many pages to come to that realization. This could have (and should have) been handled in a "750 or less" format.

All other issues will be presented in private dialog

Interesting try...

Smokepole

Not surprisingly LENARD SPENCER Has several key points about the wall completely warm.

.

If the house was in the husband's name before the marriage then it stays in his name even in that a horse.

.

As for the mother getting custody that's usually true but in this case the problem here is the mother's judgment. Her boss/ boyfriend was a raging psychopath who threaten to rape her daughter. If that doesn't speak of her judgment and Mwntal state i dont know what will

Brutal but helluva story. Nice shooting.

Good story. Keep writing,

I am looking forward to more stories from you.

@Captain Obvious

More obvious and pointless points.

pretty good btb story! i know its a story but after the 2nd shot not sure how much that could hold up in court

I'm not crazy about the death of the cheaters. Since their deceit is so insidious killing one is too easy. Make him suffer long and hard and regret his transgression. Cost him his job, family, reputation, manhood, everything but keep him around so he can suffer.

Bittersweet but well thought out. I have been looking for a "Burn the Prick" story for some time. Well you didn't burn him you shot him! Works for me. Kelsey's fait was about as well done as could be expected. The splattered brains may have been a bit much but what the hey! It's fiction and looks like better received by the LW crowd from the score and number of comments.

Well we know you can do loving, hot sex and grizzly gore in detail with flowing easy to read pros. Keep writing looking for your next offering to show up in my follow list!

cheers

SAGE