All Comments on 'The Pool'

Phil was narrating for maybe 1 sentence in there somewhere, but it was third-person the rest.

Needs a lot of editing to be consistent in the point of view of the narrator.

Much worse: the male character is a complete jerk. He goes down on a woman he has just met, but won't do likewise for the woman who set him up in this dream scenario in the first place? Talk about one way and self-centered...

Frequent changes from present tense to past tense were very distracting. Not really very erotic.

An editor would be a good idea, from reading some of your other published work..