All Comments on 'The Pool Invitation'

Second person is tough to pull off.

You did not manage it.

Thanks for the comment, could you tell me more? I hope to improve.

Yoo Part two can't wait

This was written poorly.

This was a decent story that could have been told more clearly. Since you asked hindsight2020 for feedback, I'll offer some, too. I think most of the problem came from the switches from Sam to Kale to narrating. It made the flow of things difficult to follow. Having said that, I was able to untangle the confusing references and get the gist. The sex scene was rather easy to follow.

Since it matters to me, categorization should key off of the primary point of a story, or a main theme. This story belongs in the Non-Consent/Reluctance category. Being compelled to profess love, or doing whatever is/seems necessary to get through an assault should not be confused with Reluctance. Sometimes there are N-C/R stories that convey believable reluctance. Experiencing pleasure and orgasm do not automatically make the assault okay, nor does it justify another category. To be fair, it wouldn't have take very much to shift into another category (First Time, Gay, TG/CD), but the bully and victim would have had to had a shift in their relationship and behavior by the end.

I do sometimes read N-C/R when the Tags suggest it leans into Reluctance on another category. In that category, it was a pretty hot story. I can appreciate how the embarrassment of his crush witnessing his rape, the inner confusion produced by his body responding optimally to the stimulation could have compounded the impact of the rape itself, to say nothing of what appears to be a long weekend to endure. I wouldn't have selected the category tonight, and so, I didn't enjoy the reading.

I hope you keep writing. You've got some promise showing.

The main character's too passive to be a good self insert into these kinds of stories. Compared to Deals and Mistakes or Boyfriend says Hi, this guy really doesn't say much or give any indication why he's letting this happen. Just some inner thoughts and bam he's getting railed. (unlike the more apparent seduction in deals or the deal with a ghost femboy). Makes for a lackluster POV.

Also, personal preference, but implied incest NTR is not my cup of tea, and the sex comes off more rapey than the other stories. I was also a little confused, this femboy (described as small and lithe in stature) can pull off an anal full nelson?

That was very insightful, thank you. It is my very first "rape" story so I was expecting some bumps on the road. As for the perspective changes, I tend to prefer writing in third person where there is a clear distinction between who does what and such. Problem is, when you tell a story about two characters that use the same gender, you kinda run out of words to avoid repetition and just using the pronoune he/him may get confusing. If you take a look at my first two stories I did use 3rd pov but I felt like it was getting to repetitive. Could just beb me though. And if it isn't too heavy on the readers I would actually prefer going back to 3rd pov.

Thank you for your critisisme, that was very helpful and I hope to get better at writing. Might even dip my toes into futa on male but eh, feel like there are already soo mant futa on male GOOD stories it would be pointless. Butw who knows.

Bro was cappin. This shit hits - not perfect but it was well written for sure.

All these comment clowns complaining as though they didn't read the whole story. Its smut not everything has to be flawless. Loved it, keep it up!

I appreciate it, thanks!

First comments ever. Leaving it to say part 2 needs to happens!