The Search Pt. 02

"I won't do it again," was all I said.

She smiled gently. "I believe you, sweetheart." Of course she did. I wasn't interested in finding out what her fist tasted like on the way out the other end. "Now come here." Without waiting for me to move, she pulled me in close onto her lap. She went for my cheek again, but when I shrunk away from it a second time, she spoke. "What's wrong?"

I thought it was obvious. "Your finger was just up my ass."

She looked at me as if I were crazy. "...but it's your ass."

"Does that matter?"

"Doesn't it?" To further cement her confusion at my disgust, she placed the finger in question in her mouth and gave it a thorough suck.

Gross. I just turned away.

She cradled me while planting little apologies on my forehead in the form of kisses. It was a long fifteen to twenty minutes. She'd have to do better than that.

"So, have you always been a vegetarian?" she asked in an attempt to break the tension.

"How did you know that?"

"I had one of those so-called hot dogs."

Oh, yes. She had robbed us. Honestly, a part of me thought she'd deduced my vegetarian status solely from digging up my butt. It would have been a funny misunderstanding if things weren't what they were. "It was Yas's idea."

"The first thing I'm going to do when we get to town is feed you a burger. I feel like I could break you in half at any moment. Unless you're morally opposed?"

"If I am, you'll just beat those morals out of me, right?" I flinched at my own brazenness. How bad would my punishment be for talking back? Instead, I got another kiss.

"Listen," she stroked my hair, "you're allowed to be straight with me. I am not an unreasonable woman. But you do not hit Mama, you do not say 'no' to Mama, and you do not lie to Mama. That's all."

"So, if I were to say that I wanted to leave?"

"You are absolutely entitled," she held on tighter, "to want to leave."

I got more bold. "And if I told you you're a fuck-ugly cow that I could never, ever love? Hypothetically, of course," I added sarcastically.

"You can't hurt my feelings, Princess. On the contrary, I take great pride in being able to make you feel however I want in spite of what you think of my looks."

"I hate you," I whispered.

"Fair enough. I did hit you pretty hard."

"You're a manipulative scumbag."

"I get shit done."

"You throw your weight around just because you're bigger."

"Whew, I thought you were going to insult me for a second there."

"You are DISGUSTING. The way you...lick...EVERYTHING no matter how disgusting."

"Now why would you call yourself disgusting?"

"I didn't."

"You basically did."

"You're putting words in my mouth."

She leaned down to catch a view of the side of my face. "Are you going to act like you don't remember how you felt the first time?"

I turned. "That's low."

"Oh, so you can dish it out, but you can't take it. You blame biology on what happened between us when, in fact, your sex life has just always been shit, hasn't it? When was the last time you two even did it?"

"None of your goddamned business."

"Uh-huh. That's why even a little bit from me had you shaking so hard. That's right, baby girl. I wasn't even giving you all that I've got, and I still had you purring like a kitten."

"Oh, please. Half of the time you were hurting me, and the other half?" I recoiled. "I still need a shower."

"If I hurt you, it's because I meant to hurt you. As for the rest, it's not me you're disgusted in for licking whatever I please. It's you you're disgusted in for liking it. We're going to have to work on that."

"What, are you my therapist now?"

"I may not be the brightest bulb in the toolbox, but I'm pretty good at picking up on things. It also helps that I've been around a lot longer than you. I can sniff a few things out about people. For someone so confident, you carry a lot of shame."

"I guess we should overlook the obvious reasons for that then and jump to all of the other conclusions that fit your narrative. Go on. Ask me if I was abused as a child."

"She denied you a lot, didn't she? You probably couldn't even hold her hand without asking permission."

I was honestly a bit floored by her precision strike, but I recovered quickly. "They're called boundaries. Everyone has them; everyone except you. I respected hers."

"Mmhmm. I bet she just laid there while you did all of the work, too, and you were just so happy to be getting some. That was normal for you."

"I liked taking the lead."

"But you were never in control. Not really. Things only went as far as she wanted them to go, and they only happened when she was ready. The rest of the time, you were made to wait and, if you got impatient, she made you feel ashamed."

"Public displays of affection aren't for everyone."

"Somehow, I don't buy that. How long have you two been together?"

I sighed. "Seven years."

"Seven years and you still have to ask permission to kiss your own woman." Patty shook her head. "It doesn't make sense unless...oh, honey." It was her turn to be floored. "She hadn't come out, had she?"

"She did eventually. That's what matters." I wasn't adding fuel to this fire and kept my answers short from this moment on.

"Up until that point, though, you were her dirty little secret, huh? Did you have to pretend to just be friends when you met her folks for the first time? That must have left you feeling great about yourself. How many of those seven years included stuff like that?"

I said the bare minimum. "We made it through those times."

"And you lived happily ever after, right? We both know the answer to that, of course. You couldn't kiss her in public without it becoming a thing and, when you stopped by her job with flowers to celebrate an anniversary, she was always embarrassed. Never flattered. What you saw as simple acts of love and affection, she saw as obsessive."

Okay. That was too on-the-nose. "How did you...?" My eyes narrowed. "You were eavesdropping." She didn't say anything. I scoffed. "You're not some master at figuring people out. You're just nosey."

She turned her head towards a window. "It must be nice for her to come out here and feel normal again. Don't get me wrong. She doesn't actually seem interested in Terry, but he's not a bad-looking guy, either. Getting that kind of attention from someone who wouldn't make so many heads turn if she did return his affection? A lot of people want that."

"Please stop." My voice quaked.

"And you being around someone who wants all of you at any given time? I'll tell you a secret, baby girl. That's what normal should feel like, and...I think you know that."

I wanted to disappear; just melt into the floor boards. I brought a hand to my head and sobbed. "You said," and hiccup, "that you wouldn't hurt me."

"I'm sorry." For once, that actually seemed genuine. "Let it out, princess. It's okay."

I did. I cried in the arms of my oppressor. All because I wanted so desperately...to be wanted. I'd been doing ninety-nine percent of the work in our relationship for so long in the hopes that Yasmin would grant me the courtesy of that last bit of effort. I would have done anything -- gone to the ends of the earth -- for her. I would have dragged my belly across hot coals just to save us. How dare she accuse me of having a problem when all I ever did was love her.

Patty laid me down on my back and hovered over me with an arm on either side. Once I calmed down, I looked up at her while she stared down at me.

"Let me in, baby girl."

"Okay...Mama."

She came to rest on her elbows so as not to crush me, and I felt the weight of her midsection against mine. Then, we kissed. There was no fighting this time, and not because of her previous threats. For the first time ever, I wanted this woman's affection because, in its own twisted way, at least it was authentic. She threw her shirt to the side revealing two very large breasts. It was quite the juxtaposition to see such massive tits on an otherwise masculine, beefcake body. Then off came her pants exposing that hairy and still very intimidating pussy. I blushed. What had I been on about? There was nothing ugly about her. Much of that had to do with her confidence. She had the bones for bulk and, rather than apologizing for it, she leaned into it with a six-pack and huge arms. She didn't shave, and she didn't try to hide her unique clitoris. She even gave me a moment to look at it properly in the light.

With every movement over my body, her muscles bulged and undulated. Had she wanted to, she could indeed tear me apart. So it meant a lot when those powerful hands slid across my skin so tenderly. I wrapped my legs around her as she ground into me. It wasn't the violent power play it had been in the bathroom. If that were breeding, this was love-making. I'd never been a fan of doing it this way. At best, it was a warm-up. However, thanks to her special type of anatomy, it seemed to be her favorite way to get off. Had I the length, I would have wanted to know what it felt like to tease a woman's opening with each thrust as well. Plus, she still had access to the rest of me. This was a very orally fixated woman, and my lips, neck, and nipples were a buffet.

I moaned along with her grunts when she came. I felt every twitch; every spasm. It was one of those long, drawn-out orgasms that took a while to fade as evidenced by how tense her body was for about twelve straight seconds. I was jealous because I was ready for round two, too.

I'd only known one woman for nearly a decade, but I hadn't forgotten what good oral felt like. First and foremost, the one giving it had to be into it and, boy, was Patty into it. No timid little taste tests. No excess saliva making a mess of things. She savored every little bit of me. She rubbed her thumb up against me as her tongue slipped inside, and the rest was history. By the time a minute went by, I was gripping the sides of the sleeping bag. I both loved and hated how the person eating me out could sense when I was about to cum in their mouth and chose to suck and finger me harder. I usually didn't squirt, but that decision was out of my hands this time. Thanks to Patty's perverted ways, there was no wet spot to leave.

And there it was; the best sex I'd had since forever. It wasn't a cure-all for the guilt and shame I felt for indulging so soon after my break-up, but I also wasn't left feeling entirely crappy, either. I pushed a lot of things to the back of my mind that I probably shouldn't have as we laid together in the afterglow.

I rolled onto my stomach. Patty did the same right on top of me. As she kissed me from shoulder to shoulder, down my spine, and even on the back of my calves, a thought occurred. I cleared my throat to get her attention. "I won't ask you to keep your hands to yourself when we're alone because that'd be pointless. But, for the love of God, when others are around..."

Her trail of kisses had made their way back to my neck, cheek, and lips. "Do I embarrass you?"

"Very much so, yes."

"So, I'm your dirty little secret now."

I was well aware of the irony. I let out a sigh knowing full well someone like her who's never given a single, solitary fuck about what someone else thought probably wouldn't understand. "Patty, I am rebounding so hard that I'm practically in the stratosphere, and everyone here who sees us together will know this. It looks like I'm hopping on the first horse I can, and I'm not interested in being the butt of someone's joke."

"Okay."

"Seriously?" Seriously?

"Sure. It's a reasonable request. The breakup is still fresh. You need time."

"Who are you, and what have you done with Patty?" I got another kiss as my answer. "I'm sorry, Mama. I did tell one lie."

"About what?" She was glistening with sweat, and her hair clung to her skin from all of that previous exertion.

"You're gorgeous."

She grabbed my hand and brought my fingertips to her lips to kiss each one.

I ran my other hand up her arm. "Seriously, your body is amazing. How do I get results like these?"

She smirked. "Meat."

I laughed. For the first time in forever, I genuinely laughed. Then the tears came.

"What's wrong, baby girl?"

"It's just...this was supposed to be me and Yas." I wanted to kick myself for saying that out loud. "Sorry. That was rude."

She gave a half-smile. "It's okay, baby girl. You didn't break any rules."

But I had a feeling I broke something else. "I do need some air, though. Maybe the bathroom...if that's alright, of course."

"You're lucky I just came. Otherwise, I'd be joining you."

Gross...but I did smile.

** ** **

"Did you enjoy yourself?"

"Oh, that's right," I said still a bit high off of my post-coital bliss. On the way to the latrines, I happened to be passing Big Jake who, I guess, had popped his head in the cabin that was technically his to see what was up. I started to explain, but then stopped myself and waved a hand at him. I'd never be able to untangle this story. "Fuck it. I'm way too mellowed out for this shit. Think what you want."

"Honestly? I hope it works out."

"It won't. But it'll be a nice couple of days."

"Why not?"

"Because six no's and one yes does not a happy relationship make."

"It was good enough for my folks."

I chuckled. "So was segregation I'm sure."

He shrugged. "You're never going to have perfect. But, if both people are trying, you can still have a pretty damn good thing."

"I hate that you're right." I sighed. "Please, Jake. Will you keep this..?"

"I won't say a word to nobody."

The bathroom was calling my name. Little did I know, Patty had gotten dressed and left the cabin for her own reasons.

Darkness was creeping in, and Yasmin was the only one who chose to stay indoors instead of watching the sunset. She wanted some space, and everyone there was understanding enough to give it to her. While they were busy building a new fire, she sat in the cabin contemplating her decision. She had no regrets, but it was going to be tough when she got back. She'd have to find a new place, notify mutual friends and, depending on how ridiculous her ex behaved, get a new job. At least her parents would be happy.

With the door creaking open slowly, she wiped away a few stray tears so that Terry wouldn't see. "I wasn't expecting dinner to be done so fast."

It wasn't Terry who answered. Patty let the door close quietly behind her.

"Time for a talk, Miss Green." Patty approached and, as there was no other exit, Yasmin was trapped. "Don't worry. I'll make this quick."

"What do you want, you sick fr...?!" A quick punch to the throat shut Yasmin up before she could finish insulting Patty. Even as she stumbled back and coughed from the pain, she could tell that Patty had held back.

"I'm sorry. I said it's time for a talk, but really I'm talking. You're listening. Daneela is mine now," Patty said while holding Yasmin up by the back of her collar. "You don't need to know any specifics. You don't need to go asking her anything, either. In fact, if I so much as see you exchange a single 'hello, how do you do', I swear I will toss you over the edge of that cliff. Because the last thing that I need is your smile or your sickeningly sweet voice making her think things could ever work out between the two of you. I mean it. You've lost your chance. Get in my way and I'll gut you, eat your heart, and toss the rest down a toilet so that she won't even have a body to mourn over. I swear, the only reason I haven't just done that already is because it is too soon, and she is still so...sensitive about you. You going missing right now would just...break her little heart." Patty's words crumbled a few times at the mental image of her beloved wailing over her ex's sudden death. She reaffirmed her authority by tightening her grip around the terrified woman. "Give me a reason, though. I dare you."

"Kkkghkkgh," Yasmin gurgled.

Never before were eyes so still and a hand so ready to make good on her threat to end someone's life. When no reason came, much to Patty's disappointment, she had no choice but to let Yasmin go with a friendly slap against the face that was intentionally just a little too hard. "Good talk."

"Flare! Flare!"

I heard the words just as I was finishing up. When I left the stall, everyone was facing the same direction towards the cliff where the woods fell a hundred feet. A second ball of fire hissed through the air and slowly faded upon its decent. It was the other team.