The Sectret Love of the Other Man

The morning after.

The morning after Adam woke up in his own bed, his heading pounding. The drink that the night before had empowered him, now cursed him. He longed for water to quench his thirst and wished he'd had little less to drink. While tossing and turning in bed the thoughts of the previous night returned to him... shit.

It was as if a dam had exploded and a tsunami of memories and emotions came flooding through. Happiness. He remembered the high of touching her and her reciprocating his actions, teasing up his thigh. Lust. He remembered the low of Damien cutting his time with her short, feeling himself cascading into a deep pit of sadness. The most beautiful woman, the perfect interesting creature Angelika was, stolen away; by her placid, dull, self-centred husband. A man he remembered paying her no attention. Anger. All these emotions flashed through his mind, through his heart and soul. He was ultimately confused and mixed up. Yet no matter how happy he felt about the night before, ­­­ the same thought consumed him. Shit!

Shit meant everything and it meant nothing. Shit meant he was excited and rejoiced at what happened the night prior. Shit meant he was scared she'd resent him for: 'taking advantage', even though he knew she gave as much as he did. Shit meant he was of afraid of her reciprocating his feelings as well as his actions, how would it progress? Shit meant he was afraid of having to break the ice, of having to speak to her, with the undertone of awkwardness from last night. Shit represented everything positive and negative that could happen, because ultimately, he was shocked by any outcome.

These thoughts came to the man within minutes of him waking, yet they stayed with him for hours. The eternity that he lay within his dark went on and on. Shit repeated endlessly until.... Ping. A break in the silence shocked him, his heart raced before he even knew who or what it was. He rolled over and took a deep breath.... Angelika. His heart rate doubled, his breathing became raspy, he shook slightly; both terrified and euphoric about what she might say.

The message was simple, yet suggested so much more: "Adam, I know you left your car at work and you'll need it. I was thinking, maybe, I could drive you to get it. It is no trouble for me, Damien is away golfing with a couple of his friends, and I am at home with nothing to do. Anyway, like I said, if you need help getting your car."

Adam thought about what she meant, what she truly hid beneath her façade. Does she want to chat? Does she want to do something more? Damien is away. Does she want to tell me she hates me? He decided to test her a little, by trying the dissuade her, or show her how unusual what she was offering was. He replied. "It's a long way to come. You'll have to pass work and you're still only halfway to mine. I can just get a taxi there and I'll see you on Monday."

She replied almost as quickly as he sent the message, showing how eager she was: "No, no. Do not be silly, it will only be a short drive and I will save you the money, that you would spend on the taxi. Not to mention you will have to call them and mess around, when I can just come now."

She's desperate to see me, he thought to himself. He'd given her a chance to change her mind and go back, but she didn't. He also noticed how she tried to shift focus away from her true intentions, by mentioning money, she'd taken away from her own desire, painting herself in a selfless light. He knew though, Adam was too smart to not notice her deflecting, a poor defence.

As much as he wanted to leave her waiting for a reply, for an answer that he knew she was longing for, teasing her as she teased him. Hoping she'd be hopelessly on edge, looking at her blank phone screen, wating for it to light up. Checking it, just in case she had missed it. Adam, however, couldn't, he couldn't leave her, he didn't have enough willpower, his desire conquered it. So he promptly replied. "Well, you've twisted my arm." Hoping that she'd see the sarcasm. "So, you can pick me up. Thanks a lot, it would be a great help and it's always good to see you."

Now he was the one at her mercy, waiting on her reply. He was only just beginning to understand that she could leave a message of his for much longer than he could leave one of hers. That, when she wanted to, she could ignore him endlessly. The five minutes she took to reply, felt longer than the hours he'd laid in bed. Like the sun to the earth, they dwarfed it. He waited and waited, waiting, waiting, waiting. Every small noise was amplified in his mind. Just as it was before, the silence was shattered by Angelika. The five minutes of suffering in hell were broken by her. "You are welcome, I will be there soon, I'm on my way." I get to see her again! He rose out of bed, his adrenaline rushing like crazy, his exhilaration climbing higher and higher. His hangover was washed over and his weakened body was given a second wind.

He climbed out of bed and began preparing himself for his Angel. Adam showered, cleaning away the grease and dirt from the fateful night. He dried himself off, pretending not to feel the returning raging hangover fighting away inside his head and all his organs. He dressed himself up, choosing to sacrifice his usual comfort clothes: sweatpants, trainers, and a t-shirt for something more formal. He pulled on some skinny jeans and a polo shirt. He hoped she'd notice the effort he put in for her and her alone.

After waiting for a short time, he heard the honk of the horn outside his apartment and got an accompanying message. "I'm parked up outside." Like a kid in a candy store, he bound down the stairs, ever excited to see her. Before walking out of his door, he stopped: pausing to compose himself. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and relaxing. He held that breath in, until he felt calm enough to release it and leave. The breath left his body with his stress and anxiety.

He stepped through the door and seeing her standing next to her car; in her casual, purple Harry Potter t-shirt, jeans, and sketchers.... It brought all the stress and anxiety back to the forefront of his mind. It took over not only his mind, but his body. Both were sent into a spiral of uncontrollable desire and emotion. He sighed loudly, expressing his emotions in the most subtle way possible.

"Angelika you're a star, I don't know what I'd do without you." He laughed, trying to ease the unspoken tension between them. He could clearly tell by her gaze, directed at the ground, that she felt uncomfortable.... He hated that. He hated that she must be punishing herself inside for letting go and having a good time, albeit a morally questionable time. He hated that the guilt she felt over a cunt like Damien, caused her to feel so bad. The worse part was, that's how she looked on the outside. He hated to think what was going on inside.

They got in her car and drove in silence; the tension was as thick as fog. Neither looked at each other or acknowledged anything from that fateful quiz night; or the months before, which had led to it, as both Adam and Angelika knew the seed was planted weeks, months, before. As the tension piqued and came to boiling point, Adam snapped it, he could not stand the weight of it and needed answers. The silence was finally broken.

"So..... I know it's on your mind, fuck me, it's all I can think about. Last night... we need to talk about it." He finally looked over at her, rather than at the road or floor, showing physically that his attention was on her, as well as emotionally.

Angelika physically tensed up; her knuckles became paler as she gripped the steering wheel even harder. It was if mentioning it was worse than doing it. By mentioning it he'd brought it back to life, as if the 12 hours between now and then was enough time for it to die for her. Her eyes were fixed on the road, yet he could tell that she was upset; the subtle tears forming over her eyes were obvious to him. Adam almost felt bad, even though he knew the night before wasn't solely his 'fault', he felt responsible for her current state. Her half-formed tears made him feel horrible, he felt like shit. Yet he knew, he must press on. Or else it would always be the elephant in the room and would probably grow to be the necrosis that would kill any relationship they had.

"c'mon Angelika, I can only imagine how torn up you must feel, but... if we just ignore it, it won't change it. Please, please just.... talk to me."

She slowed the car, so she could focus on Adam and the conversation he was trying to push. At the best of times, she was an average driver, throw in stress and heartache; she was almost incapable. She took a deep breath, fighting her emotions and her tears.

"Look, what we did was wrong. It was because I had a drink and got ahead of myself. I am sorry I put you in that position, in this position, but.... I love Damien. He is my husband, my rock, my everything."

Adam had, had enough of this. He didn't want to hear her defend Damien, the absentee husband, so he snapped: "NO! you didn't do that with me because you'd had a drink, that's bullshit. We both know this was a long time coming. You love him? bullshit! He gives you nothing and yet you deserve so much, stop pretending to care, just because society tells you to. I'm not saying drop everything, but at least stop lying to yourself. You enjoyed what we did. You loved it. So did I. So... why? Why do you have to torture me with your lies? Telling me it was nothing, it was something and it was no accident that it was with me! Why didn't you rub Brandon's cock?"

They stopped at the car park, having finally arrived, she pulled over, turning the car's engine off. She turned and faced him, staring deep into his eyes she paused: ".....look, I love him, that is not a lie. It was a mistake and I am not sacrificing 7 years of happiness for 1 night of poor decisions.... With you!"

Her words cut deep, he knew it was more than one night, all their time spent at work, alone, together. Their subtle flirting, the daring questions she asked him. so much had led to that climax, yet she still lied. Or maybe she's convinced herself that her lie is the truth?

His sadness built into anger and he jumped out of the car, slamming the door behind him. The loud bang echoed in the otherwise empty carpark. Angelika was shocked by his actions, normally he would hate the thought of her feeling bad, not this time. He enjoyed the small victory, only in the moment, of making her feel bad. He stormed over to his car and unlocked it. Inside, he let everything fade away from him. Adam tried to forget everything she said, his anger slowly faded: his breathing slowed and sadness returned. Did it really mean nothing? He sat in silence, waiting for the motivation to even start his car, to come to him.

After a few minutes of being a blank slate he finally put his key in the ignition and left, he needed to get far away from her. Throughout the drive home he felt nothing, he tried not to think about their conversation. It had taken a situation he already thought was bad and made it even worse. He focused his mind on the road on the gear changes and nothing else. At least in an apathetic state he had no room for anger or sadness. Feeling nothing is better than feeling like shit.

Only when he pulled up back at his apartment, after sitting in his car for another half hour, did he allow himself to reflect upon it. At first, he almost resented Angelika for what she did, what she'd said. How she tried to paint herself as the innocent victim of his moral crime, how she tried to destroy everything they had (by denying its existence) and worst of all: how he was starting to believe her lies. He began to feel sorry for her, he knew she must have more to say. More she couldn't say. He tried to place himself in her shoes, in her situation... I need to call her. Rather than procrastinating any further he called her, she answered almost immediately, yet said nothing. The young man was surprised she didn't just ignore his call, pretending he didn't exist. But she did, her silence inviting him to begin.

"Angelika, we need to meet up, come to mine and we'll go for a walk, remember where I'd mentioned before. We both have more to say and I was a bit of an asshole with you. Please, let us both at least get some closure; if that's what you want...or need."

He could hear her crying on the other end, he could also hear the noise of her driving and he knew she wasn't home yet; she stopped her sobbing for a second and responded. "Ok...I will come and meet you." With that she hung up and left him alone with his thoughts, waiting for her.

Adam was no idiot, he thought about how he could get her to his side, turning her against Damien (doing all of this without directly demonising him, so she didn't hate him). He thought about every specific word of conversation and how it would play it in his mind, how his fantasies would play out. He thought about her subtle reactions to comments and how much he adored them, how much he desired to see them. He didn't want his words to seem calculated, after all he only thought of them beforehand so they wouldn't seem stunted and awkward. He wanted to control the effect he had on her, but he still desired the spontaneity. His calculating was only to put himself at ease and to feel more in control, ultimately, he wanted her to feel comfortable and to be as natural as she could allow herself to be.

Adam was amazed at how long 10 or 20 minutes could feel. With 1440 minutes in the day, 20 should on feel like a snippet, snapshot. Or so he thought. But they were not 20 normal minutes, they were 20 minutes waiting for his love, for his Peach. Staring at the wall, he tried to turn off, but he couldn't. His mind was consumed by her, her personality, her body, and the fantastical situations he made in his mind. Her name.... Angelika... had become as much of part of his daily vocabulary as 'hello', his every word was either her name or about her. Forever, surprisingly enough was never ending, on...on...on...on...on...on...on...on and on!

His mood dipped, falling into a deeper and darker pit until his phone rang, signalling she was patiently waiting for him. He leaped up, his adrenaline surging and his heart racing. He sprinted out of the door, jumping down two, three stairs at a time. Racing to see her once again, he leaped in his car and turned the key. He sped down the road to the bird reserve, the meeting place, he'd spoken to her about before. It was a place he liked to visit, to walk around and relax. Adam had told her; after one private meeting, where'd she'd been upset about Damien wanting her to be a more classic housewife, that if she ever needed him, she could meet him at the bird reserve close to his (assuming she wouldn't want to meet at his, because of the implications that could have). After this she had further supported the fact, by saying she really appreciated that, and she'd happily meet him there one day.

He pulled up, the journey that would normally take 10 minutes took him only 2, he had driven like his life depended on it: in some way, it did. He leaped out of his car and for the second time that day he got to see her beautiful face and hear her beautiful voice, a voice he couldn't forget or let go of. Adam spotted her and his pupils dilated, the thing he desired with every fibre of his being, was there. Similarly, if not identically, Angelika's pupils grew... although she didn't quite know (or accept it) she needed and wanted him just as much as he did her.

The desire was overshadowed, for the pair, by the tension their last conversation had caused. They both met each other's gaze, before their eyes shot to the ground. The eye contact proving too much for the both of them, the ideas it conveyed was too powerful. The idea that despite Angelika being with and loving Damien: that she might want Adam more. The idea that despite Adam fearing that she was married: that it might work out. The anger they both had, lingering from how they had both, respectively, acted in their brief meeting only over an hour ago.

He eventually glanced up, taking control, as if his suggestion to her at all matched the commands she could and did give him. "Come on then, we better start walking." His cold nature was somewhat deliberate to hide his true feelings. If she thought it was a mistake and did not care, he would not expose himself and be too vulnerable. They set off, neither knowing the walk would change everything: escalating the passion, emotional and sexual.

Adam starred forwards, his glance directed at the trees and sandy dirt pathway ahead. He felt a sense of anger and betrayal, Angelika had spent so long teasing him and flirting with him and then she turned around and told him it was nothing and a mistake. He grimaced, almost as if he were in physical pain. Nevertheless, he still felt deeply and that only made the internal struggle harder and harder for him. Adam was normally decisive and quickly formed conclusions, this time, he found it impossible.

Angelika's eyes were locked to the ground and at her feet. She felt so scared, every fibre of her being wanted to scream out, every fibre said what had happened was wrong and what was happening was wrong. She wasn't scared of him, she was scared of what she wanted to do, what would happen if even one person she knew found out. Yet she kept on walking alongside him, waiting endlessly for him to snap the silence and say something. She frowned, her eyes drooping even more to the ground as she tried to block out everything; wishing she could run and hide beneath her rock. She reassured herself, with thoughts of crawling under it after she was done.

The walk continued on and on, they came closer and closer to some steps that lead up a small hill, the silence screamed. Despite all of Adam's anger and his hate, he couldn't direct it at her, he was pissed off at the situation; not her. Deep down her knew, or he convinced himself, that it wasn't her fault.... It was everything around her that made her this way. Adam knew he could free her from those social chains, he could allow her to be free and express herself. Part of the anger came not from what she had done or said, but what he felt unable to do: make her his and his alone. As the silence and tension grew larger and grosser, Angelika's thoughts began to evolve. She was scared: Why?

She pondered over and over. She wasn't scared because of what she had done the night before, she was scared because of why she'd done it. She could have got any man, other than her husband, to tease her clit. She hadn't, she'd chosen Adam. For a reason... she was scared because maybe she did care. She was angry because maybe she did care.

By this point in the walk, they approached the peak of the hill and looked out over the city, a beautiful view, but nothing compared to the view next to him. Adam was good with words, he knew which ones to use and how to use them: but words have their limitations, they can only do so much. He turned and starred into her universal eyes, they always took him to a different world and made him feel butterflies in his stomach.

As they approached the peak, Angelika felt the mood lighten and she knew something needed to be done to break the silence, be it verbal or physical. Yet she didn't know what to say. At the top she felt his eyes turn onto her, she turned to him: meeting his gaze. Adam knew he needed to seize the opportunity, he leant in closer and closer: time slowed, almost stopping. She saw this and leant in more, giving him the 10 to his 90. Their lips locked, his hand moved to her face, touching her soft, perfect cheeks. His other hand slid to the base of her back, while hers explored his shoulders. The kiss killed all resentment, it meant more than everything before. Both of their eyes closed, and they simply enjoyed being one, being at peace.... Their passion exploding outwards. Even in the heat of pleasure the night before, there hadn't been intimacy anywhere near that moment.