The Sectret Love of the Other Man

This was perfectly proven to Adam when he was running through his usual monotonous day of typing and sending and typing and sending, his computer pinged his diary had been updated. Ordinarily he would ignore these for half an hour or so, just a manager moving things around, was his first thought. But the name caught his eye... "Angelika has sent you meeting request". His pupils expanded, threating to dominate his iris and his breath became sharp like a blade. He clicked on it and saw she'd requested a meeting in an hours' time.... He needed a fix and that was his dealer and drug in one, presenting itself. He excepted, a smile cracking his face like the Cheshire Cat, his exhilaration was uncontainable, his entire body itched at the thought of seeing her, seeing her alone.

When the clock hand struck ten to one, he leapt from his seat and headed off to the meeting room, she glanced at him and clearly tried to hide her smile, Damien may not have noticed, but I did. He'd set off early so her setting off didn't arouse suspicion, he'd been playing this game long enough that he was learning the tricks... as was she. It was safe to say, if he set off first and she left 5 minutes after, something was happening. But ten minutes, felt about right to him.

Every meeting since Damien had violated her trust and scanned all her messages, had been just that, a meeting. There may have been a small amount of flirting, but it was at heart purely business. This was different, she'd pressed for it and her eyes showed everything. Adam was always up for it. As soon as he heard the door slam closed, he grabbed her arm and pressed her up against the wall, their lips locked.

His right hand dug into her arm, he wanted to hold her tight, and his left hand caressed up her body: dancing from her breast to her perfect face. Even through her dress and bra he could still feel the perfect little mounds that were her tits. He wasn't alone in these actions; she pushed her crotch into his. Her pussy and his cock separated only by the cloth. This did not stop the feeling as the heat rose, the arousal.

Adam's hand eventually released her arm and slid down to her thigh, once it passed the hem of her dress, it immediately began traveling back up... underneath. Her soft creamy flesh felt angelic to his rough hands, it had no blemishes and as he got closer, her felt the moisture and heat of it. It was his prize. Her perfect cunt. His hands passed her panties then went back down, slipped through the lace, he could feel the few days of stubble and his cock went from semi-erect to full mast and leaking. His fingers found and started rubbing her clit and glanced her sticky, juicy opening.

Just as she let out a moan, pushing herself into him, someone walked by. Only Adam could see the, through the small glass panel in the door. It was enough to make him jump back, and once Angelika saw, that was it over. But it didn't leave his mind, the thought of getting caught stayed with Adam and turned him on just like the thought of his hand on her moist vagina.

Throughout the meeting, Adam could tell she was aroused, she'd bite her lip and sigh a lot, letting out raspy breaths. He knew her mind was on her throbbing clitoris and not: "Personal and business strategies you can use to better yourself and your results." He didn't blame her, he was still hard and wished her could rip her over the table and fuck her. But he couldn't. If they got caught that would be his relationship and job gone for a moment of pleasure, he also knew Angelika was too anxious, despite her arousal.

Towards the end of the meeting, she began to stop looking so aroused and looked sad almost... guilty. Her eyes never met his and her head drooped, all her body folded into itself. As their time came to an end, she confessed something, the thing that was clearly weighing her down.

"Adam we are going away, Damien and I... to Glastonbury music festival and I will not be able to speak to you for a week... I know it will be hard."

"Do you?" He sniggered. "Because when you don't have me, you get to hold Damien, you know who I hold? No one!" Adam didn't say it, but what angered him the most was that she could just throw him away, despite the love and attraction she preached.

"It's not like that..."

Adam just left, he wouldn't normally run from an argument, but he knew he'd never win one with her. "I don't need to hear it Angelika... I can't hear it." His voice broke as he left, but he managed to keep himself under control, holding in his emotions.

Where do we go from here?

After their week apart, Angelika returned to work, it was almost identical to her birthday. In that time, Adam had sent her a message as Herr Abenteuer. Herr Abenteuer was a persona Damien hadn't yet caught on to. The young man sent a selfie, along with a sexually charged caption and once again Damien had spat in her proverbial face and had checked her messages, he would have ignored the snap, had it not come through at the exact same time. Damien opened this mystery man's snap and saw a picture of Adam with the caption. "I won't let you get away with running off with Damien for the week. Wait till I tie you down and punish you."

At work once again he was ignored, Damien only saw him as a sexual threat, the guy has only taken Angelika sexually...once. Or so he'd convinced himself, even a blind man could see they'd done it more than that, but Damien forced himself to be ignorant. He did not want to believe it, so it wasn't real. At work he avoided eye contact with his wife's lover. He averted his eyes, like a child hiding under a blanket, if he didn't look, the threat wasn't real. His eyes hit the ground and remained fixed. He folded into his own world.

For Angelika she only saw herself and partly Damien, more so because society told her she had to. She was the victim: why does this happen to me? I do not deserve this. She mimicked Damien's behaviour at work and blanked Adam out. She locked eyes with the floor and walls. She felt a slight amount of empathy for Damien, only because she knew her friends and family would expect, if they ever knew. But in reality, she too only truly saw herself and viewed Adam in an abstract, simplistic sense. He wasn't a person, he wasn't her lover or her friend... that day he was the source of her woes. The Archetypal villain or devil in her story, he was the serpent that made Eve taste the forbidden fruit and doomed humanity to suffer.

For Adam, he had suffered for the week and while he felt sorry for himself, he also felt for her and deeply in his conscious: Damien. Neither of them understood his week. He flashed back and looked over everything that had led up to that moment.

After storming out of the meeting, where Angelika had broken the news to him, telling him he wouldn't be allowed to exist for a week, Adam had zoned out for the rest of the workday. He was so consumed in thoughts of Damien cuddling her in that tent at the music festival, the thought of her hands running through his hair, the thoughts of him making her smile, the thoughts of him fucking her, the thoughts of her ignoring him for an eternity... it went on and on. His eyes drooped and his face dropped into a frown, his shoulders slouched forward. As much as he tried to convince himself Damien did nothing for her, he could not shake the truth that he did enough to win her and enough to keep her. That scared him and pushed him deeper into the abyss, he could do so much for Angelika and he still lost, Damien did nothing and won.

Once he arrived home his mind was on one thing and one thing only: bed. He climbed his stairs and collapsed. The Dam broke and his tears cascaded down his face. Leaving subtle marks as to their journey. He sobbed into his pillow, crying himself to sleep at 6:30. But that did not free him, once in the dream realm he was hunted even more relentlessly by the thoughts of Damien and Angelika. He had no release from the spirits haunting him.

After a never-ending night of depressed sleep and anxious dreams he lay in bed, thinking about calling in sick. He was sick, sickened by his thoughts. He rolled over to get his phone to make that call but a message from Angelika delayed him. Do I leave it? Show her I don't care? But he did care, every fibre of his being called for her. He loved her, sexually, emotionally, and spiritually. He felt her when she wasn't there, like an amputee's phantom limb. He couldn't ignore that itch. He opened it and it gave him relief. She'd apologised: "I was not thinking properly. I am sorry about how cold I was Adam, and I did not think about you. But imagine what it is like for me having to deal with Damien. You said I did not understand you and how you felt, well, you do not fully understand my situation either."

An hour after she'd sent another message, clearly desiring a reply and pissed off he hadn't quickly replied like he usually did. "We can still message, your new snapchat is still good to use. Thinking about it, I should just said we will have to talk less. Most of the time I will be listening to music, but when I am not, I will be talking to you. That is if you still want to."

Her wicked words worked, and he suddenly felt as if he were in the wrong, he hadn't thought about how she'd feel. His outburst was wrong, and he'd probably scared her. Plus, her reassurance that he could still message her brightened his day as much as a candle brightens a dark room... enough to notice, but not enough to see fully. That's all he needed. He replied, telling her he was sorry and couldn't bear not chatting.

The day that they left he tried his hardest to avoid all social media, he couldn't bear to see them together and happy. The photos of them together would kill him. Yet as much as he couldn't bear to see them, not knowing was just as bad. His phone called him to explore the virtual realm, like a car crash; you want to look away, but you can't. Sometimes pain calls you more than pleasure and right then, it called him. He explored social media and on Instagram he found a picture of the 'loving' couple. Both of their faces were lined with smiles, they looked so happy to be going away together. It crushed him inside.

Back at work he snapped out of his trance and was brought back to the present situation. Regardless of how angry, sad or disappointed he was, he still had a job to do and a life to support. So, he had to go about his business. Once again, he was stuck in the tedious routine. He longed for her, not matter what that manifested itself as. Whether it was her glancing over and making a fleeting second of eye contact, her saying hello, her messaging him, her fucking him or anything and everything in-between. He stared over at her desk, just over from his, through the corner of his eyes. The sight that usually brought him such bliss, now delivered a cutting blow to him.

He craved breaking the ice, he desired going over and asking her to do a job or have a meeting, forcing an interaction. But he didn't, he decided this time to test her a little. He wanted to see if she did not want to be chased, maybe she wanted to chase, to be the lion going after the gazelle. So he would give her free reign to do so. As much as he wanted to be surrender, he knew that would not get him anywhere. So, he waited and waited.... The noise of the clock in the office and the sound of keys being pressed became like torture. Like the bladed pendulum swinging down, it ticked away to his demise. He didn't know if it would take an hour or a day or a week or a month or six months, but what he knew was: he would suffer now to have her later.

The first day back, he thought he'd lose; that been, he didn't get anything from her. But he was wrong, by the final hour she was glancing at him, every time his heart rate leaped up and his adrenaline surged. Yet he ignored her. The second day she was back, she began saying hello, he'd nod and smile; yet he ignored her. By day 3 she was bringing him a washed and full bottle of water, he would thank her; yet he ignored her. It was only on the fourth day that he finally started to started to feel he could drop his big act. She told him, out of nowhere: "I am going to go for a walk on Sunday, I need some alone time to think about what has happened recently. Anyway, I am only telling you so I can ask if you know anywhere nice, since you said you walk a lot."

His mind raced, that wasn't a hello, this was almost a proposition and he wanted her to be as close to him as possible. He knew the place, yet he pretended to think, not wanting her to believe his choice was deliberate.

"There's a wooded reservoir near me, next to some moors, you could walk for half an hour or all day depending on the route." He knew now was his chance. "I could go with you if you want, show you around so you don't get lost."

She stared back at him, her eyes locked with his as she thought about his offer, contemplating every intricate detail, as she always did. Angelika didn't know, she didn't know so she left it open. "Maybe... I do not know."

She did not say no and that excited Adam, yet he played cool: "That's fine, just tell me if you change your mind, I have an easy weekend planned as per usual."

She smiled back at him, showing more than the words that followed. "Thanks Adam, I'll see how I feel."

Once again, he didn't need anything else, for every 10 things he did for her, he only needed 1 from her. That was it, the suggestion they could meet did it all for him. That was the first day at work for almost two weeks he had left with a smile, rather than his usual defeated and exhausted look. His shoulders were back, and his head was up.

Angelika went home confused, she had met a man 7 years ago who had changed her life, enough to marry him 4 years after. 3 years of marriage and what was it worth? If It were worth everything, she wouldn't have cheated and wouldn't even consider going on that walk. If it was worth working on, then she'd ignore Adam or come up with an excuse as to not go, or to not go with him. But she was almost certain she'd go with Adam. She was confused because she knew she should care a lot about her husband. The dilemma of happiness and obligation plagued her.

The fateful day came, the day she was going to go for her walk... alone. Adam was in bed, thinking she wasn't going to take him up on his offer. Trying to convince himself, so that when she didn't message, he wasn't let down; and if she did, it would be a welcome surprise, to say the least. He laid his head down on his pillow and focused on mindlessness, on such pointless and repetitive thoughts that he was aware of nothing. This killed away some time, then he'd check his phone. Then he'd think of pointless things, then check his phone. He began to fantasise about her, about his Angel, his Peach. She was always one or two thoughts away. He planned out how the day would go; how he'd want it to go.

Laid in bed with Damien, Angelika thought very carefully about how she'd proceed. She knew she wanted to meet Adam, it was no accident she'd asked her lover for his recommendations. But she didn't want to give too much away, she didn't want to lose the power that ambiguity gave her. She couldn't be vulnerable to him, or anybody, including herself. So, she thought about the message. Typing it out five or six times before finally sending it. She wanted it to be plain, yet suggestive, she settled on: "Adam, I have looked this place up and I am hopeless with directions, I will only get lost walking around alone. If you show me around once, I will know for the future when I go by myself."

Through rose tinted glasses Adam translated the message to mean she wanted him; deep down maybe he was right. He tried to encapsulate his excitement within a barrier of apathy. "That works for me, I was just gonna have a lazy day, but some fresh air will be good. Plus, it's always a good day when I get to see your beautiful face."

Their backwards and forwards set a time and nothing else, he got dressed and got in his car. At the reservoir he caught sight of her in her car, she caused him to take a deep breath. No matter how many times he played out scenarios in his head, no matter how much time he spent with her at work, she could always catch him off guard. He signalled she should drive up the hill to the top car park, he followed behind. While it was insignificant to her, it was no accident that he led her there. He wouldn't usually venture up the hill and did so today, he did so today so it would be separate from a normal trip. He wanted this walk, for better or for worse to be its own. Not like the 100s of others he'd had.

The tension was immediately obvious, Adam's hands were in his pockets and Angelika's hands clung to her body, folded. Neither smiled at each other, they just nodded and said a brief hello. It was if neither of them wanted to be the first to admit their ulterior motives, motives that they were both arrogant enough to think the other did not know. Though every step they took chipped away at the façade, their hands slowly began to sway at their sides, their shoulders fell as if freed of an imaginary burden. A smile even occasionally broke through their attempts to appear miserable or uncaring.

The reservoir was a beautiful place, a large stone walkway stretched across one of its banks and allowed the pair to see perfectly over the pearlescent surface, over to the wooded walkway. The tree line was mirrored, the sun left a streak down the middle of the water. Passing bye, they got to a gateway that led away from the pool. Adam intentionally led them this way, as it led to some of his favourite places on the moors and to a longer walk. He wanted to, as he tried to do with every encounter, squeeze every little thing out of it. He wanted every second to be doubled, every smile to be bigger and every laugh to last longer.

Through the gate, they began to climb a small dirt track, surrounded on one side by dense trees and the other by tall pale grass. Small rocks littered the sandy track. After 10 minutes or so the trees fell behind them and they were in the open, surrounded by moors, a beautiful lake. The opening of the footpath lead to a mirroring of conversation, it finally opened up. She dropped the act of hostility and he dropped the act of indifference.

"By the way..." she said between breaths. "I brought some water for us, a snack and some..." Angelika took another breath. "Some sun cream, you know how you burn."

Adam smiled, she had just affirmed what he already knew, or at least was almost certain about. She had planned for him to be there and she wanted him to be there.

"I do love a snack." He gazed at her, at last he properly took in her beauty. She wore blue denim skinny jeans, sketchers walking boots, a loose t-shirt, and her sunglasses on. Coupled with her subtle smile and her blowing in the wind, she looked gorgeous to him. "What snacks did you bring?"

"Just a bar of dairy milk, marvellous creations."

That was his favourite, and he knew that she knew, "You know me too well Peach." She smiled at the use of her pet name.

"It was just the first one I picked up." She tried to maintain the illusion that him being there was a last-minute thing. But she knew Adam was smarter than that, he had already figured her out. Just as she knew that he was, regardless of his act, so excited to see her.

"Beautiful..."

"What is?" she quizzed him, swinging her head as if to make eye contact through her sunglasses.

"The day, it's a beautiful day, I love the sun and the water here is wonderful."

"The day... yes it is." Just as he'd caught her out, she'd caught him out.