All Comments on 'The Seduction of Veronica Ch. 01'

Now i'd read the 2nd part, the 1st part makes more sense, So part 2 has to be read in conjunction.

Well, the story is a good hot story. But you flip back and forth on who is with who. In one section Veronica is licking Yolanda, and in the next paragraph, the two have changed places and Yolanda is licking Veronica... the dis-continuity of your story needs polish. Re-read it with a critical eye and make sure it all makes sense.

Also, see if you can expand on how Sam comes around to being ok with his wife being a Bi Black Cock slut. He seems to just accept it too rapidly in the story.

Hope you understand this is just constructive help from a reader.

Good luck!

Good story, but could be better. You could check your who's who.you keep mixing your characters rolls. But is was hot.

Lack of continuity between characters. Ie: who's who?

Also, a really fanciful unrealistic concept about addiction.

Why did you feel the need to go there?

Now the Women are victims without choice {not hot and raped} rather than them choosing to be QOS on their own {XXXtremely HOT!}

A rewrite without the drugs and clearing up the characters and their motivations would make this infinitely better.

Incredible concept, really enjoyed it, did struggle a bit with the names, thought they were switching around at times, may just have been me, and I do wish you hadn't used the drug for addiction, it would have been so much hotter if it had been purely manipulation from Karen making Veronica move towards being a QoS, but thank you for writing a story that on the whole I enjoyed

Greg x

This series has a lot of potential but it's incredibly too long!