Part 04: The Shopping List

"What kind of bar is this?" I asked Mistress Mia.

"The kind of bar where you need to know your place, boy"

I filled our glasses. We toasted with a clink and both took a healthy drink. I was feeling intoxicated having not eaten in several hours, or maybe it was sitting with Mistress Mia.

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

She knew where I was going. "My chemo? My cancer?

"Yes."

"Don't worry, honey. Breast cancer. Not to say that's not serious, but I found the lump before anything spread. Now I have a lovely scar." She drew a line with her left hand under her right breast. "But I can't swing my right arm now, and that's my whipping arm." A second later we were collapsing into each other laughing. Our heads shaking uncontrollably and bouncing off each other's, our hands holding the other's shoulder. And a second later we were kissing, my hand cupping the back of her bald head, her nails scraping my neck. We stopped as abruptly as we had started. We disengaged and leaned back in our chairs. "Standard protocol. Cut out the tumor then spend a few months with radiation and chemo. It beats being dead."

"So you're okay?"

"Are you okay? Is anyone okay? I'm alive and I will survive." I thought she might start singing, but she said, "Finish your story."

I emptied my glass and filled it, and topped hers.

"Okay. He pulled me off his cock. I said ouch and he ignored me. I hoped I had scraped him with my teeth. He didn't seem hurt. He asked me if I swallow. I told him no, and using his logic I added, not on the first date. He said you're going to swallow my load tonight. And I said, no, I won't. And he grabbed my neck in that vise grip of his, and he said, "You have to make a choice. You finish sucking my cock here in the car and you drink my cum. My wife needs the car tomorrow and I can't leave any mess behind. She's a neat freak.' I wondered if she swallowed his cum to avoid cleaning up his mess. I asked what the other choice was. He made it very clear. He nodded to a stack of pallets next to the dock and said, 'I take you over to those pallets, tear down your pants and fuck the shit out of you. And there will be shit. There will be shit and jizz on my dick when I'm done. Then you'll drop to your knees and lick it clean. You want to be licking shit off my cock, you stupid bitch?' My choice was pretty clear. I pushed his hand away from my neck and leaned over and sucked his dick. I swear to god it took this asshole another 10 minutes to cum. When he did he bucked his hips smashing my ear into the steering wheel. 'Suck it deep, Bertha!' and while he was dumping into my mouth I was trying to figure out who the hell is Bertha! I swallowed all of it. I gagged and almost threw up with his cock in my mouth but I controlled myself. It tasted awful, like he'd had anchovies and asparagus for dinner. I told myself, I'm done. After this I am finished. No more cock for me. Celibacy is the wave of the future. I'll become a fucking monk, wear a robe and wander the halls of a drafty monastery before I ever suck another dick!"

Mistress Mia smiled and said, "I see you didn't become a monk. Or you did become a monk but being alone among all those other men, not knowing if they had anything on under those robes..."

"Yeah, it was too much. The group monk showers were the worst."

"That guy was an asshole. What happened after he came in your mouth?"

"He said, get out of my car, as he put his slimy dick away and buckled his belt. I was furious and embarrassed. I would gladly leave his car, but he grabbed my wrist and said he'd look for me online so we could do this again. I knew that wasn't happening, so I left his car, got in mine and drove away. All the way home I was filled with dread. Maybe he has my license plate number and he'll track me down if I don't meet him again. Maybe he's HIV positive, and I have the virus in my belly. Maybe he'll stalk me online. I was a wreck. I drove a few miles and pulled over on a quiet street, jumped out of my car and threw up on somebody's lawn. I sat on the curb and cried. Like a little boy. Eventually I drove home. I stayed in bed all day the next day. Called off sick at work. My wife wished me well and left for work and I showered 3 times. I brushed my teeth and gargled every hour. I paced the floor. I smoked a couple joints hoping the pot would help me calm down."

"Did that help? I have a prescription to cope with my chemo. You know, if you're having any flashbacks."

Doctor Mistress Mia, my new best friend. Why hadn't met her before "Gary" became Master? She seemed like she would have been a kinder, gentler Dom.

"After a couple of weeks I took action. I had avoided the chat room. When I checked the account I saw he had sent me several messages asking me if I was ready to suck him dry. I threw up in my throat when I read that. I resolved to cancel the account. But first I made an appointment to get tested. I went to a clinic, had my blood drawn and waited another couple of weeks to return and have the nurse tell me the test was negative. I went home and cancelled the online account. If he was going to find me I would probably already had heard from him. So I put that all behind me."

"Until I made you tell the story." I nodded. "Feel better?"

"Yeah, just being with you..."

He held up a hand. "Stop that shit. You're not mine. You're his, Master whoever the hell he is."

"Gary. He told me his name is Gary."

She grinned. "Is he a contractor or builder or something like that?"

"Yes."

"Big guy? Salt n pepper hair? Nice solid build? Real nice tan. Big hands?"

"Yes, ma'am." I had felt like I had found an escape hatch but it was suddenly sealed up with the handle broken off.

"Oh, baby, you are in for some fun. I know him. He's okay. But do yourself a favor. Visit my blog and figure out how you're going to set some boundaries." My heart was breaking. She could see my disappointment. She took my hands in hers, resting on the table between us. "Sugar, you are too easy. You're in a fragile place right now. I would gladly take you away from him, but I can't swing my whip for shit right now. And how would I train you?"

I was speechless. I sipped my beer. She saw tears in my eyes. She pitied me. Not because of Master Gary, but because of me. She thought I was weak.

"Look, you had a bad experience with that jerk in the car. He's not a Dom. He's an asshole. You serviced him and he sent you packing. A true Dom would have held you or helped you cum or at least make you feel your value to him."

"Gary does that for me."

"Master Gary," she corrected me. "Yeah, I met him a few times with his last sub. I could see it in his eyes, he loved that guy. And they took care of each other. That's the bond you have to establish. But you have to set the rules with him before you submit again."

"Yes, Mistress Mia."

"You met Master Gary online?"

"Yes. After a few months of abstinence I signed back up to the website with a new screen name."

"Abstinence?" She looked skeptical. "You get wood if the wind blows the wrong way."

"Abstinence as in I wasn't hooking up with strangers. I watched porn and jerked off, but I was alone."

"You met him in a chat room?"

"Yes, ma'am. It wasn't unlike the time I met that asshole who forced me to suck his cock. It started very innocently. It was like an interview process. We asked and answered each other's questions. It went on for months. He was very patient. But he was also direct and blunt about meeting after a while. He said he was tired of putting it off, and I apologized, and I said I was anxious to meet. I said I wanted nothing more than to make him happy about meeting me."

"Mmm-hmm. You exposed yourself. He could tell you were a good candidate for training. You wanted to please him, and that's what he was looking for. Did you please him?"

"I hope I did. I guess I did or he wouldn't have sent me shopping." And I wouldn't have met you, I thought.

She read my mind. "Put that thought out of your head. If I sent you shopping there would have been one more item on the list. A strap on dildo. Unlike your friend in the car I would fuck the shit out of you."

We drank in silence for a few minutes. She noticed the record bag next to my chair. "May I?" she asked and reached for the bag, pulling out the LPs without waiting for me to answer. "Interesting selections. My guess is one of these records is for Master Gary. Is it the Stranglers? Seems appropriate."

"He likes jazz."

"Match made in heaven. He likes jazz, you like jizz." We had another fit of laughter but didn't touchm hug or kiss.

Our pitcher was emptied a few minutes later. We drank in silence. I was going to leave her and probably never see her again. We said goodnight to the bartender. She said goodnight to Mistress Mia and ignored me. A cool breeze was blowing outside and I wish I had stopped to pee before we left. We walked in the direction of my car.

"You need a ride home?" I asked.

"No, thanks, I live up the street and around the corner and up a few flights of stairs." I took her hand. I pulled her close. We hugged, and I wanted to kiss her but I knew it wouldn't happen. I looked into those beautiful pale blue eyes. "Boy, you might be too sensitive for what awaits. I'm not saying this to encourage your crush, but if you have doubts...serious fucking doubts... you send me an email. I'll talk you down."

"What if I called you?"

"I wouldn't answer."

"I'll leave a message."