All Comments on 'The Slave Emporium Pt. 01: Sara'

Definatly a good start. I wonder what's next.

However, i have some constructive critisism. There are often times where the explenation seems to go from one thing to another thing thats completly removed from the first subject. Making things flow into eachother more seems like a good point to focus on.

A second part is the internal consistency. All slaves are completly free to leave? But strolling around 2 times earns a branding? That seems a bit excessive to have the slaves keep on as a voluntary slave.

Thank you for your comments.

Not being a proper writer in just let my words flow.

I do a spell check but have no one to proof read and when i re read i dont spot them

Love sara xx

I really don’t think this is for me. It’s definitely not BDSM, it’s not Consensual and there’s nothing remotely Sane about it. You’ve painted a very grim picture of this alternate world/ future.

Unsurprisingly it’s a rigged slavery system that leaves no escape for its victims despite the claims to the contrary. How is the girl brought in by the piss poor excuse of a relative supposed to earn any money for herself if it’s all going to go to said relative? That makes her permanent property. The other girl at least presented herself to the Slave Emporium so whatever money she earns will be hers to keep presumably minus a handling fee.

Then to make matters worse they hire on misogynists to “train” the girls. It doesn’t make sense that she got punished for something he did to her (that’s the first beating by Philips)

Lots of people will love your story so don’t let my comments get you down. It’s just not for me I prefer my BDSM stories to contain BDSM. If you don’t have an editor/ proof reader then try reading it to yourself out loud it might make errors stand out.

Best of luck with your writing. Tess (uk)

Thank you so much for your comments and points, i so appreciate your time.

The banner of BDSM covers all manner of kinks, it just we are never restrained and we can walk away from it all which is why i thought it important to mention it.

The few made up stories i write are based on the 3 Fs, Fact, fiction and fantasy.

I will post part 2 and hope you may change your mind a tad, thank you Miss Tess, sara brown, xx