The Spark

It was confusing. She had always been so sure of herself. She took pride in her knowledge of her own heart and spirit. She was in control of her emotions and her actions at all times, but with Alan..., all that 'self awareness' flew out the proverbial window when it came to Alan. He didn't do it on purpose, or did he? The man had such self assurance, yet an air of self deprecation that was completely disarming.

She tucked Tanis in bed and kissed his forehead. She checked on Ester who had been asleep for nearly an hour already. It was her time now, so she took up her book and went to curl up on her couch. She brought the phone with her, set it on the coffee table and stared at it for a long moment. She reached to pick up the receiver as she had almost every night since having pizza with Alan and her fingers hesitated over the touch pad. She had lost her nerve every time before but still she tried.

She wasn't afraid of rejection. She feared that she would lose control again. It was a wonderful and terrifying experience, should she risk it? She knew that it would change her life and she wasn't exactly sure if she wanted that or even if she could handle it. Her fingers flexed and fluttered with her indecision. Each evening it had become harder to fight the temptation. She wanted to hear his voice, to visualize his smile, the way he had of running his hand through his light brown hair and the twinkle in his blue eyes.

Her fingers punched in his phone number except for the last digit. What if he wasn't home? What if he WAS? She hung up the receiver and returned to her reading. After some minutes she realized she could not remember a single word she had read.

She's started over at the top of the page but soon again her mind wondered to Alan. "This is ridiculous!" She said out loud. She picked up the phone again and dialed all the numbers this time. The phone rang on the other end once, twice, then a third time. She was about to hang up when the phone came to life with his voice.

"Hello?" He said. She didn't answer for a moment, actually surprised to hear him. She already felt the energy over the phone line straight to her heart.

"Alan?" She spoke barely above a whisper.

"Dee, I am so glad to hear from you, are you alright?"

"Yes, yes, I just had a moment with my voice is all. I'm fine and how are you?"

"To tell you the truth, I was just thinking about you and how much I'd like to talk to you. You must have picked up on my thought waves," Alan laughed, but he wasn't really joking, he had been thinking of her, she was almost constantly on his mind and he really wanted to talk to her but felt it inappropriate to call her.

"You may think this is weird, but I miss you," He said honestly.

"Yes, that is a little weird since we only just met and had lunch together that one time," Dee paused a moment and added quietly, "that's what I've been telling myself all week."

"You too, huh?"

Dee could hear his smile over the phone. "Yes, we seem to have a strange but very strong connection. What do you suppose it means?"

Alan hoped it meant that God intended Dee for him. He hoped it meant that soon they would begin seeing each other and soon after that fall in love and soon after that marry, but that was too much to say right now. Right now he just hoped to spend some time with her.

"I don't know but I would like to find out."

"If you ask, I'll say yes," offered Dee and just let the statement hang in the air.

"Do you want to meet for lunch, dinner, a movie, any or all of the above?"

"Yes, lets make it lunch, there is a place near my work that is good: Frank's Diner?"

"I know the place, yes"

"Tomorrow at 11:50?"

"I'll be there,"

"Good, I can't wait." Dee cringed, she didn't mean to divulge how anxious she was to see him but she slipped up again and spoke her heart. She was leaving a lot of herself open for him, she only hoped that she would not regret her own brazen behavior.

Somehow she felt completely safe with Alan. She felt completely at ease when she was with him, until they touched that is. When they touched it was like they were all alone and her heart raced and she blushed uncontrollably. But most surprising of all, she felt an urge in her loins that she had never experienced before. The feeling was so overwhelming she was uneasy just thinking of it. She figured that the only way she would be able to stay in control of herself would be to keep from touching him, which would be difficult because she desperately wanted to touch him...a lot!

She held onto the receiver while she thought and only came back to the present when the phone emitted some obnoxious tones and a recorded voice informed her that she had waited too long to dial.

"So much for giving myself time to heal." She said to herself as she put the receiver in its cradle, "I will just have to keep my distance and keep it 'just friends' for now. But as she climbed into bed, her thoughts were far from being 'just friends'. She imagined him kissing her, undressing her, and moving between her legs. Her fingers danced upon her clitoris, enhancing her fantasy. When she exploded, in her mind it was Alan who lit the fuse. Afterward, she slowly calmed and her breathing returned to normal. "Now I can sleep," she thought to herself just before she drifted into a satisfying slumber.

****************

Work went slowly the next morning. She looked up at the clock so often that Helen who sat at the front desk beside her noticed.

"Do you have an appointment today?"

The last thing Dee wanted was to divulge her new obsession to Helen. Helen was probably in her late 40's but looked older. She was a stereotype of the overbearing, gossipy co-worker. Dee's ex-husband said she reminded him of Ethel Merman and Dee had to admit that was spot on. Helen was brash and blunt but she had a good heart, she was just nosey and in everyone else's business. If Helen knew a piece of juicy information about someone you could be sure that the whole Reproductive Health building would hear about it before noon. She thought quickly but hadn't prepared a cover story as yet.

"Oh no, I'm going to meet my Dad for lunch is all." Dee knew that wouldn't satisfy Helen but it was the best she could come up with in the instant.

"Really?" asked Helen, "Is he alright?" Dee cringed, she didn't want her lie to get too complicated or too many people involved. She just wanted to satisfy Helen's curiosity enough to stop her from asking questions and spreading tales.

"No, he is just getting ready to visit family in Kansas and wanted to have lunch with me on the way to catch his flight." This was a fairly safe lie; her Dad was going to Kansas tomorrow so if Helen asked him about his trip he wouldn't be surprised or suspicious.

"Oh, that's nice," Helen said with little additional interest.

Good! Dee congratulated herself for a decent and believable story thought up on the fly. But suddenly she remembered she had arranged to meet Alan at Frank's where Helen and others from the office often took in lunch. She decided she would visit the staff room to peek in the fridge; if Helen's designer lunch bag was there it meant she would likely be eating lunch in the staff room. "Still," she thought, "maybe I should have designated a different place." She decided to try to catch him as he drove up and go somewhere else.

Helen's lunch bag was in the fridge which caused her some relief, but others from her office and the building lunched at Frank's so she determined that she needed to try to head off Alan and go somewhere else.

After the close call with Helen, Dee tried to ignore the clock but found it next to impossible. 11:45 she began to gather her purse and shawl to head for Frank's.

"Say 'Hi' to your Dad," said Helen with a note of sarcasm in her voice. Maybe she hadn't lied as well as she thought.

She arrived at Frank's before Allan so she waited in her car with a careful eye for his sedan. As she waited, she saw several people from her work go into the Diner so she knew it would be better to go elsewhere. She hoped that Alan knew of a place a little less frequented by her co-workers.

Soon he pulled into the parking lot but before he could find a place, she jumped from her car and flagged him down. She hurried to his car and opened the passenger door and slid in.

"Well, hi there," he said with amusement in his voice, "are you okay?" As he glanced around to see what caused her stealth.

"Everything is just fine, I'll explain over lunch. Can we go somewhere else?"

"Sure, I know a quaint little Mexican restaurant, Rosa's. It's a mom and pop sort of place with about a 10 tables. Best Mexican food in the state!"

"That sounds perfect." She stared at him for a moment. She forgot how good looking he was. He glanced at her and smiled. She smiled back then looked at his strong hands on the steering wheel. She imagined them on her shoulders, pulling her to him for a passionate kiss. She imagined them stroking her breasts and pinching her nipples and then gliding down her abdomen, she imagined...then she stopped herself and blushed. She would have to curtail her imagination and cool those feelings down or she would be fucking him before the day was out! This was going to be harder than she thought.

"So what is it with the intrigue? Don't get me wrong, it's kind of exciting but I'd like to know what kind of action adventure I'm in?"

"Oh, its nothing really, I just don't want my co-workers asking a bunch of questions I'm not ready to answer. There are quite a few who eat at Frank's, that's all."

"Okay, I am confident enough to believe that you aren't ashamed to be seen with me so it must be you feel uneasy about dating again already."

"I did tell you that already once."

"Yes, I remember. I was hoping you changed your mind, but that's alright, I'm just happy to be with you."

She looked at him intently as he drove. He was telling the truth. He was happy to be with her, he had a self-assured smile on his face. He was content and she knew, somehow that it was because of her presence with him.

When they arrived at the small restaurant she began to open the car door.

"Wait!" He exclaimed and jumped out from behind the wheel as quickly as he could.

"What?" She asked, but he didn't hear her or at least he didn't answer. He almost ran around the front of the car and opened the door for her, reached in and took her hand to guide her out.

Their hands touched again and once again the impulses flowed between them. She was certain that had been his intention - an excuse to touch her. She didn't mind, she was getting so she liked it very much, perhaps too much. She tripped a little as she stepped from the vehicle and caught herself in his arms, their lips were inches apart and she gasped at the proximity.

"I have an overwhelming desire to kiss you," said Alan in a low husky voice and without asking her put his hand behind her head and guided her lips to his. This was no friends kiss, this was a lover's kiss and she was caught completely off guard. It took her breath away and her breasts heaved with her lust.

Alan broke the kiss, but added just a peck on her moist lips as he pulled away.

"You are the best kisser I have ever kissed," he said so earnestly that she was sure he was telling the truth. She pulled herself closer to him, forgetting for the moment they were in a public parking lot and kissed him with equal fervor.

When they finally parted lips, Alan looked in her eyes and simply said, "Wow!"

" 'Wow' is right," Dee replied. She pursed her lips then slowly ran her tongue from one corner of her mouth to the other as if to savor the taste of his kiss.

Both lingered still embracing, not willing to let the magical moment pass. Neither realized it at the time, but it would become a pivotal moment in each of their lives, a moment each of them would remember to their dying day. Dee also was as yet unaware but she lost her heart to Alan in that ecstatic moment. Neither were able to foresee the future, but at this moment in time they began to perceive themselves not as two separate individuals but as a couple.

"We better get into the restaurant before..."

"Yes!" She knew what he meant. She knew that had he pushed her into the back seat of his car at that moment she would have willingly gone without thinking of the consequences.

They entered the restaurant and were welcomed by Rosa, for which the establishment was named, and her husband Alfredo, who ushered them to the only remaining table.

"Señor Alan! So good to see you mi amigo, and with such a lovely señorita! Muy Bonita!"

"What did he say at the end there?" Dee asked, as Alfredo went to get water.

"He said you were very beautiful."

"Oh," Dee blushed a little, "they seem very nice, you must come here a lot."

"About once a week, they are good people."

Dee ordered a Taco Salad and Alan ordered his usual Arroz con Pollo.

They sat without speaking for several minutes and gazed into each other's eyes.

"We have a big problem," Dee said at last, "I can't deny the feelings I have for you. I don't understand it, but there is no denying it. I can't do this right now but I can't stay away from you!"

"I hope you aren't going to ask me to discourage a relationship between us because I don't think I can do that. I don't understand it either but you are everything I have have always wanted, I don't think I can bring myself to deny what I feel. I don't think you should deny it either.

"Not even if I ask you to?"

"Dee..." Alan looked at her and saw her distress and re-thought his words. "What do you propose?"

"Can we take it real slow...platonic, even; just friends?"

"No more kissing?"

"Not like what just happened."

"That wasn't all me," Alan said slyly.

"I know, I know." She drew both hands down over her face. "What are we going to do?"

"I have been single a long time so I am in a different stage than you. I'm ready for a relationship and even marriage with the right person, but I can understand that you are not there yet."

"I was single and living on my own for only about 2 years after I moved out of my parent's house. Then I was married for 10 years. Now I have only been on my own with the kids for about 8 months. My divorce was final only last month, so I have not had much time to be a person in charge of my own life."

"What happened to your marriage?"

"I should have never married Gene. Don't get me wrong, he is a good man, but I didn't love him. I mean... I love him, but not in the way a wife should love a husband. He was the brother of my best friend's fiancé and we were always running around together so it seemed like it would be like we were one big family, and it kind of was, but it wasn't enough. I knew the day of our wedding I was making a mistake but I couldn't bring myself to stop it. I thought maybe I would grow to love him. It never happened. We fought a lot, sometimes even physically, I'm ashamed to say. He didn't hit me even when I goaded him, but I just couldn't stand the tension any more.

I decided he deserved to find someone who really loved him and..."

"So did you," finished Alan smiling kindly. "Now you've been a single Mom for 8 months?"

"Well, longer really, Gene and I didn't operate as a family for the last year or so. He helped with the kids but I did most of feeding, clothing and running them around. I had a big case of PPD after Ester was born that he was a real help with, but since then it's was on me. It hasn't been too much different on my own since we separated."

"I've been alone long enough to know that being together with someone you love is better than being single," said Alan simply.

"I need to find that out on my own...I think," Dee put her elbows on the table and buried her face in her hands, "oh...I don't know!"

Their food came at that moment and they ate silently for a while. At last their eyes met and they smiled at one another. It served to soften the moment and their hearts again found common ground.

Alan set his fork down and wiped his mouth with his napkin. "Let's define our situation:" He paused for effect, "I am strongly attracted to you, and you, I believe, feel the same..."

"Yes!" Dee interjected, with a little more enthusiasm than she intended.

"...I am ready to proceed full ahead to fully explore whether we are what I suspect: 'made for each other' to be a bit 'high school' about it.

Dee smiled and unconsciously fluttered her eyelashes at him.

"Adorable," he smiled to himself and continued, "You are feeling the need to find your own way for a while, to feel comfortable with yourself and with your children. To reassure yourself that you are capable and have done the right thing."

"Exactly!" Dee brightened, relieved that he understood her and was able to verbalize her feelings even better than she could.

"What we need to do is find a way that you can fulfill your need and keep me a part of your life."

"That would be wonderful, do you think we can?"

"I think the question is, do YOU think we can?"

Dee speared a cherry tomato and popped it in her mouth as she thought for a moment. She wanted it both ways if possible. If she could take care of herself, her job and kids and have Alan at the same time, it would be wonderful..difficult but wonderful.

"I'm not sure but I would like to try. What would that involve?"

"Well, I want as much of you and your time as possible, but I'll take whatever you are willing and able to give."

Dee just looked at him and smiled. He had the cutest way of putting things in such a way that made her feel special and desirable and yet not smother her.

"Would getting together once a week be enough? I'm thinking family things like we did for pizza or maybe going for picnics in the park or ball games - things like that."

"Yes, that would be fine, but I would like some alone time with you, too"

"That might be dangerous. We would have to be very careful." Dee wanted alone time with him too, but they didn't seem to be able to keep their hands off each other when they were alone together.

"How about one "date" a month until you, er...we are ready for more?"

"But no overnight stays..." Dee added.

"Well, no, naturally. I hadn't even been considering that, though, now that you

mention it..." Alan winked at her, "leered" at her on purpose then raised and lowered his eyebrows several times.

"Stop it!" Dee laughed and slapped his arm lightly, but the touch sent the same impulse through her again and she blushed visibly.

"You're blushing again," Alan smiled knowingly. She was thinking about the same thing he was! She wanted him as much as he wanted her. That knowledge gave his confidence a boost and eased his fears about the arrangement they were forging. She was not trying to avoid a relationship with him she was trying to keep him close while she had room to grow. It just may serve to build their relationship, or that is what he hoped.

"So Alan, we see each other once a week and once a month for an actual date, then, of course we can talk on the phone."

"Any limits to that?"

"Please don't call me at work, and no calls after 8 pm.

"Could I call your work to make an appointment?

"For who? Dr. Salmon is an obstetrician!"

"Darn, I shouldn't have asked. I should have waited for you to tell me that over the phone."

"No calls to my work!" She smiled. The banter was fun and proved to her that he was alright with her restrictions.

"I'll have to think of ways to get around your rules."

"Alan! You'll get me in trouble."

"Babe, you ARE trouble, don't you know that?

She blushed again, looked down at her salad and rearranged the lettuce with her fork. She liked that he called her 'babe' her ex had always called her 'hon', but she never thought of herself as 'trouble'. She was always in complete control, until she met Alan. She was still baffled as to what it was about him that disarmed her so.