The Stigma

Raj appears insulted, "Well neither am I!"

I roll my eyes, and here they go, defending their masculinity, but I try to remember the kinds of social pressure men grow up with. The pressure that tries to shape you into the mold of a 'normal' man.

"You're gonna say what you guys did was not gay?" Dan scolds, "I was there, remember?" He takes a moment to consider his words. His eyes shut tightly for a moment, pushing against the bandages. His gaze softens as he says to me, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to make it sound like that."

"Guys," I put my fingers to my temple, "let's not talk like this."

"Well, I think we should come to an understanding about what we did and what we do going forward," Raj says quietly.

Dan shakes his head, "No, maybe the best thing is that we just pretend it never happened."

"You guys are my friends, I don't want what happened to ruin things," he responds back.

"Well," Dan locks his fingers together, "it might be too late for that."

"Are you saying you don't want to deal with us anymore?"

"I don't know what I'm saying," he replies with sincerity.

"If you want us to leave, we'll leave."

"That's ok, go ahead if you want to."

"Guys! Don't do that," I plead awkwardly, "don't draw a line in the sand." I wish nothing more than to not have this conversation. Not now.

Raj blurts out, "He wants us out of here!"

"I didn't say that, you did."

"Dan," I take a heavy breath, "in all honesty, do you really want us to leave?"

He sits motionless, then sniffs and says, "Honestly, no... you guys are my friends. I just don't know how we can fix this." He covers his eyes with his palms.

"Who says we need to fix anything," Raj crossed his arms.

"I'm not gay!"

"Well, why don't we let someone who is, put your mind at ease then?" Raj spat sarcastically. He had suddenly directed the spotlight on me.

Dan uncovers his eyes; they were red and dewy; he is now looking at me. It's as if he's pleading for me to relieve the pressure. I am without words and just glare back at both of them.

Dan breaks the silence and says, "Listen, I'm not mad, I just really feel all over the place right now. Can you interpret what we did, am I gay or bi or something?"

"Of course not!" I scowl at them.

At that, Raj motioned with his hand, showing his agreement with me.

I shake my head, "As far as I know, neither of you guys are."

"Exactly my point," Raj says, leaning back in his chair, and crossing his arms again.

"I wanna hear it from him," Dan snapped back, pointing towards me.

"Look, here's my thoughts," I shift myself to sit upright, "as far as I'm aware, you're both straight. Gay or bi means you have the ability to fall in love with a man, what we did was not love, it was just some fun. You guys were doing something that made you feel good. That's all."

"So why DID we do it?" Dan pleaded.

"I don't know! Maybe it was hormones or stimulation, maybe you were desperate, I don't know!" I shake my head in disbelief at the situation, this was all an unexpected turn of events. I've never had to deal with this before and it caught me off guard. "It was casual whatever it was. I think that the three of us weren't getting what we wanted for a long time, and because we know each other, felt comfortable with each other, and because we weren't drawing boundaries, we just...did what we did. That doesn't make you gay, I mean, did either of you think of men while you were doing it?"

They both shake their heads and then look to me to continue. From within his eyes, I can see the bandages around Dan weaken.

"Exactly," I conclude, "you were just acting out a fantasy, well...maybe 'fantasy' is the wrong word, but you were just having fun, no strings attached."

"No strings attached?" Dan asks sincerely.

"None," I confirm. I draw a deep breath, "It's ok for consenting adults to just do something that makes them feel good, you shouldn't have to worry how others will think of you."

Daniel's troubled gaze softens, his jaw which had been clamped tightly, was now loosening. The bandages fall away.

I add, "Correct me if I'm wrong, but it didn't seem to me like you guys hated it."

"I didn't hate it," Dan admitted. His shoulders relax as he sits back.

"I didn't hate it!" Raj declared proudly, crossing his arms.

I lean forward, putting my hands together on the table, "Do you want it to stop, do you want us to pretend it never happened?"

Dan rubs his nose and looks down, "No, I mean...I don't know. If it happens again, it happens again, I guess."

"Exactly," I affirmed, "Let's not put too much thought into it, that's where it becomes over-complicated. If it makes you uncomfortable, we don't ever have to do that again."

Dan nods calmly.

Raj sits up straight, "What if I want to?"

Our eyes shoot over at him. Dan asks, "What do you mean? Like...you enjoyed it that much?"

Raj sighs, "All I know is that I've never busted a nut like that before. It was fun, the whole time I was imagining someone else, the most beautiful, full-breasted woman..."

"Oh good, I was afraid the image of me wasn't enough," I interrupt sarcastically.

Dan chuckles with a playful grin.

Raj continues, "I mean that it's like you said, it was just casual fun. A lot of fun." He laughs to himself, placing his hands behind his head, "I couldn't get that from my last girlfriend. No pressure, or expectation. I was able to do what I wanted; it was great! I don't exactly want it to stop." He slouches in his chair, breaking eye contact and speaking candidly, "I kind of...have other things I want to try...the next time it happens."

My eyes grow wide, and I peer over at Dan who is shocked as well, it's as if I can see the graphic images that flood his head at this very moment. Within my pants, my cock stirred.

Dan gulped.

The doorbell rings. Pizza is here, and the night is still young.

--END--