All Comments on 'The Stock Agent'

typical cheating garbage 1*

Actually the beginning of a good story; keep going!

This one needs more fleshing out......you can't simply leave me hanging...lol.

Please continue. Nice flash story. Snap shot really. Characters seem to have some emotional depth. Let us see how Marge and Jim deal with impending conflict. She seems sympathetic but obviously flawed. How does she hold up under pressure. Reveal her full character.

Nice start. It takes a great deal of balls to put yourself out there for public scrutiny. You've already accomplished something most people can't do or won't take the chance to do. Again, please continue, and thanks for sharing your talent.

I want to know how good old Jim is when he starts dating Joan after he gets rid of tthe cheater and never has to buy the cow. That is, when he puts the one he has out to pasture

Her marriage means nothing they really should divorce.

I would really like to know if Marge is pregnant,if her husband finds out before she gets an abortion,and what,if anything he does about it.

First, how the hell does a wife helping run a ranch have nothing to do? Unless the husband spoils her rotten, which would explain her fucking him over. Oh, that's right, his wife is beautiful 38 years old and he hasn't fucked her in months. Guess it now makes sense why he keeps sheep.

Second, I guess Australian wives fucking around is no big surprise, since her friend asked about conception protection but expressed no surprise at all that her friend just committed adultery. Guess Joan will be getting some of that for herself at the first opportunity. Maybe they'll share him, and the STD's.

Third, please stop. Its already embarrassing enough. Thank yew.

the morning after pill has reached Australia?

Liked the story and would like more. You should get a American editor, though. There were a grammatical errors and a few continuity errors that an editor could help fix, and an American could help with the conversion from Australian English.

Since you asked, here are the language conversion errors I saw. "Sorted" just isn't used that way in the US. "Biscuits" are "crackers" or "cookies" in the US, depending on what they are. "Fit" isn't used anywhere nearly as much in the US, and it means "in good athletic condition," rather than "sexually attractive" or "hot." "Buns" is generally not used in the US; "ass" or "ass cheeks" is more common. "Ploughed" is spelled "plowed" in the US. And "bloke" is not used in the US, ever.

The US government recently made "Plan B" or "the morning after pill" available over-the-counter, without prescription. It can be taken up to 72 hours after insemination, and it is not considered by scientists to constitute "abortion." If you write another chapter, which I would welcome, I suggest that she use it.

Note that much of Texas is ass-backwards, and she might have an issue getting it at her local pharmacy (or "chemist," as you might call it). She might have to travel to a bigger town to get it, which could be a plot driver for the next chapter. Or, she might try to get it at the sole pharmacy in town, but the pharmacist might know about the husband's vasectomy, which could drive another plot line.

Just some information and suggestions.

Thank you for your comments.

Yes, the morning after pill is here but the news would soon get around in a small community. The farm involved is a sheep farm, Merinos. The crops Jim is putting in are purely for feed to be used for the sheep. Marge only gets busy when the Shearers arrive.

Hope that answers a couple of questions.

I haven't written any more of this story but I do have plots in my mind which should work. I wasn't sure how it would be accepted.

I got a couple of the usual Piss off and why are you bothering type comments. They seem to have a grudge against all writers.

to know where this was erotic and where the loving wife has been in this story. dont tell me women have no brains and are only driven by hormones ! and to stupid to know how to get that fucking pill without everybody knowing and also rather like to end up preggers with a so loved husband who has been snipped ?.

you write as all women have the IQ of 80 and lower. is that your erotic approach?

well in this case stop writing

This was surely set in Australia. I don't understand.

Good story so far. Please continue.

She could sue the baby daddy for child support and make out like a bandit.

...don't feel the need to write 'American' and don't worry TOO much about pleasing the commenters, it's YOUR story. I hope to see more of this story soon.

Anyone with access to regular birth control pills already has access to a "Morning After Pill." Depending on the manufacturer of the regular birth control pill, the user just has to take between six to eight pills at one time, and the effect is exactly the same, a spontaneous shedding of the womb and any present egg along with it.

It would mess up the cycle, but reporting the loss of the prescription would allow for a renewed set of pills that could be started right after menses completed.

I'm always a little surprised everyone doesn't know this already...

You'll never get it right trying to write in the USA version of the English language. You understand what they are saying when they write a story and they can understand what you write when you write in the Australian version. As Britease said, it's set in Australia, so write in the local lingo.

So far as the story itself was concerned, I thought it lacked real spark. I found it to be descriptive but not particularly engaging. Maybe it's OK as an opening chapter and the characters will do some more interesting things as the story progresses.

Lue

The vast majority of American readers will figure it out and will or will not enjoy the piece. Those who complain most likely have trouble reading American English with words of more than two syllables.

So, keep writing, write what you know and tell your story in the way that works best for you. We'll do our best to keep up.

Thanks for the contribution

Sheep was probably a poor choice. That'd be more likely an English, Welsh, Australian or New Zealand thing (joke!) but the story ran well and it worked.

I will be looking forward to more stories from you.

Let them get Caught going for the Abortion. So a friend can show Hubby the Pics and explain why she was unavailable for him. and then have the New guy come out with the Wife Shopping and Bury him in the Back 40 . Then let the wife know her Stud will not be coming back.

Keep writing this story, it looks like it could go in many different directions.

But, from here on out, write in the English dialect that you are most comfortable with. My guess is that the dialogue will flow much better for you, which will make it easier for us to get into the story.

Don't worry about the use of local slang. If it is too localized, you can always put an explanation of the slang term or phrase at the beginning of the story. (I believe that the Wanderer used to do this regularly).

And any advice you get from Britease is going to be sound. A legend and master wordsmith, he is. Enjoy his stories, I do. But don't tell him, we like him just the way he is. ;)

What was this all about. Australia has the morning after pill.

This story has some bad issues to be a good story: 1st - Even in deep Australia all people know about morning after pill! 2nd - She passes the whole story thinking about how a lousy husband she has, that only thinks about farming, and how a lousy lover he was even in the first times of their marriage...Then she cheats with the first man she meets...and worst when her friend arrived she was crying her eyes out because she had cheated and she said: "I love Jim so much..."!! Really? When did she show even a little love for her husband during the whole story? So for me this story has only one end: divorce! Where will she live? What will she do to support herself? Ahhhhh, maybe that's why she was crying her eyes out...Not because she loved her husband...So no need for a part 2...1*

It's more fun to read. Thanks for sharing.

Write in the language you know best, don't write for the US.

Really enjoyed this. But you dont need Americanisms - they fuck donkeys whereas we fuck arses or bums. And with Home and Away and Neighbours, everyone understands Australian. Look forward to more from you.

re:

Great Story = but no more Americanisation please

Really enjoyed this. But you dont need Americanisms - they fuck donkeys whereas we fuck arses or bums.

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You fuck bums?

You fuck homeless men?

You're Aussie, don't change to Americanisms. Please don't write cuck shit, we aleady have more than enough cuck writers.

don't dumb it down to American English.

If you are not comfortable it will show up in your writing.

If the stock agent is going provide stud service he needs snipping himself.

English as a Second Language: Bill asked, "Where are the sheep being held and where was Jim?"

impo and the usual gang of anon trolls showed-up to trash a story in the LW category. It's the ongoing highlight of their pathetic lives. They give the rest of us a bad name. Take out the trash and delete their mindless, insulting comments. Keep writing.

Can't rate it until it's finished.

I don't need more.

Her leaving in two weeks spoke volumns.