The Struggle Ch. 05a

And he started telling all, like he did a while back to Michelle, but this time it was different. Michelle had knowledge of the lifestyle but this woman, she had no idea.

Now and then she stopped him to ask him a question, and shook her head, but made no comment.

He didn't tell all, he hadn't told her that he liked women clothes and also not that Helena was a very wealthy and influential woman. He just told her about the relationship between Helena, Marion and him. And that Cathy would be involved soon, by trying to have a child with him.

"So, you are telling me, that you are married and there is a contract with another woman - and Cathy right? - wants to have your baby. And you will sign a contract? I have the idea there is a lot more that you didn't tell me, because all I can say is that most men would dream about such a relationship."

"Yes, there is a lot more, and I don't know how to tell you." They kept on walking, both in silence. She gave him all the time he needed to gather his courage.

The path lingered on. The four dogs had a good time. Sometimes the path was crossed by a fast flowing stream. The water was crystal clear, but very cold. Rob and Nell tried not to get wet, but their dogs didn't care, and when they came out of the stream and were shaking the water from their bodies, both Rob and Nell laughed while trying to stay dry.

Finally Rob had found enough courage to start talking again.

"Have you heard about the life-style? If I say that most of the people are vanilla, do you know what I mean?"

"Yes. Like I told you, we've heard a lot. You are talking about BDSM?"

"Yes."

"I had an idea it would come to that. You are not the type that runs from women, just because there are too many. You run from the things they want and you are afraid, isn't it? And I don't mean the sex. Responsibility? Love? Commitment? Change of power? I do know something, you know!"

"Yes." Rob sighed. "I guess a little bit of all, and more. What I fear the most is the slippery slope. If I submit today to this, what will it be tomorrow? Where will it end? And what price do I have to pay? I'm

talking about my self-esteem. Can I look myself in the eye next year and be proud of what I see? Or do I see someone who is empty?"

Nell looked warily at him. "Don't you think you should be saying all these things to your wife - and Mistress? But I do believe that it is a good thing to put all in order - the pro's and the cons. Therefore you are here at the right place. Here is only pure nature, the wind, the rain and the endless hills and mountains. I think you can decide for yourself what you do want from life. And maybe you are right, maybe you have to put a halt to what they want from you or maybe you see it all too black

and white. I believe the most important issue in the lifestyle is talk. Talk about your fears, your needs and what you are prepared to give, what you can and can't give. It sounds melodramatic, but I don't think it is. It's something all couples should do, before signing an agreement. But newly formed couples are usually very much in love and do dramatic things like marriage and children. You are rational, you can decide what you want to do. You love your wife, I can see that, but at the same time you are terrified, otherwise you wouldn't be here. The only advice I can give you - again; is decide the pro's and cons. What is most important for you, and the choice you make is maybe something you can change a bit, to

make it even more the 'right' choice."

She watched the expression on his face, his grey eyes were staring into the distance, his mouth straight and his chin strong, it looked like he was biting his teeth. She knew that her words had an impact on him, of course she didn't the right answers, but with her broad life experience, she knew what people had to face sometimes. Often it had been enough for people with sorrows to just give them a listening ear.

"Rob, you don't have to answer me. Just think about what I've said. When you see things in the right perspective, you will find out that the choice you make is really easy. Just let your thoughts flow. Something else, this is how far I walk normally. In the distance you can see a small lake near those trees." She pointed at a group of trees. "From here the path goes to that lake and beyond. I suggest that when you want to walk on for a while, follow the path and when you reach the lake, take your time and come back. It's further than you might think, and I think you will be glad when you are back in your room again tonight. We have a delicious beef stew this evening. I will save you some, should you be too late and otherwise we can have a drink before dinner - on the house!"

"Thank you Nell. You are a wise woman. Yes - I will walk that path and come back when I have enough of it." He couldn't help himself and gave her a kiss on her cheek. "Thank you."

Nell blushed. "Like I said, I've heard it all and have seen a lot. See you later, hon." She turned and her dogs followed her.

Rob looked at the small figure while she walked away from him. She had given him food for thought.

He then headed towards the lake in the distance. He had promised to phone Helena again this evening. He would have an answer, or maybe better, he would ask her what she wanted. He was in a quandary, but what about her? And Marion - were they at the same place? Did they both want the same thing out of this 'marriage'?

While walking and thinking, he noticed that the clouds became thicker and soon a soft drizzle fell. This was the weather what gave Scotland its bad name, cold, windy and wet. But the nature here was exquisite. The fields were shaped in all kinds of color, from light-green, to darker green; to brown and purple. When the sun appeared between the clouds shortly and was shining on some parts of the heath, thousands of little flowers glowed purple; it was the autumn heather what blossomed late in the year.

Rob saw it and yet he didn't as he mused about what Nell had said. He had to count the pro's and the cons. Was living with Helena so very difficult - too difficult for him? Or could he make compromises. What did she expect from him?. He knew staying with her would have a price, but could he pay it? Or should he cancel all - and go back to his vanilla life? That didn't really appeal to him, but on the other hand, it was safe. Just regular sex and that's it. No funny moves, maybe a bit of crossdressing in his own room, and back to work. But would that be enough for Helena? Wouldn't she be bored after a while and dump him? He knew she liked him for being a bit kinky - that made life interesting for her. But if she wanted more than just sex - then she would probably seek her joys elsewhere. And could he put up with that? What if she would seek submissives - male submissives - and when she would be worshipped by them, could he handle that? And if she let 'special' submissives give her 'special' treats? While thinking about that his anger rose. No; he couldn't definitely handle that, he didn't need to think long about that.

God, it became messy. He knew that he would lose on both parts. He knew that a vanilla life would lead to the inevitable, a divorce. If he submitted to her? Again? He already knew what she was expecting from him, and she and Michelle had said it, the phase of light submission and BDSM had passed and the next stage would be more severe. Could he? Did he want that? The answers were not clear. He had to talk, he needed desperately to talk. With Helena and maybe Marion; yes; to both.

Finally Rob came to a conclusion, he would invite the both of them to this place, to this pub and they would make the same walk tomorrow or the day after when they had arrived. Together they had to negotiate, and he would not be the one who would pay, if there was to be a price, they all should pay it. With these thoughts he headed back, he didn't even come near the lake, as the weather had worsened and the wind became stronger. Luckily he had the wind and the gentle rain to his back and the return journey was much easier than the walk towards the lake.

Still it was around 15:00 when he arrived back at the pub. Soft lights were visible through the half-open curtains and invited passers-by to come in. As he opened and closed the door, his dogs immediately headed

towards the open fireplace and went to lie before it, warming their cold bodies.

The landlord smiled at him and said, "I'm glad that you are back. It's not very cold yet, but I rather didn't want to go out on a search party to find you somewhere with a broken leg. Everything is possible here. I reckon you won't drive anymore today? Can I offer you a whiskey from the house? I have a splendid malt." Without waiting for his reply he filled a glass one-third with a golden-yellow liquid and offered it to him.

When Rob smelled the aroma and took a cautious sip, he tasted the spirit of Scotland. That drink belonged here; he tasted the woods, the heath and more flavors. "Ahh, this is the best whiskey I've ever tasted," he mentioned to the landlord. "Can I buy a couple of bottles?"

The man smiled. "No sir, for special occasions only. It is not for sale. To be honest, it's locally made and in too low quantaties to be profitable. Yet, sometimes a man needs a better drink." He smiled knowingly. Rob understood, that Nell had informed her husband about her talk with him.

"Thank you. I appreciate your kindness." The man just smiled back. "The next ones you have to buy, I have several very good malts, you can make a choice."

"Nah. You choose for me. I don't drink that much anyway."

He sat by a window and fetched his portable phone. He told Helena where he was and that she and Marion should come immediately.

When he was finished talking to Helena, Rob asked the landlord "Do you have enough stew for two more persons, and can they sleep in my room tonight? I have seen an extra bed and I sleep in a double anyway."

"Of course. What time are you expecting your quests?"

"I hope around seven."

"I'll make sure everything is ready by then. In the meantime, would you like another whiskey?"

"Yes, please. But it will be my last for the time being. I want to have a clear head."

"I see what you mean sir. Do you want to have coffee first before having your dinner?"

"That would be nice."

"Very well, sir." He filled another glass with whiskey, this one was larger than the first one and brought it to Rob.

"Thanks. Please tell your wife she gave me good advice. I really needed someone to talk to this morning."

"We all do from time to time. Sometimes it's better to tell your sorrows to a stranger. Just by telling and explaining the solution comes up. I've seen that plenty of times, sir, in my trade of business."

"Yes. I believe you do." Rob knew that these two people, Nell and her husband, the landlord, were not just simple folks, but were indeed very wise and skilled. Of course, that had all to do with what they

encountered each day. They almost could be shrinks. Cathy wouldn't like that to hear, but it was the truth. Some people just possess wisdom of their own, just by a lifetime of listening and talking. Maybe not giving the proper advice, but at least they gave people some common sense advice.

He had brought his e-reader along and when he picked it up from his room, he settled himself near his dogs, like them in front of the fireplace.

Around five 'o clock other guests arrived, but nobody took notice of him. He got a greeting sometimes or a friendly nod of the head now and then, and politely answered them, before returning to the story on his

e-reader. After a while the door opened and he heard familiar voices. It was half past six, they must have driven fast. When they saw him, Helena and Marion took large steps and within moments he was buried with hugs and kisses. For a moment he was the centre of attention in the pub, all guests had their eyes on him and his two lovely ladies, with his two dogs jumping around them.

Dinner in the pub.

Nell and her husband looked upon the three people who were hugging, laughing and crying, all at the same time. Nell said to her husband "I think those ladies need something special too." He agreed with a soft

smile and fetched his special whiskey again, filled three glasses and brought it to Rob and his company.

"You've tasted it already, sir. This is an exception." He offered the ladies a glass each of that fabulous whiskey and the last one to Rob.

"Thank you, kind sir," Rob answered gratefully. "May I introduce to you my wife Helena and my other partner, Marion." He didn't say other wife, because he had no idea how people would react to this deviance. Therefore he chose the more neutral words.

Helena as well as Marion shook hands with the landlord and when Nell approached, he introduced them also to her and offered her a chair, but Nell refused saying that he needed all his time to talk to his women. She smiled knowingly.

Immediately Rob got questioning faces from Helena and Marion.

Then he explained to them, that Nell and he had a serious conversation about his future with them, his doubts and sorrows. Finally he admitted that the thought crossed his mind of divorcing them. That really shook them.

Helena was speechless for a moment. "What did you say?" She then stuttered. "When I spoke to you earlier today I had the fullest impression that you spoke about leaving me - as a threat - but that you

weren't really serious about it."

"I said that for a few moments I was thinking of divorcing you."

"But why?" Helena was almost crying. "I thought we had found a way to improve our relationship!"

"Our relationship is fine," Rob answered. He thought about how he would bring his concerns, without being too harsh. He couldn't put the message in very friendly fashion, so he just would say it bluntly.

"When Michelle and you were satisfied, I thought it would be my turn. But no, I would 'earn' it by performing in her dungeon. Better said, I would be spanked or whatever you two had in mind. I don't play that game, nor will I ever do it!" he growled the last words, in the voice they had heard before, when he was very angry.

"I was thinking: once you pulled that trick on me, why not more often? Every time I would be thinking about sex, you could lure me in the playroom or whatever you want to name it. Well, I tell you right now:

should that happen again - I'm out. I will leave you, and Marion and Cathy and Kim. All of you. I won't be blackmailed into something I don't wish to do."

A bit ashamed Helena replied, "I was never going to do that. Yes, it's true, yesterday we tried to lure you into the dungeon, but I would never do something like this to you." She looked him straight in the eye.

Rob then said "Suppose it had worked and you got me into the dungeon, can you honestly say that you wouldn't try to use sex as a means to ask me to do something, more or less against my will?"

"I don't know. Perhaps. But until now I never considered doing it. Maybe to tease you, but never to force you."

"No, not force. But deny me sex, deny me the pleasure to be intimate with you. And you Marion, what do you think about hearing this. Would you go along with Helena if she tried to do this little trick with me?"

Marion sighed "I guess I would go along - yes. I will be honest with you. I would do so, seeing it more or less as a tease and denial game. It's very common within the BDSM world, in fact, I think it's the most used instrument to do effectively what we require."

"I thought so. I won't cooperate with any of that. In fact, I warn the both of you here and right now: using this so called 'instrument' outside the playroom, it's over and done with. I warn the both of you: I have done a lot of thinking yesterday and today, and I really was wondering?

Is this what I want the rest of my life with my wives? The answer is: no."

Both women looked shocked again. "What, what do you mean by that, Rob?" Helena asked bewildered.

"I mean that the way things are going, I'm not happy. I am in a relationship with the both of you, and just today I'm realizing what it means. It is the both of you against me. If I have a fight with one of

you, I'm pretty certain that it will be the both of you against me. It will always be two to one. This is not what I want out of this marriage. Therefore I want both of you to think seriously about what you Helena, and you Marion, want, within the boundaries of our marriage. And not only that, how the both of you see us getting older, also in relation to BDSM."

He sipped a bit of the fine whiskey and continued " You both know that if I have enough of it, I won't present myself in the playroom anymore. But my fear is: can you accept that? Can you rule out the fact that some day, I won't join you in the playroom? And then the BIG question - will you be looking elsewhere to find other men to play with if that happened?"

Rob noticed that his words made an impact on the both of them. He was way ahead of them, with his thoughts and assumptions.

"You don't have to answer me right now. Sleep on it and we will talk more about it tomorrow. Then you can also tell me your plans, what you had or rather have in mind."

The landlord waved at him. Rob stood up and walked towards the counter. When he walked to the landlord, he couldn't see the shocked faces of Helena and Marion. Helena was pale, and Marion didn't look too well

either. They softly spoke to each other and he couldn't hear what they were saying.

While they had their conversation more and more guests had arrived and although it was not crowded, there was some talking and laughing everywhere. The locals he passed nodded at him and he greeted back.

"I promised you a good meal, sir. My wife said it's ready to be served. Some more quests want to eat, but I thought I will let you go first with the main dish, your ladies are probably hungry," the landlord said.

"Yes, I believe you are right."

"You can sit at that table. Do you want a starter? We have a cold dish, or soup of the house."

"I think we all go for the soup. Thank you."

Rob headed back to Helena and Marion and they went sitting at another place at a window, where some large plants made it appear they had some privacy. Somehow Marion and Helena recovered from Rob's words.

"So, have you thought about what I've said, I saw you talking while I was at the bar," Rob said. He didn't feel locked out, but sometimes he had the feeling that they were discussing something he had no grip on. Were they making plans about what they would say to him? That was the trouble with having two wives. Although he trusted them both, there were times he rather would have them to speak out to him, freely and spontaneously; instead of discussing it first amongst themselves.

"Yes, we thought about it a bit and we surely have to talk a lot more. I think you are not completely wrong, although the accusations you made were out of order. Neither one of us wants to lure you into something you don't want. Hell, Helena often said to me that she will close the playroom if that frightens you so much as it apparently does sometimes.

And I totally agree with her. Our relationship is more important than these games we play. But, we both thought you liked it," Marion said with a soft voice. She didn't want other quests to hear what they were talking about.

"Yes Rob, I thought about closing it. Maybe I will do so anyway, if that makes you feel better." Helena looked at him and she took his hand in hers. "I thought you liked it. You went with Jenny to Marion and she had the impression that in spite of your reluctance at first, you never hesitated afterwards to play along."

"Hmm." Rob thought about what he would say. "You are right. I liked it, but it was because I saw it as an opportunity to wear sexy female clothes, in combination with sexy outfits which the Mistresses also would