All Comments on 'The Surprise Party Ch. 01'

Let's get it out of neutral and at least into first gear

If you want cheap thrills in a fast story, don't read mine. This is a story with depth and a plot. Let it unfold in the next chapter and see what transpires. The third is even more interesting. I promise you all that it is worth the wait. Lance gt

have something against the word pregnant? Not even my ten year old daughter uses the word preggers anymore.

A good start. It would be nice to see Jeff knock her up by fucking her barebacked, as he takes her virginity.

I can't believe you read the whole story and all you could comment on was the use of the word preggers instaed of pregnant. The characters are young and it's supposed to be taken as that.The question is, did you like the story or not. Either way, I always like to have feedback from readers and what they like/didn't like about it. I welcome your input.

My only comment so far is that the dialogue seems a little stilted...doesn't come off as genuine and some of the slang the characters use comes right from the 70's. This story is reading quite a bit like the old pulp erotic novels that used to be so common....that's not necessarily a bad thing, but in a story set in contemporary times, it's a bit distracting.