All Comments on 'The Tale of the Too Close Twins'

Very slow.

For five and a half page, the MC is just nosy pervert friend trying to stalk his friends who were twins. Only after that, he could confirm his suspicion.After that, a poor tailing off of the tail.

My suggestion.: story till the camp with Toby should be summariesd in 1 page. And the story after the event till graduation must be given another page. Lost friend syndrome can be Epilogue.

Wasn't the story I expected it to be, but kept me captivated just to see what was next. Enjoyed the tours of Australia and of Sydney in particular as I spent a week there in June of 68 (winter) on R&R, staying out in Bondi. Beach was empty but city was fun. Got out to the Blue Mountains, which were no way like the Sierras of California.

Again, while not the story I expected, was very well written. Thanks for the insight into life 'down under'

Just wondering, who is really the creepy wierdo in this story? A guy digging a day old tampon out of a dumpster then touching and smelling it, or twin siblings that are/were in an incestuous relationship?

Overall, this one was, in my humble opinion, not worth the time reading it. Sorry

I'm not sure wether to laugh or cry or go sit and watch paint dry.

This is a well written, but bizarre story.

The main character is made out to be this uptight bastard who is upset that Shane and Karen might be more the just siblings, and spends all his time, with them and away from them, mind fucking himself about what the truth really is.

I fully expected to read a segment where he finally catches them being involved physically, and then starts yelling and screaming at then for being degenerate perverted fuckups and then stomping away never to speak to them again. I also am surprised the main character wasn't a church going prick that only saw life through the eyes of his churches teachings.

Then, at almost the end of the story, it's revealed that the concept of incest between the twins is literally the only thing that has ever sexually aroused him. REALLY??

The main character is an overly analytical idiot with no ambitions for a love involvement of his own and there's only one brief sex scene viewed from a hidden closet. His marriage years later sounded like something he did because he was "supposed to".

This story was unexciting, pointless, boring and tedious. It reads like journaling by a geeky behavioral anthropologist who has nothing better to do than observe other people.

I think you'd have done better by eliminating the main character completely, and just made it a love story between the twins, building up their deep emotional bond and sexual adventures as you went along.

I wish you better luck on your next story, if there is one.

I gave 2 stars.

Sincerely,

B4PW.

I have to say this is probably one of the longest yet most unusual stories I've ever read on the site. Not really even the tags on this could have prepared me for what awaited.

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As one poster stated, this story revolved around Andrew chronicling what he thought might have been going on with two twins. It truly became tedious, and the low scores reflect in this case that the story lost a fair number of readers because the story itself doesn't conform to the parameters of the category in general--in that you're normally going to have quite a bit of detail between two people involved in the very act the category describes. The trouble is we have to wait over five pages before the twins get It on. At the very least, there should have been probably in the neighborhood of four instances that were just as obvious as the one described at the camp. Simply put, there was no indication the story was going to drag along and leave so little of a payoff to justify the reader's interest in its tale.

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The biggest problem is this account fits far better in fetish or voyeur then in this category because really the one instance wasn't the central event; it was Andrew detailing even restroom activities that would have turned off a lot of people--and I mean a lot. I would have totally eliminated all of those things except for the brother standing by and waiting until she finished her business. Probably the biggest turn off of all though is realizing that this poor Andrew could only intimately react to what the twins were or weren't doing, and couldn't move on. I mean it's more someone recounting up a psychological examination that I'm certain few people would want to read-- even if they were told that's what it was in the first place- - because that's not what this category is for. I mean I really hate to say it, but the story is totally misplaced to the point that it's hard to justify even understanding why it's here. Other posters have suggested that you could have eliminated Andrew from the mix and strictly have a story about the twins; Maybe some random person had observed them at the camp and went running off to tell everybody.. after the two twins were trying to be careful but just couldn't help themselves because they were going crazy with lust for each other. That would prove far more compelling- - especially since you clearly fixated on the idea of the twins sharing far more than the naked eye could have noticed by only observing them one time in isolation. So it's unfortunate that you chose to follow this path, because it bored a lot of readers, and it really explains the low scoring. On strictly the basis of how the tale is written by its grammar and reading flow, it's very well done. The problem is it really misses the point of the category as six pages out of the seven deal with a guy in his own thoughts and observations. So basically one page out of seven.. and not even that much.. addresses the very thing that most readers would have hoped to have enjoyed upon scanning the title. I would just recommend that before you submit some type of story like this that either you get a couple of people that you know are going to be honest with you to read it, and get their feedback first. I can't help but think had you gotten some feedback first that you would have scrapped this one and gone with the other idea the other poster stated which was leave it strictly concentrated on the two twins, how they started their relationship at first; how they decided they would advance it; some of the steps they took perhaps at school and at home to get some trysts in where they knew no one would find out; and how they planned to find a way to live happily ever after- - or even if they decided that it was actually too much torture and too much trouble-- and decided to separate precisely because of that constant and nagging desire. It's really because of going a totally different route that really deviated from the average store in this category and just how plodding it was, that the best I can rate this is a two.

I hope that Karen and Shane had a nice life together 💕

@Brenda...we can hope, although they drop off the radar completely.

This was in the April Fools contest and the trick was on use reading it for so loooong.