All Comments on 'The Valentine's Day Couple'

Good job

0/5

Is this a Valentine's day story ?

Good story, but it needs more work. There's almost no build-up or context other than the wife saying, "We're going to become swingers, and you'll be Okay with it."

And I didn't understand the earlier ref to George and Barbara. It implied they were a prior swinger experience, then George is getting the BJ at the end after the wife's already had everyone else.

Have a couple of suggestions: Next story do an outline that organizes what you want the story to accomplish. This reads like bunch of sex acts thrown into a hat and randomly written. Idea is pretty decent, however most information appears as an after thought.... Also as a personal observation, most husbands, even swingers, do not accept a new form of sex (anal) by another man, before they get it.

Not my thing, Lost track of the names and the swinging became bland and boring. Maybe limit the numbers

ROFLMFAO

Well done, if youre aiming for the bottom feeders

The real excitement they'd get in their lives for this ridiculous fucking mess is the nasty divorce

You closeted fellers really are coming up short in more than the dick department these days.

Now tell the story from the wife’s perspective.

Hey, if it works for them, why not? You know some people really do win in Las Vegas. Maybe they'll get and stay lucky. But probably not. All the sex was kind of boring and juvenile too. Quantity equals quality? Fine, have a very quantified life. And thanks for the effort.

Excellent! Our first swing involved only one couple and was a little awkward at first, but became wonderful and repeatable. Now, I get strange cock when I crave it and my husband enjoys new women. Your story is well written. Write more!

Writing about stupid people and drawing infantile sex scenarios mirrored the lack of talent and fantasy perfectly.

Captcha

That was a fun little story. I liked the "your ass is mine" line. A few small little differences in speech jarred my thoughts, I would say wenches not winch, but the story its self was fun.

1 Star

MFM means cuck story.

26thNCuck Disapproved

Two issues made me give up on reading past the intro: you switch back and forth between past and present tense narration, and you tend to tag one character’s lines with another character’s actions. Both are literary no-nos, but if you can avoid them in the future, your writing will improve.

Story: "Linda jumps onto my lab"

Poor dog. I hope it recovered.