All Comments on 'The Volleyball Queen’s Dork'

I enjoyed the plot but I just would not have made him SO submissive.

I enjoyed the story and plot a lot, and I really enjoyed how submissive Jared was and how dominant, confident, and honestly how sex and dick obsessed Lara was. Your writing is spectacular and made me very horny. However, the whole rape part was highly off putting. In no way, shape, or form is rape ever sexy. The plot didn't need the Cassie and rape sections of the story, and in the future I would advise you to always make sexual and romantic advances in your stories consensual. The parts I enjoyed the most where when all parties were enthusiastically willing and consenting to sexy times, such as the entire first sex scene and when Jared was getting increasingly horny from Lara's degradation.

That was a sexy story! I loved how Lara took advantage of Jared at the end. I wished Lara would’ve made Jared go down on her too, but this is still nice.

A good erotic quality, but writing quality needs improvement. The protagonist, Jared is supposed to stutter, but many times when he spoke he didn’t stutter. Loss of proper reality right there. Characters at times appeared illogically. At times I didn’t know who was talking. Still, clear these things up and you have 4 or 5 stars

I love the almost fairy tale like, over-the-top world of your stories. "Teen stereotypes pushed beyond the extreme and gender-swapped" is a premise I'd never have thought of, but it works surprisingly well. Also, the way your heroines all end up falling head-over-heels for a nerd creates a sweet, warm feeling in my brain while reading, all the while not reducing the hotness factor of non-consensual femdom. Your writing perfectly matches a fantasy I didn't even know I had before.

With that said, the writing quality does have room to grow. Phrases like "the girl" and "the beautiful teenager" make the language a bit dull and repetitive. There are a few mix-ups of he and she as well.

As for the plot, I'd like it better if Lara overpowered Jared on her own, but that's a personal preference.

Well, you say you want feedback so here goes. I loved it, except for the part I hated. The hot, sexy, popular, jock girl, in spite of herself, falling for the geeky, shy, spindly nerd, great. Said girl having to overcome her fears of the loss of social status, so important in high school, and finally finding the courage to do so, fantastic. Geeky nerd boy developing feelings for hot jock girl and having to suppress it because he knows there is no possible chance, and he just happens to be a closet submissive, wonderful. That she has to 'rape' him and express her total dominance over to him, while still loving him as a person, to get him, perfect. Even if it was rushed, the epilogue where they appear to still be very happy and in love, couldn't be better. That she has to destroy some other girl, who has done nothing to her, to get him, WHAT THE FUCK!!! Sorry but you totally lost me there. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Besides turning Lara into a totally evil and hateful bitch, Jared, as you have written him, would never have accepted it, and certainly not just because she fucked his brains brains out and told him she loved him. Jared, as you have written him, is a man of honor and very protective, to the extent he can be, of the people he cares about. After Lara did what she did to Cassie, Jared would find it almost impossible to forgive her, no matter how hot her pussy and mouth are. Sorry, it just doesn't work. It ruins the whole story. A couple of other thoughts. First I must disagree with the commenter who advised you "to always make sexual and romantic advances in your stories consensual." I guess this person just did not notice that this story was placed in the non consent category. Either that or he was just an idiot. I would 'advise' this person to avoid the non consent category in the future because non consensual behavior is exactly what one would expect to find there. Second, as others have noted, you do have some problems with things like writing she when you mean he, and similar issues. These things are easy to do in the heat of the moment, but they really jump out at the reader and detract from the story. A hard, objective, proof read or an editor, or both would really help here.