All Comments on 'The Woman on the Bus Ch. 08'

The sex is good. Creative would be a word. The bus attraction was interesting. The dynamics of the 3 women was weird. Wanna be lesbians that make it to the lesbian stage and split off as they do. Hmmmm. Also, I know you have this thing/kink about married women being with other women and the husband blessing it but it just doesn't get close to real. Just too much of your fantasy I guess. To me a story has to be just somewhat believable in order to draw me in. And....please work a bit on proofreading. It is hard but it will really payoff for you with your readers. Don't get me wrong...I liked it enough to read all of the stories so you did hook me. I just think you could be even better with some work.

If you think this story is supposed to be "believable" then you missed the point of the story. Believable would be Ben's reaction to women having sex together and wanting to have sex with his wife's best friend. What you're missing is the connection the three women made with each other as individuals. Unbelievable would be to write that all four of them live together happily ever after.

You missed unlocking love and innermost desires. You missed Melissa being brave in her first foray into the world as a sexual being. You missed Gina come out as bisexual to her best friend and admit that she had always been in love with her. You missed Christy recognizing a part of her she never knew existing, exploring it and not settling for the first woman to turn her on.

I don't know what you were expecting if you thought this should be "believable" but that was never the point of this story. As far as proofreading goes, I will happily do that when I get paid. Until then, I'll give the story enough attention as to not intentionally drive readers away. Remember, you get what you pay for. In this case, you get a readable, intriguing and imperfectly proofread story... for free.

No one expects happily ever after and you are correct this is fantasy. So as fantasy Ben being okay with this is possible. Now crossing over to reality most men would be upset. In regards to the development of the female characters is that suppose to be taken with a dose of reality or is that also fantasy? Real connection or fabricated drama? Not hating just curious.

Many erotic stories require a suspension of belief while reading. If you go into every story expecting to believe every scene, you will be let down. This story strayed away from reality the moment Christi got hot for Melissa the first time she saw her, especially considering I never gave even a hint that she could develop those feelings for another woman. It was only later that I revealed that. This story, as written, was not an exploration of how three women and a man could form a sexual relationship with each other. I agree, that is not reality. Even in fantasy land, though, emotions are real and that was the focus here.

Love and lust should have taken center stage in every chapter. The characters and their behaviors were the afterthought. Imagine how corny of a story it would have been if I wrote Ben off and had Christy leave him in favor of a lifelong threesome with Gina and Melissa? That would have went beyond belief and into the realm of stupid. No, Christy opened a new door in her life. She loved women and she needed Melissa to do that. Gina hid her feelings for Christy but it took Christy telling her about Melissa to give her strength to come out with it.

Ultimately, though, Christy remained in love with Ben and rightfully went back to him, leaving Melissa and Gina to possibly form a relationship. Gina and Christy could also have a future together in some capacity. Ben having sex with Gina was also left up in the air but the idea remained grounded as Melissa seemed opposed to it. It was like everyone needed everyone else so that they could find their happy endings. Did Gina and Ben ever have sex? I would have to say they didn't, as the author. Did Melissa and Christy ever have sex again? Again, as the author, I imagined that it would not be the case.

If you have not read the ALTERNATE ENDING (chapter 5 alt), I would suggest you do that. It will shed some light on how I originally envisioned Melissa's role in Christy's life. I didn't finish the story that way because it didn't seem as satisfying to me.