Christmas Vacation

“Great! And thanks, Matt.” She gave him a peck on the cheek, turned and left.

The doorbell rang. Who the heck could that be at the door this time of night? MATT! What the heck was he doing here! She panicked. Her hair was a mess, no makeup, she worried that she smelled from all the deep cleaning of the house she’d been doing just so she could keep her mind off her stupid mother. She glanced down. Her clothes! She thought she looked like a bum! Shit!

Opening the door, “Matt? What are you doing here? Did you leave something?”

“Uh, no. Jamie? I need to talk to you. May I come in for a bit?”

“Sure, I guess. But, Matt, I’ve been cleaning. I look a mess. I…”

“You look great, as always, Jamie. I…I…Well, I don’t know where to start. Your….John told me about the ski trip…And I guess I was so surprised? Maybe that’s not the word. But I couldn’t believe someone could do that on a family vacation. With their kids around. My dad cheated on my mom and, well, it was awful. I just never wanted to be in that position. But I never gave you a chance to explain.

“So…what if you tell me about the young girl that got pregnant and a ski trip and stuff..”

“Matt! How do you….HAILEY! That’s why they disappeared tonight. Matt, she shouldn’t have…”

“No. She did exactly right. She made me listen. Made me realize how I jumped to a conclusion and never got the other side of the story. But you probably wouldn’t have told me all that anyway. Would you?” She shook her head.

“Matt. It was the biggest mistake I ever made in a life full of mistakes and wrong paths. I would never do anything like that again. Ever. But I did do it once and it made me feel, well, not worthy of being with you. Of being yours.”

“Are you kidding? It’s the other way around. You’re strong, resilient, self confident, you’ve raised two terrific daughters…And it seems that you are the one that raised them and protected them, not John. So, I want to know about you, Jamie. Know the stuff you held back from me.”

And so she started. The years of feeling trapped. The abuse. The need to stay in the marriage to protect her daughters. The ski trip. And finally the aftermath. She had started to cry early on and he sat next to her and put an arm around her. He pulled her close as she told her story.

“…and then you confronted me and my guilt just struck me down. I knew I deserved to be punished for what I’d done. I know it’s wrong to feel that way, but I did. Matt. I…”

“It’s alright, Jamie. It’s over. In the past. You’ve punished yourself way too much.” He turned her head and kissed her. She twisted to face him and they kissed again. Harder.

“Matt, I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. Not John or anyone else. I know we were only together a few months, but…”

“I feel the same way, it’s weird, scary. I haven’t felt this way since…well, for six years.”

She took his hand. “Matt, would you? Could we?” He nodded and without another word they moved to the bedroom, together. But once again she stopped.

“Matt? My whole life I was controlled by others. They made all the decisions, set the course, made all the judgments. I will never let that happen again. Ever. But I don’t want to control anyone. I don’t want to make all the decisions, to judge anyone. I want a partner, a teammate, a confidant. I want to make decisions together. As a team. I know that two people won’t always agree and sometimes I would have to give in or my partner would have to give in or the decision gets deferred. I don’t know. But we would have to be equals.

“If that is something or someone that would work for you, I’m all in. Now and for as long as you’ll have me. 100% and you would never, ever have to worry about me straying or looking for someone else. I have paid way too high a price for my error. So, before we go in, I have to know. Am I fooling myself or is this something that could work? Something that could work for both of us? A path we should try?”

“Jamie, I’ve only felt this way once before in my life. And to be honest, I never thought I would find it again. There’s no way it could ever work if we weren’t partners, equals, fully open and trusting each other. So, I would love to give us a try and see where this goes. And to be honest, I can’t really see it going off track.”

She lunged forward and kissed him. “Oh, Matt. I was hoping you’d say that.” She winked at him, “But I would have gone to bed with you anyway because I need a whopping dose of a hunky fireman tonight.” He laughed and they entered the bedroom together. She turned and locked the door then closed the closet door. He looked at her quizzically.

“The kids. Just in case.” She hugged him close and they kissed. “Oh, Matt. I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed you. Missed holding you. I’ve ached to feel you close. It’s been awful.” He hugged her close and they kissed again and moved towards the bed.

A couple of hours later… “Chris! Look whose truck is still in the drive.” And in a feigned horrified voice, “What could those kids be up to? We’d better be super quiet when we go in.” They snuck in and Hailey pointed to the closed bedroom door and put a finger to her lips. “Guess I better shut the closet door.”

Early the next morning. In a whisper, “Chris! Chris! Wake up. The truck is still here. We have work to do. Remember those Valentine’s cookie cutters? Let’s make some heart shaped pancakes. Now where’s that mix? Grab the griddle. And let’s get some of that bacon. Start the coffee. Why don’t you get plates and…..”

“Matt! Do you smell something burning! Smells like plastic. I’ve got to check. Crap! It’s morning! If the girls are here…Well, just get ready.” She grabbed a robe and slid out the door while Matt got dressed.

Looking down the hall, she heard some commotion in the kitchen. “Girls? What is that smell?”

“Nothing to worry about, Mom. Just a minor culinary misadventure. We’ve got it all under control.”

“Hailey forgot that plastic cookie cutters and hot griddles are not a good match.” And laughed.

“True enough. But look at what we’ve created. Heart shaped pancakes for the two love birds. So anything going on we should know about, Little Mommy?” Jamie blushed.

“Girls, I…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

“It’s OK, Mom. You look happy again and that’s all that really matters. We’re not going to be scarred or anything. Seems like my meddling worked.”

“About that…”

“Look. Here’s Daddy! Home at last.”

“Hailey!”

“It’s alright, Jamie. So how are my two favorite girls this morning? And happy Christmas Eve to the two of you.”

“Doing just fine, thank you for asking. And merry Christmas Eve to you as well. We made you two a special breakfast. And then the two of us are going to disappear into the basement for a while. Maybe for a week…”

“We don’t have a basement. Chris. What’s up? What has she done? How awful is it?”

“Not sure yet, Mom. Could be she’s outdone herself. The birthday girl was on quite a roll yesterday. She let Grandma and Grandpa have it with both barrels. A good thing, I think. They may not be coming around much. We established some rules.”

“Oh, no.”

“Yup. Christmas presents from them will likely be missing tomorrow. And I’m pretty sure we’re out of the will. Then, she talked to Matt. Definitely a good thing. Looks like things have gotten themselves straightened out. In more than one way.”

“Chris! Quit talking like your sister. One potty mouth in the family is enough.” But she smiled.

“And, last but not least, then we talked to Emily.”

“You what? Oh, my God, no! You didn’t!”

“Mom. Dad’s doing the same things he did to you. Think about it. Dates you, gets you pregnant, marries you. Makes another kid and then you’re locked in. He’s started yelling at her more and more. More weekends, night meetings, taking showers as soon as he gets home. She deserved to know. I don’t think he’s hitting her yet, but she didn’t say much. Mostly just listened.

“In any event, Mom, Chris and I are not sure, yet, whether this was a good or bad thing. Dad’s coming home today and will go ape….uh, ape crap on us! We can’t be around. We can’t go to his place like we’re supposed to. It’s Christmas Eve. He’s supposed to have us until noon tomorrow. What should we do?”

Matt looked at Jamie. “It doesn’t sound like you should go. If your Mom agrees, I think you need to stay right here and enjoy some of these delightful, smoked pancakes. This is probably the best place for you, don’t you think, Jamie?”

“Yes. Let’s all sit down and eat. Then we can discuss it. Anything else you accomplished on your birthday I should know about?”

Contritely, “No. That’s it. Two out of three isn’t bad…Right? And maybe it’s three out of three. But you two need some time…”

Jamie hugged her. “No, it’s fine. Stay. You’re not going anywhere until we see what the Hail Storm has created. Matt? I’m sorry. You don’t have to be all caught up in this family drama. It’s not really what I had in mind when we talked last night.”

“But I haven’t had any of these pancakes. And the grass needs cutting. And I think the girls and I need to hang out a little.”

“In that case, let’s eat, but first. I need some coffee. I think I need a jumbo mug full. Now who the heck is that at the door? Why don’t you two go back to Hailey’s room in case it’s your dad.” Walking to the door, “Holy crap, it’s my mother. Hailey? What did you say to her?”

Opening the door, still in her robe with hair all a mess, “Mom? Uh, good to see you. Did you leave something here? Or….”

“No. Jamie. I came to apologize. I have been so awful to you. There’s no excuse for what I’ve done. How I’ve acted. I never knew…But I never asked…I never even asked! What kind of mother would do that? Is it possible to come in and talk for a while? But I’ll understand if you don’t want me to.”

“Uh, sure, Mom. Please come in. Can I get you some coffee? Something to eat?”

“Coffee would be great. Oh! You have company. I should go.”

“No. It’s fine, Mom.”

“You must be Matt. I’m Heidi. I didn’t get a chance to meet you at the cook out. Pleased to finally meet you. Hailey’s work?”

“Yes. And very pleased to meet you, Heidi. Jamie, I should probably go.”

“No, Matt. Please don’t go. I’ve screwed things up enough as it is. Let me just borrow Jamie for a few minutes. Is it OK if we talk in the bedroom?”

“Sure. Let me just grab those coffees.”

“And Hailey? I apologize for wrecking your birthday. And I apologize to both you young women for being disrespectful to your mother and not acting appropriately. I cannot believe what an old fool I’ve been. I actually believed all that crap your dad was peddling. Those pictures…” Jamie’s head whipped towards Hailey who whispered a lipped ‘sorry.’ “I hope you can forgive me and we can rebuild our relationship.” She teared up. “I do so want to be a part of your lives. Your mom has done such a terrific job raising you two. I do love you both even if it doesn’t or hasn’t seemed like it. So please?”

“Sure, Grandma.” And each of them hugged her. “We love you too, Gram. I hope I didn’t stir up too much of a ruckus at your house. I’m sorry if I did.”

“He already knew. Worse thing I ever did. But he’s been telling me all along that I was completely in the wrong about this. That’s the big reason he stayed quiet. Thank you, girls for showing me how wrong I was. Now let me talk to your mom. You three go ahead and eat. We may be a while. What’s that smell around the pancakes? Like something burning?” The girls laughed.

“Just Hailey’s special pancakes, Grandma. Good thing you missed them.”

Mother and daughter went to the bedroom and closed the door. Turning, “Jamie, I am so sorry. So, so sorry for what I’ve done and how I’ve treated you. I will never be able to apologize enough or make up for it. I…”

“It’s alright, Mom. It’s…”

“No! It’s time you knew the truth.” She started to cry. “You! You were my shame. I had a one nighter while I was dating your father and found out I was pregnant. I thought my life was over. I was so ashamed and it caused so much pain. I thought my life was ruined. Your dad married me and has never said a word about it.”

“My God, Mom! I never…But it doesn’t matter. He may not be my biological father, but he’s my dad. He will always be my dad!”

“He loved you from the moment he found out about you. And when you were born…But I, I felt shame and was reminded of what I had done every time I looked at you. So I was mean, cruel, blamed you for everything. Turned my back on you and opened my arms to your sisters. I was awful. Your father yelled at me all the time for it and we almost divorced over it. But he was afraid to leave you alone with me. Sound familiar? I was like the wicked step mother. But I was your mother! Oh, Jamie, I am so sorry. You don’t have to forgive me, I don’t deserve it, but…” she couldn’t go on.

Jamie hugged her, squeezed tight and spoke into her ear, “Mom. It’s alright. I understand. I understand how you could feel that way. I love you and we’ve both made mistakes. So let’s just turn the page and start again. But holy crap! It may take a bit to get my head around all this. Dad knows you were going to tell me?”

She nodded. “He wanted to do it years ago.”

Matt and the girls had breakfast and chatted about the events of the last 24 hours. A furious pounding on the door rattled the pictures on the wall nearby. “Hailey? Chris? Is your house always like this?”

“Heck no. If it were I’d have volunteered to go to that boarding school. Anywhere. But, it’s Christmas Eve. Maybe be it’s a present for me or something.”

Stepping towards the door. “Oh, no! It’s Dad and he looks really pissed. What should I do?”

More pounding. “I know you’re all in there. Your cars are here. So open the damn door. Now!”

“You two go in with your mom. I’ll answer the door.” They ran down the hall and Matt opened the door.

“Matt! What the hell are you doing here? We talked about that lying, cheating, whore of an ex- of mine. I figured you for a smarter guy.”

“Sorry to disappoint you, John. Seems though that you left out a few details about your activities.”

“I’m sure she just lied like she always does to cover up her mistakes. Besides it’s different for men. Now step aside and let me in my house. Those two fucking little bitches are going to pay for what they’ve done. Now out of the way.”

“Sorry, John. This is Jamie’s house. Why don’t you just leave for now and then you all can discuss it when you’re a little calmer.”

“No fucking way! The court order says the girls are mine for this Christmas so I’m taking them NOW!”

“Tell you what, wait here until I clear it with her.”

Closing and locking the front door he walked to the bedroom and opened the door. “Jamie? What do you want me to do? I know you heard it.”

“Matt? I am so sorry that you’re involved. Nothing like this has ever happened before. Well, except when I was married to him. Be careful, Matt. No way can he take the girls though. He’s dangerous. I won’t let him.” She got up and her mom grabbed her arm.

“Let me go, Jamie. No telling what he’ll do to you, but I don’t think he’d do anything to me. Maybe I can calm him down.”

Heidi walked to the door and opened it. “What! You’re here too! I thought I recognized your car.” He transformed to a calm, reasonable, very likable friend. “Heidi, I have no beef with you, but the court says this is my Christmas. I get them today and tomorrow until noon and I simply want Jamie to follow the court order. I think it is very reasonable for the girls be turned over to me. After all, Jamie got the last Christmas Eve and day. It’s only fair. Right?”

“John, you’re clearly distraught and very angry despite your change of demeanor. Heck, you were just about to pound the door down. I fear for the girls’ safety if they come with you. So unfortunately I have to say no to your request.”

He switched back and got even angrier. Balled up his fists. Matt appeared at her side. She reached out and held Matt back with a gentle hand. “John. I’m sorry, but right now, given your current state of mind, it doesn’t really matter what the court order says. If you have a beef, then let’s settle it in court. I don’t think the girls should ever go to your house again. Their safety is our first priority.

“But remember. If you go to court, we’re going after that child support you haven’t paid and if you win, I will appeal it to every court there is. It’ll cost you a bundle. Better make sure the battle is worth it.”

“No. The courts won’t be necessary. I’M JUST GOING TO CALL THE FUCKING POLICE AND HAVE THEM TAKE THE GIRLS FOR ME! IT’S MY RIGHT! I’m their father and the courts agreed to this.” He stomped to his car and squealed the tires on the way out.

The neighbor from next door walked up and gently tapped on the door. “Now who the heck can that be?” Opening the door Heidi relaxed. “Carl. Good to see you again. Uh, what can I do for you.”

“Heidi. Good to see you as well, I guess. Been a while. Heard the whole thing. John scared the hell out of me. I’ve seen him pissed and yelling at Jamie a lot. Before. Used to be just about a daily thing. But this….I’ve seen guys like that before. Do not let him have those girls. He’s dangerous. If he does send the police, have them stop over to my place. They may need a little background info and an eye witness.”

“Thank you, Carl. We need to catch up some time when things aren’t so crazy.”

“Love to. Remember. Just send them next door. And Merry Christmas, Heidi.”

“You too, Carl.”

An hour later the police arrived and Jamie opened it. “Hi, Ma’am. I’m officer Benedict and this is my partner Kyla Rand. May we come in and ask you some questions.”

“Sure officers. How can I help you?”

“Are Hailey and Chris here?”

“Yes, officer.”

“The court order says that this is you husband’s, ex-husband’s, weekend and he says you are preventing him from seeing them.”

“He’s correct. But…But he left out a number of details, Ron.”

“Matt? What are you doing here. Oh. This is THE Jamie.”

“Correct, Ron. He was angry, belligerent, threatening. Clearly out of control and I believe it would have been placing the girls in danger to release them to him.”

“Why was he angry?”

“Because the girls shared with his wife that he was likely cheating on her, just like he’d been cheating on me. When I told him I called Emily, his current wife who he’d been having an affair with, he knocked me down with a punch to the face and was preparing to ‘punish’ me for what I’d done when I finally stood up to him. This morning he threatened to ‘punish those fucking bitches’ and make them pay for what they’d done. Scares me to think what he might do. He sent me to the ER more than once. He was out of control.”

“So let’s sit and chat a bit. Are there any neighbors or someone else that could corroborate any of this.”

“Yes. Carl Wilkins next door witnessed it all.”

“Kyla? Why don’t you buzz next door and talk to him. Let me talk to the girls. So, Hailey, Chris, why don’t you want to go to your dad’s?”

“Dad gets mad all the time. But I have never seen him as angry as he was today. I, we, are both scared to death to go there. If he drinks even a little bit…Take me to juvenile detention. Call social services. Put me in foster care. Whatever. I don’t care. Just don’t make me go there. He used to smack my mom around all the time. Even when he wasn’t angry. But the way he was today? No way can we go there.”

“Hailey’s right, officer. We can’t go. He’ll hurt us. I know he will. Isn’t there another way.”

“How old are you two?”

“16”

“14, almost fifteen.”

“You two are getting pretty old. I’m surprised you still have to go. Have you petitioned the court, Ms. Logan?”

“The divorce courts are pretty, uh, unpredictable. I discussed it with my attorney who recommended against it. I’m convinced the judges think both sides are lying, so they just make some kind of arbitrary settlement that they consider ‘fair.’. I was afraid it could end up worse for the girls. Happened to a good friend of mine.”