All Comments on 'Thembos Become Breeding Drones Ch. 01'

Hadn’t realized how much I’d been wanting more inclusive mind control stories! This is so fun!!

Do they have genders or not?

And that's the problem with using "they" to show gender neutrality, you end up with an unintelligible story. Invent a non gendered singular pronoun. They & their doesn't work.

Thank you so much for gender inclusive pronouns!

I suffered a brain hemorrhage while reading this.

Story has a great premise but was a nightmare to read with the "they" pronouns

I don't know whats worse, how fast it went (and with such little build up) or the stroke inducing writing.

A bit too short. The pronouns didn't bother me so much as the awkwardly rushed narrative.

I like this concept a lot, and I do appreciate the nonbinary characters. I think it could be a lot more improved if we had details about their appearances that could distinguish them; it could improve both readability and style if, say, "The brunette climbed on top of the cadet," instead of just "they climbed on top of them." It's a writing trick that a lot of m/m and f/f authors have had to get good at.

I also would have loved to have more detail about the character's bodys both before and after the changes. The bathroom masturbation scenes could have let us get a lot more familiar with Lana's usual body and sense of self, to make the corruption that much more impactful, for instance.

I know a lot of the comments down here may have been discouraging, but I hope you're able to find good feedback in them and write more- especially with nonbinary leads! Good queer representation is something that porn desperately needs, and I look forward to more of it from you!!