Thesis Topic 23 Ch. 06

PART 10

The dreaded Monday morning finally arrived. Lillian woke up at 8:00 AM when her roommates had already left. Her pussy still dripped from the previous night events. It was becoming a routine for her to wake up with her pussy and ass soaked in semen. She thought bitterly that Megan and Karen should throw the couch away once she left, as it was becoming more and more tainted with spunk and female juices.

Lillian felt relieved to be alone, she found an envelope over the trunk, it contained the release forms from her porno-session. She held them to her chest happily and then cut them into little pieces. For the first time she felt hope of finally regaining some control of her life. The shameful contract she just signed was still nagging her in the back of her mind, but she managed to cope with the fear thinking that it won't mean anything unless she signed a contract for a porno session. Still, she was a little afraid that 'Lilly' could be subject to sign something in a moment of horniness.

"No," She said to herself, "From this moment Lilly no longer exists. I am in full command of my life now."

While she showered she went again thru the plans that she had made overnight, and even rehearsed a lot the interviews that she had ahead of her for the day.

She planned to deal with her blackmailer first, then go to see Ms. Barbara and ask her advice in order to find a way to drop her thesis gracefully, so she could retry the following semester with a new one. She also planned to go to the bank and ask for a credit of around $700 to $1000 backed by her monthly income and her vast trust fund. She thought that amount would be enough to buy some cheap but decent clothes and rent a cheap apartment to regain her independence.

She smiled shyly thinking that if she managed her interviews right, by the next day she would be free again, and would be able to finally leave all that craziness behind. If she could find the time, she also wanted to assert herself in front of Mr. Palmer and resign from her crappy job. She would threaten him with an accusation of sexual harassment if necessary; Once she dropped her thesis, Mr. Palmer's blackmail will lose most of its strength, especially if she made a preemptive talk with Ms. Barbara, telling her that she will resign to her internship and letting some hints that Mr. Palmer sexual innuendos could be the cause.

She started to feel better, thinking that from Thursday she will be back in her life. She will even look for a new job, just to prove herself that she was still the most promising undergrad student of her generation. She only regretted that she hadn't thought of these solutions earlier. She realized that she had behaved like a frightened animal in a stampede, just running and running and doing things in cascade without much thinking, just reacting, and doing anything to get away from a supposed danger just to run towards a much more dangerous and much more certain cliff.

But, as she combed her hair, she started experimenting more than simply regrets. Whenever she left her mind drift a little, her doubts started to grow and grow, and her insecurity became overwhelming. She rather liked it to be Thursday already; Despite her hopes and her carefully crafted plans, she felt really afraid of facing her blackmailer as well as Ms. Barbara. Even worse, she felt incapable to manage those interviews professionally; somehow her shameful interviews with Mr. Palmer and Bruce Taylor at the Ambassador had almost entirely destroyed her self-confidence. Even in her rehearsal of the coming interviews, her mind started wandering, and she could not avoid imagining all kinds of humiliating scenarios, which shamefully aroused her.

The fact that Ms. Barbara had seen her embarrassing photos didn't help at all to her self-confidence, even when she knew that Ms. Barbara wasn't aware that the wanton girl in the photos was her. Just the memories of the last meeting at Ms. Barbara's office, with her secretary and that student clinically studying her naked photos, made her shiver, but strangely, it also stirred her pussy with a feeling that she found hard to admit.

Lillian bitted her lower lip in front of the mirror. She no longer felt so confident. A part of her wanted to hide behind her alter-persona Lilly, and simply go back to do a slutty stunt instead of living that dreadful Monday as Lillian, the responsible student. She scolded herself at the thought and applied herself to get the most professional appearance ever, focusing herself completely on that task, and relegating her other thoughts to the back of her mind.

An hour later Lillian was taking the bus to her college. She was neatly dressed in her favorite ensemble: a business-like gray skirt that went below her knees, a blue, long sleeve blouse, and a dark gray blazer. Her beautiful red hair was elegantly done and she was wearing her favorite style of makeup. She was wearing high heels, underwear, and a pantyhose; all items were borrowed from Karen, the last ones without her knowledge, but Lillian wanted to look her best. One last look at the mirror and she felt better than ever.

"I bet those acne boys wouldn't even recognize me if they saw me," she thought amused.

One thing that she noted during the commute was that people weren't staring at her openly. That gave her great relief. It was tranquilizing to be finally free from all those women looking at her with scorn and anger, and of all those low-class young men, looking at her as she was some object whose only function was to satisfy them, at least visually.

A businessman smiled politely at her and she felt good, "I sure can attract the right kind of man,"

she thought cheerfully, but he ignored her from then on, and Lillian felt childish and stupid for thinking that he was drooling after her.

Halfway thru the commute, a couple of young men boarded the bus. They were probably construction workers by the look of their clothes. Lillian noticed that she grabbed their attention, but to her disappointment, they seemed to lost interest very fast. She felt oddly disenchanted. She started to feel insecure again, but now for other reasons. She felt she looked dowdy, and despite her conscious mind fight, she could not avoid thinking that Lillian was completely unable to grab a man's attention, while Lilly was an immediate magnet for any man's eyes.

Lillian lifted her skirt a little to show her knees and a bit of thigh and then unbuttoned the top button of her blouse without giving it too much thinking. She was getting in a behavior toboggan that would certainly lead her to do more stupid things, but fortunately for her, she arrived at the university bus stop.

She buttoned up her blouse hoping that nobody had noted her stunt. She was blushing and feeling stupid as she stepped down the bus.

Lillian had to reunite all her strength before entering the university and walking to the art department to meet her blackmailer Mr. Jackson. The walk along the aisle was unnerving, on one side she felt really good to be portraying a professional image. She felt that it would help her downplay her shameful behavior and photos as just a young woman's game. On the other side, she felt very insecure. Somehow Lillian and Lilly worlds were not so clearly apart right then. She was dressed as Lillian, but Lilly's slutty fingerprints were all over the place, invading the university that she considered Lillian's sanctuary.

"What do I do if I find John Wallace? What if he told her friends about my shameful behavior?

They probably wouldn't believe him, but..."

"Mr. Jackson will see you now. His office is that door at the end of this aisle. You don't have to knock, he is already waiting for you."

That phrase pulled her out of her stupor. She didn't even remember entering the teacher's lounge and asking for Mr. Jackson. She mumbled a "thanks," stood up, and marched like a robot to the designated place.

"Hi, Lillian."

Lillian thought that Mr. Jackson didn't look too impressive he was a skinny white man, probably just a couple of inches taller than her. Somehow she realized that he looked gay indeed, it was maybe the neatness of his attire, or probably the artful details in his very clean office.

She seemed to regain some confidence maybe seeing her adversary wasn't physically powerful, but when he smirked Lillian could not control a shiver. The man could seem weak, but his manners revealed he had a cruel side, maybe a bottled resentment from his young years. All in all, Lillian felt intimidated by his presence, specially knowing that her life was in his hands.

"Hi," she said in a very low voice, overwhelmed by thousand emotions running thru her mind. The witty opening phrases that she had thought while rehearsing this interview seemed to fly away from her, leaving her mind deserted, and filled with fear. All in all, she wasn't in shape to drive the conversation.

"Did you bring the money?"

She merely nodded. She had planned to bargain, to say that she only got $1300, but she felt paralyzed and wanted to be out of there as soon as possible.

"All of it?"

She should at least had said "yes," but instead she said, "I only brought $1700... you told me... remember..."

Mr. Jackson twitched his lips in a way that made Lillian nervous. He hadn't even offered her a seat, and he seemed ready to back off his deal.

He was thinking, "I expected a party girl afraid of his parents, but the way this girl is dressed, and her manners tell me that she had much more to lose than I originally thought. No wonder she brought all the money."

"I don't know Lillian. I am having second thoughts. I am risking my tenure here. Look I already prepared my inform."

He showed Lillian her computer screen. There was an email destined for Ms. Barbara. It hadn't been sent yet, but it was just a click away to fly and ruin her life. Her face went white as she read it.

"Ms. Barbara

I concluded the analysis of the photographs you gave me and here are my observations:

1. The photographs were taken with a professional Nikon camera.

2. There are many hints that support the idea that professional lighting and high quality lens were used in the shooting.

3. The great quality of the set is another indicator that it is indeed a professional job, the same could be said about the artistic focusing, which seems to be done by a very experienced photographer.

4. The photographs were taken in the business district of our town one day before you sent them to me.

5. I uncovered the face of the model, which could be useful for you. Here it is:"

The photo was pixelated but her face was clearly recognizable.

I will be happy to help you in future analysis

Sincerely

Mr. Jackson"

Lillian's face was ghost white. She was on the verge of crying.

"But we had a deal... here is the money... see?"

She said putting all her hard-earned money on the desk.

"No Lillian... I changed my mind," he said playing around.

"Please... sir... I really need this... and you promised..."

"I promised to keep silent for $2,000, not $1700"

Lillian was visible trembling now, "but I can't get any more money," she said in an almost inaudible voice.

Mr. Jackson feared that she could break down, so he decided to stop the charade.

"Ok girl, I have a heart, and I want to help you. Maybe you can give me something else, pay me in kind, you know."

He didn't want anything. He just wanted to bring Lillian down a peg. She reminded him of his high school classmates, always bulling him and mocking him for his mannerisms.

"I don't have anything with me...," she said bitterly.

"Ok," he said taking the money and putting it in his pocket without even looking at it. He was sure that Lillian wouldn't have the courage to lie to him.

"Let's be creative. Hmmm," he said, and then remained silent for a minute or so, just thinking about the possibilities.

"I have an idea. My boyfriend likes to cross-dress from time to time. Give me your underwear so I can give it to him, and if I like it, I will delete points number 4 and 5 from the email."

Lillian felt relieved, she didn't want to face the meeting with Ms. Barbara without underwear, but it was by far the less of her concerns right then. And Karen probably won't even notice the missing underwear set.

"Ok. I'll do it. Where can I change?" she said.

"Do it here, we don't have much time. I have a meeting in a few minutes, and I have already seen your charms remember?"

She decided to comply, the earlier she got out of there the better. She pulled her pantyhose and panties down from under her skirt, and then she took off her blazer and pulled her bra, under her blouse.

She handed him the garments and felt proud of herself.

"I didn't put a show for this bastard, ha," she thought.

Mr. Jackson was disappointed. He didn't fancy Lillian's body, but he wanted to humiliate her. He thought of making her do some silly stuff, but he was really running out of time, so he said.

"This is not enough. Frankly, your garments are pretty lame. I expected racier stuff from a porno actress like you."

Lillian blushed. She regretted having chosen the most conservative underwear from Karen.

"Tell you what. I'll give you a choice, you may give me your blazer and the top three buttons of your blouse or you may give me your blouse and keep the blazer," he said.

"Please Mr. Jackson, I already gave you a lot of money and even my underwear. I will meet Ms. Barbara in a few minutes." she tried to assert herself, "I think it is enough if you don't want it, give me my money back and..." she didn't dare to continue.

He interrupted her, "I put the rules here little lady, and I say it is not enough," he put the money back on the desk and said, "The moment you touch the bills, the email flies away."

Lillian felt defeated, "May I at least give it to you later, you know after meeting Ms. Barbara."

"No."

"Please"

"No. I don't have time for this. It is like a said, or nothing."

Lillian inhaled deeply, she decided to conserve the blazer, it would look a little bit weird without a blouse underneath, but it was modest enough. The blouse without bra and the top buttons would be worse.

She took off her blazer and then the blouse. This time it was impossible not to flash him.

"If you want to succeed in the porno business you should consider a boob job, yours are too small," he said satisfied with his own cruelty.

Lillian blushed and dressed fast. She didn't know what ashamed her most, the fact that he thought that she wanted to have a porno career or her small breast. She tried to convince herself it was the former. No self-respecting feminist would consider breast size an issue.

Satisfied with the result, he wanted to end the meeting right then. He unceremoniously erased the negative comments from the email and sent it off. Lillian breathed with relief.

"Mission accomplished," she thought.

A few minutes later she was walking the aisles of the university. Despite having solved her biggest problem, she was still apprehensive. The loss of clothes had mined her self-confidence, and she was feeling less able to cope with Ms. Barbara. She knew she no longer looked neat and professional. Her clothes were still of very high quality, but the lack of blouse made her look awkward, and her lack of underwear was worse because it made her feel like Lilly. She was also slightly aroused in spite of her nervousness.

She arrived at Ms. Barbara's office and have to take a few minutes before reuniting the courage to ask the secretary.

"She said, she can see you right now," said the secretary with a warm smile. "Nice outfit," she added. Lillian blushed and entered Ms. Barbara's office.

"Thanks for receiving me Ms. Barbara, there is a thing that I want to discuss with you."

"I am glad you are here Lillian," she said in a very serious tone, "Is there something that you need to tell me about your subject?"

"No... yes... no," said Lillian confused. She wanted to talk about the whole thesis thing, and not about the subject.

"There is nothing that I need to know about the studio photos?"

"No," she said blushing deeply, "Did Mr. Jackson betrayed me or what?" she thought.

"Is there a problem with Mr. Jackson professional opinion? My subject swore that they were professional photos," she said trying to counterattack.

"Mr. Jackson's report was... Are you sure you don't have ANYTHING to say about the studio photos? Nothing strange about them?" she said sternly.

Lillian felt paralyzed, Ms. Barbara was probably bluffing as the last test of the authenticity of the photos.

"No, not that I know, I assure you they are authentic," she said, but she sounded very insecure.

Ms. Barbara face turned even sterner, and Lillian realized that it was more than bluff.

"OK. I gave you a chance to come clean and instead you lied to me in my face."

"Yesterday I was talking with a friend about the photos that you brought, and I was telling her that I was curious about your subject. You know the one that seemed to be regretting her porno career just at the same time that you started interviewing her. It sparked my curiosity and wanted to see her face. Well. my friend showed me this little trick."

She then turned the monitor and made a little demonstration for Lillian. She entered google's image search engine and uploaded one of the photos that Lillian had given her. The first result was the amateur site where Lillian had been uploading her photos, but there were more, apparently, her photos were now spread among several amateur sites. Lillian felt her world crumble when Ms. Barbara clicked in the first link and quickly found the photos that showed her face clearly!

"I am sorry," was all that Lillian could whisper. She was completely overwhelmed by the situation, her face was completely pale, and Ms. Barbara thought for a moment that she was going to faint.

Ms. Barbara was thrown between anger and pity, but she convinced herself that it was all Lillian's fault, and her stupid actions had put Ms. Barbara's tenure at risk. That fueled her anger even more and she finally talked.

"Listen, Lillian, what you did is the most shameful kind of academic fraud that I ever have heard of. You already had tried to fool me with a fake interview in the past, so I can't let this new mistake pass. Especially when other people here in the university had seen your pictures, if one of them finds your 'little site', I will be risking my tenure. You irresponsible brat!" she said losing her temper for a second.

"I already notified a member of the disciplinary council about your unforgivable behavior. You will surely be expelled for academic fraud and for potentially disgracing your college with your wanton displays."

Then calming herself again she continued, "Lillian, you were a good student, and as friend, I recommend you that you send a letter of confession to skip the trial which would be extremely shameful for you and even for the University."

Lillian finally broke, she started sobbing, all her efforts, all her slutty stunts, all for nothing, and now she not only would be thrown out of College disgraced, but also would lose her inheritance as it clearly stated that she would get the whole trust fund when she graduated, or after 27, but she will lose it if she got expelled from a University as her late aunt was. Of course, her aunt didn't commit academic fraud or anything near that, she simply was an activist that took her protest a notch too far. Obviously, her parents were afraid that her aunt could embed her crazy activism into Lillian, they didn't count that she died in the same accident as them.

Seeing Lillian break down, stirred Ms. Barbara's natural compassion, and soon she was trying to comfort the poor girl when she knew about the trust fund, she meditated and considered that the penalty was too harsh for the sin. Lillian surely deserved to be expelled from College for her actions, but she didn't deserve to be disinherited because of a moment of weakness.