All Comments on 'Thoroughbred'

Sorry, but that was the weakest I have so far read from you. I professional like an HR director wouldn't act like Audra did with her Boss. You have portrayed a severely disturbed couple. And why the change when first Kurt was telling the story and without further ado 3rd person? Meh.....

You leave me wondering if the amnesia was faked all along. I mean if he remembers the bad guy he must remember the wife. Or did his memory now return and he doesnt care about the wife just the boss.

A nice try at the screw my boss theme like “the bridge” and amnesia sort of like “checked out”.

Great story.

Somewhat far fetched, l kept eaiting for Jonathon Frakes to appear and ask True or False?

But l liked it, the story was different, and different is good.

Scores 5/5

The whole "he can't see his wife" thing is original, and you handled it well, although the POV change was disconcerting, because it wasn't immediately clear, why. The machinations became a little tedious, but then, again, it took some time to make the reader understand that she'd actually disappeared. Very nice and compelling tale. 5/5!!

Just brilliant story telling. 5+

His subconscious blocks his memory of her. Anytime he sees her, a picture of her, or anything that might remind him of her, like divorce papers, his subconscious sends his conscious mind a "there's nothing there" message.

I was so confused at the end of the story that I went to the Comments to see what other reactions had been. I was amazed to find that many readers took this utter nonsense in stride and were analyzing it just like it was a fully developed story with a reasonable ending. i don't know if selective amnesia is a real medical condition or if it, too, was a mental aberration of the author that the audience bought into, but the reasoned discussion threw me off stride. I really think this was a complete piece of gobbledy-gook and not worthy of real consideration, but clearly there is a population of readers who disagree with me (nothing new there). I will agree that the story held together such as it was so I gave it a rating above the -3* it deserved: 2*. I personally believe, and have said this about many other LW stories, that a one-time mistake in a marriage is worthy of discussion and possible acceptance. This woman really blew it big time and considering the publicity that came with the infidelity it would be hard to accept, but who among us has not made a grievous error and wanted some measure of forgiveness? There's the ever-present platitude of who should be casting the first stone, but I truly believe that a one-time, albeit highly significant, error should be considered for forgiveness. The always-present issue of regaining trust is not so easy, but even that should be considered before throwing away an otherwise solid relationship. Sometimes the error and the threat of the destruction of that relationship is enough to set someone back on the straight and narrow. After the second "strike" that may well be off the table. All that doesn't get past the fact that this was a very poorly constructed, almost supernatural story which left all of us up in the air.

Great story!

Great story, 5*

Great story but i feel the ending could have been ahhh more.

With Kurt's smiling after Chet's "accident," and his obvious involvement in it, lends credence to the theory that his "amnesia" was faked. And the drone attack half a country away pretty much rules out a happy "accident."

Plot holes abounded and pertinent details were deliberately kept from the reader to keep the reader in the dark.

Interesting and original concept. I haven't seen this sort of plotline very often on here. I applaud you for that. Overall the storyline was pretty decent but there was a lot of nonsensical info that did nothing to lend to the story. I kept thinking it would but this info was like a dead-end road. It made me keep asking when the story was going to get interesting.

Overall, the main character was as vanilla and boring as can be. His wife was nearly as boring and it makes me not really want to care about either one of them. They seemed to have no real life and nothing is really said about their work life, friends, or family.

My biggest issue was with the wife and her actions. Sober people that aren't drugged or have any sort of promiscuous history don't usually do the things she did. She has supposedly been faithful to her husband to a point of her not even being a flirt and suddenly she decides in less than a few hours that she is going to sleep with her boss because her husband angered her a little bit???

Granted, with many stories we need to detach from reality for them to work but the character actions of people are not so detached that they act completely out of character for them as the wife did without any sort of traumatic event, history of actions, or at least thoughts, or some build-up with the boss. She took a shower, got fixed up, told her husband she was going to do it, and left totally detached from emotions including any supposed anger she possessed toward her husband from earlier. Her reasons for doing it were extremely weak and if anything, she seemed to be a zombie just going off of what someone told her to do.

The boss didn't even seem to have a "bigger than life" persona which can usually cause some faithful women to depart from their vows but not like this and not in such a short time. I know you mentioned it but nothing you wrote indicated he was anything more than just the run-of-the-mill D-Bag. To be honest, I actually had a bit of remorse for him regarding the horse accident since he felt bad about her hubby leaving her.

This story really needed more character development as did their home life. There needed to be more of some sort of interaction between the boss and the wife if she is going to bed him and destroy her marriage. As for the main character, he needed some semblance of a personality as he was boring AF and it was hard to even sympathize with him.

Maybe I missed it but what were you really trying to go for with "The Ring"??? I understand the main character scratching his hand with the ring mark on it when he was around his wife but there was little about the ring that affected the wife and more that affected the boss's furniture and his hand as well as the horse's leg/hoof. The boss had no idea what the Ring mark was even about, had he at least known there was some sort of relevancy then maybe it would have been climatic. But, it wasn't.

I'm just wondering if this was a 7-page story and the other 3 pages got missed in the download?

I'm a little on the fence with this one.

On one hand, it was extremely intersting. The premise isn't new, but I never saw it worked out to such extent, and storywise, it was worked out well.

On the other hand, I'm not sure if that premise was worth such a long run. At some point, it just felt weird to have a mental breakdown with seemingly permanent effects presented as some kind of consequence for the wife. I just felt sorry for the Dude on so many levels.

That feeling of weirdness was also fueled by the unannounced changes in perspective. You started out in first person, and then suddenly switch to third person for no obvious reason. It felt wrong. Especially when you kept introducing the perspective of the characters, just to then write about both of them regardless.

All in all, I give it a 3/5 for now.

Went off the rails with the ending.

Quite possibly the most ridiculous story I've read this year. Guess there's a while to go though......

A storyline that starts out unbelievably — namely a young woman who you paint as bright, hard working (an achiever) informs her husband essentially that she intends to sleep with her boss. Seriously, may be way to introduce the infidelity but bears no resemblance to reality. Leave aside her relationship with boss and her position as HR director. Unbelievable premise coupled with bimbo wife. Unoriginal.

Great story, but came away feeling unfinished. Kurt’s condition would preclude him working with any sensitive or classified material/projects which his current job appears to require. So many questions unanswered.

Intriguing idea. Well executed.

Interesting and different. It isn't easy to find a new story here, one that doesn't follow a familiar path. It does leave me wondering if he truly has amnesia or is faking and some deeper memory took over when he saw her boss riding. I enjoyed that a lot. 5*****

Another story about which I have to say"Finish the damned story!" I can't believe I wasted time I'll never get back for a STORY that has no ending. Geez!

I’m not sure some of the people who left comments realize that his selective memory loss was fake. He knew what he was doing when he chose the the branch he wanted to transfer to because of the drone research. The MC was exceptionally brilliant in his revenge. This was marvelously written with few grammatical errors and improper word usage. 5 stars.

Too over the top. Amnesia doesn't have a visual deficit. He might not recognize someone but he would see them. Chet and the horse was just out of the twilight zone. What was the cheating slut's loss, the man she cheated on and didn't love anyway? A head of HR wouldn't lose her job THAT DAY? Too many ridiculous things in this one to be enjoyable. You have done much, much better.

Interesting start? Not sure where you dropped us off. 4*

Great story..5*+

This story is dated 1-12-23....and after reading it I thought wil tyere be a follow up ?

I appreciate someone trying a new twist on a plot we have seen before. The story has a lot of weaknesses though, that kind of ruin it I think.

Selective amnesia would not have someone not see a person literally right there, it doesn't happen. Not recognizing his wife? Not seeing her? No way.

No shrink would ever believe this. If he was acting, his body language would be locked up.

The other thing is him shooting the horse with the drone is outright fiction. Equipment like the drone at a military contractor is tightly controlled, you don't 'plsy with it' Access is logged and likely they are tracked as well,you don't control that kind of drone like something you bought on Amazon.

It is why the story falls, bc just too much out of whack. Assuming he had amnesia, then how could he go after Chet? If he was faking it then that would make sense,but no way he could get away with it.

And yeah the wife screwing Chet also is weak. Ok she is impressed by glitz, but no way she is going to screw chet bc hubby showed him up. Especially being an hr director she would know the thin ice she was on.

And directors of a public company would not contenence Chet sleeping with Audra, no frigging way, that is a sexual harassment suit just waiting to happen&they would be liable. They literally would have no defense in a situation like this.

Other than a few writing/grammatical errors this is one of the best LW stories posted in a while. What was real and what wasn't? Guess we will have to see if there is a follow up tale. Now I get to read some of your other stories.

That was quite the “Twilight Zone” twist at the end. I’m not to sure whether it worked or not.

Good idea; not good execution. Change in POV wasn't necessary and was disconcerting: should have used 3rd person all along. We don't need a dozen incidents of his not seeing her to get the point and know what's coming: the middle part of the story was tedious. The business with the wedding ring sore on Chet's hand and on the horse (???) is over the top and not necessary. Etc. Still, points for an original idea, and a good one.

Nope

The sudden lurch out of first person perspective to third was jarring.

Excellent!

Liked this one so much, I'm gonna read some of your others.

While I admire the originality demonstrated by the author, the world does not accept mental illness nearly as easily as this story depicts. A military contractor would never allow an employee with clear evidence of an active mental illness to work on a sensitive project like a weaponized drone. Government issued security clearances also do not tolerate active evidence of significant mental illness. Finally, a divorce action would require a response even if the husband claimed to have forgotten being married. If amnesia negated the legal and financial obligations of the marital contract, the incidence of reported memory loss would no doubt skyrocket.

Original plot, but the narrative became somewhat tedious because the plot didn’t allow more interaction between the MC and his wife. We were never told why wifey jumped into bed with Chet so easily. The marriage must already have been rocky for her to do this, but we weren’t told why. 3 stars and thanks for sharing.

She just didn’t exist in his world.

What if she stood in front of the tv?

Blocking his view?

TV vanish???

LOVE slap-hapy-papy #9

The concept was original, which is Rare on this site...

You very are a talented Storyteller...

Over all this is an excellent story,..

The One Thing you Need To Do is...

Tie Up all of The Loose ends and then Finish The Damn Story!

Then it will be one of the best stories on LiteE !

4🌟s until you finish it.

Fred

This story feels unfinished.

Probably because it is.

It gets a 1

@ReedRichards

What a great start to my day: “room temperature in Celsius.” 😀 Nice, reasonable comments. But I’ve missed seeing your name as an author…anything in the pipeline? I guess I’ll have to be content with re-reading some of your older stuff.

A fanciful story with some “hard to believe” stuff. It was unusual, but I found it enjoyable.

Great story? No way! A truly pathetic attempt at writing an interesting tale. Sorry author but you failed.

I liked it AFTER figuring out the Kurt's part in Chet's mishap.

What a great wellthought out, acted and executed revenge.

But I felt the opening premise to be weak.

The wife blatantly spending the night fucking her boss was a stretch. An HR director level position for a multinational and yet she makes this stupid move. Yes it sets up the rest of the story but it was a weak start

And the rest if the story was good.

So I gave it a 4

Spooky and very good.

Needs serious editing though.

(The dreaded sudden change in point of view...)

did not work

Really good story but it ends too abruptly

Where's the ending?? 3 stars

It seems you merged Loving Wives with Sci-Fi. Once I figured where you were going I enjoyed the story. Certainly a different slant.

Still??? If she stood between tv and him? What would be his vision???

Stretching Credulity

The Invisible Slut invention is handy, but it is too weird for a redneck to swallow. Thanks to NJLauren for connecting Hubby & drone with the Bucking Bronco. But how many hours/day for how many months would Hubby have to be monitoring Horny Boss with the military’s new toy before HB gets on a horse he knows is out of his skill-set? Then, how does one get the horse to kick instead of bolt?

I was expecting Sweetie, once she was told Hubby’s problem, to spill hot coffee on his shirt. Ignore THAT!

3*

Yeah, no. Good story but just didn't come together.

awsome READ

This is a really good story. I liked the unusual approach. The karma twist at the end was absolutely delicious.

The only way I would have liked it more, if Kurt actually found a new woman to love him, maybe in an epilogue 2 or something. But this is possibly hinted as, so I'm not even taking a star off for that - 5 stars. thanks for the effort and fun read!

If there were an erotic Rod Serling series this would have great bones for a script. In its present form it didn't quite gell for me. The ending was a bit too subtle. It is not clear if it is the MC unleashing vengeance with his weaponized drone, or supernaturally directed karma, or the MC's psychokinetic powers punishing his enemies. I'm guessing that what was intended is to reveal that the MC's amnesia was a sham and that he plotted to make private use of the weapons he helped develop. Then again maybe I'm just too slow to understand what the author written. Very creative thinking though! 4/5 stars.

Nope, not my cup of tea.

Terrible ending.

I did not get the ending. ***

Why would the company risk losing the military and government contracts for a sad insane loser? Kurt would of been out the door quicker than you can say "crazy bollocks."

Did Kurt also forget about his parents or did the amnesia spread to them and the rest of his family because how could he live his life without anyone bringing up his wife?

The poor bastards going to end up in a padded room.

Great story, well written. She thought telling her husband that he doesn't own her & she could sleep with her boss, thereby dissing, humiliating & betraying her husband could be erased by an "I'm sorry?" Kurt warned her that her marriage would be over if she slept with Chet but she wouldn't listen. Then she expects him to listen to her. Doesn't always happen that way. This was evidently a planned event, one that she thought her husband would just accept. The only thing I would've liked is an ending to find out if Kurt regained his memory/ realized he's in fact, married. And what would happen then.(After all, he was somehow all smiles when Chet had that accident!) 5 stars on this wonderful, story in the line of "Faithful?" but yet different. Bob

I love this. It could have gone a little farther. But enjoyable.

not really sure what to say lol were you high writing this?

I'm glad this didn't turn into some weird supernatural thing. An enjoyable take on the movie plot point in Real Genius. 5*

For a guy who loves horses so much, I can’t believe that he would burn one with a laser from a drone to get back at his rival. That is the cruelest part of the story.

A boaringly repeated plot.

But well told. 5*...

A good quick read.

Interesting story. There has been times when I wish I could have forgotten a bad relationship like that. 👍👍

Man this is weak

O kind of liked the story, but it went off the rails with the supernatural ring imprint on ttmhe horse and the boss? And the MC keeps his job despite his weird selective amnesia? And the ending that wasn't an ending made me feel like I wasted my time. 4 stars.

If there is no medical (HIPAA) waiver, how is it that someone at Northrop, which is so big that they would know better, providing private medical information to another person, especially when the person doing it is in HR?

I feel the same as SplitGeode66. Not impressed by end of story at all.

I can't say that I really enjoyed this story. Stories where the husband ignores the wife or runs away, are invariable boring, and this one was no different, unfortunately.

I did, initially, somewhat get a chuckle out of the selective filter angle, but it was overplayed.

Decent enough effort though.

Ending wasn't very well written it kind of went from a loving wives to poop

Weird, didn’t really enjoy it, just wasn’t clear.

I tried to like this story, but not convinced an intelligent man could have "selective amnesia" that would block images from the photos.

He should be able to see a person, but not recognize them.

The ending was very weak.

@njlauren Re: The Drone - I got the impression that it was still in development, and he was in charge of it, so him taking it "out for a spin" wouldn't cause much concern.

Interesting story, that confused the hell out of me. Was the wife aware that the "thoroughbred" was a horse and not Chet's wife?

If the twisted ending was some type of 'transference' thing it was a miss. Plus I've never ever heard of selective amnesia blocking out actual physical touching with a person hanging on them.

\

I got to call BS this story it is just too much BS to be creditable. However, I am glad the truly injured husband won this one. And the beeooch wife lost.

\

2.9*** for the story, 4.8* for grammar/spelling, Hooyah....

It started out okay and just went downhill, faster and faster until it just went Splat.

Outstanding. Finally an altogether different story. 5*

But I get why some just don't....

Good tale and worthy of a five however a few points jumped or floundered around (like the drone) or his selective amnesia - that would affect a job. Because if that it received a four.

The plot here, although interesting is a direct steal from “A Promise Made, A Vow Broken” by Hooked1957, and “The Bridge” by RichardGerald. I found those two stories compelling although someway far fetched. But, in such an instance, I always tell myself....remember, this is fiction. Yours, was equally gripping up until Kurt lost his memory of his marriage, and his sight when confronted by Audra. That I must say was kind of hard to swallow. Also, the ending, as are so many stories in the LW section of Literotica was unbelievably abrupt, and also somewhat convoluted. At the very least, this needs a least another few pages, or better still an additional chapter.

there were holes in ever paragraph. made it hard to believe anything that was written

One of the comments mentions that Kurt used his drone to burn and spook the horse, causing the accident and paralysis to Chet. I confess, I didn’t get that the first time around and went back and read it again. His harming the horse doesn’t jibe with his described personality, is he type that would have a horse put down to satisfy lust for revenge?. Why not just zap Chet’s hand causing a violent reaction triggering (Yes, I was a Roy Rodgers fan) the horse to throw it’s rider and bad karma ruins his back?

Then, if a grudge was being held for a year, had he been faking the amnesia?

I don’t know, buy I do know that I enjoyed the tale.

"See that guy? He's so fucked up in the head there's certain people who can stand in front of him and he's unable to see them. As if they were invisible!"

"Oh wow! What does he do?"

"He builds laser-armed killer drones for the military."

Nice story. I gave it a 5 due to all the emotional turmoil. I do understand selective amnesia, as most combat veterans do suffer from similar symptoms. For them is is "PTSD". Selective memories blocking out some of the trauma and gore of combat. For some, eventually recalling fragments of those memories can prove to be quite disabiliting. Working with the correct professionals does help.

It would be nice if there were a second chapter with Kurt and Audra coming to some type of meeting, allowing them both to understand and accept the eventual outcome whichever way it goes. Leaving Kurt hanging as he is, he will never find true happiness or possibly should the memories return, he may wind up on a psych ward/facility, never returning to a peaceful life style.

Please give this story the proper ending it deserves.

A really well written story; up to the ending. The spooky sci-fi stuff ruined it for me.

This was just.....

Reading this I find the ending longing. And though I can understand wanting out of California, but Wyoming? Not exactly an intellectual bastion.

Also the wife was so willing to cheat that easily I don't see how she can have remorse for her betrayal.

Clever storyline

Nice tale.

Very good until the very end. Then, with just a few sentences, it fell apart. A better conclusion might've been to have Kurt flying the drone, spooking Chet's horse, and then, well, lots of possibilities depending on whether this was an accidental encounter or part of a long-game for revenge...

Another tale from the twilight zone. Hmm, didn't golden earring do a song named twilight zone. Add a ear to the tale and the circle would be complete.

Okay this went no where.

Finish your stories!!!

What a nothing story

I think I liked this, BUT it is odd, different. You’re styling of this one is definitely not your normal style, I don’t like how you did this, I liked the plot line but it was just to odd for me this time

Like the story , a lot. AAAA++++

Very strange story especially the ending. I don't know if I like it or not. It's just so out of my norm.

This was quite a different LW story. Reading the other comments seem to agree or they just don't get. Our MC's reaction is understandable. Severe shock can do many things to a person and I'm selective amnesia is one of them. Being a victim of a cheating wife that tore our family apart I really can understand his reaction.

Some of react differently of course, I just went into a didn't give a shit attitude and some depression. and other feelings I can't quite describe. The writing was ok and you really feel for the guy and I feel pretty much good riddence to the wife that was obviously hit with the Martian slut ray. Just for you info statistics show a lot more women file for divorce than do men. 5 stars

Didn't do it for me.

Definitivamente me encantó !!!

Por otro lado siento que le falta el final.

No es mi tipo de lectura habitual, pero me encanta todo lo que escribes Daddy

Well-written in beginning. Love the horse. Nicely set up story. Then, non-communication and selective amnesia took over after that and became the story. Which disappointed me. By time he got to Wyoming, I felt more connection with the wife who screwed up & was dealing with it.