Thoughts about Swinging

I was going to title this "Swinging Advice", but I'm far from being an expert so I figured "Thoughts About Swinging" would be a better title.

I'm sitting here at better than 70 years old with more than 50 years of sex. In that amount of time I've been through a lot of different scenarios related to sex. Although the idea of having an open relationship with your spouse isn't entirely new, the distribution of information about it really didn't take off until the internet came along. In my early recollections it was referred to as wife swapping, however this implied an ownership of the wife and the husband was "allowing " his wife to have sex with others. it wasn't too long that this was changed to "sharing" but this still seemed to have a husband allowing something to be shared, like his golf clubs. Swinging finally became a widely accepted term along with lifestyle.

In the early years of my marriage there were occasional references to swapping on TV but it was treated as an imaginary thing that didn't really take place except in fantasies. I imagined it but never thought it was something practical. Additionally I couldn't imagine even mentioning it to my wife let alone having it actually take place. Even if she agreed, I had no idea how to connect with others that might be interested. The Internet changed all that.

Initially I would read the Playboy and Penthouse letters to find stories about wife sharing but these all seemed to be fantasies that someone was writing about (most were probably fiction). As the Web grew up and a lot of content dealt with sex there was now a forum where swinging was open for discussion.

It still took me many years to bring it up with my wife. I was well into my 50s before I thought okay, just go for it. Although I received a cold reception to the idea initially, it wasn't rejected outright and it only took a few months to bring it to fruition.

Amanda (of the big boobs in my other stories) and I went to an on-premises club for all of our "adventures". Unfortunately the wife of the couple that ran the place died and it wasn't too long that the husband shut the club down and moved away. Our entire swinging experience was less than 5 years. All these years later I'm still kicking myself for not bringing it up to my wife sooner. So here are my thoughts for you:

1) Decide why you want to swing. If you're after the opportunity to have sex with other women, this will be a hard sell to your wife. You are much more likely to get a positive response if your goal is to have her have sex with other guys. Don't lie about this either to your wife or to yourself. Be prepared for a strong rejection if you are only in it for your sex.

2) Soft swing vs full swing. Soft swing is having sex with your partner in the same room as others. This may be a good first step. There isn't really any sharing going on (all though there may be some foreplay with the others in the room with you). This can serve as an ice breaker and allow your partner to experience the sexual energy that this situation creates and could open the door to a full swap (actually having sex with other people than just your partner) which is probably the ultimate goal.

3) Be clear about what can be expected from you, from her, and from the place you'll be. An on premise club would be much different than a hotel meet up with a specific couple. Let your wife know if you just want to watch, if you want to participate, or if you want to hear about it from her later. You may find she'd be more comfortable if you're not present, or she may want you there to feel safe. Learn, understand, and support her feelings.

4) Be honest with yourself and with your partner. What I mean here is, after your experiences, be honest with your partner, "I enjoyed that, I hope you did too", "I hope that guy wasn't too rough, too big, too small, too fast, etc.". Make sure your partner knows you are concerned for her welfare as well as her enjoyment. Make sure she understands your wants as well.

5) Agree on logistics. What are you each going to wear, is she going braless, with or without panties, etc. where are you spending the night afterward, going home to a hotel or staying on the premises (if that's an option). How late will you stay? Establish a way out. The way out could mean "get me away from this guy" or let's leave now. There could also be predetermined signals for "I like this guy, let's move forward", or "I like this guy, make yourself scarce", etc. Clear understanding of all these items make for a more comfortable night.

6) Plan ahead. although spontaneity is a great part of a sexual relationship planning can also ensure there won't be any last minute slip ups (damn I forgot condoms)

7) Start ASAP. As I sit here so many years later my biggest regret is not discussing it with Amanda in our twenties rather than our fifties. I don't know if we'd have started sooner or not but if we had started sooner I wouldn't be regretting it now.