All Comments on 'Three Bets'

by Moonm8

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  • 4 Comments
BigDick8870BigDick8870over 18 years ago
Couldn't Follow It

At the beginning of the story I thought the narrator was a whipped husband, but then with little warning, maybe a change of pronouns, suddenly its "I weigh 100+ pounds and am no match to his size"

At least set the story off with a *** between paragraphs. The pronoun changing of narrators was too damn confusing to make this a really good story. Stick with one or set it apart better.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
Confusing but Good

I agree with the previous poster; the change of perspective - first "you", then "Lydia" - speak to a story that was posted while the author was only halfway through a rewrite.

It's difficult to pull off a believable second-person story, and I don't much care for them. Try finishing the rewrite in 3rd person tense as a narrative, and I think it'll be a good story.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
Ah hah!!!

I now see what you mean. There was a break in writing the story and I see I must pay more attention. Thanks for the feedback.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
Cuckolding Wife and the Wimpy Watcher

As the last of many and untold more to come why does his wife stay married to him - he is a weak pitiful snivelling excuse for a man - maybe thats why she brings others home - well that and the fact she loves him (to watch)!

Respectful eh?

Anonymous
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