Throwin' Pennies in the Bay Pt. 02

That evening, I stopped by the VOQ to pick up Virginia for dinner. She told me about her meeting with her new commander. Virginia was really excited about what she was going to be doing. She also described where she would work until her clearance was upgraded. It was called the bullpen. That was where they isolated the people waiting on their security clearances before they could enter the secure area. I was so happy for Virginia. She was so excited that I almost didn't want to tell her my news.

I eventually told her about my new assignment and when I would leave. Virginia squeezed my hand, saying, "Oh, Alex, I was hoping we'd have more time."

I squeezed her hand back and said, "We have two months. Let's make the best of it and see where it goes. Who knows, we may come to hate each other in two months."

"I doubt that," Virginia said. She looked like she wanted to say more but decided at the last second not to.

We had pizza for dinner. Dessert was each other. After pleasing each other to orgasm, I reluctantly took Virginia back to the VOQ.

July 1981

Virginia's new boss immediately put her to work. She had to travel to London for a conference with the UK's military. She couldn't tell me what it was about due to security issues. She had to get read into the program, which required a Top Secret Special Compartmental Access (SCA) clearance. Virginia was given a temporary waiver, but she would have to get a security review on her security clearance. This was concerning. They were going to be investigating Virginia every which way from Sunday. We would have to be very careful about seeing each other until the investigation was completed.

As excited as I was about my new assignment, my birthday was coming up in a week. Despite Virginia's upcoming investigation, she had been hinting that she had something special planned for my birthday and wasn't going to change her plans. I was looking forward to it. We haven't been able to see each other in the last two weeks because of her trip to London. We have talked on the phone several times, but it wasn't the same. Plus, we had to be careful what we said because overseas calls were monitored.

I met Virginia at the airport, careful not to let my excitement at seeing her cause me to do something inappropriate. I saw Virginia's beautiful sapphire blue eyes and smile, and my heart melted. I was falling for this woman, and if I wasn't careful, I could lose my heart to her. I helped her with her bags and took her back to the VOQ so she could drop off her luggage and freshen up. Interestingly, when she got back to the VOQ, she had several messages waiting for her from Jim Scott. He'd finally worked up the courage to try to contact Virginia. Virginia asked me how she should handle it, seeing as how I worked with him. I assured Virginia that I didn't work with him; we were in different groups and only acquaintances. Hence, anything she wanted to do was okay with me.

Virginia also had a message that an apartment was coming available if she was still interested. She called the rental office and told them she was still interested. It was at the opposite end of the apartment complex from mine. So, once Virginia was all set, I took her to the rental office to finish the paperwork. She then notified the moving company where they were to deliver her car and property.

Luckily, the truck with her property was already in the area, so I helped Virginia move into her new apartment the next day. Her car also showed up. It was a 1980 Ford Mustang Convertible. Now she could get around independently instead of depending on me to give her a lift everywhere. In a way, that saddened me because I now had one less excuse to be with her.

We spent that evening christening her apartment, our cries of enjoyment echoing through the apartment.

All that next week, I was excited about celebrating my 26^th birthday. I still had no idea what Virginia had planned ... she can be pretty good at keeping secrets. That Friday, she came to my place at 8 AM to pick me up. We had both taken leave for the day, so we had the whole day to celebrate. Virginia's big surprise was an all-day spa treatment for both of us. I really enjoyed the full-body massage and the mani-pedi. Soaking in the hot tub and sitting in the sauna was fun. I took advantage of the steamy atmosphere and, when we were momentarily alone, snaked my hand under Virginia's towel and fingered her to orgasm to thank her for everything.

When we were done, Virginia treated me to dinner at Giovanni's Pizzeria é Ristorante Italiano in Fairborn. Virginia must have remembered me mentioning how I loved eating there. Her attention to details like that made my heart flutter and my insides go all gooey. It must have shown on my face because Virginia got a look on her face that I didn't know what to make of. When she gave me my birthday gift just as dessert came to the table, I was blissed out. The tiramisu was delicious. I opened my present and saw the beautiful bangle bracelet she had bought me. Virginia had got it when she was in London. It was hard to not embrace her and kiss her right there in front of everybody.

Finally, Virginia took me home. As I locked the door, Virginia's arms went around my waist. She pulled me into her body, her head nestled between my shoulder blades. I put my hands on hers and stood there, enjoying being in her arms.

Virginia said, "Happy birthday, Alex. I hope you enjoyed it."

I turned around in her arms until we were face to face, my arms around her neck as I tilted my head down to meet her turned-up face and kissed her gently. The feel of her lips on mine was heavenly. If I had to spend the rest of eternity doing only one thing, it would be kissing those incredible lips while staring into those beautiful sapphire blue eyes. After what seemed like an eternity, I broke the kiss and said, "Thanks, Virginia. This is the best birthday I've ever had."

At that moment, I wanted to say, "I love you," but again, Virginia got a look on her face that I wasn't sure what to make of. So, instead of saying it, I leaned in and kissed her again.

I enjoyed the attention Virginia lavished on me for my birthday. I was so happy and sure I was in love with Virginia. That night, just before we fell asleep, I nuzzled Virginia's neck as we lay there, Virginia's back against me, and whispered, "I love you, Virginia."

Virginia kept quiet, and I was disappointed she didn't react to my declaration. I eventually heard her even breathing, indicating she was asleep, so I fell asleep, assuming she probably hadn't heard me.

When I woke in the morning, I was disappointed that Virginia had already gotten up. I entered the kitchen and found Virginia's note saying she had gone on a run. That wasn't unusual, but taking off before I was awake was new. I looked out and saw that her car was gone. "That's odd," I thought, "maybe she has something to do that she put off while spending the day with me." I shrugged it off, showered, and ate breakfast, waiting for Virginia to return. While completing my toilet, I started thinking about my feelings for Virginia. I loved her, but I wondered if Virginia was okay with that. I thought back to the two times last night when I wanted to tell her that I loved her, and both times, I stopped because Virginia got a strange look on her face.

"Maybe she's afraid of getting that involved with me," I mused as I cleaned up and tidied up my apartment. "Maybe I should just back off for now and not push it."

After a couple of hours, I knew Virginia wasn't returning from her run. "She must have gone back to her place," I thought.

I decided to call, and Virginia picked up on the second ring like she had been expecting me to call and was waiting to answer. After hearing her say hello, I asked, "Is there anything wrong, Virginia?"

"No," Virginia said. "After finishing my run, I returned to my place to shower and clean up. You were still sleeping, and I didn't want to wake you up."

"Okay," I said, relieved that she wasn't upset with me. "Are we going to get together today?"

"Sure," said Virginia. "Just come on over when you want."

We spent the rest of the weekend running around, grocery shopping, sightseeing, and eating dinner together. We spent Saturday night at her place, and the sex was okay. I don't know if it was just me, but it seemed that Virginia was a little distant, but I just chalked it up to her job.

August 1981

Over the next month, I was busy wrapping up my current assignment and preparing to move to Robins for my new job. I had to fly down to Robins AFB a couple of times. I met with my new boss and looked around for somewhere to live. Virginia was busy getting up to speed with her new job and worked late most nights. Her security review was still ongoing, so we kept a low profile. Because of that, and without realizing it, Virginia and I saw less and less of each other. When we did see each other, the sex was more cursory than not. When I tried to talk about it, Virginia made excuses that her job was taking up her time and stressing her out.

Finally, the movers were scheduled to come on Friday to pick up my belongings to be moved to my new assignment. I was going to drive myself down to Robins AFB, so I didn't have to have my car shipped. Besides, I didn't want it out of my sight.

As I started packing my stuff for the move, I suddenly realized that I hadn't seen Virginia for nearly two weeks and hadn't even called her in the last three days. As I thought about it, I realized that I had been the one doing the calling for the last couple of weeks. Virginia had been disengaging from our relationship for the previous month. I called Virginia, but she didn't answer her phone, even though I tried several times. "I guess she's working late again," I thought to myself as I got ready for bed.

That night, in bed, while pondering my relationship with Virginia, I reflected back, once again, on my relationship with Judy ...

October 1973

... After our assignation, we didn't get together after practice for the next few days. Judy begged off, saying she needed to study for her tests. The final cut came, and both of us failed to make the cut. Since I had an athletic scholarship, the coach made room for me on the JV squad. Judy, being a walk-on, had no recourse. After showering and getting dressed, I asked Judy if she'd walk to the Student Union with me for beers to commiserate our fortune. Judy agreed, and we headed there. When we got there, Judy didn't hold the door for me like she had every other time. I shrugged it off as her being disappointed by being cut from the team.

We got our beers, and I also got some tortilla chips and salsa to munch on. We got a table and chatted. Judy seemed to be a little distant, and I tried to cheer her up. I said, "You were the last one cut from a team with a lot of returning seniors. That's a pretty good accomplishment for a walk-on player."

"Thanks, Alex," Judy said as she flashed me a sad little smile. "That's not what I'm sad about," she said.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I'm done with pursuing my dream of making the team. I'm going to concentrate on my studies. I won't be seeing you every day anymore." Judy explained.

"We'll still have classes we can take together," I offered, wondering where Judy was going with this discussion.

"That's true. That's not the problem, though," Judy said, a sad look coming over her face.

"What is?" I asked, my heart pounding as the realization dawned on me that Judy was trying to end our relationship.

"I don't think I want to pursue a relationship with you, Alex," Judy said, reaching over to take my hand as her words stabbed my heart. "What we had was fun, but I don't think it's what I want," she finished.

I was stunned, my mouth opening and closing like a fish out of the water as I tried to say something in response. After a couple of false starts, I was finally able to ask, "Fun? Just for fun?"

"Alex, I wanted to see what lesbian sex was like. I liked it, but I don't think it's something I want to pursue now," Judy said. "I thought about it a lot the last few days, and I want to have kids, and I can't do that without a guy. I really appreciate you making an effort to make it good for me, but I'm not going to see you anymore. I'm sorry, but that's how it must be."

Before I could say anything, Judy got up and walked away. She never looked back. I sat there, crushed. Not only did I fail to make the team, but I also lost someone I was hoping to have a relationship with. I finished my beer and headed back to my room. I wasn't in the mood to be around people for a while...

August 1981

... I drifted off and dreamed that I was reaching out to Virginia, but she kept getting further and further away. When I got up in the morning, I decided to call Virginia and confront her since I would leave at the end of the week. This time I was lucky and caught her at home before she went to work. When she answered the phone, I said, "Virginia, I think we need to talk about our relationship."

After a long pregnant pause, Virginia said, "You're right, Alex, we do need to talk. Where do you want to meet?" Her voice told me it wouldn't be a joyous occasion.

I considered that for a bit, a feeling of unease growing in my guts, and realized that a neutral spot would be best. I said, "Let's meet at the Pizza Hut on Dayton Yellow Springs Road at 7 PM."

"Okay," replied Virginia. "I'll see you there." With that, she hung up.

I hung up, suspecting that I wouldn't like how our talk turned out.

I got to Pizza Hut early and got us a table. I ordered two Buds while waiting for Virginia.

Virginia showed up just as the beers arrived. She walked up and sat down, a neutral look on her face. "Hello, Alex. I'm glad we can sit and talk."

"I am, too, Virginia," I said, picking up my beer and taking a swig.

Virginia followed suit. A sad look came over her face when she sat her beer back down.

When I saw that look on Virginia's face, I knew I wouldn't like what she was about to say. I steeled myself as I asked, "What's wrong?"

"We can't see each other again," Virginia said in a near whisper.

"Why?" I asked, although I could figure out what the answer was.

"I was interviewed by an agent from the Office of Special Investigations (OSI) [Ed. Note: the Air Force equivalent of NCIS for you fans of the TV show] last week, and he expressed concern about our relationship," Virginia said. "I know he didn't have any proof, or he would have confronted me with it. However, the agent made it very clear that he would keep an eye on us."

I sat there, stunned. How could OSI have any idea of what we were doing? We'd only been an item for less than three months. They must be doing a comprehensive background check on Virginia to have found that out. I hadn't said anything to anybody, and I'm sure Virginia hasn't either. Considering they weren't sure about it meant that our little stunt of Jim having dinner with us must have worked.

"Do you think they're going to interview me?" I asked.

"I don't know," Virginia said. "I'm surprised they haven't already. In any event, tell the truth as much as you can. Hopefully, they won't straight-out ask you if we had sex. They didn't for me."

"Okay," I said, "then we'll just have to be more careful. Maybe just lay low until the investigation is ended?" I finished, hopefully.

Virginia gave me a look that she disagreed with me. "No," she said. "We're going to have to stop seeing each other."

I looked and felt hurt, so I played my hole card, saying, "But I love you. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

Virginia reacted as if I had physically struck her as she said, "Don't you think I know that? That I want nothing more than to take you in my arms and announce my undying love for you? It's just not meant to be. As much as I love you, my career comes first." Tears started forming in her beautiful sapphire blue eyes.

It was my turn to be stunned. Virginia had just said for the first time that she loved me.

"Y ... you love me?" I asked, my eyes stinging from the tears forming there.

Virginia reached across the table and took my hand as she said, "Yes, Alex, I love you. I'm sorry I didn't say it before, but I was afraid of what it would mean. When you said that you loved me that night, I was shocked. I didn't say anything because I was hoping that it was just something that's thrown out after sex and doesn't mean anything more than 'thanks for the great sex.'"

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it," I said, hurt that she thought I'd be that shallow, tears rolling down my cheeks.

"I know that now," Virginia replied, squeezing my hand. "I reacted badly at the time, and I'm sorry. I've been avoiding you for the last two weeks, hoping you'd just lose interest. I know now that that was just wishful thinking. That just isn't going to happen."

"So, we're just going to end it? Turn it off just like that," I said, snapping my fingers.

"Sometimes, it's better to rip the bandage off than try to ease it off," Virginia said.

At that moment, our server came up to ask if we were ready to order. I looked at Virginia, who shook her head, and I said to the server, "We're not going to order anything. Just get me the bill for the beers, and we'll be going."

"Yes, ma'am," the server said as he picked up our menus and left.

"So, that's it?" I asked, turning back to Virginia and steeling myself for what was coming.

"Yes, Alex. That's it," Virginia said as she let go of my hand, picked up her purse, stood up, and walked out of my life. She never looked back.

Epilogue:

It was two years before we talked again. By then, the hurt was buried, and I had reluctantly realized that Virginia had been right. We reconciled to the extent that we could be friends and, from then on, kept in touch. We had had our careers to consider, and this had really been for the better. Regardless, I would always wonder what it would have been like if we had tried to maintain a relationship, especially since I'd never stopped loving her.

***

Afterword

I hope this story, along with the next one in the 'Virginiaverse,' "Your Silver Night and Golden Days," gives you a glimpse into what it was like being a lesbian in the US military. In the '70s and '80s, homosexuality was not tolerated. Always having to be careful hiding from and calculating how to survive, the scrutiny you were constantly under made it so much harder to serve. While I served proudly, I've always felt that I could have been so much more if I hadn't had to hide my true self the whole time.