To Burn or Not to Burn

She cried herself to sleep each night from all she had done and was now cast out of her own marital bed. Thinking about what Austin said, she knew she wanted to stay and make him love her again and would do anything, no matter how difficult it was going to be.

Sunday morning Austin was up early and cooked breakfast, and when everything was ready called the girls down to eat. Before Patricia sat down he instructed her to get tell her mom that breakfast was ready. Patricia made a face and dad told them to be respectful and nice to mom, and that she was going through a hard time and needs our love.

Julie was surprised they wanted her at breakfast and quickly followed Patricia to the breakfast table. Austin was nice and served breakfast to his three girls and attempted to have a normal Sunday morning. Patricia and Lacy didn't speak much but mom kept asking them questions. The girls answered her with short answers, obviously still angry with their mom. When the girls were done they were excused, and Julie and Austin had their coffee.

"That was sweet of you to make breakfast and include me with the girls. I wasn't sure you would still be talking to me," she said as she put her hand on his arm, trying to show him some love.

"Julie, I'm going to treat you with respect and show the girls that we still have a loving family. You can see that you have a lot of work to do to win back your daughter's love. You really screwed up Julie, I hope it was worth it."

"No, it was a mistake and I hate myself for what I did. All I can do is show you."

"Well, I'll clean up the kitchen. Why don't you go up and talk with the girls? I think they need to hear from you and how you feel. Let's take them to the movies this afternoon, I'll let you work that out with them.'

"Oh thank you, Austin," she said leaning over to kiss him. She felt a pain in her heart when he jumped back as if she was infected with a disease.

"Don't Julie, until I can get the vision of you with Ryan out of my head, the thought of any intimacy is revolting. I'm sure that hurts, but I can't get that vision out of my fucking head. It keeps me up at night, makes me vomit, cry, and hate myself and you for what you did to this family. Hopefully, we can get past this.

He never talked like that before, and Julie's tears were flowing again. She stood there with her head down looking at the floor. She knew it was her fault and understood. She then turned and went upstairs to see the girls.

As mad as they were at their mom, when she came into their rooms and saw mom's tears, and how sad she was, they came to her and gave her a big hug. The three girls were on the floor all crying as they held each other tightly. Nothing was said for a long time as each let their anger and hurt flow out of their eyes.

"Girls, mommy made a big mistake and hurt your dad and I'm hoping you can forgive me. I never wanted anyone to be hurt and I know it's all my fault."

"Mommy, why did you want to be with that man? Don't you love daddy anymore?"

Julies tears started again, "No, I only love you father. This was a mistake honey, I didn't do any of that on purpose, it just happened. I can't explain why I let it happen, but I never stopped loving your dad. I love him more than anything, and I hope he can forgive me and still love me."

The girls felt bad for their sobbing mom and continued to hug her.

"Daddy loves you, mommy, I know he does. He's mad and hurt but I think we can

help you, but you have to promise to never hurt him again. It really hurt us to see what you did to him, and we cry every night. When we saw you kissing that man and almost naked, we were mad at you. We still are, but we love you. Please don't do that again, mommy," Lacy said sobbing as Julie's heart was breaking. She still couldn't believe how badly she screwed up and hurt so many people.

They spent the day as a family and went to the movies and the girls' favorite restaurant for dinner. When Julie went to the ladies' room the girls spoke to their dad about their mom.

"Daddy, mommy's really sorry for what she did. We're still mad at her but we don't want you to divorce her, we love her and want her to get better. Do you still love her?"

He felt his heart flutter as he had to discuss this with his daughters and tried to be the kind dad he was. Of course, I love your mom, and nobody's getting divorced. We just have a lot of work to do as a family to get back where we were, and I'll need both of you to help. I'm very sorry this happened and that you got caught up in all of this, but we will make it through all this if we support each other. The girls were happy to hear that, stood up, and hugged their dad as Julie was coming back from the ladies' room. She loved her family and had to find a way back to how things were.

++++ Monday Meetings

At breakfast, Julie said, "I have a meeting with Tim Jackson, at 10am to tell him what happened. I'll text you when I'm on the way home."

"Please do and remember what I said about Ryan. No communication, any contact with him, and I'm done. Also, I want you to turn on the recorder on your phone when you have the conversation with Tim. I want to hear exactly what you tell him."

"Is that really necessary? Don't you trust me?" she asked but instantly realized her mistake the second she said it.

"Are you really asking me if I trust you? No, I don't trust you at all anymore. You lied to me for over a year and gave the one thing I cherished, you, to somebody else. No, I won't be able to trust you for a long time. Record the conversation and text me when you're on the way home."

Julie nodded with a dreadful understanding. Later that morning she left for the office. On the ride, over she went over the conversation, she was going to have with Tim and wanted to make sure she told him everything.

Julie was led into Tim's office, and she sat across from him at his desk. He welcomed her and gave her a warm smile.

"We were sad to see you leave us Julie, is everything OK? Can we convince you to come back?" Tim asked

Trying to hold back her tears she started her practiced conversation. "Thanks, Tim, but I can't. You see, that's the reason I'm here. Some things happened over the last year that prevents me from working for you any longer."

Tim looked confused and waited for her to continue.

"You see, Ryan and I have had an affair on each visit to Orlando, twice a month. My husband caught us in the act and in an effort to save my marriage, I can't work here any longer. I made a stupid mistake with Ryan, and I wish it never happened, but it did and I'm responsible. I felt I needed to give you an explanation for my departure. You've been so good to me here; I didn't want to leave you without knowing why."

"Ryan had an affair with you and now your marriage is in jeopardy? Do I have that right?"

"Yes, I'm so sorry I let this happen."

"Julie, thank you for telling me this. We have always respected you here and we will miss you. Thank you for coming in, and please let me know if you need anything. I'm sure I will see you at church."

She got in her car and felt a large weight off her shoulders. It was embarrassing, but it felt good to tell him why she was quitting. The text to Austin was sent and she was home twenty minutes later.

She was home by noon and handed Austin her phone. I told him everything and he thanked me for coming in to see him. Austin listened to the recording and didn't say a word about the conversation.

"You have another meeting today at 2pm with Mrs. Tyson. I called her and arranged the meeting at her home, and she is expecting you. She does not know why you're coming over. I told her it was important, and she was very curious. Again, I want your phone recorder on when you meet her today. I expect you to tell her about the entire affair. Exactly how it started, how it progressed, how often, how many times, and how it ended. She deserves to know the details about her cheating husband. The man that hits on a married woman. I want her to hear everything. You have an hour before you have to leave, I have lunch ready for you in the kitchen.

++++ Confession

Walking up to her door and knowing what she had to do was one of the hardest things she ever had to do. Mrs. Tyson was a beautiful woman, wearing a nice dress and heels, she invited Julie into her house. Ellie Tyson poured some coffee and sat with Julie in her living room. She was anxious to hear what Julie was going to say and waited for Julie to start. Julie looked at her phone to make sure it was recording and placed it on the table in front of her.

"Ellie, please allow me to apologize for my bad actions. Over the last year I have been having a sexual encounter with Ryan every time we went to Orlando," she stopped and gave Ellie time to digest what she just said.

Tears started down Ellie's face as her head fell into her open hands. Julie was now used to the pain she had caused others but still felt their hurt. She wondered if this guilt and pain would ever end.

"I'm sorry it happened, it started with an innocent dance, and well, we had sex. There were never any feelings for each other, I never loved him or wanted him in any way. We never made love, we just had sex. I'm not sure you can understand that, but please, believe me, I feel nothing for him. I also quit my job and no longer work for him, and I will never talk or communicate with him in any way."

Ellie didn't say a word because she was in shock and had no idea that her husband could do such a thing. They were both crying by the end of the meeting and again, Julie realized how many people were hurt by her actions. She told Ellie to call her if she needs any more information, but she would not be involved in any conversations with Ryan. She cried all the way home knowing she had ruined another life.

Ryan came home that night with more bad news for Ellie and told her that he lost his job due to cutbacks. Ryan was devastated when Ellie said she knew about the affair and was tired of his lying and deceit. That evening was the end of their love and marriage. Ryan was angry about how it played out and couldn't believe Julie told his wife about the affair.

Julie got home before 4 pm and handed Austin her phone knowing he wanted to listen to her confessions. After having to listen to it again, she felt exhausted. Stressed and with tears in her eyes she went to her new bedroom to take a shower and to lay down. She now understood how hard this was going to be.

Austin did listen to the recording again and felt bad having her do that, but it had to be done for everyone's sake. He had to get his anger and hurt under control and hoped the counseling would help.

++++ Counseling:

Janis Darling, was a middle-aged counselor that was recommended by their church. She was easy to talk to and had a great deal of experience in this area. She asked both of them what they wanted to get out of these meetings.

"Austin, what do you want to get out of our sessions?"

"I want to find the love I once had for my wife. It used to be the most important possession I owned, and I lived for trying to make her happy and feel loved. I have so many questions about where it went wrong, and what I did to cause this affair. I want to trust my wife again, I just don't know how to get back there," he said quietly.

"I want to look at my wife and not see the images of her in his arms, kissing and looking so happy." Julie started crying when she heard him say his love for her had changed because her love and need for him were now stronger than ever.

"Julie, what would you like to get out of these sessions?"

"Well, the main thing I want is Austin to love me like he used to, to forgive what I have done and get things back to where they were. I know I have some issues that I need to open up to and understand. I want Austin to know that I love him more than anything in the world and I never loved or wanted anyone else," she said still crying.

Janis gave them a moment to take in what was said before she spoke. "I think this is a great place to start and we can work on getting to the place you want to be, but I implore you to be honest and open. If you hold anything back, the process will take longer and possibly derail any progress we made. There is a judgment-free zone, and we must be open and honest to each other."

During one of the many sessions, one of the questions had Austin paying close attention to her answer. Janis asked Julie what she thought about when she was being intimate with Ryan. Her answer was interesting.

"Well, first of all, we were never intimate, and it's never happened before. All I ever felt and wanted from him was sex, rough sex. The worse he treated me, the more I wanted. The more it hurt, the more pain I wanted to feel. I never thought about him in any way other than meeting a need deep inside me. The more he humiliated me, the more I wanted to be humiliated. It was like a drug, and I could not control the outcome. All I know is that I wanted more. He was not a better man, did not have a bigger cock, and was definitely not a better lover. As I said, it was only being degraded and treated that way that triggered my desire and response. I don't know why that happened and I need to understand why and how I can stop those desires," she said from a dark place within.

"With Austin, I feel love and respect and would never be able to accept that kind of treatment from him. I love him and he loves me, and he would never treat me that way. I crave his touch and lovemaking and need it so badly it hurts. I miss him so badly it's all I think about, and I know it's all my fault. I'm so sad and want my husband to love me again."

After several sessions, Janis discovered that Julie had an underlying sexual addiction and had a desire to be abused, which was the antithesis of the lovemaking that Austin provided. It stemmed from her first sex acts in high school, and never went away, only hidden and suppressed. The guilt from the loss of her baby, the way she was abandoned by her father, and her parents' anger, all contributed to these problems.

After several counseling sessions, Austin understood that Julie had sexual issues from the past and an addiction to raw sex and humiliation. Janis explained how addictions can overtake and control emotions, and make people do things that they never intended on doing. She told Austin that Julie loves him completely and blames herself for everything and only wants his love back.

Janis did not use the addiction to erase the blame but explained that there was nothing that Austin did wrong, and in fact, he was the reason Julie had been able to cope so well over their years together. The truth was that Austin was her rock and she needed him now more than ever.

Janis suggested that Julie become part of a sex addict support group and continue to meet with her weekly. She believes that she can help Julie and save their marriage if Austin was committed to helping his wife. She explained to Austin that she did cheat on him, break her vows, and betray him, and that he had every right to feel hurt and angry, but that he needed to be understanding, because of her addiction and her past. Janis also suggested Austin meet with her weekly to help him get the visual images of Julie and her lover out of his head and learn how to better cope with his hurt and anger.

In one of their private sessions, Janis explained, "From all of our meetings I know that Julie loves you and needs you now more than ever. Without your strength, I'm afraid Julie will be lost and fall back into a life of degradation. Her future is in your hands Austin, and you have to ask yourself if you can forgive her, love her, and help her back to where she was before her fall. The easy path is to leave, but I know you are a stronger man than that."

Austin's world had turned upside down on his 20th anniversary. In one night, his happy life became a blistering nightmare. Now he had to decide their future. It wasn't fair, but with prayer and help from the church, he had faith. The question that still haunts him every day is, what to do about Ryan? His faith tells him to forgive and forget, but his boiling blood wants to do something dark and evil to relieve his pain.

++++ Where does all this lead?

So readers, here we are. Now, how to finish the story? The poor schmuck was made an unwilling cuck by a sex addict, which also happened to be his loving wife and mother of his children. Can you really burn someone you love that had an addiction? What if she was an alcoholic that fell off the wagon, would you burn her too? A recovered drug addict that succumbed to a fix, burn her as well? I confess that I too am a sex addict, and I know how hard it is to suppress these desires. Do you sacrifice all that love for revenge? Is there no way back? Remember what the Good Book says: Romans 12:19-20 - Vengeance is mine saith the Lord.

On the other hand, we have the poor cuck that worshiped his wife, and due to his religion and beliefs, can't divorce, and is hurting from the sluts' escapades. He also knows that the girls need their mom, but he can no longer find the love he once shared with his unfaithful wife. Even worse, because of the public discovery, all of their friends and family know about her infidelity and how she betrayed her husband and family, he now has to live with that humiliation forever.

Her betrayal continues to haunt his mind and weigh heavy on his broken heart. The poor cuck wants their relationship to be as it was before, but he is finding the path back to be a difficult journey. He wants to forgive her but cannot control the rage and hurt that continues to haunt him every day. He can still see her naked ass as they were kissing at the bar and can't get that image out of his head.

And what about Ryan? Does he get a free pass? Does he not deserve some restitution for seducing a married woman, and destroying a marriage? What about "An eye for and eye? The punishment should fit the crime?" Or is it "Vengeance is mine, saith the lord?" What to do next?

To Burn or Not to Burn... that is the question.