All Comments on 'To My Mentor Ch. 01 Pt. 03'

It's a great story! Thanks

good story line but you need to stop with the I, you, we. Use her name...also add some story to the story.

The style of narration - narrating the dialog in this style you e used - it’s completely awkward, clumsy, completely destroying any momentum a reader tried to establish in a vein attempt at becoming absorbed in the characters, in the moment, in their passionate exploits.

It’s a great story line and the characters feel real, but that narrative style - ugh - just kills it, throws ice water onto the moment like coitus interruptus.

Still, I’ll give it four stars.