Tongue Tied

Author's Note: A Christmas story only a month and half late! Huzzah! All characters over eighteen.

****

I took a deep breath before stepping back into the home I'd grown up in. There was such a mix of memories and feelings associated with it that it remained somewhat daunting every time I returned. Mostly the associations were good. It was where all my childhood memories were, and remained my family home. It was just always a hard thing to remember that our parents were gone.

Still, I was excited to see my siblings again. I knew my sister would be here, since she was the one who'd come home to help mom and dad, and still lived here now. The other car in the driveway wasn't familiar to me, but I assumed it meant my brother was home as well.

My assumptions were correct, and I found Ahri and Shen already sitting together in the living room. They both smiled at seeing me, and I couldn't help smiling right back. So much of the weight on my heart lightened just at that first moment of reunion.

"Gwen!" they chorused together.

"Hey guys," I said, rushing over to join them.

I collected my hug tax from my sibs, then found a space to claim to sprawl out with them. We were all in our late twenties or early thirties, but you really wouldn't have known it from the haphazard way we lounged across the furniture and floor, just like when we were teenagers and 'too cool for sitting properly.'

We just caught up at first, with all the usual questions about how our various lives were going. We soon enough fell into old patterns of goofing around and just being silly, as though we'd never been apart at all. That was one of the things I loved most about my big brother and sister; they were part of my life that never changed too much for comfort, which was sometimes needed amid a life subject to the whims of the world.

On some level I probably realized Ahri and Shen were drinking already, but I didn't consciously make note of it until they went for refills and offered me something at the same time.

"It's a little early for that, isn't it?" I asked.

"It's Christmas," Shen said. "Never too early for drinking at Christmas."

"That's the law," Ahri added seriously.

"Ok, but it's not Christmas," I said.

"Close enough," Shen said, waving his hand dismissively. "You want a beer or not?"

"I think probably not," I said. "It's too early in the day for me for beer, whatever the law allegedly says."

Ahri grinned. "Ok, but what about some spiked hot chocolate? That's festive enough for you, isn't it?"

I frowned, but nodded. "Damn you, it probably is."

Ahri laughed and moved to the kitchen. She'd always held a certain glee for figuring out what people wanted, and was eerily good at it at times. She'd become a therapist--to the surprise of no one--and as far as I knew was really good at it. She'd always been able to analyze me better than I could, at least.

The three of us moved to the kitchen while Ahri boiled water. I perched up on the corner of the counter, getting nestled in snugly, while Shen took a more simple approach of sitting right on the floor with his back to the fridge. It was, in many respects, a worse room for sitting around comfortably in, but we stayed there even once Ahri had finished making our 'festive' drinks.

I enjoyed mine perhaps a little too much. The alcohol mixed with hot, creamy, chocolaty goodness was far too delicious, and warmed me both physically and emotionally. I didn't stop at one drink either, once I'd started.

I was in a mood to get drunk, even if I hadn't wanted to admit it. The deeper in I got, the more I found myself gushing to my sibs about my current woes and the state of my life.

"So your boyfriend's just..." Shen said.

"Gone," I confirmed sadly. "I still don't understand why. Not really."

"Some people are just shit," Shen said as though he was imparting great wisdom.

He was ahead of me on drinking, and despite still putting up a good front, it was starting to show. Then again, I could feel it hitting me too. I was alternating giggly and sorrowful, with not really as much runway between them as there should be.

"Probably more complicated than that," Ahri said, maintaining the most collected appearance of the three of us thus far. "For instance, we know he wasn't always shit. Gwen loved him for a while. Her judgment is pretty good usually. And--"

"You're going into therapy mode, aren't you," Shen said. "You're doing it wrong. That might help later, right now we're getting drunk and shit talking her ex."

"I do actually kind of just want to talk smack right now," I said. "What you say is probably true, Ahri, but I just... I just think it sucks so much that he'd leave me. He kind of is shit."

Ahri slowly nodded. "I hate how reasonable you get when you're drunk, Shen," she said. "I've studied the effects of alcohol a fair amount. It's not a common response, you know."

Shen grinned madly. "You just hate that you can't therapize me."

Ahri's cool but ever so slightly unfocused return stare held a dangerous glint to it. "Just you try me. I'll do it for real one day."

"Uh huh. Sure."

I tried to take another sip of my hot chocolate while watching my sibs bicker. I was incredibly sad to find that I'd finished it already.

"You want another round?" Ahri asked.

"Would I be total degenerate if I drank three boozy cocoas in a row?" I asked, feeling the question was far more important that it actually was.

"Just a regular degenerate," Shen assured me.

"Oh good," I said. "Refill, please."

I hugged myself on my perch on the counter while awaiting hot nectar of the gods to be returned to my greedy little hands. There was a lull in conversation, if only briefly, and in my state I felt the need to fill it. Or, perhaps, I had further troubles and a need to release them.

"So the even worse part," I began.

"It gets worse?" Shen asked.

"It does," I confirmed. "We were sharing an apartment. Obviously. Living together and all. And so, like, it wasn't going to work. Keeping it. Not together, for sure, and I couldn't afford it alone."

Shen, to my dismay, started snickering. "So you're homeless."

"Well yes, technically, but no need to be rude about it."

Ahri turned toward me, only increasing my frustration as she was on the verge of laughter as well. "He's not laughing at you, dear Gwen."

"Yes he is!" I said, confident in my tipsy assessment of the situation. "I said a woe, and he started giggling."

"That's so," Ahri agreed. "But only because before you got here, Shen was telling me about his situation. He's between homes as well."

"He what?" I asked.

"Landlord wanted too much," Shen said. "Got greedy. Raised the rent. Again. I said the hell with it. I'm single anyway, and was only at a shit job until I could get back to some serious photography work. So I said the hell with it and left. I'm gonna stay here for a while."

My hackles settled back down as I absorbed the information. "So... so we're in the same boat."

"Precisely," my brother nodded.

"Oh. Well that is funny then."

"Exactly."

"You're single?" I asked.

"For about... two months now? Three?" Shen answered. "All blurs together after a while."

I turned to my sister. "You?"

Ahri shrugged. "It was mutual in our case. Her lifestyle and mine didn't align. But yes, single as well."

"You didn't seriously therapize your own breakup, did you?" Shen said.

"Not everything I do is therapizing," Ahri said. "All we did was calmly discuss what was and wasn't working, have several productive conversations about it, and--"

"Hehe, you did therapize your breakup," I giggled.

Ahri gave me such a look of betrayal. "I don't have to make you another drink, you know. I can cut you off any time."

I pouted, made my eyes big, and reached out helplessly with both hands. "Nooo. Choco booze!"

"You're not drunk already, are you?" Ahri asked suspiciously.

"Only a li'l," I promised.

She kept staring at me a moment longer, but did in fact make me another hot chocolate.

"So... is it ok if I stay here a while?" I asked tentatively. "I was off work for the winter anyway, and may not really want to go back in the spring. And I got no apartment or boyfriend keeping me anywhere in particular right now."

"Gwen, it's your house too," Ahri said softly but with no room for argument. "I just happen to be the one who's been living here."

Shen grinned. "It'll be nice, all three of us fuckups together again for a while."

Ahri snorted. "Speak for yourself. I have a thriving career and a lovely home, thank you very much."

Shen wagged a finger. "Ah ah, you have one third of a home, by your own admission."

"It still counts. You can mock me more when you get back on your feet. Otherwise I'll have to mock back, and I have more ammo to use."

Shen considered the point, then nodded. "You're right. Time to get serious about that OnlyFans thing."

I choked my on my cocoa. "What? What?!"

"He's joking," Ahri said. "Obviously." She paused. "You're joking right?"

Shen shrugged while giving a lopsided smirk. "I'm an occasional semi-professional model, you know. There's opportunity there."

Ahri nodded, satisfied. "He's joking."

"You think I couldn't?" Shen asked.

"I think you wouldn't," Ahri corrected. "I've seen those topless photos you've done. Not bad, but a far cry still from porn."

Shen abandoned his protests entirely. "So those are the ones you've looked at, huh?"

Ahri flushed. "I only mean in context of... you said you were going to do OnlyFans. They're the closest... you're not... oh shut up!"

Shen laughed maniacally. I grinned to myself too. It was all so ridiculous and I didn't even really know what the end of result of any of the arguing had been, but it was nice to be back. I'd missed them more than I'd realized.

There were further highs and lows to the conversation. We laughed uproariously, and we came close to tears more than once. It was all very cathartic in its own way.

"I just feel so insecure lately," I found myself blurting. "I don't even know why. It just feels like nothing and no one is safe anymore."

"Because of the breakup?" Shen asked.

"I guess," I said. "I don't know."

Ahri was thoughtful for a time. "I mean, it's a big life upheaval. It makes sense that you'd be feeling insecure. You're changing living situation, job, and most definitely your relationship. It's a lot all at once."

I nodded miserably. "That makes sense. Am I making a mistake?"

"Not what I said at all," Ahri said firmly. "Change is scary. Always is. But sometimes it's by far the best thing you could have done." She looked back and forth between Shen and me. "Good news is you have sources of comfort available. It would be better not to fall too hard on old patterns, but taking solace in the love and trust available to you is a good idea, I think."

"Yeah, fair," I said. "Maybe I do need, like, a metaphorical security blanket for a bit. Or like a real one? Just, like, something to make me feel safe, and like everything's not changing disastrously around me."

Shen looked down at his drink. "Is that not what booze is?"

"The booze is nice," I assured him. "Very nice. But, like, did you ever just want to be wrapped up tight and feel like nothing could hurt you anymore?"

Shen cocked his head curiously. "No," he said slowly. "I don't think I ever felt that particular thing."

"It's weird, isn't it?" I said, blushing and looking down at my hands cradling the last half of my current drink.

"I don't know about that," Shen said. "I think maybe I just feel adrift more so than I feel like I need to be protected. Something like that."

"... well that's annoying," I said.

"It wasn't meant to be," Shen said. "I was being vulnerable. I think."

"Not that. Just, like, now I think maybe I feel adrift too, now that you've put a name to it."

"Oh."

Ahri, temporarily lost in thought, though I hadn't initially noticed, stirred again. "I think," she declared solemnly, "that I might have a very bad idea."

I blinked at her. "Congratulations?" I hazarded.

"It might be helpful," she said.

"That sounds like a good idea then," I said.

"Is it therapizing?" Shen asked.

"It in fact very much isn't," Ahri said. "Although I am using some elements of psychology in my assessment of the situation in order to tailor a solution to--"

"Boooo!" Shen and I hissed together.

"No overexplaining," I decreed. "What's the idea?"

"You sure you want to hear it?" Ahri asked.

"More sure every time you stall," I said. "And I think you darn well know it."

"I think," Ahri said slowly, drawing out the reveal, "that I should tie you up."

For a long moment I couldn't think of a response to the suggestion. "What?" I finally replied as intelligently as I could.

"Tie you up," Ahri repeated. "Kind of like a bondage thing, but hopefully without some of the usual connotations."

"... like with rope?" I asked.

"That's the idea." Ahri shifted her weight. "See, there's this thing of taking comfort in an embrace. Even an inanimate one. Such as swaddling babies, or sleeping with a weighted blanket. My last girlfriend, as we discovered, felt being tied up was surprisingly peaceful, and--"

She was interrupted by Shen bursting out laughing. Not just a short laugh of derision, but fully belly laughing, uncontrollably, tears eventually rolling down his cheeks.

Ahri let him go on a moment, then rolled her eyes. "Are you quite finished?"

But Shen was not, in fact finished. He was laughing hard enough that I joined him involuntarily. There was, perhaps, some genuine humour in Ahri's suggestion, but it was more so the pure joy and comedy he found in the situation that was insidiously taking me over as well.

Even Ahri eventually giggled along with us, though in that kind of annoyed way where she didn't want to laugh and was yelling at us to stop, but we couldn't take her seriously because she was laughing right along with us.

"You guys are assholes," Ahri said, still snickering uncontrollably.

"Well it's funny," Shen said as he stretched himself out across the floor. "I truly didn't expect something like that from you. I thought it was gonna be some super secret therapist technique. Then it was just bondage."

"Not in a weird way!" Ahri insisted.

"How could it not be in a weird way?" Shen asked.

"Because it's just for a comfort thing," Ahri said. "Like I already explained, except you weren't listening."

"Right. Just a comfort thing," Shen said. "So you and your ex never did anything sexual when you tied her up, I take it. It was all just happy platonic fun."

Ahri was blushing. "Well yes when I tied her up it was sexual. Sometimes. Actually sometimes it really was just so she could feel more peaceful. That's all I'm talking about here. Obviously."

I fell inward to my thoughts as my siblings bickered. I didn't know what to make of the offer exactly, and I wasn't in a state to intelligently process my options or my emotions regarding them.

The thing was, weirdly enough, that I kind of wanted to try it. I'd never been tied up before, neither for sex or just for fun. I didn't like a lot of the associations bondage tended to gather in porn. I definitely didn't want that kind of experience, but something safe between me and my brother and sister was a whole different thing. Like Ahri said, it was only just for the comfort of it.

"I want to try it," I said.

Ahri and Shen stopped mid-argument and both turned toward me at the same time.

"What?" Shen said.

"I want to try it," I repeated, trying and failing to sound confident.

Ahri cocked her head. "Really?"

"I think so," I said. "I don't know why, but I think it might be comforting right now. Like you say."

Ahri nodded slowly. "Alright." She hopped to her feet, a little unsteady from her drinking. "Alright! Let me get my ropes."

I had a few moments alone with Shen while Ahri padded off to gather her equipment.

"You sure?" he asked.

"No," I said. "But what's the harm in trying? If I don't like it, we stop, right?"

"That's true," he said. "I don't think I get the comfort thing though. I've always seen it in, you know, horny contexts."

I giggled with mild embarrassment. "Same, I guess. But it doesn't have to be, I don't think. I know we're all not gonna be horny about it."

Shen was quiet just a little too long. "Yeah. Yeah right."

I frowned at him. "We're not, are we?"

"No, of course not."

"You had to think about it."

"I did not," he said, somewhat flustered now.

"You did," I said. "You thought about it."

"It was only from other things I've seen," he said. "I just had to process the discrepancy."

I drained the last of my cocoa as Ahri flounced back, ropes in hand. "Uh huh," I said.

We returned to the living room, the three of us collectively a tipsy, giggly mess. Ahri had to keep growling at me to hold still as she started looping her ropes around my body and tugging just the right amount of snug. I was doing my best, but my arms were pretty quickly pinned down helplessly, which made my tenuous sense of balance all the more fragile.

As much as I was struggling with simply trying to hold still and be good while Ahri tied me up, I was already feeling the effects of it. It was strange at first, being restricted this way, but it also warmed me and made my troubles feel less pressing or real. I thought at first it might be a danger response, and that I might panic soon due to being as helpless as I was, but that didn't manifest.

Ahri just kept wrapping ropes round and round me, and somehow it made me feel safe. I was surrendering myself to my sister's expertise, and perhaps that was all it took to make me stop worrying about the rest of my life. It was an immediate, visceral kind of experience that pushed everything else to the background.

"Do you have to frame her tits quite so much?" Shen asked, startling me slightly back to reality.

I blushed as I realized just how prominent Ahri's rope manipulation was making my chest. She was indeed going over, under, and betwixt my breasts. I'd been focused on my arms, not so much on that part of me.

"I do, you perv," Ahri said. "I could full wrap them, but that's trickier to get right. This gets the job done, and under usual circumstances would conveniently leave them available for play."

"I knew this was a horny thing," Shen said.

"Usually, I said," Ahri argued. "This is different. Gwen's fully clothed. It's not a big deal."

I was fully clothed still, it was true. I hadn't, however, ever been in quite such a position of feeling more exposed than if I were topless. Now that Shen had brought my attention to my chest, I couldn't stop thinking about how my boobs were being presented to him and Ahri, should they choose to look.

But it was fine, or so I told myself. It was a practical necessity of the situation. Ropes had to go around me, and I didn't want them digging into my breasts. I wanted the comfort of the situation, not a constant, irritating pain.

It was, however, making me blush the way Shen wouldn't stop flicking his gaze to my chest, and even Ahri seemed to spend more time studying that area of me than the rest of my body.

That difficulty aside, I was eventually fully tied up from shoulders to ankles. I had some range of motion remaining, but it was extremely limited, and in fact any attempts at shifting myself mostly resulted in me nearly toppling to the ground. Ahri had to save me couple times just from me trying to maneuver myself toward a place to sit down.

"How's that?" she asked.

"Um... good?" I said hesitantly. "I'd definitely tied up."

"You definitely are," Shen agreed.

"Stop looking at me like that," I said.

"Like what?" he asked, blushing slightly and turning his attention away from me.