Tonight, I Shall Seek Redemption

I had taken a few tentative steps back into the netherworld I had inhabited previously, but they were baby steps as my confidence had been shattered by my experience at the hands of the monster that had claimed me as his own.

I longed for the touch of another human. To feel the thrill of it all after so long being virtually a slave, then a leaking, sinking wreck, putting into port every few weeks for more repairs.

In short, I wanted to sleep with Luke Turner. He was good-looking, he had given me my redemption and I had no doubt he had the same feelings for me.

It seemed we were both in denial. I didn't want him to think I was doing it through gratitude. He didn't want to make a move on a girl that had been brutalised by his father.

If it hadn't been for the minor road accident that blocked the narrow country lane we were on, maybe it never would have happened. But the police assured us no-one was hurt and politely turned the cab around and the driver cursed under his breath.

"Sorry, my love. I'll do all I can to get you to the station in time. It'll be touch and go, but I'll do me best."

Just as I saw the lights of the station in the distance, he cursed again. "Bloody level crossing!" He came to a halt as warning lights flashed and the barriers came down. "Stupid bloody little country station - only one way in and it's on the other side of the bloody crossing. Sorry, Miss - I tried me best while keeping it safe."

I watched with mixed emotions as the train pulled in and left without me. The barriers rose and he crossed the tracks and pulled into the tiny carpark.

He turned and held his hands up. "Sorry again. Any ideas? Next train's not till termorrer mornin'. Daresay the waitin' room ain't an option."

Luke spoke for the first time in what seemed like ages. He hadn't said anything before but he seemed to know the driver.

"Hey, it's not your fault, Sid. Shit happens. You did all you could. Look, if you can take my friend up to Richmond, I'll pay you double."

The driver shook his head. "Sorry, Luke mate. You know I'd never turn down a lady in distress and a decent trip, but I got a Gatwick run in an hour. Old girl of seventy-free goin' to see 'er daughter in Oz for the first time. I'd love to mate, but you know how it is. Can't let 'er down."

It was time for me to intervene. "I understand. Thanks anyway Sid."

I turned to Luke. "Got a spare room?"

The look he gave me under the glaring arc lights of the remote village station betrayed his emotions.

"Yeah. Quite a few. You'll have a choice!"

He was clearly uncomfortable and nervous being home-alone with only his father's former piece of meat for company. He showed me to a room that smelled a little musty, but once I opened the window and the cool midnight breeze blew in, I knew that the car accident had been fate.

I lay in the dark, listening to the sounds of the countryside. Wind in trees, owls hooting and the harsh call of a fox in the distance. It felt a world away from my London suburb, with the rush of cars all night and noisy revellers returning late from pubs and clubs.

Without thinking, my hand went to the back of my neck and touched the tattoo there. I had always planned on having a few more tasteful ones done to add to my tiny butterfly, but I felt so ashamed of the one Luke's father had inflicted upon me, it put me off having any more.

Despite the blackmail, my relationship with Sebastian Turner was exactly what I craved. We shared the same base desires, and other than the brief fling with Theo, he was my first partner I could do those things with on a regular basis. Before him, I had used clubs where like-minded people congregated to fulfil my desires. Now I needed to go no further than the sumptuous, well-equipped bedroom in his riverside penthouse.

Then he began to treat me in normal life as we treated each other in our sex lives. It didn't take long for the brutal, depraved sex I lived for to spill over into a daily routine of beatings, humiliation and sheer and utter hopelessness as his desire to dominate me took over. I was forbidden to attend my beloved clubs and see the people I had built deep and lasting friendships with. I slept with no-one he didn't sanction and on more than one occasion, I knew I was the sweetener in some shady deal he was involved in.

After all, my sex life may have involved pain, but that was my choice. Outside of sex, it was anathema to me. I had long known my wiring was faulty. At best I was cross-wired. At worst? I hadn't a fucking clue why I did what I did, but I knew with certainty that it had contributed directly to me being in Luke Turner's spare bedroom that evening.

I saw something in Luke from the first moment he sat opposite me in the pub garden. He looked nothing like his father. If he had, I'd probably have walked away without a word.

I was a lost soul. I had seen one staring back at me. I had stared at myself in the mirror for long enough to know he was a kindred spirit.

He was his father's son, but without the violent, sadistic edge. I could see it in his eyes. I knew in an instant it was meant to be and it made it all the harder for me to open up to him.

When he told me I was forgiven, it felt like a tonne weight had been lifted from my chest. Metaphorically, I had been strapped to a bench for almost two years, either side of Sebastian's demise, with a Sword of Damocles hanging over me; held in its precarious place by a single thread of my long, black hair.

When Luke called me by my name in the garden of an unassuming pub in a small Sussex market town, my bonds were released a split second before the hair snapped.

In my mind, I rolled off the bench as the blade sundered it in two and felt sheer euphoria wash over me. I ran to the washroom and wept with relief and joy.

I had my redemption. Now as I lay in my bed in a small village some forty miles south of London, I was in no doubt.

There may be some gratitude but I didn't care. I needed a human touch. It had been too long. I was getting back to the things that really got my juices flowing and hopefully would be back up to full speed very soon. But in the meantime, just a few rooms away from me was a handsome young man who I knew was as torn as I was.

I don't like things that can be torn. I was virtually ripped to shreds myself. But I do like the thought that things that can be torn can be re-made.

Luke and I were both in fucking tatters.

It was time to heal some wounds.

Aided by an almost full moon shining in through the upstairs hall windows, I crept along the corridor clutching my shoulder bag. If things panned out the way I expected them to, it would be needed. I hoped his door would not be closed as I wanted to surprise him. Not knowing which was his was a problem as it was a large house, as befitting the wealth of my former lover and its former owner. At least I knew his room was on the same side of the hall as mine. The first door I tried, despite the darkness, was obviously his mother's room. The next, wide open, was a bathroom. The last one before the staircase was slightly ajar.

It had to be his.

My heart in my mouth, I knelt down and gave the door a tiny push, peering around it like a Peeping Thomasina. Moonlight slanted in through a large bay window and I saw his outline under a single sheet. As I shuffled in on my knees, the slow and steady movements beneath the sheet betrayed his actions.

I smiled to myself. Perfect!

His breathing was slow and rhythmical, in time with the movement of his hand. As quietly as I could, I put my bag on the floor and stood. I crossed my fingers on both hands and wished myself luck.

I slid under the sheet and spooned myself against him. I was barely aware of his reaction as a little shockwave rippled through me. His body was warm and my nipples hardened as they made contact with his back. I pressed my pudenda hard against his buttocks and he reacted by pushing back at me. I slid my hand around his waist and slapped the hand holding his erection gently.

I whispered in his ear. "That's woman's work, Luke. Need any help with it?"

As he took a deep, shuddering breath, I stroked him, encircling the shaft with my fingers. I shivered a little as the feel of him brought back unbidden memories of his father. Sebastian had been of average length, but his girth was impressive. Luke was the same. Whatever else Sebastian had been, he felt good inside me. I am on the narrow side, so he stretched me nicely. I wondered how many other similarities there would be.

Luke twisted in my grasp and turned to face me. I could smell the wine on his breath from dinner we were so close.

"Jae, are you sure about this? We've both been hurt by him. Maybe it's just-"

I wasn't letting him go down that road. I cut him off with a finger to his lips.

"There are probably a million reasons we shouldn't do this, Luke but there is one compelling reason we should. We both want this and have done since you started calling me Jae Hwa and stopped thinking of me as 'that fucking whore'.

I expected him to go at me like a bull in a china shop, but he was gentle and for our first time, it was just what I needed. I managed to restrain myself and not go down on him as we stroked and caressed ourselves into a slow state of frenzy and by the time he entered me, I was so wet there were delightful slurping noises as he went all the way in. To my utter surprise, I came before him, legs wrapped around his waist, grinding up against his insistent thrusts, desperately trying not to scream in my normal fashion as the window was wide open and the night outside was quiet as the grave.

Since Sebastian had changed my life indelibly, I had only had sex eight times - all in the last few weeks since my final operation and it had all been brutal and cathartic. It was a return to my old life and I relished it. But this meant far more to me. Someone who didn't know who I really was or what I was capable of had made me come harder than any of my like-minded friends.

Again, it took all of my limited willpower not to take him in my mouth and suck my sticky juices from him as I finished him off. Instead, I teased him. It was nothing like my usual teasing, but the effect as I slowly edged him to his conclusion gave me so much more satisfaction.

I held the base with one hand and gently rotated my thumb on his frenulum, interspersing it with flickering motions on the head with my long fingernails. At last, he could hold back no further and my eyes lit up as a few little splashes precursored the main event. Then the deluge began, pouring out and down over my hand as he arched his buttocks off the bed. I stroked him a few more times until he subsided and lay back with my head on his chest.

I beamed up at him in the half-light. "No, not sure at all. Big mistake, that. Best do it again soon just to make sure, eh?"

He stroked my hair. "Fucking hell, Jae Hwa. I haven't got the words. So beautiful. You, the moonlight. I could weep with joy."

It took a few minutes to clean up. He had a jumbo-sized box of tissues handy, presumably to take care of his expected solo flight. I was very glad I had stowed away and become his co-pilot. We lay entwined in companionable silence for a long time, stroking gently, kissing and relishing our first time together.

But as the minutes ticked by, the need for me to know became more and more compelling. I had seen the way he looked at me in the pub garden and after the meal on the terrace when I smoked. Some people looked at me in disgust. Others didn't care one way or the other. But a small group of people watched me intently as I indulged in my dirty habit. They were turned on by it. Some called it smoking fetish and it had some official, fancy Latin-type name, but I didn't give a flying fuck what it was called - I just liked doing it.

All I knew was, if a man or woman liked watching me, then the chances were that I would get to blow my smoke on their intimate parts. Maybe they had other little indulgences as well. Sebastian had been one of those people. I prayed his son would take after him in most but not all things. Sebastian also had a lot of other things he liked to do. Extreme things. Most of them coincided with the things I cherished in my little sexual netherworld.

I loved my sex to be nasty and violent and so did he.

The problem was, he carried that violence over into real life and it damned nearly killed me.

It was time to make my second move of the night. I stroked his long, curly hair, choosing my words carefully.

"Luke, when I have sex, I like to round it off with a little ciggie. The better the sex, the more I want a smoke, and the thing is - well let's just say that after that, I am fucking gagging for a cigarette..."

The look on his face told me I had hit the jackpot. He tapped me on the nose.

"Don't go anywhere!"

He leapt up and practically ran from the room. He returned a moment later and placed an ashtray on the bedside cabinet, turning on the light as he did so. "Don't think my dear mother will miss it..."

He then turned to a built-in cupboard and opened the door. He took something off the back wall and sat down on the edge of the bed, flicking through pages of what I now saw was a calendar.

But it was unlike any calendar I had seen, as each month was accompanied by a pornographic image and from what I could see, the subject matter of each was something that resonated deeply with me.

He found the image he was looking for. I vaguely recognised the girl as an up-and-coming starlet, though her name evaded me. She wore a black leather harness not unlike the ones I usually wore. Smoke curled up from a cigarette in her hand and escaped her pursed lips as she blew it onto an erection that would have torn me in two.

That was the moment I knew Luke Turner and I were made for each other and I thanked God for the accident on the country lane earlier.

I pointed to the picture. "Girl after my own heart." I then pointed to him. "Boy after my own heart."

I lit a cigarette and blew smoke out sideways, giving him a perfect view of it.

When he moved towards me on my second inhale, I felt myself prickling down below as I gently exhaled in his face and he breathed in deeply. The next time, he kept his mouth closed and breathed it in through his nose.

I smiled at him. "Despite my turmoil, I knew it the first time I lit up in the Griffin. Like father, like son."

He closed his eyes for a moment. "Shit, I often wondered where it came from. Now I know. It's in my bloody DNA."

"I hope you have a few other things in common with him. If you have, then I think we could be very good friends, Luke. I could take you on an unforgettable journey."

He looked up at me. "Yes, Jae. Given the things I like, I'd love to come on that journey with you."

My heart sang. "Just promise me one thing, Luke. No matter how hard, brutal or nasty we get during sex, never let it spill over into normal life."

He took my face in his hands. "I swear, Jae."

"Good to hear. Now... every journey starts with a single step."

I took a huge mouthful of smoke and leaned down. I exhaled it in a long, thin stream onto his flaccid cock. He whimpered and began to stiffen before my eyes.

"Step two..."

I went down on him, smoke billowing out as I sucked on the head. He was rock hard within seconds. I glanced at the clock as I ground out the cigarette. It was just after one in the morning.

It was just after four when I fell asleep in his arms.

Four - Her

Next morning we sat on his patio outside the huge kitchen, which was almost as big as my flat, drinking coffee. He had been to the village bakery for pastries and they were still warm.

I almost had to fight him off when we woke and it was only the promise of things to come later that placated him.

At first I thought he may have second thoughts, but he showed no signs of regret or embarrassment as we sat in the mid-morning sun.

At last he set down his mug. He looked pensive. "So what now then?"

I was expecting something like it. "You mean the immediate now or the near-future now?"

"Both really."

I had thought about it long and hard in the shower. "For the immediate now, I have a cunning plan. But that can wait a little while. The near future... I think we need to talk about the recent past first, Luke. It's not that I haven't been straight with you but you haven't got the full story yet. Hear me out again?"

"Ok, I've liked your ideas so far and we do still need to iron a few things out. Another coffee?"

I pushed my mug towards him. "Yeah, go on."

He smiled down at me. "And maybe a first cigarette of the day?"

I shook my head. "Sorry tiger - never before lunch and preferably not until evening. Gonna have to wait to get your fix."

He put on a grumpy face and went to refill our mugs. When he returned, I told him the full, unvarnished truth.

"You know by now I'm pretty out-there when it comes to the bedroom. I have a small but very intimate group of like-minded friends. There aren't many of us but more than you'd think. I'd love you to join us, Luke. But whether you do or not, I fully intend to remain part of that group. Your father denied me that. I was his personal property. In his perverted mind, he owned me."

I suddenly needed that cigarette but stayed good. "Thing is, Luke - if you can't bear to see me with other men and women, this isn't going to work. I was denied it for a long time; first by an unprincipled, domineering bastard, then by the fact that no-one in their right mind could bear to look at me for a long time. Now I am getting back into that life and I cannot let it go a second time."

"Wait a minute - you sleep with other women as well?"

"Only if I fuck them first."

The smile on his face told me I had struck gold again. "Seeing you make out with a hot chick sounds good to me! I may be like him in some ways, but I swear I won't hurt you or try to control you. That was his thing and thank God I didn't inherit that from him. I suppose I have gone the other way given the control I have always been under. I seem to love women telling me what to do."

He paused and sighed. "Tell me the full story please Jae. I need to hear it."

I was relieved, as I needed to tell it. "Ok, you spoke yesterday about the photos he had of me - why was I worried about them being published. Well basically in those photos, I was wearing a red leather fetish harness, thigh-length boots and gloves practically up to my shoulders. I had a black bolero mask face-painted across my eyes and a long horsehair tail hung from my butt-plug."

He blew out air. "Sorry, just trying to picture it."

I patted his cheek. "Stick around - it's my default look. Remember I said I had a thing with a guy at work - Theo? We had flirted in the smoking area and I quite fancied him though he was older than me. Well as luck would have it - or I thought it was luck at the time - we just happened to bump into each other at a club I frequent and I was dressed pretty much as I described. We started seeing each other and for a few weeks it was wonderful. Then, as I told you, someone else came on the scene."

I went on to tell him how I had turned up at Theo's one night dressed to kill and had gone to town on him. For an hour it was some of the best, most kinky sex I'd ever had. Then, when I was on all fours and strapped to a sex-bench, he blindfolded me and everything changed.

I had my hair in pigtails and when he tugged on them hard, as if I were on a lead, I yelled out with my mouth wide open. Within seconds I was choking and gagging as something big and hard was thrust down my throat. I thought for a moment he was using a dildo on me then it began to move in and out. After that, all hell broke loose and I was used and abused for two hours, still blindfolded. Theo and my other assailant sluiced the cum from me as I knelt on the bathroom floor. I was used to golden showers, but this was humiliation territory, not good, dirty fun. When heads down toilets and funnels are involved, it is way too much even for me.