Tonya, Tiffany & the Twins

"I'll tell you boys what I am jealous of your Uncle Billy of," said Henry. "That he and your Aunt Marie's kids -- your cousins Jamie and Laura -- go to college and have jobs to pay for it and bright futures." He indicated his two sons' overgrown dark brown hair. "Go and get haircuts, and then get your asses off my couch and out the door looking for jobs."

Henry glared at Cam and pointed at him. "Slacker!" He then pointed and glared at Chris. "Slacker!"

The twins looked impassively back at their father, before Henry looked at his watch. "Now I have to go to work to buy food for you two lazy losers to eat. Remember what I said. The newspaper is in the living room open at the employment page, look for jobs!"

In a mood, the tall, balding middle-aged man got into his car and backed it down the driveway, noticing that his slacker sons were taking their sand-covered surfboards into the house, and not for the first time. Henry thought of rolling down the window to yell at them not to do this, but he was running late. Henry backed the car out, and drove off down the street, mumbling and grumbling as he headed towards the bank, wondering what else it the day held in store for him.

It was probably better that Henry didn't observe the conversation that happened when his sons dragged their sand-covered surfboards into the house and into the kitchen to be greeted by their stepmother, who was far friendlier than their father.

"Well hello boys, did you have fun surfing this morning?" Tonya asked in her high-pitched voice.

"Yeah, sure did Tonya," said Cam.

"It was totally awesome," agreed Chris.

"Well, I guess you boys would have worked up quite an appetite," said Tonya. She retrieved from the kitchen a plate of cut up watermelon. "I bet you'd like some melons?"

Cam and Chris's glance at their stepmother was not on the watermelon on the plate, but on two other melons entirely, their stepmother's enormous breasts with visible cleavage that spilled from her too tight blouse.

The two boys grinned. "Yeah, we love melons," said Chris. "Thanks Tonya."

"Yeah thanks, we sure do," said Cam, like his brother unable to stop staring at their stepmother's massive mammary glands as Tonya handed them the plate of watermelon.

Soon there was a second party in the kitchen who sported massive breasts in the form of 18-year-old Tiffany, the teenager adjusting her long blonde pigtails and her peaked fast food restaurant cap. She looked at her stepbrothers, and they looked back at her.

"Hi Tiffany," said Cam.

"Yeah, hi Tiffany," said Chris.

"Hi Cam and Chris," said Tiffany. The teenager looked her stepbrothers up and down. Despite the fact that Cam and Chris were dressed for the beach, had been carrying surfboards which were resting against the wall, started most days with a surf and her mother had commented on the boys returning from surfing less than a minute ago, the young woman wearing a blank expression felt the need to ask her stepbrothers, "Have you been surfing this morning?"

*

It was a beautiful summer's day in San Diego but Henry Grim did not enjoy his drive to work, brooding on the fact that his sons hadn't gotten jobs in the fast food restaurant while Tiffany had. His sons were both stupid slackers, but compared to their stepsister Cam looked like he was headed to Harvard Medical followed by post-graduate studies at England's Oxford University, while Chris looked like he was on the way to study law at Yale with post-graduate studies at Cambridge University.

Just how his sons had turned out the way they had was a bit of mystery. His ex-wife Wendy was definitely not at the top of Henry Grim's list of favorite people, but she wasn't stupid, she was college-educated, grounded and conservative, Patrician a good description for her. Like Henry, she was as exasperated as he by their sons' laziness and stupidity in their earlier years.

Pulling up at a red light, Henry stopped his car to wait for it to turn green and contemplated his ex-wife and the mother of his two sons further. True, Wendy had been a sensible and responsible wife and mother, but like all marriages there were ups and downs and by 1979 Henry and Wendy's marriage was sailing some rough seas. Not issuing a mayday call or uncovering the lifeboats type bad, but definitely some problems, however nothing that Henry thought were insurmountable.

Receiving a most generous Christmas bonus from the bank in 1978 and always a thrifty saver befitting his profession, Henry thought he had the perfect solution to revitalizing his marriage -- treating Wendy and their sons to a two week vacation in Hawaii in the summer. Apart from the dim-witted boys being unable to be convinced that Hawaii was not the same as Catalina Island off the coast of Los Angeles to the exasperation of Wendy and Henry, the trip was just what they needed -- or so Henry thought.

One thing Henry couldn't help but notice was that a 19-year-old Hawaiian youth named Keanu who worked at the resort where the family were staying seemed to develop something of a crush on Wendy, and took the meaning of good customer service to amazing levels, fawning all over his wife. In the breakfast room each morning or at lunch or dinner, Henry was sure that Keanu would have cut up and fed Wendy's meals to her if allowed to.

In fact, so besotted was Keanu with Wendy that if she needed to visit the bathroom, Henry was sure that Keanu would have been willing to stand by the toilet while Wendy was sitting on it emptying her bowels, getting toilet paper to wipe her anus as she needed it then when she finished and flushed the toilet, get a cloth, towel and talcum to wash, dry and powder Wendy's bottom for her ahead of pulling up her panties.

Enjoying his vacation and with no reason to think Wendy might have roaming eyes plus she was 20-years older than her admirer, Henry was more amused by Keanu's crush on his wife, not at all jealous and couldn't see any danger. True, Wendy was wearing more revealing clothes than usual back at home, blouses that showed off her large breasts, her slim figure very good for a mother of two approaching her 40th year next year was displayed in bikinis and her skirts were rather short.

But this was for Henry's benefit. Wendy was making herself available to Henry a lot during the vacation and would pack their sons off to do activities at the kids' club, to allow herself to make herself available to Henry even with the boys out of the way. So much so that Henry pondered if Wendy might produce a baby brother or sister to Cam and Chris nine months after they did get back. And while polite to Keanu she definitely didn't seem responsive to him, laughing off the young man's crush as 'cute'.

The first signs to Henry that something was amiss was when the vacation ended and the family returned to San Diego, and Wendy seemed to have problems adjusting back to normal life. Henry dismissed it at first, he himself had found it hard going back to the bank after such a great vacation and Wendy was probably just having the same thing. When weeks went by and this persisted with Wendy, Henry asked his wife if something was wrong but she would be dismissive and stand-offish, deny outright that anything was wrong or would change the subject.

Leaving for the bank one Wednesday morning in September with Wendy undertaking the unenviable task of getting the boys ready for school, Henry had no reason to believe that this would be anything but another ordinary day, forgotten by this time next week. Until he got a call from Cam and Chris from their neighbors' house, the boys puzzled because when they got home after riding the school bus it was to a locked house, their mother nowhere in sight, with her car there but of her no trace.

Concerned and puzzled as this was out of character even though Wendy had been a bit off in recent weeks, Henry drove home thinking there was probably a simple explanation. His wife did have a part time job but wasn't working today, and even if she had gone into the office for some reason she would have driven, and would have made sure she was back in time to meet the boys. It had to be something else that had happened. Wendy was allergic to bees, perhaps she set off on foot to run an errand, was stung by a bee and needed to be taken to hospital in an ambulance and was too sick to call? Yes, it had to be something like that.

Getting inside the house with the boys, Henry was shocked about what he found, or to be exact didn't find. All of Wendy's clothes were missing from her closet. Her underwear drawer revealed no bras and panties. All of Wendy's books, trinkets and keepsakes were gone. Her toiletries, make-up, hair-brushes, toothbrush and her period pads were nowhere in sight.

What the concerned husband and father did find on his bedside table was an envelope addressed to 'Henry' in Wendy's handwriting. Opening it up, a two page letter that began 'Dear Henry' described how unhappy she was in the marriage to Henry especially in the bedroom, how she had fallen in love with Keanu during the vacation, and was leaving to start a new life with him in Hawaii, never to return.

So that was it. His wife had left her husband and her sons for a new much younger lover thousands of miles away, and there wasn't a damn thing Henry could do about it. Soon, Henry found more evidence of what Wendy had been up to these past weeks. A check from their account had been written out to a local travel agency to purchase Wendy a one way airline ticket to Honolulu, leaving at 1 pm the day Wendy disappeared.

The next week the telephone bill arrived, detailing daily long-distance calls lasting hours to Hawaii when Henry was at work and the boys were at school for Wendy and Keanu to discuss things Henry could only imagine. Sometimes Keanu had had the audacity to call the Grim house and reverse the charges, Wendy only too happy to accept them and then talk dirty on the phone with her much younger lover for hours. The cost of the telephone bill was astronomical, and it was left to the unfortunate and long-suffering Henry Grim to pay for the cost of his wife's infidelity.

Wendy wasted no time in getting lawyers to send divorce papers to Henry, which he didn't want to contest. She got a job at the same resort where they had stayed, and would send money for her sons, but she and Henry never really spoke again, save through lawyers during their divorce. And she and her new beau married just one day after Wendy and Henry's marriage was formally ended by the court.

Henry did however hear from Keanu's brother and cousins, who thought it was just great that Keanu had stolen the hot wife of an uptight American man. So much so that the young men would amuse themselves by calling Henry on the phone, doing jokes at him about Keanu stealing his wife and what Wendy got up to with her new much younger husband. This of course drove Henry nuts, and while the young men over time lost interest in making nuisances of themselves, he still got the occasional call. The most recent one was on Christmas Eve 1988, the young Pacific Islanders clearly affected by alcohol laughing uproariously and honking a novelty horn down the telephone at Henry at the success of their practical joke.

Henry could hear horns honking now, and suddenly realized that the light had changed to green and he was still sitting there. Waving an apology to the angry drivers behind him, the embarrassed Henry drove through the intersection, only for the car immediately behind him to swerve behind him and draw level.

The driver, an elderly man with glasses and a hat, his face in a scowl, wound down his window and shook his fist at Henry. "Learn to pay attention when you're driving an automobile, Sonny Boy!" he yelled at Henry before driving away at great speed.

It had been many years since anyone had called Henry 'Sonny Boy' and coming from a man who was probably born in the later years of Victoria being the Queen of England, it was somehow more insulting. He was certainly one grumpy motorist, and his altercation with Henry Grim, already grumpy from the events of this morning, made the younger man grumpier still.

Getting grumpy seemed to be a trait that run through the men in the family in the family. There were several branches of the extended Grim family living in cities up and down the California Coast -- San Diego, Los Angeles, Santa Barbara and up to San Francisco, the northernmost city home to one of the grumpiest men Henry had ever met in the form of his late uncle Humphrey Grim.

Humphrey Grim had died of two types of cancer -- lung and liver - earlier this year, on his 77th birthday, the man always a heavy smoker and he had smoked and drank himself to death in his later years as an embittered alcoholic. Humphrey's dates of birth and death were somewhat auspicious, and perhaps indicative of his unhappy life in which many things went wrong for him. Humphrey was born on April 15 1912 the day the Titanic sank, and took his last breath on April 15 1989, the day of the Hillsborough soccer stadium disaster in an FA Cup match between Liverpool and Nottingham Forest.

In his younger years Henry had wondered what his Uncle Humphrey had to be so grumpy about. He had a good job as a social studies teacher in high school and was married to Lorraine, a stunning and sexy blonde 16 years younger with the looks of an angel. However, at school Humphrey was tormented by unruly high school students who called him 'Grumpy Humphrey' and made his life hell by playing outrageous practical jokes, and he would then come home to a mooching and nasty wife who made a fool of him by having affairs all over town. Lorraine would show her shit all over San Francisco to any man who was interested, and given Lorraine's looks, there were no shortage of takers for what this floozy was offering, married men her preference. At home, she would treat Humphrey the way she would a roll of toilet paper, and ironically refuse to make herself available to her husband.

When the train-wreck of a marriage finally foundered, the vindictive adulteress Lorraine used her employment status -- she worked as a legal secretary at a firm of attorneys -- plus her feminine wiles in court to get her hands on all her husband's money and assets, hounding him relentlessly until she got whatever she wanted, leaving Humphrey with very little when it was all over.

Henry had flown to San Francisco for his uncle's funeral this year, and was amazed that Lorraine had the audacity to show up too. Now aged 60, Lorraine still boasted the looks and figure of her younger years, but the way she was dressed for her ex-husband's funeral clearly she was a case of mutton dressed up as lamb. On her arm Lorraine flaunted a handsome toy-boy lover young enough to be her son, or even her grandson.

The Grim family were of course outraged that this cheating parasite who was responsible for Humphrey's descent into despair and alcoholism had dared show her face. But with the hide of a rhinoceros Lorraine clearly didn't give a shit, and in fact the bitch was making out with her young boyfriend in the cemetery car park afterwards, like they were at lovers' lane, making a mockery of her late husband's life even more.

Marrying unsuitable wives seemed to be a stock standard for the men of the Grim family, Henry thought ruefully as he continued his drive to work. His father was an exception, and his younger brother Billy, but Henry seemed to have picked up the bad luck with women from his now deceased Uncle Humphrey up in San Francisco.

True, Wendy wasn't vindictive during the divorce not like the shameless vulture Lorraine Grim, but regardless she had let a man young enough to be her son get into her panties when on vacation with her husband and kids, continued the affair after returning home and then left without a qualm. Since then she had very little contact with Cam or Chris, aside from sending money for maintenance.

Perhaps in 1981 it was jealously that his ex-wife was getting banged by her new young Hawaiian husband Keanu, who had stolen Wendy from under Henry's nose, perhaps it was the stress of dealing with two dimwitted slacker sons on his own when before he had shared the parenting with their mother, perhaps it was the harassment from Keanu's family who thought this a huge joke, maybe it was stress at work or a combination of all these that led Henry to getting a crush on Tonya, the waitress in the café where he had lunch most days.

Back then Tonya lacking much upstairs had seemed endearing to Henry, not to mention she was hot and good in bed. He knew that Tonya was a single mother to a daughter the same age as his sons which didn't matter at all. Henry had always secretly wanted a daughter, and Tiffany's dim personality made her seem kind of cute at that younger age. Cam and Chris got along with Tiffany and she in turn liked them, so by the end of 1982 Henry was married again, this time to a very different and much younger wife in Tonya.

Seven years on and the appeal of marrying a much younger woman to match his ex-wife's new toy-boy lover had definitely faded. Tonya and Tiffany's lack of brain-power was no longer endearing, it was just flat out irritating to an already grumpy Henry Grim. Plus there was Cam and Chris. For years, Henry had held onto the hope that his sons were just late bloomers. They would mature and grow more intelligent as they got older, and everything would click, they would become sensible and studious, with a great work ethic. That theory was long dead in the water.

Besides Henry, the only living creature in the house with any intelligence was the cat. And unfortunately as the cat could not speak English, Henry could not hold a sensible conversation with her either. Henry thought about the cat, and how last week his sons and stepdaughter had failed in the simple task of feeding the cat in the morning, the three teenagers perplexed as to why the hungry cat was going psycho by late afternoon. Then several days later Cam, Chris and Tiffany all fed the cat without telling the other. The cat thought this was just great, but Henry was not so impressed, not least when the overfed feline jumped onto the bed that night and yacked up all over him while he was asleep. Tonya however found it very funny.

Henry had now arrived at the bank, which was located in a commercial center and people who worked there had a shared parking area. Seeing a free space Henry drove past it and stopped, putting his indicator on to show he was about to reverse into it. Unfortunately, one of the girls who worked at a property settlement agency in the same complex sped in there, taking the spot.

Grumbling under his breath, the grouchy Henry drove to find another bay, and finally made his way into the bank for another day in the office. Sitting at his desk, Henry pondered what his wife, stepdaughter and two sons would get up to today. Maybe Cam and Chris would finally join the ranks of Americans who had jobs? Then again, it was probably more likely that Henry would see a formation of pigs flying by during his lunch break.

*

At the pool and hot tub showroom's office, Tonya was spending her morning answering telephones, typing and making coffee, while being perved on by guys who worked in the office, in the warehouse and male clients. The clueless blonde was oblivious as they looked down her revealing blouse at the ample cleavage of her boobs, and the white lace of her brassiere, at the shape of her bottom and her panty lines in her mini-skirt and when she bent over, got a good view of her white panties when she bent over.

Tiffany's fast food uniform covered more of her body than the clothes her mother wore to the office, so there was less of the pretty 18-year-old airhead's body exposed for her male colleagues and customers to perve upon. But with such large boobs the front of Tiffany's work shirt attracted much male attention. Tiffany's hot teenage ass the shape of her panty lines through her black pants was also a huge turn on. It was careless of the young guys Tiffany was working with to drop some items on the floor knowing the teenager would volunteer to pick them up. The sight of Tiffany's nice bottom high in the air, and the top of her white bikini-style panties visible as her pants rode down slightly on her backside was a magnificent sight to behold for the young men.