Tonya, Tiffany & the Twins

Henry hadn't really expected his two sons to look for jobs in the newspaper, but was definitely dismayed to see that the boys had made paper planes and hats out of the pages, which were strewn all over the living room, plus empty cans of soda and the remains of the pizza slices Cam and Chris had eaten for lunch.

"Get your lazy asses into that living room and clean up that goddamn mess, you useless pair of slackers!" roared Henry, pointing at the mess after giving the two boys a tongue lashing. Henry did not however confront his sons over their failure to look for jobs today, after a crap day at work and coming home to this he didn't have the inner-strength.

Cam and Chris went into the living room to clean up the mess, Tonya coming in. She was still wearing her work clothes, but had taken off her shoes and was now barefoot. "Hi Henry, did you have a nice day today?" she asked, clearly unable to determine that her husband's face that looked like a thunderstorm about to explode was a big clue that he hadn't.

"No, it was terrible, and then I come home to this crap," growled Henry, pointing at his sons who were cleaning up the mess in the living room.

"That's nice dear," said Tonya, clearly not listening.

Henry looked at the boys cleaning up the paper airplanes and other mess and barked, "Come on you two, get on with it, don't take all goddamn night. It's no wonder you two can't get jobs if this is as fast as you can work!"

"Dad, chill out, we're doing it," said Cam.

"Yeah Dad, don't have a heart attack," said Chris. "It's just a bit untidy. It's not like President Reagan and his wife are coming for dinner tonight."

"Yeah, and even if President Reagan was coming, it wouldn't take long to clean up the mess," said Cam.

"You mean President George Bush," said Henry.

His sons blinked and stared blankly. "President Bush? Who's he?" Chris asked.

"He's the new President, he was sworn in this year," said Henry. "Don't tell me you didn't know?"

"We've never heard of President Bush, we thought Ronald Reagan was like still the President," said Cam.

Tonya looked equally perplexed. "I'm with the boys on this, I thought that Mr. Reagan was still the President of the United States. I mean Captain Cook is the Prime Minister of Australia and Margaret Thatcher is the Queen of England and Ronald Reagan is the President of the USA. When did they change to this new President Bush?"

Cam and Chris conferred with their stepmother. "Yeah," the twins agreed in unison.

Against his better judgement, Henry turned to Tiffany as his stepdaughter entered the living room. She had changed out of her work uniform and now wore a tee-shirt with a cartoon mouse on the front and a pair of denim shorts so short that she might has just have worn her panties. Like her mother her feet bare. As she entered the room Tiffany had been listening to her Walkman, but removed her earphones as she did so, meaning she had not heard any of the prior conversation.

"Tiffany help me out here," said Henry, noticing how worried Tiffany looked as soon as he spoke. "The current President of the United States of America, is he Ronald Reagan or George Bush?"

Tiffany stood there, looking so scared at being asked a remotely intellectual question it seemed that she might soil her panties. Henry could see his stepdaughter's blue eyes moving back and forth as she racked her amoeba-sized brain in her air-head. Finally her face brightened. "Dunno," she offered.

"President George Bush," said Henry.

Tiffany looked brighter still. "Henry, are there lots of Presidents called George? It's just that the first President was George Washington, so I thought George might be like a name you had to have to be like a president."

"No, it's just coincidence," said Henry.

"Another weird thing about President Washington is that the President lives in Washington," offered Tiffany. "How amazing is that, having a President Washington who lived in Washington?"

Henry looked at Tonya and his sons, who were nodding in agreement with Tiffany. In the 8 years since he met Tonya he had become used to her and her family, and gatherings with them for birthdays and holidays was always a chore for Henry. The members of Tonya's family either sat in silence not saying anything because they were too stupid to think of anything, or saying the most stupid random things to prove how idiotic they really were.

Tonya had two sisters very much like her in looks and lack of intelligence, and the X chromosomes appeared dominant in the family, the two sisters each having two daughters just like Tiffany. The five cousins were like dolls that had been made by a toy factory, all sharing the same tall slim figures, pretty faces, blonde hair and blue eyes -- but sent out to be sold missing their brains.

While stupidity ran in the family, it disturbed him that his two sons mainly went along with their stepmother and stepsister, even though they were not biologically related. Maybe Cam and Chris were too lazy to think up different thought patterns from Tonya and Tiffany, although the boys were hardly bright in their formative years when their mother was still on the scene.

Tiffany continued to talk about George Washington. "I wouldn't want to be a president when George Washington was," she said. "Among having to do all the things presidents do, he would have had to keep everyone safe from the dinosaurs too."

Again against better judgement, the incredulous Henry asked his stepdaughter, "The dinosaurs?"

"Yeah, the dinosaurs, you know those like really big ferocious lizards," said Tiffany. "There were lots of dinosaurs back then. Cowboys, Indians and pioneers had lots of problems with them in the Wild West."

"Tiffany, you do know that dinosaurs are extinct, don't you?" asked Henry.

Tiffany giggled. "Of course Henry, I'm not silly. There's no dinosaurs now, but there were back then."

"I see, so when did the dinosaurs die out?" Henry prompted, still finding it hard to believe he was having this conversation.

His stepdaughter considered this from various lessons at high school. "I heard it was after that really big war -- I think it was the Second World War -- the one where the Austrians -- I mean Australians - had to go and shoot turkeys and then that weird flu thing straight after. Most of the dinosaurs died in the war, and then those were that were left died of flu. So all the dinosaurs were gone by 1920. They weren't around in those years where everyone in the world was depressed, and Hollywood didn't have enough money to make colored films so they were all in black and white and some without sound."

For once, Tonya corrected her dimwitted teenage daughter. "No, no sweetie, the dinosaurs were all gone long before then. They were around in Medieval England, and King Henry VIII had to send out knights to fight dinosaurs, dragons and lake monsters."

Tiffany looked impressed. "Wow Henry, did you know that there were eight English kings named after you?"

"I did have some idea," mumbled Henry.

While Cam and Chris normally just agreed with everything out of laziness, this time they sought to correct their stepmother and stepsister.

"Um Tonya, I think the dinosaurs were already gone by Medieval England," said Cam.

"Yeah, I think they died out in Biblical times," said Chris.

"Really?" Tonya asked.

"Really," said Cam confidently. "So men like Jesus, Joseph, Moses, Abraham, Noah and Adam and women like Eve and Mary would have seen dinosaurs, but they died out soon after."

"Yeah," Chris agreed. "Like in Ancient Egypt there would have been dinosaurs around when those dudes were building those weird triangle things and that like really big stone cat, but not since."

"Well, well, well, you learn something new every day," said Tonya. She turned to her husband. "So are the boys right? Did dinosaurs die out in Biblical times?"

"Cam and Chris are closest," said Henry, too despairing and worn out to say any more.

"Awesome, we win!" crowed Chris, he and Cam exchanging a high five.

Their father thought back to the mid-1970s, where Wendy had wanted them to be a nice respectable nuclear family, which meant church every Sunday morning. Wendy had insisted that their sons be in the Sunday school program, which Henry didn't think was such a great idea knowing what the boys were like and the people running Sunday school were also not too happy about the unruly twins disrupting the flow of the class. Given what his stupid young adult sons had just said now proved to Henry that Sunday school for the boys had been a very bad idea.

"So I need to go to the supermarket to pick up some things before I fly out tomorrow," said Henry. "Anyone else need to come?"

"Tiffany and I need a few things so we'll come," said Tonya.

"And Chris and I need some more sunscreen for when we go surf -- I mean looking for jobs this week," said Cam, correcting himself as he noticed his disapproving father's expression.

Tonya and Tiffany collected their purses, and the family headed out to Henry's car. Henry was about to get into the driver's seat when he looked down and noticed that something was out of place with his wife and stepdaughter.

"Um Tonya and Tiffany, I think you've both forgotten something," he said.

The mother and daughter blinked at him, looked at each other, and then back at Henry with blank, confused facial expressions.

"Your shoes," said Henry, pointing at the ground, where Tonya and Tiffany both sported bare feet.

"Oh, our shoes of course, aren't we silly," giggled Tonya. "We'd forget our heads if they weren't screwed on. Come on, Tiffany."

The mother and daughter went back inside and slipped on sandals, Tonya getting in the front passenger side, Tiffany in the back with her stepbrothers. Henry sighed as he backed the car out, wondering what horrors the supermarket could involve.

*

"Tiffany, before we forget we need to buy more sanitary napkins!" Tonya called out in aisle 6, her voice loud enough to be on the public address system.

Henry, getting a new toothbrush, toothpaste and mouthwash for his business trip tomorrow, looked away as his wife and stepdaughter looked at the feminine hygiene products -- pads, tampons and female hygiene wipes - that Henry didn't want to know about.

Always uncomfortable with women's problems, Henry had the misfortune to be married to Wendy, who turned into an angry dragon the week before her period and blamed Henry for everything and anything. With Tonya and Tiffany, at least the mother and her teenage daughter didn't get PMS like Wendy had done, but menstruation somehow seemed to make them even dumber, and the pair were even dimmer in the days before they got their periods.

"We're not due for our periods for another two weeks, but we'd best be prepared," said Tonya. "Remember a few months ago when we started a day early and we didn't have any pads or tampons, so we had to put some toilet paper down our panties until we could get to the store."

"Yeah, I remember that," said Tiffany, she and her mother selecting the period pads they normally used and putting them in the trolley. "It's really hard to remember 28 days though. I mean like, if we got our periods every 23 days or every 37 days, it would be much easier to remember."

Henry selected some more disposable shaving razors and tried not to listen to his wife and stepdaughter openly discussing their menstrual periods in the supermarket not bothered that people could hear what they were saying, unlike Henry who was most uncomfortable. However, this was not the only source of his disquiet. The presence of Tiffany brought back memories none of them pleasant that took place in this very supermarket back in 1983, about six months after he and Tonya married.

With Tonya sick with a cold, Henry had taken the afternoon off work to take Tiffany to a dentist appointment then to do some shopping, before collecting the boys from school who would be out late due to them having detention yet again. In the supermarket, Henry had conversationally asked Tiffany about how she went at school today, her lengthy reply prattling on and on proving to the dismayed Henry that his stepdaughter had zero chance of improving her academic performances as she got older and left middle school for high school.

Attempting to change the subject, Henry had said, "Well Tiffany, as you worked so hard at school today, how about some candy? Let's go and get some for you. What do you say, Tiffany? Would you like some candy? I'm going to get some candy for me, you can have whatever type of candy you like too."

What Henry hadn't known at the time as he escorted the very happy Tiffany to the confectionary aisle was that an elderly woman who having heard the conversation between him and Tiffany about middle school then had seen him offer to buy her candy assumed him to be a Humbert Humbert. She had made haste to inform store management, security and some passing police officers of her observations of the pervert pedophile in action and made a huge scene about it, running around telling everyone that there was some sort of child molester loose in the supermarket preying on minor girls.

It had taken some effort on Henry's part to convince the police that he wasn't a dangerous stranger who went around supermarkets talking to unaccompanied middle school girls about school before attempting to lure them away with candy. Tiffany, never the brightest bulb in the box, hadn't known what to make of this and hadn't helped Henry's cause by going to water, bursting into tears and sobbing for her mother.

Cam and Chris, buying sunscreen further along the aisle, were not nearly so uncomfortable at seeing their stepmom and stepsister buying panty pads ahead of their next time of the month.

"Dude, I'm sure glad I'm not a girl like Tonya and Tiffany," said Cam. "Imagine having to wear those pads every month, like miniature diapers."

"Yeah dude it would suck being a girl, and it would be even worse having to put a tampon up your butt," Chris agreed. "Talk about uncomfortable."

"Up your butt?" Cam looked puzzled. "Chris, I thought periods came out of girls' pussies."

"Nah dude, periods come out of girls' butts," said Chris.

"Are you sure?" Cam asked. "I could have sworn women have their periods out of their vaginas."

Chris was confident in his knowledge of gynecology to set his twin brother straight. "Well, chicks have three holes between their legs. There's that tiny hole at the front where they pee from, then there's their vagina and at the back there's their anus. You fuck girls up their vaginas and that's where they have babies from, and they poop and fart out of their butts, it's sort of like a waste disposal chute. Now, would you want to fuck a girl knowing all that blood comes out of her pussy once a month, or want your kid born out of that hole when she has a baby?"

"I guess not dude," agreed Cam.

"Exactly, that's what girls' butts are for, for them to shit, fart and have their periods out of," said Chris. "Plus with Tonya and Tiffany, have you noticed how often they go and how long they take when they go to the bathroom on their periods?"

"They're like on the toilet like half the day," observed Cam. "Plus they go through heaps of toilet paper and you can hear them farting their asses off, even up the hallway through the closed door. And one time when it was Tonya and Tiffany's time of the month I overheard them talking about it, and they were both saying they had stomach cramps and had done really big period poos the last time they went to the toilet."

"Yeah, that proves that periods come out of girls' bottoms and not their vaginas," said Chris. "And Tonya and Tiffany both stink the bathroom out worse than usual when they're on the rags."

"Totally, and when you go into the bathroom afterwards you can also smell a really gross smell like tuna fish mixed up with their poo," said Cam.

"That's the smell of their periods, dude," said Chris with confidence, Cam now totally convinced that he was wrong about which opening women's menstrual flows emerged from.

"Yeah, you're right," said Cam. "Periods have to come out of girls' asses and not their pussies. One thing I can't work out though, why do Tonya and Tiffany always get their periods at the same time?"

"Well I heard these chicks talking at school once, and they were saying that if there's lots of women and girls together their periods like synchronize or something, and they all get it at the same time," said Chris. "That must be what happens with Tonya and Tiffany."

"Wow, I never heard that," said Cam. "So like, at our high school all the girl students there, all the female teachers, all the women support staff like those in the school's office, the guidance counsellor, the cleaners and the ladies who work in the cafeteria all would have been like menstruating at the same time?"

"Yeah, I think so dude," agreed Chris.

"That's really weird dude," said Cam.

"Yeah, it's really weird," Chris agreed. "But you know what's even weirder? That women need pads and tampons in the first place."

"Well, to bleed into from their butts you doofus," said Cam. "Otherwise they'd stain their panties. What else?"

"Yeah, but when women need to go for a piss and a shit they don't just do it into their panties," said Chris. "They go into the bathroom and sit on the toilet. So when they're having a period, why don't they just hold in the blood until they go to the crapper and get rid of it on the toilet?"

"Beats the fuck out of me," said the equally puzzled Cam. "Like we were saying earlier dude, I'm just glad I was born a boy and not a girl so I don't have to deal with that shit."

"Me too, being born a boy is fucking awesome," Chris conferred.

Being born with an XY chromosome structure rather than an XX chromosome structure and not having to deal with menstruation once a month was clearly worthy of a high-five, and so the twins accordingly exchanged one, before rejoining their father, stepmother and stepsister. None of the others had fortunately overheard the twins' discussion about gynecology and feminine hygiene issues, and the rest of the shopping trip was rather banal in nature.

Later that evening, Henry was in his study taking care of a few things before flying out to New York City tomorrow morning. Cam and Chris could be found in the hallway between the two bathrooms, listening and waiting, the only sound so far those of the bathroom exhaust fans.

The ensuite bathroom shared by Tonya and Henry was occupied by Tonya, while that other main bathroom shared by the three teenagers was occupied by Tiffany. The mother and daughter were both undressing ahead of taking a shower, and were down to their bras and their panties, pure white in color.

In their respective bathrooms, Tonya and Tiffany reached behind their backs and removed their D-cup bras, pulling the garments away to show their magnificent large breasts. The mother and daughter then hooked their thumbs into their panty waistbands, pulling their panties down their legs and stepping their bare feet out them, their triangles of blonde pubic hair that grew over their feminine mounds and the cheeks of their peach-shaped bare bottoms now on display.

Tonya and Tiffany stepped their feet out of their panties, the saddles of which showed plenty of feminine stains from the mother and daughter's vaginas self-cleansing during the day. They bent over to pick up their pants, their legs apart and their butts high in the air, showing between their legs perfect pink oval-shaped vaginas with slip pussy lips, and further back as their butt cheeks parted two tight, star-fished shaped anuses.

The mom and her teenage daughter collected their underwear, placing their worn bras and panties into their dirty clothes hampers. Walking butt naked to the showers, Tonya and Tiffany turned them on and when they were the correct temperature, stepped under them, the warm water droplets saturating the mother and daughter within seconds.