Too Sweet Pt. 03

Author's Note - About the Spanish parts - I speak Spanish about as well as Kit does, which is to say pretty poorly. I did my best with the grammar, but please forgive any clumsy sentences.

Trigger warnings - discussions of domestic violence (not perpetrated by any main character), self harm, substance abuse, suicidal ideation, negative self talk, and mental illness. I try to handle these topics with care, but please remember that these are characters talking about themselves. They are not always going to be as careful with their language as I would be talking about mental illness in any other context. If you find any of it too hard to read, please click off and know I have no hard feelings <3

If you are or someone you know is struggling call or text 988 for the Suicide Lifeline in the US. For other countries, dial your local emergency number for local resources. Take care of yourselves!

8

Teddy

Ben called me the minute my shift was over. That wasn't like him. Ben avoided phone calls at all costs.

"Hey, everything ok?" I answered.

"Ted, can you come by the shop and talk Kit into going home?" Ben said quietly.

"Is she ok?" My stomach had dropped somewhere below my boots.

"Um, she says she is, but she almost passed out twice now and I'm pretty sure she's been throwing up," Ben told me. "Look, it's not my business, but is she pregnant?"

"No," I told him firmly. I knew exactly what was going on. Kit had agreed to try medication and it was, so far, not going well. "It's a medical thing she's figuring out. I'll come talk to her. Just, uh, see if you can get her to sit down until I get there."

I got to Steamed and found it very quiet. A few regulars were at the usual tables. The skinny, tall kid who sprayed art around downtown nodded to me from the patio as I passed. Ben jerked his head at the stockroom but didn't walk away from the short line he was attending to.

I found Kit on the floor with her head on her knees. She jerked up when I opened the door and tried to jump to her feet, but I had to catch her when she stumbled. She leaned into my chest and buried her face in my sweaty tee shirt.

"Hey, let me take you home," I said gently. She shook her head and shuddered against me.

"I want to work," she whimpered quietly.

"You can work tomorrow. Come on. You want to come stay with me?" I offered. Truthfully, I didn't want to leave her alone. Ben's description of her nearly passing out and the way her legs folded under her when she jumped up had me worried.

"What is the point of any of this? I feel worse than ever, only now I can't do anything about it," she said. The defeat in her voice felt sharp and cold, like a razor blade.

"It will get better, beautiful," I tried, but she just shook against me and released a tiny, strangled sob. "Your shift is almost over. Ben has it handled. Come on, I'll make you whatever you want for dinner."

"I can't keep anything down," she said miserably.

"I'll get you some saltines and ginger ale?" I offered. "That's what my white grandma always gave me."

"What did your Mexican grandma give you?" she asked. I took the hint of curiosity from her and ran with it.

"Menudo or pozole," I answered. "I love both of them, but your mileage may vary on menudo. It's soup with tripe."

"Tripe, like, um," Kit looked up at me. Her eyes were bloodshot with heavy dark circles under them, "stomach, right? I like trying new things, but maybe another time. Saltines and ginger ale are the traditional sick foods of my people. But I still want to finish my shift."

"Ben wants you to go home," I pointed out.

"I hate being useless," she said and pushed her face back to my chest.

"You aren't useless. You're just sick. Come on, we can take your car," I said.

"I walked here," she mumbled into my chest.

"You walked here? Like this?"

"Seemed safer than driving," she shrugged.

"Can you ride on the back of my bike like this?" I asked doubtfully.

"Sure, but first I'm going to finish putting this shit away," she said and pointed behind her at the box of supplies she had apparently been putting away.

"Ok," I said and let her go. I leaned against the doorframe and watched her slowly moving items from the box to the shelves.

"Are you just going to watch me? Go get a coffee. I'll be done in a bit," she said with a laugh.

"Yeah, no. I'm not leaving you in here to pass out and hit your head. I already caught you once," I said. Kit rolled her eyes.

Ben stuck his head in a few minutes later and gave me a questioning look. I gestured to Kit and shrugged helplessly.

"Kit? Why don't you go home? Take tomorrow off if you need it," he said.

"I need this job, Ben," she said quietly. She had one hand locked on the shelf in front of her with her knuckles white with the intense pressure of her grip.

"You have this job. Go home until you feel better," he urged her.

"I don't know when that will be and I can't live on part time hours," she said stubbornly. "This is, I, uh fuck. It's complicated."

"Then do what you can and take the out when I offer it. We'll figure it out while you figure it out," Ben said pointedly. "This is my coffee shop and you make the best coffee by far. I'm not going to fire you."

"I can't do this anymore," she mumbled. "Teddy, I have to stop. I can't lose everything just to hope this will help."

Ben looked at me with his eyes wide. I gritted my teeth and sighed.

"Kit, can I just tell Ben what's going on?" I asked her quietly. She sat on the floor again and pulled her knees up to lower her head before she nodded. "She's trying to work out some medication changes."

"Oh," Ben said. He relaxed and shook his head at the drama of it all. "Yeah, that shit sucks. I switched out my SSRI last year and was on my ass for a few weeks. Kit, take two weeks. I'll put you on paid sick leave."

"I don't have two weeks of sick leave," she mumbled.

"Yeah, ok, I'm the boss. I'll give it to you," Ben said and rolled his eyes. "I'll work opens alone like I used to for a minute. It's fine."

Kit looked up from the floor and squinted at Ben. I knew that look. She had no flight in her fight or flight. She was trying to decide if he was pitying her or just being a good friend.

"Or don't take it and pass out in the middle of the shop. I'd rather send you home until you get this sorted out than pay worker's comp and lose my best barista to a brain injury, but I guess it's your decision," Ben scoffed at her suspicious glare.

"Ok," Kit sighed. "I'll be back in two weeks."

...

Kit

I spent the first few days of my two weeks off at Teddy's. He made good on his promise to provide crackers and ginger ale, leaving me a stock of both when he left for work the first day. I felt a little odd being at the house without him, but Ira and Foster didn't seem to care. They both greeted me when I managed to stumble out of the bed to the kitchen to find that Teddy had filled an entire shelf of the fridge with mini cans of ginger ale.

"Ted goes all out when he cares about someone," Ira said dryly from behind me.

"I noticed," I said. There was a stubborn warmth growing in my chest. All those little cans of ginger ale felt so much bigger than carbonated sugar water.

"He hasn't ever really had anyone who appreciated it," Ira went on. He pointed at a stack of saltine boxes on the counter. "He's had a lot of people take it for granted."

I took one of the cans and shut the fridge. The room was feeling wobbly, so I went to the table to sit and open it, snagging a box of crackers on the way.

"It really speaks volumes considering you're the second of his friends who has gone out of their way to make sure I'm going to treat him well," I told Ira. The first sip of the soda hit my tongue with a rush of cozy nostalgia. "Teddy is safe with me. I've been as upfront with him as I can be and I'm definitely not taking this for granted."

"He's too good for the way the world treats him," Ira told me. He sat across the table and fixed me with an uncharacteristically sincere look. "Someone has to look out for him while he's looking out for everyone else."

"I'm looking out for him," I promised Ira.

"Good," Ira nodded. "I'm going to go pick up Maggie. We're going to binge The Great British Bakeoff. You're welcome to join if you're up for it."

"Maybe," I said. "Maybe I can watch a few episodes before the room starts spinning again."

...

Teddy

I came home to find Maggie, Kit, and Ira in the living room watching Bakeoff. Maggie was sitting on the floor while Kit attempted to french braid Maggie's unruly curls the same way Kit kept her own long locks when she wanted it out of the way.

"How do you do anything with all these curls?" Kit said with a tone of joking despair. "I can't get them all in one place!"

"You have to start with wet hair," I suggested. Kit looked up at me with a big grin that lit my heart.

"Teddy!" she tried to hop up, apparently remembering too late that she was in a constant state of temporary vertigo. Ira caught her and pulled her back down when she wavered. "Oh, right," she sighed, "I'm an invalid."

"Hey, beautiful," I greeted her and kissed the top of her head. "Mags, you staying for dinner? I have a surprise if you are."

"Well, now I have to," Maggie chuckled.

"Chicken pozole? That good enough to tempt you to stay?" I said. Maggie grinned at me.

"Who earned pozole?" Maggie asked.

"Kit doesn't feel good and I like to cook," I said and shrugged. "I need a shower, then I'll get started."

Kit followed me to sit on the bathroom floor and chat while I showered. I caught her staring at me while I peeled off my sweaty clothes. She bit her lip and sighed.

"Fuck, I miss that body," she said sadly.

"Um, I'm right here?" I pointed out.

"Yeah, but I'm too dizzy to do anything about it," she said sourly.

"It's not forever, beautiful," I reminded her for the hundredth time. She nodded sadly, but didn't answer.

I stepped into the shower, just planning to rinse the sweat off my body and out of my hair. To my surprise, Kit joined me and sat on the tiled floor against the wall with a devilish grin. She didn't say anything as she looked up at me and parted her legs, sliding her fingers down to spread her lips and show me the hidden pink flesh beyond.

"Fuck, Kit," I mumbled.

She giggled and slowly started playing with herself. I was almost dizzy myself with how fast I came to attention. She licked her lips and looked at me expectantly until I joined in, using just one hand to tease myself the same way she was doing.

"Do you dream about me? I dream about you and the things you do to me," she said, whispering just barely above the hiss of the shower. "And when I wake up alone, without your dick inside me, I feel so, so empty. My fingers aren't ever enough, but I try just like this."

She looked me in the eye as she plunged two of her fingers in and whimpered out a small moan. I watched, unable to even blink, as she twisted her hand and curled her fingers. She slipped her other hand down to gently tease her clit.

"You're so much better at this," she moaned. "But sometimes I'm just so desperate for you. I think about you with your head buried between my thighs, such a good boy. So pretty."

I couldn't help it. I was on my knees in front of her, pumping myself in the spray of the shower while the goddess Kit smirked at me and slid another finger into herself.

"Or I think about you fucking me just so deep," she purred. "You look otherworldly when you do that. Like you exist just in that moment. No one has ever looked at me like you do and no one else can make me cum like that. You're perfect, Teddy. Perfect and sweet and so, so handsome. Go on, cutie, show me how you take care of yourself. I want to see. Will you do that for me, good boy?"

I nodded dumbly, as though I would consider refusing her, and stroked myself. I dropped one hand lower to gently fondle my balls. She groaned in approval. Normally, I wouldn't jerk off in the shower. I definitely wouldn't jerk off on my knees, with one knee digging uncomfortably into the drain cover and the other picking up the imprint of the mosaic tiles on the floor. I watched Kit gently rock her hips, thrusting softly against her own hands. She brought a hand up to her mouth to stifle herself as her eyes fluttered.

"Please, Kit, can I cum?" I whimpered. She grinned.

"Yes, querido. You're such a good boy for asking. Cum for me," she whispered.

I tried to keep my eyes on her, but my vision went blurry with the force of my orgasm. I slid forward as soon as I had my wits again and replaced her fingers with mine inside her. She covered her mouth and groaned desperately, her body locked up around me and her eyes rolled back. I panted watching her. The divine redhead, wreathed in steam and flushed pink all over, writhing on my hand. Fuck.

...

Kit

I loved watching Teddy cook. He hummed to himself, lost in his own world as the kitchen filled with a heavenly aroma. He said something to me in Spanish that I couldn't quite translate.

"Something about, um, chopping something?" I asked.

"¿Puedes picar el repollo?" he repeated slowly. "Can you chop up the cabbage?"

"Oh. Sí, puedo," I confirmed. Teddy brought me the vegetable, a knife, and a cutting board so I could stay seated at the table. "You really meant it when you said you would make me practice Spanish, huh?"

"I did," he chuckled. "I like your accent. I just have to get your vocabulary up to par."

I quickly checked that we were definitely still alone before I answered, "If I learn enough, maybe I'll figure out how to fuck you in Spanish."

Teddy choked on the radish he had just popped in his mouth. He cleared his throat and leaned over the table to growl his next sentence into my ear, "Quiero follarte, mi diosa hermosa. Te haré gritar mi nombre."

I wasn't exactly sure how to translate that, but, judging by the words I understood and the embarrassed sound Maggie made in the doorway, it must have been filthy.

"Jesus, Ted. Maybe save that for when your sister isn't over?" Maggie said, turning red and laughing uncomfortably.

"Don't eavesdrop and you won't hear anything you don't want to," Teddy said with a smirk. He didn't seem embarrassed at all.

"Maybe don't talk like that in the kitchen?" she suggested.

The door to the garage rattled before Foster opened it. He was dressed for work in his soft gray blazer and dress shirt and he looked exhausted.

"It's my kitchen!" Teddy pointed out.

"It's my kitchen," Foster said dryly. He sniffed the air and grinned. "What's for dinner?"

"Assuming Teddy can pry himself off of Kit, pozole," Maggie said. She sat across from me at the table. I rubbed my hands over my face, feeling awkward and out of place.

"Leave Kit alone," Teddy said with a hint of a warning in his voice. "You're embarrassing her."

"Sorry, Kit," Maggie said and rolled her eyes. "Maybe get a spray bottle for Teddy so he'll stop humping your leg in public?"

"That's not better," Teddy said sharply.

"I think I'll just go home," I muttered into my hands.

"You should marry her, Teddy," Maggie went on, grinning at her brother's irritation. "She's clearly perfect for you if she's learning dirty Spanish in your kitchen."

"Dammit Maggie," Teddy mumbled. He winced apologetically at me. "It's actually a good sign that she's messing with me again," he said, glaring at Maggie.

"Hm, well, see if I defend her from bar creepers ever again," I said. Maggie giggled, stole one of the little cans of ginger ale, and went back to the living room. "Oh! Thank you for my cracker and ginger ale hoard. You'd make my grandma proud."

"You're welcome, beautiful," Teddy grinned at me.

...

It was the second of my two weeks off. I spent only a small portion of my day feeling dizzy and sick right when the drugs peaked in my system. I could handle that. Manageable.

I had slunk back to my apartment despite Teddy's insistence that no one minded having me around the house. It felt wrong to just hang out there alone all day once I was no longer spending the time asleep in Teddy's bed or sitting miserably on the bathroom tiles.

I felt... good. Good was probably the word. Good might be right. Stable was maybe better. Smooth. I wasn't panicky or full of self loathing, which I suppose was the goal. But I also didn't feel like me. It would pass. I was sure it would pass.

Teddy came over after his shift and sprawled out on my bed while I cooked, for once. I didn't mind cooking. I didn't love it the way Teddy did, but I found it to be pretty enjoyable. I realized about ten minutes before the lasagna I'd made would be done that Teddy was deeply asleep.

I giggled and crawled next to him in the bed. He had showered, but he didn't put his dirty clothes back on, instead choosing to lounge around in his boxers. I looked at him, taking in his tanned skin and the easy way his muscles suited his frame, the wet curls already drying in a dark halo around his head, the sweetness of his face still obvious even as he dreamed, and I felt... nothing.

Well, I felt fondness. I felt love for this impossible man. But there was a distinct, aching feeling missing low in my guts. I tried to imagine us together, Teddy's face slack with that awed expression he gave me, his muscles tensed, beads of sweat on his forehead. I pictured the things we had done on that very bed.

And still nothing.

Oh God.

It was gone. I really had lost it again.

The pills brought me a stability my brain refused to provide but took my sex drive as payment once more. It made sense now. I didn't feel like me because that mischievous part of me that pushed Teddy to his knees and purred into his ears about what a good boy he was was gone.

There was a part of me that wondered when the mean voice in my head would start. She always showed up when I failed. How much hate could I marinate my brain in? How much blood would I have to draw to silence her?

That voice was gone, too.

Teddy stirred and blinked dozily at me. He brows came together at whatever he saw in my face.

"You ok?"

"Uh, yeah," I said, trying to shake the desperation settling in my chest away. "Side effects, I guess. It has to go away. It can't be forever. I, um, I'll come back, right?"

Teddy looked even more concerned at that weird, babbling answer.

"Kit, what's going on?"

"I don't want sex," I whispered.

"I, um, what?" Teddy sat up, warily giving me a wide berth as though I was accusing him of something. "I don't know what happened, I was asleep just now."

"No, not you. You didn't do anything," I tried to explain. I felt a tear on my cheek and realized I was crying. Well, fuck.

"I don't understand," Teddy said carefully. He reached out and very lightly brushed the tears off my face.

"I should want sex right now. I tried to. I sat here and pictured everything," I said miserably. "It's gone again. I lost it again. I can't live like this. I'd rather have the lows and still have you."

"I'm here, Kit," he reminded me. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I can't do it," I whimpered. "What if it doesn't come back? What if this is just normal? What if all that was part of how fucked I am?"

"Then we'll figure it out," Teddy said gently.

"Teddy. Um. I should tell you something," I say slowly.

"So tell me. Come on, beautiful. It's just me," he said and very, very tenderly moved me into his arms so I sat across his lap with my head pillowed on his shoulder. "You can tell me anything."

"I had a girlfriend before who encouraged me to do this," I spoke those words into the side of his neck. "Therapy and meds, I mean. She encouraged me to get help. It was a different medication, but this happened. I just didn't want sex. I tried. She was really disappointed every time. It was so bad.