All Comments on 'Training of J Ch. 01'

Where's the care and love? He's selfish and brutal. Will that be all there is or will there be a story line in here somewhere?

effort an content and for the asshole of LIT who always gives out 1s Eat shit you old ugly fag

...on account of the writing style. Your story is good and your ideas solid for presentation of that story. It's a great start. But your sentences read like a laundry list. With the large blocks of text, it gets a bit fatiguing to read. Split some of them up; the word "and" appears more than 6 times in the last paragraph alone. If you use semi colors the sentences may need some rephrasing. Still, good job for a first go!

This is just enough to get people interested... but you will need some character development as it moves forward. I agree that you also need to show the warmth in their relationship - a little after care wouldn't hurt.

Love this story. Hope you continue with it