True North

A lot of people would have been pissed in my position, but I was actually a little pleased. My dad moved a lot, every few years, I was used to that. The suck part was that now he was being moved with just a couple months left in my senior year. Another person, my twin sister for example, would beg him to put it off for two months.

Not me. My life had taken a hard downward turn in the past month at my old school. Things had been going great, right up until the pep assembly where Hayden had thought it would be funny to goose his girlfriend as he ran behind her when he was announced. It might have been funny if she hadn't been one of the two people holding me up in the air by one leg.

I hit the gym floor hard, my knee twisting and hip dislocating as Anaya tried to hold on to me and catch me. I wasn't just out for the rest of the season, I also lost my scholarship. What wasn't as bad, but still FELT as bad, was that I also lost my boyfriend. We hadn't been super serious and I wasn't in love with him, but it had still sucked when he told me he didn't want to date anymore since I wasn't a cheerleader. That had seemed super shallow and had put me in a really low place.

I wasn't upset at all when dad had come home a few weeks after the incident and announced that we were moving. Rose was pissed, yelling and screaming and begging, then threatening. She didn't want to leave her friends behind, or her newest crush (who didn't even know she was alive.)

He hadn't asked why I was so eager to go this time, I was sure he knew.

When we made it to our new house, a beautiful brand new smart home with all the amenities, Rose was a little less angry as she looked around the immaculate place that had never been lived in. It was an empty canvas and the artist in her loved that.

I even let her pick her room first, even though it was my turn this time.

Dad came in and looked around, then gave me a smile. "Excited, True?"

"For a new school? A little," I admitted, blushing. I wanted a chance to reinvent myself with a new place in these last couple months of school. I could be whoever I wanted and I didn't have to pretend to be someone I wasn't just to get a scholarship.

"I have you both ready to start on Monday, have your classes and everything. You'll watch out for C-Rosey?"

"I will," I agreed with a smile. Rose got a nickname, but not me. Dad had always said I was too mild to warrant a nickname as cheerful as my sisters. C-Rosie... short for Compass Rose. My dad's joke, naming twin girls Compass Rose and True North. Later, he tried to convince me that he'd named us on purpose, her with her cheerful name, and me with my more even tempered and steadfast name. He'd known who we were going to be.

We'd never met our mother, she'd never even held us. Dad and his husband had hired a woman to be a surrogate for them, then a month before we were due, his husband had left him for a wealthier man. Dad hadn't cared, so he said, we were all that was really important.

"Moving van will be here in twenty," he told me, looking at his phone. "Let's go have a look around the lake and see if we have any hot neighbors!"

I smiled and shook my head. Dad always teased that his taste in men was better than mine. He didn't tease as much about boys with Rose, she was too volatile. Her emotions were as huge as her personality and boys were pretty much ALL she thought about besides art.

"C-Rosie!" Dad yelled down the hall.

Rose came running into the living room, grinning. "The last room looks out on the lake AND on the neighbors a ways down! There's a boy out there mowing the lawn! Can we go..."

"Easy tiger! Just so you know... if there's a boy mowing the lawn over there in this neighborhood, he probably works for a landscaping company. He won't live there and you may never see him again."

"Seriously?" she asked, dejected.

"I told you, this place is going to be different. We did well before... now we're doing a little better. This neighborhood... it's not the kind of place where people cut their own grass. If there are kids your age, you'll meet them at school."

Rose sighed, then shrugged it off and grinned. "Can I paint my room?"

"Of course. True? You like your room?"

"I'm sure I'll love it," I shrugged.

"You haven't looked at it?"

"I will later. Can we go down to the water and sit on the dock a while? Put our feet in the water?"

"It's still too cold for that, the lake will be freezing!"

"It's warm enough outside?"

"But it takes a few weeks of warm weather to get the water warm! It's only been getting warm here recently, it's not like down south. We'll walk down to the little dock behind the house, but no getting wet yet, alright?"

Rose ran outside ahead of us and I took dad's offered arm as he led me out to walk slowly around the property.

"It's a lot bigger than I thought," I told him, looking around at the distant neighbors.

"Yeah. One of the things we got used to down there, was houses being so close together. Yards are bigger here. Rose! Stay over here with us for now!"

"Daddy!" Rose complained, standing by the edge of the house and watching the young man on the stand-up mower with no shirt on.

I had to admit, from what I could see, the man was attractive. Not my type at all, but right up Rose's alley. She liked the huge, tall, sculpted jock types with the bright smiles. I usually went for a different type, though my last boyfriend had been a jock too. A football player even. He'd been small as far as football players went, though, and that made us a matched pair. When we'd been thrown together at a party at the start of the season, he'd pulled out all the stops. I didn't have major feelings for him, but he'd been nice and he had nice lips. Kissing him had always felt good and I liked that he'd never once pressured me for more than that. His parents were the real reason he dated me, I was pretty sure. They loved me, loved having me over to the house and his dad especially loved talking to me. He didn't know many people who were as into the same books as he was and we'd hit it right off. Daniel seemed to be using me to keep them pacified in some way, though I'd never really understood that part of it. He and I weren't close, we didn't spend a lot of extra time together or go and make out alone. We went to a few parties where we were both expected to be and he had me over to his house. A lot. We did do homework together, but even from the start it had felt like we were just friends and neither of us cared to make it more.

When he'd come to me and said he didn't want to date me anymore since I wasn't a cheerleader anymore, it had stung. I hadn't thought I'd be upset since I didn't care for him, but even still, it hurt to think that ALL he had wanted from me was a uniform and the body in it. I could have been anyone.

For the hundredth time, I tried to push him out of my head, hating that I was giving him so much of my thoughts. He didn't deserve them!

I looked over at Rose again and envied her a bit. She was lovely, as lovely as a rose. In a lot of ways, Rose was the most average girl in the world... but she also wasn't at all. She was average height, average weight with curves that weren't too much or too little. Her brown hair had a slight wave and she always wore it up. Her grades were average. What really drew people to Rose was her brilliant smile and glowing personality. She was always happy, unless her world was ending, which it did at least twice a week. People gravitated towards her and she made friends easily. She was outgoing and funny and loved to party and do girly, silly things.

I wasn't any of those things.

We were twins, but not identical in the least. In fact, most people couldn't tell we were even related. I was a head shorter, my auburn hair so curly I had to use my own weight in conditioner every month and I was small enough that I could still get clothes from the kids section, though I refused, always looking for the smallest sizes in the JR Miss. Where Rose was glowing and smiling, I was usually looking down at either a book or the floor. When you were short, most of what you saw in the hallway was arms, chests, backs, backpacks. You were down in your own little claustrophobic hell. Where Rose was charismatic, I was neurotic. An atypical personality. I didn't like change and I didn't take chances at all. I'd never had the big feelings Rose had, my feelings were always subdued and quiet.

Dad called me his little watcher, because that's what I did. I watched. I watched people, I watched the things around me, but I never inserted myself. If someone like Rose, or my one friend that I always made, inserted me into something, I went with it. Just like with Daniel. I went with it. Just like when Rose had made me try out for cheerleading with her two years ago. I went with it. I didn't even stop when she did, the coach telling me I had an easy scholarship as a flier.

"Tupperware for your thoughts," Dad smiled down at me.

I smiled at the lake, looking at the sun sparkling on the water. It was an old joke between us. I'd watched Mary Poppins with him and asked him what 'tuppence' was when they sang about it. He told me it was like a penny. He always said 'penny for your thoughts', so I thought I would be clever and say it to him one time, but use the new word I'd learned. The problem was, I couldn't quite remember the word and I'd said, 'tupperware' instead of 'tuppence'. Ever since then, he'd said 'tupperware for your thoughts' instead of 'penny'. Rose said we were lame, but I loved that the joke never got old for me.

"I like it here," I told him softly.

"This might be where I land, kiddo, so I'm glad you like it. Aaaand, there it is. Looks like I owe you a gift card to the nearest bookstore," he laughed as we both looked back at Rose, talking to the man on the mower. He'd stopped and turned it off to talk to her, grinning at her.

"Under an hour," I agreed happily.

"I really didn't think it was possible."

"She is her namesake, her compass always points to them."

"She's going to make me a grandpa before I'm forty," he sighed.

"If she has her way," I agreed. "She's talking six now. Three boys and three girls and not one with the same father. She wants a whole variety of different kids with every personality on the spectrum. She wants to live in an RV and travel from campground to campground meeting new people all over the continent."

"Not sure as I like THAT particular plan," dad grumped. "True... I've had the talk with Rose more than once now... Do I need to..."

"No! No, dad. You don't. I know all I need to, I promise. You are way late on that train, the internet taught me pretty much all I needed to know by the time I was 10."

"Internet," he huffed sourly. "You really think she'll leave?" he asked wistfully, watching Rose talk to the young man, who was now definitely posing for her and trying not to be obvious about it.

"I think she will... for a while. I think she'll come back, though. You know Rose, she gets in her moods and only you and I can set her back to rights."

"And you aren't going anywhere?" he asked hopefully.

"How can I?" I grinned, hugging his arm. "The second I lost my scholarship, you signed me up for online college."

"You're not built for the outside world, True. You're too... not fragile, really... just... delicate. You don't seem as fragile as Rose, but in reality she isn't fragile at all. Her moods can be, but she herself is resilient. You... not as much. You don't bounce back like she does. Things hit you hard and drag you down and keep you that way for far too long. You're a quiet sort of delicate and I fear for you a lot more than I fear for her."

"You don't have to be afraid for me," I promised, hugging his arm again, thinking about what he'd said.

"That's the movers. Let's go direct them where to put things and let your sister... mingle."

I followed him back up to the house, still holding his arm. It was a thing we did, him always offering his arm like a gentleman. He'd done it to both of us when we were kids, but Rose couldn't stay still long enough to keep hold. By the time we were 6, she'd stopped altogether and it had become a me and dad thing.

Dad did most of the directing on where to put things and I went straight to work unboxing my books and shelving them. It was calming for me, to line them all up on the shelves, alphabetical by author. My room had more wall space than Rose's did since two of her walls had huge, bright windows. She said it was perfect to paint in after she'd come in an hour later.

'Jude' had to get back to work and finish up, but they'd exchanged numbers and 'snaps'.

I had a phone, but I didn't have any social media. I did have 3 different book apps though.

By the time the movers finished, it was dark and all of us were sweating as we worked to put our things away.

Dad came in, looking around and grinning. "You know you can't sleep on those bookshelves, right?" he teased.

"I'll get my bed set up later," I told him softly, setting up my laptop on my desk. I had the desk in front of the one window in the room.

"Rose wants to go eat, wants to find a sushi place. That ok with you?"

"As long as they have something besides sushi, it's always ok with me," I shrugged.

"Let's go! I'm turning on the AC, this heat warrants it, even this early in the year, right?"

"Sure," I agreed, though I got cold easily and didn't feel heat as bad as other people. I was told it was both my circulation and the lack of insulation. Whatever it was, a comfortable 72 for them was cold to me. Dad teased me about shuffling around in summer in sweats and a robe, dragging a blanket around like 'Linus'. He'd had to tell me who that was and show me an old cartoon once I finally got curious enough to ask what a 'Linus' was.

The sushi place was 'amazeness' according to Rose, and I had to take her word for it as I ate my grilled cheese sandwich from the kids menu. She took a dozen pictures of her plate before she even took a bite of it and I, once again, tried to understand her thought process.

A few minutes into the meal, Rose was flirting with a waiter from across the restaurant and promised him next time we'd ask to be seated in his section. As soon as the young man left, dad leaned in to Rose. "He was almost 30 at least!"

"He wasn't that old! No one is that old and still working as a WAITER, daddy. Everyone knows that."

"He had a ring in his nose!"

"I'm not going to marry him, daddy, we're just having fun!"

Dad sighed and pinched his nose like he did when he was trying to calm down.

I decided to change the subject. "I looked it up on the GPS. There's a bookstore a couple blocks from here."

Dad snorted a laugh.

"NOOOOOO! Come ON, please don't drag me to ANOTHER bookstore! Can't you go when I'm not with you?" Rose whined.

"Just a quick in and out, no browsing," Dad promised. "We'll leave her to do that on her own later. Anyway, what if there's a cute guy in there at the register, or stocking books?"

"If they work in a bookstore, they can't be cute. It's a rule," Rose rolled her eyes. "They're either creeps or nerds or both."

Dad shook his head and sighed again. Rose was hopeless when it came to her judging pronouncements about people.

Still, I was excited about seeing the bookstore, even with Rose complaining the whole time. Dad got in line and I hurried back to my favorite genre, pleased that the store was both large and that they had two whole separate rows dedicated to fantasy and sci fi.

I'd only meant to look around then hurry right back up, but I lost track of time as I looked around and Dad had to come back and get me.

"We'll come back Sunday, ok?" he promised with a smile.

I was pleased as we left, sitting in the back and listening to Rose talking about what she was going to wear on Monday. Then she started talking about what I was going to wear, but I didn't mind that either. She usually picked out my clothes and my outfits unless she was unusually busy or in one of her moods.

It was late by the time we turned onto 'Lake Drive' and I knew something was wrong when Dad and Rose both sat up in alarm.

"Oh my GOD! Is that OUR house?" Rose wailed.

I sat up quickly and unbuckled so I could move to the middle and see what they were looking at.

A fire. No, an inferno. It was huge! There were half a dozen firetrucks on the street and police cars as well.

I sat staring in complete disbelief as Dad parked and jumped out of the car, Rose right behind him.

Everything. My whole life, gone in a couple short hours...

All I could do was sit frozen in place and watch the blaze, then dad pacing, his hands on his head as he talked on his phone. Rose was hysterical, calling all of her friends from before and telling them what had happened.

It felt unreal as I sat there hugging myself. The night was chilly and I felt like that couldn't be right with a fire blazing so hot so close by.

Finally, dad got in the car and I could see the tears stains in the soot from the smoke. The smell assaulted my nose, so strong now. I had thought it was strong moments before, but now it was choking.

"Everything is going to be ok," Dad told me quickly. "Are you doing your breathing exercises?"

"Yeah," I told him, my voice sounding hollow, even to me.

"We'll replace every one of your books, ok?"

"What happened?"

"Some sort of short circuit they think. The AC was too much alongside all the other electronics wired in the house. They think they maybe didn't put it on its own breaker or something. Shit! Sorry kiddo. I know I shouldn't cuss... but... shit! It's going to be fine, though, I promise. We'll get you new clothes and new books. Everything, ok?"

"Ok."

"I already called the company and they're going to see what they can do. I called the insurance too, but it's going to take a while to get that sorted. We might have to live in a hotel for a few days before we find a rental here. HR is going to find one for us. A rental I mean. It won't be permanent, though, promise. We'll get another house just as nice as this one or better. Right here on the same plot next to the lake, ok?"

"Ok," I agreed softly, still feeling lost as I stared forlornly at the ruins of my life.

"Kiddo? True? You with me?"

"Yeah."

"I need more than monosyllables, True. You with me?"

"Yeah, dad. I'm here," I told him, then laid down in the back seat and curled up.

Dad let out a sigh and held his head. "We'll get this sorted, True, promise. Come on now, I'm going to need your help with Rose, she's inconsolable."

"She's in her element," I told him tonelessly, speaking a truth I wouldn't normally voice out loud. "Getting all kinds of attention, already planning her new wardrobe. She's not upset at all, she's just acting. Wanna bet another gift card that she asks you to shop online for clothes tonight before we even get to a hotel? Then again tomorrow at the nearest mall?"

"Hard pass," he chuckled weakly. "That's... that's quite a statement, True. You really feel that way? You think she's like that?"

"Yeah," I whispered softly.

He sighed again, laying his head back. "Yeah," he agreed. "Should've known you saw it and were just too nice to say it. She is who she is, though, and we'll accept her for it."

"Dad?"

"Yeah, kiddo?"

"I'm sorry you lost your mom's ashes... and your dad's fishing stuff. I know it all meant a lot to you."

"True... sweetheart, thank you. You're right in that... that's all I'll really miss. We don't have a lot by way of mementos, do we? You have your books, but they can be replaced."

"I'll miss the jewelry box you got me for my 5th birthday."

"You never wear jewelry," he half laughed, the smile forced.

"But I kept things in it. Ticket stubs to all the musicals we went and saw. The corsage from the daddy daughter dance in 3rd grade. The cufflink that you lost the mate to, that had the pretty cursive 'L' on it. The ring you got me for my 12th birthday. The bookmark Lindsey Monroe made for me in 6th grade."