All Comments on 'Trust'

Good one!

nope

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he already started rumors and she already had a recording of his blackmail

the only reason for her to meet him for coffee was to forward the "misunderstanding" narrative, stories that need such a desperate contrivance are pointless

Fuck that! She should divorce Alan because he’s a cocksucking piece of shit and she deserves better than a fuckwad who would ruin her reputation because she met a guy for coffee.

He needs to eat a bullet.

The husband was a total prick. She would be better off without him.

Would be Loving Wives writers take notes from LJA644. This is how you get 5🌟 from the first story you throw down. As of late LW has been getting gassed by those turning the category into a patch of burning Amazon rainforest. Thanks LJA644 for helping to balance the "carbon footprint" of LW!

This might qualify for the worst story on the site. “If you don’t fuck me I’ll start a rumor that you are fucking me. Oh well in that case I guess I have to fuck you.” You managed to come up with the dumbest premise for a cheating story that has ever existed. Crawl back under your rock and please stop writing.

Every one with an itch to scratch has started writing for LW! What a crock pot of shit!

If she had it recorded, there’s was no reason to meet him. That was just dumb.

Nice one.

Innovative & original within this space.

What?

You took advice from Oderater? Why? Your characters are one dimensional and plain boring. Get better advice next time.

Please make that your only contribution to this site. Absolutely ridiculous.

OK, the basic story is OK. Story flow, dialog, and normal reasoning all need a lot of work.

You really needed to show what the wife would allow any of this to happen. a normal person wold not have allow these events to happen, with what you have described. The husband severely overreacted these things are causing your low scores. Write your story then read it slowly 2 -3 weeks later, see if it still seems right.

YAWN inducing drivel, if you insist on writing more, find new editors!

"Want if" - Did you mean "What if?" Pretty sad when you mess up in your intro.

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"Julia and I were sat outside" - I seem to see this more from British writers, but I believe you should say "sitting," not "sat."

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We don't need a complete personnel listing along with interpersonal relationships unless they bear on the story.

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I agree with those who say that the kitchen recording was all that she needed. lujon2019 had it right, the coffee meet-up was just to add to the drama.

Pretty good. D

It's always easier to criticize a story instead of critiquing it. I did not enjoy the story despite it being different on some level. As others have said your characters are flat or one-dimensional some of that can be changed with actions for example. Near the end, you wrote. 'Alan ran from the coffee shop.' I'd have said/written 'Alan stormed out of the coffee shop without allowing Julia to speak.' Or something along those lines the word changes to stormed out displays his anger while ran out tells us he's running away.

Another problem is the interaction of the characters they've known each other for years. Yet their verbal communication does not indicate that. You put over the fact that Julia trusts Alan enough to allow bondage into the marriage. It doesn't seem to work the other way. He never gave her the chance to explain herself, it's the old cliche innocent until proven guilty.

I would have gone ahead with what he started and divorced him. He destroyed the reputation of his wife not just with friends but her own family as well as his. It makes me wonder how they remained married that long as the trust only went one way. It's the first story and the fact that you published which is more than most do, including myself. Continue to write ignore the nay-sayers, and try and get an editor although I understand it's not easy. Try one of the online self-edit programs such as scrivener some are free I believe. Also, self-edit as much as you can

They all work at the same company, once Julia had the recording and couldn’t reach Alan, she should have gone to Human Resources or the boss’s office and not to meet Andrew. The Barstows showing I at the cafe to fire Andrew would have been a more entertaining and enjoyable outcome.

What the... story plot started out well enough then you turn your MC into an idiot, she should set the record straight then dump the dick, besides the wally needs "a little blue pill" just like the dill he is. Could not even be bothered to vote on this wimpy end.

If you listen too the Anonymous commenters anything less then Destructive would be unacceptable. Forget it keep trying read others and get Ideas. then continue on Delete all Anonymous Jokers

An acceptable plot idea, but so poorly executed and written that it is ridiculous. I don't even know how to explain, or tell you what to work on for improvement. Why would the wife care what the asshole said about her to others since she has recorded him threatening to slander and blackmail her? And why would the husband take his revenge out on the wife and let the predator get away unscathed? It just seems more of the British culture where the husbands are weak, timid, indecisive and mostly All Talk. And what's with all the focus on women's clothing? You got a fetish or a kink there? It shows.

Glad the predator got shown the stairs, but we don't know who actually exacted the deserved revenge upon the asshole. Guess that's part of the British subtlety and avoidance of inappropriate conflict? Keep trying, and thanks for the effort.

Maybe I'm just overly suspicious because this a LW story.

If she was never interested in doing anything with Andrew why would she take his suggestion and ask her husband what he would think of her having sex with another man???

She said she didn't plan to ask him but, after a few drinks and feeling all relaxed and mellow it just popped out. That tells me that subconsciously she really was interested no matter how she tries to explain it to herself or her husband.

I'll give credit where credit is due. Regardless of subconscious desires she did the right thing.

Not bad. But it was kind of confusing…wifey was on board with “the plan”…but then she strayed from it. He over-reacted, of course.

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And it is NEVER innocent to ask hubby if he would be OK with her messing around.

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4 ****. A bit generous, but this posting was a rose among so many cuck crap thorns today.

Its OK but like others have said she had a recording. She could send into all of the employees, management, husband, etc. so no need to meet with the guy at all. Of course that would ruin the story but it does hurt this fantasy.

Hmmm...so far, the comments have been all over the place. All's well that ends well, sayeth QuickMagazine, and so I'll be generous enough to give this fellow's first time out a 4. Andrew got what he deserved, and while Alan & Julia were both a tad foolish, they got sorted out. One thing for LJA644 to take better care of next time is consistency in point of view. Goes from MMC first person to third person without warning. A simple "*******" would have worked. Also, could have done without the toys and bondage.

I stopped at the intro. If odiouser helped edit and thought it was great I knew it would suck. After reading the comments I'm glad I didn't waste my time. What puzzles me is considering that most LW stories are trashed, why would a first-time writer think they could do any better than the crap that already exists. The number of successful LW writers is few and far between. Why waste the time and effort for mediocrity, at best?

He won't divorce her but she sure as hell better divorce him. What a controlling and intolerable jerk.

When Julia met Andrew on Monday morning this story from a standard story to ridiculous; something like in the movie Spaceballs where they turned the switch to "Ludicrous Speed."

I stopped when you noted that you had Odiouser helping with the story. I've never read a story Odiouser liked that I found to be the least bit enjoyable.

Congratulations on your first story. Thought it kind of slogged along but not too bad. While this is fiction I still wonder how many wives ask their husbands the same question she asked about fucking another man. She has been married to him for 21 years and doesn't know him well enough to know what his answer would be?? Just illogical to me. When she gets the predator on tape but still meets him?? Again illogical to me. Hope your longer story has more emotions, suspense, and drama in it.

The story is fairly original but the way you told it, it was a bit boring. Plus very very overcomplicated. The dialogue needs a bit of tweaking too. Nice story though.

Nice read.

No cucks here.

Thanks LJA644

The wife had no reason to go meet Andrew and had been given lots of warning on how her husband would view it and what he would do. Andrew had nothing on her, nothing to blackmail her with and she could have gone straight to HR in the company and filed a complaint against him with her first recording. Her going to meet him for lunch made no sense whatsoever.

This was an ok story, almost good. The problem was the recording. With that, she never needed to meet with him. She didn't even really need to talk to her husband. All she needed was to go to her boss, done deal. The meeting was only to give the reason for the husband to be mad, which is fine...but again, you had the recording. That negates needing to meet the guy. Get rid of that and the story makes a little more sense.

This could have been a good story if punctuated properly.

But I thought it was good, I don't get why a woman would ask another woman how many men she had sleep or why she would even answer such a stupid question.

""Darling there is one more thing then we can go home and you can start. We know what he is capable of, so if you do go out with him I will see it as an agreement that you may get drugged and have sex with him and in fact you want to have sex with him and letting him drug you is a way to do it blame free. If that happens I will tell the whole family that you want to, or have had sex with that man and I will divorce you, I know that's harsh but that is the way it is." More cogs going round in her head, I was less worried this time.

"It is harsh, but I can sort of see where you're coming from and as I have no intention of ever going anywhere with him I am not worried. And tomorrow I will tell him exactly what you said, I may add a bit about testicles and a rusty knife, can we go home now, I have some work to do.""

Yeah right, this is a more realistic way a woman would respond.

"OMG ITS JUST COFFEE! YOU'RE SO INSECURE! HE'S JUST A FRIEND! YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHO CAN AND CAN'T BE MY FRIENDS! I DON'T NEED A MAN THAT CONTROLS ME!" Her phone vibrates. She quickly glances at it the message, careful to be quick and position the screen such that her husband cannot see it and then silences the phone. "I'M SO SICK OF YOUR INSECURITY I ONLY ASKED A SINGLE QUESTION AND NOW YOU TURNED ALL PSYCHO! I DON'T FEEL SAFE AROUND YOU I'M GOING TO STAY WITH MY PARENTS TONIGHT UNTIL YOU CALM DOWN!"

Later hubby calls but goes straight to voice. Hubby then calls her mom and her mom has no idea what she's talking about. Hubby is pretty sure she's cheating but not sure so he asks Reddit. Every post is calling him stupid, of course she is. But becomes miffed at DM's calling him a Cuck so he ignores all the suggestions and plans on playing the pick-me dance by cleaning the house and making her favorite dinner.

SUDDENLY SADDLETRAMP COMES! But he's had a long day (some young new hire fresh out of uni changed his keyboard layout to dvorak because he said it's more efficient and smugly argued with Saddletramp until lunch that divorce courts favor men) and couldn't be bothered to put much thought into it. But he has to write something since he was summoned. And a Saddletramp can't ride off into the sunset until a bitch has been burned. So the husbands eyes just glaze over and robotically starts walking toward the direction his wife is on the other side of town.

The husband walks up to a condominium complex and magically knows what condo to go to. Without any slowing of his pace he walks up the stairs and through the door leaving a man shaped hole.

A naked Andrew and Julia were too busy pooping on her wedding album while a big black man had anal sex with Julia. (Yes he had his penis in her while she pooped, he was able to do so because he was so good at sex. Something you nor her husband would understand) But not only was there a big black man but also a big Indian man, a big Irish man, a big Canadian man, a big Inuit man, a big Scottish man, and a big guy from Wisconsin. And they were all having sex with Julia at the same time. That's what? 8 penises penetrating Julia? How you may ask? Well it's just how people with big penises have sex. Must better than people with normal sized penises. Holes just appear because big penises are good.

Andrew notices the husband and laughs "OMG SEE HE IS A CUCKOLD! I MAKE YOU CUCKOLD BECAUSE MY PEE PEE IS BIGGER!"

Julia laughs in her husbands face and says "YES! BIG PEE PEES ARE BETTER THAN YOUR SMALL PEE PEE. I WILL STAY MARRIED TO YOU AND YOU THANK BIG PEE PEE MEN FOR PUTTING THEIR BIG PEE PEES INSIDE OF ME! THAT IS WHAT CUCKOLDS DO!"

The Indian man says " हाँ, बड़े लिंग छोटे लिंग की तुलना में बेहतर " and they all laugh in agreement except for Andrew who said "Wait, I already covered that. Why is it suddenly funny when Indian Frank says it?"

The man from Wisconsin looks at Andrew and tells him "It's all in the delivery. I need a drink because using my large penis is dehydrating me."

The husband has had enough of all this. He begins to remove his pants and jockeys to reveal his glorious normal sized penis which began vibrating at the same frequency as the universe.

After making a few clicking sounds with his mouth his glorious normal sized penis suddenly changed frequencies to that of the universe where Stephen Kings "The Jaunt" occurs. In an instant the entire party was transported to a sort of public building full of people. Everyone was dressed all futuristic. A line of beds with unconscious people were being pushed through a portal which I imagine looked sorta like the Stargate when I read "The Jaunt".

The entire room was silent. Stunned at the sudden appearance of their group exposing 8 giant penises and 1 normal sized one. Plus one naked woman that had suddenly became a horrible person for no real reason. Thankfully the feces smeared wedding album didn't get transported along.

A middle aged man with a lazy eye which worked as this universes version of the TSA whispered to the passenger he was currently working with "You see those pee pee's. They're big. That means they're good." to which the passenger nodded. Grateful to be given these words of wisdom as the TSA in this universe is actually staffed by immortals that hold no less than 3 ph.D's and had to have been at least nominated for a nobel prize.

Suddenly that cowboy that's in all of saddletramps stories whom I can't remember the name shows up. He tipped his hat at the crowed and says to the husband "This is really stupid and it's taking way too long. Let's just get it over with."

And with that the husband and that cowboy guy threw the entire group through the portal so they can all live out near eternity in a hell of white light and their own thoughts.

Well, almost the entire group. The big black guy was actually working but had to get back to his normal full time job in a story on the Interracial Love page. He was only here because he needed to make some more money so he can buy his auntie something for her retirement party.

The Husband in the end got everything and got married to a woman that looked like Sally Field when she was in Smokey and the Bandit but way better because she at least trimmed her pubes and you totally know the real Sally Field didn't because it was the 70s and they just let that shit grow wild for some fucking reason I have no clue. Yeah she had a killer body because of all the cocaine she did but dang man at least trim some.

That's a more realistic way a woman would respond.

Poor communication skills between husband and wife and a rush to judgment by the stupid husband.

First, you need to get something of a grip on the written English language.

Welcome to the wonderful world of LW writing. I thought it a very good first effort. The husband overreacted yes, doubt and jealousy are powerful forces. The plot might be a little over the top but this is fiction and the story was entertaining. Keep writing, the stories will come easier now and please tuffen your skin. Thank you for the read.

Meh, she should have taken the divorce. That guy is insane.

In spite of others' opinions, I applaud the thought you put into the twists and turns. The last line made me laugh out loud! There are some criticisms of your punctuation and use of the recording. Something to think about for the future. You do erotica well, please continue.

Be Well and Happy

In reading the comments, it seems most did not enjoy your story. Please ignore the haters. It does not show much intelligence to flat criticize. The purpose of this site is entertainment. At least for me. The haters wanted to tear you a new butt hole. Shame on them. I have been reading this site for at least 10 years. Your story for a first is not perfect, however with time and experience will improve. Keep writing.

Since the guy is essentially a sociopath and rapist the stairs might have been going to easy. Hopefully the balls needed removal due to the damage.

Welcome to the fray, newbie. Please write another.

Hooked

Grin and chuckle. ;>)

It's fiction, guys. Let's not take things too seriously.

good first effort. A bit of patience on the husband's part would have made the story end but then what is the fun in that?

Interesting twist. I hope to read more from you.

Two comments: 1) The husband’s reaction was a bit over the top, not really believable (to me).

2) Some of your sentences try to do too much. The very first one was one and almost stopped reading instead of trying to figure out what was going on. “Julia and I“ in the third paragraph was another. And “I carried on playing“ further down in a paragraph that began “she groaned” and I never did figure out what “I was wrong” about. A sentence should normally be about one thing, a subject and a verb, without too many other details hung on to it to confuse the reader. One hint: if you can’t read it out loud without stopping for breath, it’s too long. Another hint: if there are more than a couple commas, it’s probably too long. Of course, that doesn’t mean don’t use commas; it means don’t try to cram in so much information that you need a bunch of commas to set off the various added bits. (You actually did use commas pretty well, so I think you know what I mean.)

Your fresh plot idea and your writing generally prompt me to look forward to more stories from you.

Alan is a stupid fuck. How old is he, 13?

No disrespect to most 13 year olds.

Not a bad start. Although the husband’s behaviour was ridiculously over the top.

So, Alan's her husband?

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I ask that because this starts in 1st person from the husband's POV. but suddenly the "I" narrator disappears and there is talk about Alan.

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In other words, pick a POV and stick to it.

Good first effort, 4*. Frankly I think Julia would be better off divorcing him.

He should have at least checked for heads up

Call him what u want, but he did warn her so the rest was on her. He may of went overboard, but it's not like he didn't communicate prior.

Loved i, but a little over the top. But the guy got his come-uppence. The Bear approves. 5 stars. keep on going. ALWAYS give a happy ending to the wronged person. Good first shot.

The BEAR

Decent enough plot but the dialogue is annoying as hell.

What a fucking turd of a story.

I loved it. Short but funny. The principal asshole gets his just up comings in the end.

Why’d you capitalize the names of bones?

That threw me.

I enjoyed your first story and look forward in reading more.

You should always be ready to suffer the consequences of your actions!

4

A total mess and not worth the effort to try and follow. Sorry.

I loved it! Please write more.

I enjoyed it… sorry you got blasted by all the cuck lovers and man hating bitches that are busy taking over this site.

Be true to you!!!

Good 1st effort. 3 stars.

Why would she even ask her husband at the creeps request if she wasn't seriously considering it? Should have been more of a converstation about the problem she had with this creep at work and how she planned to deal with it.

Alan needs to grow up mentally; and, watch the comma splices.

Hubby over reacted calling everyone so fast and then does a 180 at the word of the woman he believes wants some strange…. Irrational behaviour. I do like wifeys sex habits tho, most intriguing

Like a story that you have to think along the way. Glad to see the awhole got what was coming to hem in spades. Going to be hard for him to screw married women with no fucking nuts. 5 from me

Not sure the wife should forgive the husband, that was not even 3% trust much less 97%

I thought it was a pretty decent story for a first timer. But it seriously needed some editing. You might try reading it out load, or have someone else read the words out loud, so they might make some sense to the reader. Otherwise it becomes hard to read, and loses some of it's meaning (the wrong words in the wrong places). Like I said, I thought it was a pretty decent story with a different take on it. It just needed a little more polishing to score higher.

Anonymous from a day ago wrote a pretty funny story for a comment. And that's the thing around here, in that some of the comments are better than the story being commented on. I gave it 4 stars.

Just ok

The story is stupid and contrived. Why didn't the wife go to human resources when she couldn't contact her husband and play the audio ?

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This kind of stupid LW story is just as bad as these other stories where the wife sees a fake picture or hears a story and decides that she has to fuck 9 guys

OK, it's OTT but as someone who has just posted his own first story I know the whole process can be a bit daunting. As another commentator said, why didn't Julia just go to HR. If she had, well, there wouldn't have been this story! I do, though, like to think that Alan would have paused before acting - but shock and fury can make someone behave irrationally. He would have a lot of ground to make up and Julia's trust in him would have been far more damaged than his trust in her. Thank you for posting this.

There’s a lot good in these first two stories you’ve posted and I look forward to more.

BUT, there are a lot of sentences that don’t work right. Some aren’t a whole sentence; others are actually than one sentence. I’m not sure you’re getting as much help from your beta readers as you need.

This plot went off the rails for me when the husband reacted so badly. There are ways to do “really upset” without making the character into a one-dimensional cartoon like the husband was here.

But let me repeat, there’s a lot I like about these two stories you’ve written. Please keep writing. And thanks.

First story? Not bad, actually. Keep writing!

Congratulations on your first story and for creating something original.

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Of course, the reason it's so original is that it's overly contrived and extremely unlikely.

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I also think you indulged too much in the I Was a Perfect Husband Until fantasy that is so common in LW; he is a maintenance supervisor, she works in HR, but somehow he knows how to deal with a malignant employee better than the entire HR department does. I get that The Floor spreads all the true rumors that HR keeps confidential (sarcasm alert), but only a maintenance guy would know how to entrap the cretin?? Please.

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Maybe your next protagonist can be a minimum wage + .25£ mall cop.

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Thanks for writing.

Good story, glad you shared it. Hope to see more of your offerings.

Alan was an ass and jumped the gun. Julia should have made him grovel for a while. The idiot.

Not bad a bit too much drama for my taste, I mean the miscommunication is a bit stretched.

What he did is pretty divorce worthy. Always best to be 100 percent about shit like that, but then again, I never really quite understood why writers have the husband get this idea of blaring out to the whole world that he wasn't man enough for his wife and she got some strange. I also don't see why a company would care too much about it.

Ah well.

An okay story.

THIS was a story. THIS is how husbands or wives act, when they suspect the significant other is cheating, or in danger of it. All the crap stories on this site, of a husband finding out and waiting YEARS to divorce, are pure bollocks. 5 stars, for capturing the raw emotions, and the falloutbthat happens, when they are released.

WOW. I can’t believe the amount of negative comments on this site, about this story. First off, I realize some ( most ?)of you are probably in your30’s/ 40’s, are not married, and live in your parents basement. So I do not expect you to understand the commitment of marriage, or what it takes to make it work for decades. Trust me, the husbands reaction was completely normal. If a child runs across the street after a ball, and almost gets hit by a car, only a parent can understand, how another parent will swat the child on the butt and make him cry. It is an emotional time, when you fear you are losing something you care about . As far as the wife not going to HR, she was trying to get ahold of her husband, and was terrified of the office creeper ruining her reputation. She wasn’t thinking rationally. To those of you that measure “stress” as you just lost the video game, of your mom is going to make you do your own laundry, you wouldn’t understand. And the wife in this story, has her husband’s back. His “ overreaction” will be a small blip, in the road, in their strong partnership. So my advice to those, who tore this story down-

1. Get a real job.

2. Move out of your parents basement.

3. Start “ adulting”

Become the person, your dog thinks you are. 5 stars!

I have a different reaction from many of the commenters. The wife has shown herself to be untrustworthy. She'd agreed not to meet with the guy, knew the danger of meeting with him and did so anyway. Her "reason" was nonsensical.

A very good story with believable actions by both hubby and wife. The bosses and friends action made it a good ter jerker fantasy.

I would divorce her anyway. There is no such thing as doing an evil thing for the right reasons like holding hands and going on dates with a predator IN SECRET after being told not to. The mea culpa of the tricked husband is over the top. If the wife admitted she handled the problem in the most goofy ridiculous way possible she is savable otherwise she is too unstable to remain married. It would be like living in an episode of "I Love Lucy".

Wow that needed an editor.

The warning about excessive drama allowed me to enjoy the story better.

Thanks for sharing.

Cute!

Alan had no reason to apologize. He told her what would happen and got her consent and assurances she would not do what she absolutely did.

Should he take her back ? Yes, I guess so. But he need not apologize even a little.

Great story, not very believable when both working in the same company. Not sure why Alan would not have confronted Andrew 1st thing Monday am, not to mention to the bosses of . Sexual harassment. But still a good tea. Please write more, not enough stories like these.

Also, sure there are mistakes in the writing, but did not deter from the story.

Alan's reaction to something Julia couldn't control, (him not being available) was way too much. He didn't even check his messages, so it's his own fucking fault. He needs to dogeza in front of her, and all their friends and family.

Made me laugh, but I liked it, bit of a simple set up.

I just wish there was a bit more intrigue regarding Andrew and how he gets these women. One part that didn't make sense is if he wasn't butt ass ugly and was so good in bed not to mention a long list of conquests why did he need to drug women?

It's a good start and I look forward to seeing what more you can do.

It's pretty obvious for reading the story that the authors mentally retarded. One of the Sub-genre LW Stories is where the wife is convinced that the husband is cheating on her and Instead of confronting the husband decides to overreact and fuck 5 different men and make a video tape of it.... or some other irrational shit.

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This story is no different. The husband for no justifiable reason overreacts

Very good indeed! Too bad about poor Andrew though. Such a pity really. 5 stars.

Andrew, te tengo en mis oraciones jajajaja

Andrew, I have you in my prayers hahahahahaha

Sat is perfectly acceptable British English.

I read Reflections Pt1 before this version and I really like this version too.

Makes more sense than Reflections.