by SirenoftheDeep
You're doing a really good job so far, but try to increase the length of your chapters, and explore more of the story-- the different types of experiments, for example.
Just finished reading the wholeseries and really enjoyed it. You might want to look at going over some of the other experiments and the test subjects though.
I really hope you are not done, and are just taking a break to freshen the creative juices in your brain! Of the stories written based upon an existing world (especially a game world mind you) this one really is pretty darn good, It would seem the experiments and interactions are far from over, not to mention the inevitable discovery by a friend or family that might want to tear it all down .... or maybe gets excited enough to help take things a step or 3 further! The joy of writing fiction is you and your fans determine the limits!. Thanks for some good reading!