Twisted Buttfucking Desires Ch. 02

He finally woke up from his state of semi-sleeplessness and lucid dreaming and had to get ready for church, as his father forced religion upon him ever since he was a child. Throughout the entire long sermon, he was seeking to find messages or even just indirect inferences which he could extrapolate to his situation to find even just a little bit of comfort. Unfortunately, the sermon was completely unrelated to pain and suffering, apart from the pastor being a loud, pompous, grumpy old man.

Nevertheless, distracting himself from his terrifying situation by being in the presence of other happy Christians, as delusional as he thought they were, was for a change, indirectly helpful. He realized how ironic and pathetic that was, as he himself was delusional for the past few months, thinking that he had a chance with Patricia. He felt extremely stupid, embarrassed, and was finally beginning to get a grip on himself.

After he returned home, he read the messages again and felt extremely stupid for confessing his feelings. He texted Patricia:

Chris: I'm sorry about yesterday, I wasn't thinking straight and I feel extremely stupid about what I said. Could you please not tell anyone about it?

Patricia: Oh...alright 😅

Patricia had already told a few people about it. She was glad that Chris had made an advance on her and the element of "I can't believe he had the guts to tell me this" made her want to tell her friends what had happened. After receiving this message, she told her friends to keep zipped so that they don't spread the word any further, and Chris wouldn't know that others know about it.

She didn't take him seriously when he told her that he felt stupid about it and thought that it was only temporary. At this point, the roles were reversed and it was Patricia who wanted Chris more than he wanted her. Of course, he did want her, but the fact that she rejected him made him feel like it was all over and there was no point doing anything else about it.

The next day in college, Chris was hanging out with his friends in the cafeteria before class and Patricia was also there among them. Since she was friends with Jane she'd occasionally, albeit rarely, hang out with Jane and her friends' group of which Chris was a part of.

He didn't want to take the seat next to Patricia after what had happened, but he had no other choice, as the other chairs were occupied, and didn't want to back out of the situation and run away somewhere else, so he hesitantly sat beside her.

Patricia was intently looking at Chris, hoping that he may say something to her about what had happened, but Chris knew that it was pointless to tell her anything else, as he thought it would only make the situation worse so he just flipped out his phone and played games.

It was quite awkward, as most of his friends already knew about what had happened and they were expecting him to at least talk to her even if it wasn't about what had happened, but he just sat there still, pressing buttons on his phone.

After he went to class, he was sitting with his friend Richard, who also knew his secret. Richard just couldn't keep it a secret anymore for Patricia. It was too fascinating and juicy a matter for him, so he told Chris that Patricia had told him everything already and wanted to discuss it with Chris.

Chris was extremely frustrated with himself that he waited for a whole day until telling her to keep it a secret, and now that everyone knew about it, he was embarrassed and felt extremely ridiculous.

For the next few days, Chris just wanted to be alone. He didn't hang out with his friends anymore during the breaks, as Patricia was always with them, hoping that he would talk to her. It didn't occur to him that Patricia was trying to make herself available to him wherever he was cause she did indeed have feelings for him as well.

In a few weeks, Chris finally realized that he was blowing the matter out of proportion by not hanging out with his friends anymore, so he decided to stop avoiding them. He had finally gained enough courage to talk to Patricia again, and this time, he was much confident than he ever was with her, knowing that he had nothing to lose. He even gained back his sense of humor and quick-wittedness, often also making fun of Patricia whenever he got the chance.

Patricia was rather thrilled that Chris was talking to her again. She liked his new, confident, dry-witted personality, and was amazed that he had been hiding under an aura of self-loathing anxiety and insecurities all along, and that she couldn't get to see his true self until now. Her feelings for him were growing stronger by the day, and she was hoping that he would confess his feelings for her again so she could reciprocate.

She often signaled to him that she liked him by going to his class in between lectures just to talk to him and inviting him to her room so they could have some time alone. She was hoping that Chris would take a hint and realize that she was romantically attracted to him.

Chris noticed that Patricia was beginning to enjoy his company and was also doing things out of her way to be with him. He realized that his feelings for her, which were almost negligible by now, were gradually beginning to re-develop, and he didn't like the direction in which they were headed. He speculated that if things continue down this path, he was definitely going to have strong feelings for her again, and he was not okay with that happening.

He intentionally didn't think that her gestures and actions were indicative of a romantic fascination with him despite his bubbling feelings for her. He had already been delusional once for quite a long while and he was certainly not going to make that mistake again. He felt like the best thing for him to do now was to stay away from her as much as possible. He didn't want his feelings for her to grow stronger, so he kept his distance from her.

Patricia eventually realized that Chris had become distant all of a sudden and it confused her as to why he'd do such a thing. She was beginning to miss his company, as he had a strange, compelling personality, and she desperately wanted to spend more time with him. Chris made himself hard to find by spending time in the library and other places Patricia wouldn't expect to see him.

Almost a month passed by, and Chris kept avoiding Patricia as much as he could. There were a few awkward instances wherein Chris would unexpectedly make eye contact with Patricia at a certain place but would walk away from there before she could get to him. It almost broke Patricia's heart to know that Chris was avoiding her intentionally, and she regretted rejecting him in the first place.

It was the second last day of college before the mid-year semester break and Patricia was hoping that she could take the bus back home with Chris. She sent him a text asking him if he would accompany her but Chris straight-up ignored it. Patricia was devastated that Chris had become extremely cold and distant with her. She instinctively knew that Chris was avoiding her because he was probably trying to get over her, but she still felt miserable, almost as if he was the one who rejected her.

The next day something unexpected happened. One of Patricia's former crushes i.e, Ashton had confronted her and told her that he loved her. Ashton was Patricia's classmate in the first academic year. He was tall, dark, handsome, and had a built physique. He was outspoken, clever, responsible, athletic, shrewd, and knew how to cut corners and get his way with teachers and other students.

He developed feelings for Patricia in the first year of college but didn't want to confront her about it, as he had never been in a relationship before and didn't know how to talk her into it. He was also afraid of being rejected. Patricia also had feelings for him. She thought he was everything a woman could want in a man, being handsome, confident, and professionally excellent.

Ashton was in Chris' class since the second year but wasn't close friends with Chris. Ever since he heard about Chris' advances towards Patricia through the grapevine, he was threatened that there was a chance that Patricia was beginning to have feelings for Chris, which she did, and he thought that making his move on her before it's too late would rekindle their once unspoken romantic feelings and make her forget about Chris.

Despite having had a crush on Ashton at one point, Patricia was stunned when he told her that he loved her. It was one thing for a guy to text her that he had a crush on her, but to tell her that he loved her in person was something Patricia thought was a bit too extreme for a confession, given that Ashton and she hadn't maintained continuous contact ever since the classes got shuffled.

She knew that if she had to choose between Ashton and Chris, she'd choose Chris any day, but given that Chris was busy avoiding her and Ashton had made such a daring effort to tell her that he loved her, she was caught up in the momentum of the moment and hesitantly reciprocated her feelings for Ashton, saying she loved him as well.

The moment Patricia left the campus, she knew she had fucked up. She knew that her feelings for Chris were only growing stronger by the day, yet she decided to become Ashton's lover. However, she didn't regret her actions entirely. She thought that now since she would be in a relationship, Chris would feel more pain than he did when she rejected him, and would at some point break down emotionally and perhaps confess his feelings for her.

She didn't like the idea of hurting Chris' feelings but knew that it was one possible method to try at the very least. Besides, she wasn't the one who actively pursued Ashton to make Chris jealous, so she viewed it as her being given an opportunity by fate to experiment with the situation and see what develops.

Chris, on the other hand, had no idea what had happened. He went to his grandmother's house by the countryside for the semester break. Unexpectedly, after a week into the break, he was beginning to miss Patricia. He found it strange that despite trying to avoid her for the past month or so and not spending time with her, he didn't miss her a bit, but now his feelings were completely overturned.

He was also beginning to realize how unnatural it was for him to keep avoiding her like that and knew that it had to stop at some point.

He spent a lot of time thinking about how Patricia had gone out of her way to make time for him, and he felt really bad about shutting her out. He even began to consider that maybe Patricia did like him after all, as it seemed unusual to him that she tried to spend more time with him only after he confessed his feelings to her. The more he thought about it, the more he instinctively felt that he was right to think so. It restored the hope in him that maybe it wasn't completely over yet, so he decided that he was going to change his dismissive attitude and text her.

Chris and Patricia continued to text each other over the course of the entire 1-month break. Chris was just as confident and hilarious as he was before, and Patricia was thrilled that he decided to talk to her again.

She didn't want to tell him about Ashton, as she felt that it would hurt his feelings, and she didn't want him to shut her out yet again. She also told all of their mutual friends to not tell Chris about it. She didn't know how she was going to break the news to him but thought that things would eventually fall into place.

She didn't want to break up with Ashton either, as she was curious to know what effect it would have on Chris and wanted to know how he'd react to the situation.

After college re-commenced, Ashton began hanging out with Patricia, Chris, and the others. It was rather difficult for him to be with them as he didn't know any of them well enough to be himself around, so he tried his best to make jokes to lighten the mood, but they were mostly lame, and contrasted his otherwise serious, straightforward personality in a pretentious manner. It seemed to others as if he was trying too hard to fit in. Nevertheless, the group members were supportive and acknowledging of his presence.

He was also very awkward around Patricia, as they were talking to each other after almost 2 years, so they had a great deal of ice to break in their relationship, which they weren't very successful in doing.

Chris resumed conversing with Patricia in person. He seemed to be completely fine and was even beginning to seem confident that Patricia liked him as well. He read her facial expressions and body language to whatever he did or said and instinctively wasn't afraid to assume that she was into him, as he had nothing to lose anyway. He even playfully suggested to her that she should be his girlfriend but Patricia just laughed and smiled at his carefree attitude, knowing that she couldn't even jokingly agree, as Ashton was right next to her.

Ashton was getting slightly annoyed that Chris was making such advances at Patricia, but he didn't do anything about it, as he was still new to the group. He wanted Patricia to just break the news about their relationship to Chris but didn't confront her directly about it in an irritated manner, rather he just suggested that it would be easier for Chris and them, the sooner he gets to know. He knew that Patricia had good chemistry with Chris and if he did anything abruptly, his own relationship with her would be in jeopardy.

Chris knew that he was only joking about telling Patricia to be his girlfriend, and knew that it wasn't serious enough for her to consider it as a proper request. He didn't know how to confess his feelings to her in a serious manner, so he spoke about his situation with his stoner friend i.e, Bill, and Bill suggested that he should compliment her looks and express his feelings to her completely so she'd feel more obliged to be in a relationship with him.

As stupid as Chris thought that sounded, he considered that maybe that could indeed work, so he texted Patricia:

Chris: Hey.

Patricia: Heyy.

Chris: You look pretty.

Patricia: Haha thanks.

Patricia: Hey I got to tell you something.

Chris: Alright, go on.

Chris was suddenly taken aback by her serious-sounding tone and he thought that she was finally going to tell him about how she felt about him. He was filled with a mixture of suspense, anxiety, and optimism. He thought that based on all his instincts and the tone of her voice, it was only logical that he assumed it was about her feelings for him, but to his surprise...

Patricia: Ashton and I are in a relationship.

Chris was immediately shocked to see those words on his phone. He was so devastated and perplexed by it that he couldn't believe that such a thing could even be possible. He felt weak, embarrassed, cursed, and hopeless. All the confidence, charisma, and sense of serenity he developed with so much toil and difficulty had been severed and disintegrated into nothingness in a matter of a few seconds.

The pain he felt at his heart was excruciating, and his mind was torturing him with voices and thoughts which laughed at how pathetic, delusional, and stupid he had been, saying "You're a living joke Chris", "The fact that you had hopes of being in a relationship is absolutely hilarious", "Don't you already realize that you're cursed and nothing you ever want will ever be received?", "How many times do I have to tell you to just do yourself a favor and kill yourself? You pathetic fool", "Nobody has ever cared about you Chris, nobody does, and nobody ever will and that's something you can't change no matter how much you try, it's a fact that you're never gonna be good enough...never ever."

The world became a shade of dull, soulless grey, and he could hear the whispering sound of droplets dripping slowly and tauntingly in his mind as if he was locked in a mental prison, causing him to lose all emotion but disgrace, sorrow, pain, severe embarrassment, and chaotic numbness. Even though he had felt the same feeling before, the unanticipated, anti-climactic nature of the situation felt almost as if there was a deeper, more insidious meaning to the event.

Chris: Oh...how long have you been in a relationship with him.

Patricia: Just about a month.

Patricia: I understand if you're gonna be mad at me or hate me, but I hope we can still be friends and that you don't shut me out again.

Chris: I don't hate you, it's your choice who you want to date. You just don't like me and that's alright, nothing can be done about that.

Patricia: Oh...thank you so much for being so understanding, I really hope you'll be alright :/

Patricia: I just don't want you to shut me out again.

Chris: Alright.

Despite Chris' devastated state of mind, he just mustered enough sense to say what he thought was the polite thing to say at that moment even though he didn't mean it.

Patricia felt extremely terrible about what she had done. She expected Chris to get mad or even heartbroken at her words, but his understanding and polite response to the news made her feel like she was a horrible person for trying to experiment such a devastating thing on a well-intentioned, comprehensive, and forgiving guy like him.

She instinctively knew that he was going through a very difficult time right now all because of her and despite all that, he chose to not discuss it any further and let the matter slide as if it was nothing. Her feelings for him only grew deeper and stronger after this incident and she developed an honest sense of concern for him that transcended anything physical, romantic, or sexual.

Chris obviously knew that despite telling her that he wasn't going to shut her out, he was going to do it anyway, but he didn't want to drag the issue any further. He couldn't believe that such a vital and detrimental piece of information could instantly emerge out of nowhere. His mind was so tired and weak at this point that he couldn't think about anything anymore. He just submitted to the eternal seeming pain and grief he was going through, laying still on his bed with his eyes wide open.

To be continued...